Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

What if the solution isn’t sending your teen away?

When your child is struggling and the emotional rollercoaster has taken over your home, wilderness therapy might seem like the only real option. But what if it’s not the right option for your family?

Today, I’m joined by mom Kathy and therapist Jen Murphy to talk about a different kind of approach for struggling teens, young adults, and families. Kathy shares her family’s journey of navigating ADHD, impulsivity, and emotional dysregulation in their teen daughter, and the decision not to pursue wilderness therapy, even after months of research, interviews, and a scholarship offer.

Instead, they chose something that suited their family much better: a custom-designed family intensive that brought everyone together for growth, connection, and real change. And the results? A transformation that didn’t require shipping anyone off, but helped her family nonetheless.

Whether you’re on the fence about wilderness therapy or just wondering what else is out there, this episode will show you that there are powerful, connected, and sustainable options for your family.

In this episode on family intensives as an alternative to wilderness therapy, we discuss:

• What made wilderness therapy feel too extreme for Kathy’s teen and how she knew it;
• The emotional toll of trying to “solve” a struggling child;
• How Kathy and her husband came to different conclusions on what steps to take to help their teen daughter and family;
• Why therapist Jen Murphy focuses on family systems work instead of “fixing the teen”;
• What a custom family intensive actually looks like (hint: fun, therapeutic, and real);
• How family dynamics, sibling relationships, and parent alignment shape long-term outcomes;
• What continued integration support looks like after the intensive;
• The surprising impact this experience had on the whole family, and why Kathy would do it again in a heartbeat;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

About Jen Murphy
Jen Murphy is a Mental Health Therapist and Family Coach with 25+ years of experience supporting families through treatment and transition. She’s the co-developer of the H.O.M.E. parenting model and offers both virtual and in-person coaching to help families build healthier patterns, improve communication, and strengthen relationships.

Learn more about Jen’s work at www.altitudefamilycoaching.com

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

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And remember parents, the change begins with us.

You’re trying to help. They think you’re trying to control them. Sound familiar?

As parents, we often step in with the best intentions: to protect, guide, or simply make things easier. But when your teen or young adult shuts down, gets defensive, or accuses you of being controlling, it can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and stuck. So, what do you do when your support backfires?

In this episode, Seth and I unpack a tricky dynamic in parenting teens and young adults: offering advice that isn’t wanted. We explore why “help” can feel like judgment, how even kind intentions can come off as condescending, and what to say instead when your child shares something hard.

We talk about how to respond without overstepping, and how to build trust by listening instead of fixing. Whether your teen is venting about a problem or navigating serious challenges, knowing how to offer support without triggering resistance is key.

If you’ve ever been told “You’re too controlling,” or found yourself thinking “I’m just trying to help,” have a listen to today’s episode.

In this episode on when your teen doesn’t want your advice, we discuss:

• What to do when your teen shares something but doesn’t want your advice;
• How unsolicited advice can feel belittling, even when you mean well;
• The difference between emotional safety and intellectual solutions;
• Why teens are more likely to come to you when they feel respected;
• Simple questions to ask before giving advice;
• How to support autonomy without stepping back completely;
• Why learning to “hold space” is a skill worth practicing for parents of struggling teens;
• And more.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

"I'm sorry" might be the hardest two words to say to your teen. But what if apologizing is actually the key to rebuilding trust and connection?

In today’s episode, I sit down with therapist Dana VanRenterghem to unpack the real challenge of taking accountability with our teens and young adults. We dive into those messy moments when emotions run high, technology fails, and communication breaks down, and explore how a genuine apology can transform your relationship with your struggling teen or young adult.

We'll explore why parents struggle to apologize to their kids and how our own emotional baggage gets in the way of meaningful repair. Dana also shares practical strategies for connecting with your teen, even when it feels impossible.

Whether you're navigating a tough conversation or feeling stuck in a cycle of misunderstandings, this episode offers hope and real-world tools for parents who want to show up authentically for their kids.

In this episode on how to apologize to your teen or young adult kid, we discuss: 

• Why apologizing to your teen or young adult feels so difficult;
• The three-step process of genuine repair;
• How to take accountability without shame;
• Maintaining your role as a caregiver;
• Modeling emotional intelligence for your teens;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

More about Dana VanRenterghem
Dana VanRenterghem, LMSW (She/Her/Hers) is a social worker who believes in the healing power of relationships.

Dana graduated from Central College with a Bachelor of Arts degree in sociology and a minor in communication studies; she was also a proud member of the Central College softball team during that time. Upon completion of undergrad, she spent most of her young career working with at-risk youth in a multitude of roles. Dana has provided direct care to teenagers in multiple residential settings, supported families in reunification and permanency efforts, and advocated for LGBTQ youth in the non-profit realm. She has a passion for helping people grow as individuals while reconnecting with loved ones who have been estranged.

Dana earned her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Denver with a concentration in mental health and trauma and has a foundational belief that humans need others to heal. Dana finds joy in seeing others reach their full potential and believes that empathy is at the core of meaningful engagement. Prior to joining the Family Intensive Institute team Dana served as the clinical director of a residential treatment center helping young adult women + heal from trauma and attachment wounds using the Integrated Attachment Model (IAM), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Eye-Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
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And remember parents, the change begins with us.

When your kid makes harmful or self-destructive choices, it's natural to want to step in, correct, and fix. But at some point, empathy might feel like enabling. How do we listen with compassion without sending the message that their behavior is okay?

In this episode, Seth and I unpack the fear that being supportive might mean condoning poor behavior. We look at the complexity of parenting teens and young adults who are making hard choices, like skipping school or selling drugs, and explore how to respond without judgment while still holding firm boundaries.

We talk about what it means to truly witness a struggling teen without rescuing, and how empathy, when done right, can be one of the most powerful tools for encouraging change.

This conversation is for parents who are walking the fine line between love and limits, and wondering how to stay connected without giving up their own values. If it’s ever felt impossible to be both supportive and firm, I hope this episode will help bring clarity.

In this episode on parenting without enabling, we explore:

• Why empathy doesn’t equal approval, and how to hold space without condoning;
• What supportive parenting really looks like during a crisis;
• How to stay grounded when your teen says they want help… and then backs out;
• The difference between rescuing and respecting your teen’s process;
• Practical ideas for setting boundaries without emotional reactivity;
• What to do when natural consequences are out of your control;
• Why ignoring a behavior can actually feel more like condoning it;
• And more on parenting without enabling!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

When our kids struggle to make better choices, we often focus on offering consequences, creating a plan, and following through. It’s a natural instinct to try harder, create structure, and hold boundaries. But what often gets overlooked is the role that beliefs play in motivating behavior change, both our kids’ beliefs about themselves and our own beliefs as parents.

That’s what I explore in today’s episode with teen mentor and author Michael Corbett. Michael shares how a deep understanding of our internal world - our thoughts, beliefs, and emotional patterns - is essential not just for behavior change, but for long-term self-awareness and growth.

He’s been there himself, navigating a painful inner world as a kid while everything looked “fine” from the outside. Now, he uses that experience to help teens and young adults become more emotionally self-reliant and motivated from within, not just compliant on the outside.

If you’ve ever felt frustrated that your teen or young-adult child knows what to do but doesn’t follow through, or if you're wondering how to support your kid who’s shut down after treatment, this conversation will offer a refreshing and compassionate new lens.

In this episode on motivating behavior change in teens & young adults, we explore:

• Why lasting behavior change starts with shifting internal beliefs;
• How to help your teen or young adult clarify their values;
• What emotional self-reliance really looks like (and how to support it);
• How to talk with your teen about values without triggering resistance;
• Why your parenting mindset matters just as much as your strategy;
• How to support a teen who seems “done” with therapy after treatment;
• And much more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

“I do so much for them, and they don’t even notice”. Sounds like a familiar thought? Many parents of struggling teens or young adults feel used, taken for granted, or stuck in a dynamic where love feels more like a series of trades than a relationship.

In this episode, I’m joined again by therapist Trevor Allen to unpack the tricky dynamic of transactional parenting and behavior: what it is, how it shows up, and most importantly, how to shift out of it. From “I let you go out, so you should clean your room” to “I do everything for you, and you won’t even help me out,” we explore how as well-meaning parents we can end up in a tit-for-tat cycle that erodes trust and connection.

It’s not only us as parents who can experience this and feel unseen. Believe it or not, our teens might be experiencing the same thing. Miscommunication, mismatched expectations, and unspoken needs can keep both parent and teen feeling unseen.

This is a compassionate, eye-opening episode for any parent trying to find their way back to genuine connection, without keeping the score. Not everything has to feel like a negotiation. Let’s explore this topic more in today’s episode.

In this episode on feeling used by your teen, we cover:

• What transactional parenting is and why it often shows up during tough seasons;
• How the “I give, you give” pattern damages trust and connection;
• What to say when you feel used or taken for granted by your teen;
• How to spot (and shift) transactional tendencies in your parenting;
• The importance of modeling healthy, reciprocal relationships;
• Why it’s compliance but connection that is at the foundation for long-term change;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

It’s not your child’s job to live up to your expectations. That might sound harsh, but it’s one of the most important truths I’ve had to learn as a parent, especially during the transition home after treatment.

If you’re anything like me, you might be thinking: ‘But I don’t even have that many expectations!’ I used to think that too… I wasn’t asking for straight A’s or a high-powered career path. But the truth is, I had all sorts of hidden expectations: to be respected, to be liked, to have my child appreciate my cooking, my values, and… for them not to use drugs. And when those expectations weren’t met, it hurt.

In this episode, Seth and I unpack how easily our unconscious expectations can shape the energy of our home and our family dynamics. This is especially true when your kid is coming home from treatment and the goal is to build a new, different relationship with them. 

Even the expectations handed to us from treatment programs can give a false sense of security, making it feel like everything will go perfectly if the plan is followed. But real life doesn’t work like that.

We explore what our hidden expectations look like, the emotional effect they can have on your teen or young adult, and how you can trade them for something far more meaningful: connection, curiosity, and a new kind of relationship with your teen or young adult.

In this episode on navigating expectations, we cover:

• Why it's so hard to see your own expectations and how they show up when your kid doesn't meet them;
• The emotional impact expectations can have on your child’s sense of acceptance;
• Why bringing your kid home from treatment requires more flexibility and less pressure;
• The difference between boundaries and expectations, and why that distinction matters;
• What parents can do to foster trust and connection during the transition home from treatment;
• How letting go of control can create space for a more honest relationship with your child and healthier family dynamics;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

There’s a distinct shift that happens when your teen becomes a young adult, and it’s not just about age. Whether your child is living at home, in college, or fresh out of treatment, the transition from parenting a teenager to parenting a young adult is one of the most nuanced and challenging shifts we make as parents.

In this episode, Seth and I talk about what that transition looks like: what needs to change, what’s okay to hold onto, and how to release the parts of parenting that no longer serve our young adult children, or us as parents.

When your child turns 18 and the training wheels come off, it’s no longer about controlling their choices, it’s about trusting them to learn from them. And that often means letting go of the urge to rescue, even when we’re terrified of what might happen if we don’t step in.

“If your college kid is not doing well and we just cover it and protect them, … and we’re stepping in all the time, we’re not letting the brain learn.” - Beth Hillman

We explore what healthy boundaries look like at each stage: from high schoolers still living under your roof, to college students navigating their newfound independence, to young adults out in the world on their own. 

In this episode on parenting a teen vs a young adult, we cover:

• What shifts when your teen becomes a young adult, and what that means for your role as a parent;
• How to move from teaching values to trusting growth;
• What accountability looks like for teens vs. young adults;
• Why letting natural consequences play out is essential for development;
• How to recognize when you’re rescuing vs. supporting;
• The internal work required to stop overstepping and start letting go;
• How to raise a self-sufficient human being by leading with trust;
• And more.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember, parents, the change begins with us.

If your teen seems anxious, unmotivated, or constantly overwhelmed, there's often more going on beneath the surface than meets the eye. Teen anxiety is more common and more complex than many parents realize. Life coach for teens Monica Crnogorac brings both personal and professional insight on how to help your anxious teen. Together, we explore how anxiety can show up for our teen or young adult kids, what it feels like from their perspective, and how you, as a parent, can better support your struggling teen through it all.

Monica shares her own experience with anxiety, starting from when she was bullied in sixth grade, and showing up again in high school and university. Like so many teens, she didn’t know her symptoms were anxiety, only that she felt overwhelmed, emotionally and physically. Her story is a reminder that what looks like laziness, procrastination, or school refusal may actually be anxiety at work.

We also talk about what to do when your teen does open up to you, from how to reflect their language with care, to helping them develop a healthier internal dialogue. As parents, it’s easy to unintentionally dismiss or invalidate our child’s experience, but when we approach with curiosity instead of control, we give our teens the space to feel heard and supported.

If your teen is showing signs of anxiety, or if you’re unsure how to talk to them about it, this episode will offer you insight, empathy, and next steps you can take today to help your anxious teen.

In this episode on how to help your anxious teen, we cover:

• What anxiety can look like in teens and young adults, and why it’s often misunderstood;
• The difference between normal stress and anxiety that needs attention;
• Internalizing vs. externalizing anxiety;
• What the cycle of anxiety looks like and how to help your teen break it;
• What to say when your teen opens up about their struggles;
• How to encourage emotional regulation without trying to “fix” the problem;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

One of the most overlooked challenges after treatment? The loss of community. Teens and young adults often return home (or head off to college) and suddenly find themselves without the peer support they had in treatment, even though that kind of support, being seen and understood by someone who’s been through it too, can be one of the most powerful parts of the healing process.

“Especially for young people, the need to belong is so important” - Ciara Fanlo

Your child may be craving a sense of normalcy, wanting to reconnect with friends and blend back in. But likely, they’ve changed and might not connect with their old friends as much anymore. Or they feel misunderstood because the people around them don’t understand what they’ve just been through. That longing for connection can be powerful, and without supportive peers who know what it’s like to be in treatment, your teen may feel isolated, or misunderstood.

In this episode, Ciara Fanlo joins me to talk about what happens when that community disappears and how we can help our teens build it again. We explore how to support your child in finding a new kind of community, one that reflects who they are now, post-treatment. Because no matter how much love you offer as a parent, having peers who truly get it makes all the difference.

In this episode on peer support after treatment, we cover:

• Why peer connection is crucial for teens after treatment;
• What your child may be feeling as they transition home or to a new environment;
• The disconnect teens often experience when trying to rejoin old friend groups;
• How to help your child find community without pushing or panicking;
• Why shared understanding and belonging are key to maintaining change;
• And more.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

More about Ciara Fanlo
Ciara Fanlo is a former “troubled teen” who now supports struggling adolescents and their families. After recovering from her own challenging years, she founded Homing Instinct to share what she learned from her experiences. Ciara now provides personalized mentorship and coaching for teens as they navigate the transformative and tumultuous journey of becoming a young adult in today’s world.

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.