Parenting Post-Wilderness: Parenting a Struggling Teen Before, During and After Treatment

What do you do when you’ve tried everything? Your teen has been to wilderness programs, therapeutic boarding schools, partial hospitalization programs, and more—and yet, the struggles persist. The behaviors, the fears, the maladaptive patterns, they all return in some way or form when your teen comes back home. What now?

In this episode, I’m joined again by the incredible Ciara Fanlo, a former “troubled teen” turned mentor and coach for struggling teens. Together, we delve into the feelings of exhaustion, frustration, and fear that come when walking this path as a parent. But also the deep shame and self-blame your teen probably carries when nothing seems to help.

Ciara shares her perspective as someone who’s been in your teen’s shoes. She recalls her own experience of questioning, “What’s so wrong with me that nothing works?” and the heavy belief that she was beyond help. It’s a heartbreaking place to be, for both teens and their families.

But as Ciara and I explore, the search for answers doesn’t have to center on blame. There’s a profound shift that happens when we let go of what’s out of our control and begin to focus on acceptance. As I share in the episode, I remember the moment I stopped fighting against everything I couldn’t change. That moment of surrender wasn’t giving up, it was a recognition of what was within my power and where I could still make a difference.

If you’ve ever felt the fatigue of doing all the “right” things as a parent but still feeling stuck, this conversation is for you.

In this episode on what to do when nothing seems to work for your struggling teen, we explore:

• Why the pursuit of control can often exhaust us without bringing real change;
• How teens experience their own shame and self-blame in these situations;
• What it means to shift from blame to acceptance;
• Practical ways to find a healthy sense of control, even in the hardest moments;
• And more.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

More about Ciara Fanlo
Ciara Fanlo is a former “troubled teen” who now supports struggling adolescents and their families. After recovering from her own challenging years, she founded Homing Instinct to share what she learned from her experiences. Ciara now provides personalized mentorship and coaching for teens as they navigate the transformative and tumultuous journey of becoming a young adult in today’s world.

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Parenting often feels like one of the most rewarding yet unrelenting journeys. There’s no clocking out, even after major milestones are achieved. In this episode, Seth joins me to explore what it means to keep showing up as a parent, even when the work feels never-ending.

I reflect on how my son has grown far beyond his time as “my wilderness kid.” Yet, just the other day, we shared an interaction that reminded me our journey is still ongoing. It’s a process of meeting each other with empathy, compassion, and an awareness of how our fight, flight, and freeze patterns still show up.

It’s natural to wonder, “When can I take a break from this?” But the truth is, growth as a parent and as a family doesn’t have a finish line. The good news? It’s in this ongoing process that deeper connections and resilience are built.

If you’ve ever felt stretched thin by the demands of parenting, this episode is a reminder that your efforts matter. Small, consistent steps and moments of grace create lasting progress, strengthening the bond between you and your child along the way.

In this episode on whether your work as a parent is ever really done, we discuss:

• Why the ongoing work of parenting and personal growth is as much about the journey as the destination;
• How to hold boundaries that are firm yet adaptable, because parenting is as human as it gets;
• How to recognize and resist falling back into old habits when the “dark wolf” of self-doubt or fatigue creeps in;
• What it means to keep showing up and do our work as a parent, even when we feel tired or reach a goal;
• And more.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.


Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]


You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

Sometimes the shame around my actions feels so heavy and I feel like I’ve failed as a parent. Sounds familiar? In this deeply personal episode, I open up about one of the most painful regrets I’ve had as a parent. A moment I carried shame around for years. It was a time when I was overwhelmed with emotions and lacked the tools I have now, leading to choices I’m not proud of.

At the time, I was convinced my struggling teen was doing everything “wrong” and my attempts to “fix” him only deepened the divide between us. Looking back, I realize that while his choices weren’t ideal, mine weren’t either. That realization was hard to face, but it set the stage for something even more powerful: repair.

“We can have a better, stronger relationship by having conflict and then repairing, than if there was never any conflict.” - Beth Hillman

Repairing the relationship with my son didn’t happen overnight. In fact, it took years. But through a meaningful conversation with him recently, I learned something profound: conflict doesn’t have to weaken a relationship. In fact, repairing after conflict can lead to a deeper, stronger bond than if the conflict had never occurred at all.

In this episode on strengthening relationships through conflict, I reflect on:

• The intense emotions that drove my actions and how I’ve worked to process and release the shame;
• How repairing with myself was a crucial first step before I could repair with my teen;
• The lessons my son and I learned about conflict, repair, and resilience through our journey.

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve failed as a parent, this episode is a reminder that it’s never too late to repair, rebuild, and reconnect with your teen. It’s a process, and sometimes it takes time, but it’s always worth it.


Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.


Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]


You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

It’s no secret that sleep is crucial for teens, but getting them to prioritize it? That’s a whole different story! This week on the podcast, I’m joined by Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown, a triple board-certified sleep physician and founder of Restful Sleep MD, to dive into the importance of sleep for our teens and how we, as parents, can support them in developing healthy sleep habits.

Sleep isn’t just about feeling rested, it’s foundational to every aspect of health. From learning and mood to metabolism and risk-taking behaviors, a lack of quality sleep can have profound effects on our teens. Dr. Funke explains how poor sleep impacts their mental, physical, and emotional well-being and offers actionable strategies to help your teen get the rest they need to thrive.

So, how can we encourage our teens to prioritize sleep without making it a battle? Dr. Funke shares simple yet effective approaches, from connecting the benefits of sleep to what matters most to your teen (whether it’s better athletic performance, improved grades, or clearer skin) to creating an optimal sleep environment.

In this episode on how to influence better sleep for our teens, we discuss:

• The effects of poor sleep on teens, including mood, memory, and physical health;
• How to motivate your teen to prioritize sleep without forcing it;
• Practical tips for setting up an optimal sleep environment;
• The impact of technology on sleep and how to address it as a family;
• Why we sometimes wake up anxious and how to handle nighttime worries;
• Sleep as a skill: retraining the brain for better rest;
• And more!

This conversation is packed with insights and tools to help you support your teen in building healthy sleep habits, so let’s dive in!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support?
You can email me at [email protected]

More about Dr. Funke Brown
Dr. Funke Afolabi-Brown is a triple board-certified sleep physician and the founder of Restful Sleep MD. She is also the best-selling author of Beyond Tired—A Sleep Physician’s Guide to Solving Your Child’s Sleep Problems for Good.
Dr. Funke Brown helps women and their children prioritize sleep, achieve optimal health, thrive, and live to their fullest potential.
As a busy physician and mom of two, she understands the impact of sleep deprivation on our mental, physical, and emotional health and has made it her mission to help others make sleep a priority. She also works with organizations and businesses to improve their health by incorporating healthy sleep into their wellness journey. She’s a consultant and a speaker on regional, national, and international platforms.

You can learn more about Dr. Funke Brown on her website (www.restfulsleepmd.com), Instagram or Facebook (@restfulsleepmd), or LinkedIn (Dr. Funke Brown).

How do you know if your teen is truly making progress? As parents, we often cling to our own standards, like better grades or sticking to curfews. These are the markers we cling to as evidence that the therapy or treatment is “working.”  But what if the signs you’re looking for aren’t the ones that matter most? 

Because, our teens? They’re navigating their own priorities and often finding progress in ways that are less visible to us. They often grow in ways that don’t align with our expectations as parents.

In this episode, I’m joined once again by Ciara Fanlo, a former “troubled teen” turned mentor for adolescents and their families. Together, we dive into the complicated dynamic between the signs of progress parents look for and the often very different changes teens experience. 

I’ve been there myself with my wilderness kid. I remember practically falling apart because he kept breaking curfew over and over again when hanging out with friends, while he was actually feeling proud because he noticed he was starting to make some real connections.

In this episode, Ciara and I explore how you can expand your understanding of what change and progress look like for your teen.

In this episode on recognizing your teen’s progress, we discuss:

• The disconnect between parents’ expectations and teens’ lived experiences of change;
• Why transition periods after treatment are so challenging and how to approach them with compassion;
• How to identify subtle signs of growth and development in your teen;
• Balancing boundaries with an understanding of your teen’s priorities;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

More about Ciara Fanlo
Ciara Fanlo is a former “troubled teen” who now supports struggling adolescents and their families. After recovering from her own challenging years, she founded Homing Instinct to share what she learned from her experiences. Ciara now provides personalized mentorship and coaching for teens as they navigate the transformative and tumultuous journey of becoming a young adult in today’s world.

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

It’s SO frustrating when your kid doesn’t take your advice, isn’t it?! As parents, we have more life experience and we can share our advice with our kids to give them an easier and smoother life experience, at least that’s how it feels to us, right?

That’s not how it works though. Together with Ciara Fanlo (a former “troubled teen” turned mentor for adolescents and their families), I explore why teens often don’t take advice, how to shift from frustration to understanding, and how to support teens as they build their library of life experiences.

Because here’s the thing: while as parents have decades of life experience, our teens are still gathering theirs. “There’s no substitute for life experience” Ciara explains. You want to save them from heartache and disappointment because you know how hard it is. But the problem is, that doesn’t actually teach them anything. Hardly anyone, whether kids, teens, or adults, learns from hearing. We learn by experiencing. 

So even when your teen intellectually understands your advice, they don’t have their own memory bank yet of setbacks, disappointments, and triumphs, that they can connect it to to really integrate the lesson. 

So what does that mean? In short, it means that we should let our kids make their own mistakes, no matter how difficult that may be. Let them build their own library of experiences.

“Parenting is not about saving your child from experience; it’s about helping them find themselves through the experience.” - Beth Hillman

So how can you best support your teen in doing this? Let’s discuss it in today’s episode.

In this episode on why your kid shouldn’t take your advice, we discuss:

• Why teens don’t always listen to advice, and why they shouldn’t;
• Understanding the gap between a parent’s lived experience and a teen’s need to build their own;
• How heartbreak, disappointment, and mistakes serve as the real teachers for teens;
• How parents can best support, encourage, and influence their teen (without enabling) to learn through their experience;
• Dealing with frustration, fear, and the urge to protect as a parent while allowing your kid space for growth;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

More about Ciara Fanlo
Ciara Fanlo is a former “troubled teen” who now supports struggling adolescents and their families. After recovering from her own challenging years, she founded Homing Instinct to share what she learned from her experiences. Ciara now provides personalized mentorship and coaching for teens as they navigate the transformative and tumultuous journey of becoming a young adult in today’s world.

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety lately. Our wilderness kid is doing really well, so you’d think, after all the heartache, pain, and anxiety of that journey, things would finally feel calm. But life has a way of throwing curveballs, doesn’t it?

But honestly, I’ve been judging my anxiety hard. What’s your problem? Why can’t you handle this? You used to be good at this! You’re a mess. It’s exhausting, and the more I try to push these thoughts away, the louder they get.

But then a good reminder brought me back on the path of unshaming and it started to shift my perspective. 

I know many of you are navigating hard times too. The mistakes we make, the thoughts that feel overwhelming, they need unshaming. They need understanding. That’s where healing starts. And as I work through this, I’m learning to love myself through the experience.

If you’re in a season of anxiety or shame, I want you to know I’m here for you. Together, we can unlearn the judgment and begin to embrace understanding.

In this episode on unshaming anxiety, I reflect on:

• My recent struggles with anxiety and what they’ve taught me;
• How anxiety often masks deeper emotions, like sadness or fear;
• The transformative power of understanding and accepting anxiety;
• Unshaming past actions to regain control and self-compassion.

Please know, you are not alone.

Other episodes on this topic:
61. How to Unshame Your Parent Regrets With David Bedrick - Part 1
62. How to Unshame the Identified Patient in Your Home With David Bedrick - Part 2

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

Have a question or need support? You can email me at [email protected]

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

It’s natural to want to steer our kids toward success and protect them from struggle. But what if trying to control the outcome does more harm than good? In this episode, I speak with Maggie, a mom of four (including one “wilderness kid”), who shares her deeply personal journey of learning to step back, trust her child’s path, and focus on her own growth.

“I leaned in on control-based, outcome-oriented parenting because I thought that was my job. I thought that’s what a good parent looked like” Maggie admits. Be she started noticing she was consistently crossing the line when her kids grew older, moving from reassuring them about her own choices to trying to make their choices for them. The result? Miscommunication, frustration, and strained family dynamics.

Maggie’s turning point came when she realized she’s not the main character in her child’s life.

“It is not my job to make my child succeed and it’s not my job to intervene when struggle is up ahead” - Maggie

By stepping out of the way and allowing her child to make their own decisions, whether these are the choices she would have made herself or not, she noticed an interesting shift: he started making healthier choices for himself.

Maggie’s story is so relatable for many parents out there with a struggling teen, so have a listen and enjoy.

In this episode on letting go of control and desired outcomes for our teens, we discuss:

• How to shift from controlling to supporting your child’s journey;
• Why prioritizing impact over intent is key in parent-child communication;
• The surprising ways letting go can improve your relationship with your struggling teen and family dynamics in general;
• How struggles shape kids into who they’re meant to be, and why parents shouldn’t stand in the way.
• And much more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

What happens after your teen completes treatment? It’s a question many parents grapple with. In today’s episode, Beth talks to Michael, a former struggling teen who went to wilderness himself, about his journey through treatment and the challenges of returning home.

Michael reflects on his time in wilderness treatment as the ‘worst best time’ of his life. It wasn’t just the woods or the strict routines that made it tough - it was the emotional accountability he had never faced before. As he shares, “At home, I got away with everything and anything.”

But wilderness was only the beginning. Michael opens up about the highs and lows that followed, from the "honeymoon period" in which everything seemed to be going great, to the real work of sustaining change. 

He also speaks about his parents’ role during this time: their support, their boundaries, and their commitment to not only doing their own work alongside him but supporting him in his work as well.

If you’ve ever wondered how to support your teen after treatment, or how to hold steady through the ups and downs, Michael’s story is one for you.

In this episode on messing up after treatment, we cover:

• How Michael abused the privileges he was given during wilderness;
• The importance of holding boundaries after treatment;
• How parents can support their teen’s ongoing growth;
• Michael’s experiences after treatment, from a 3-month ‘honeymoon’ period to a new ’storm’;
• The support his parents gave him after treatment and the boundaries they held up;
• The importance of doing your own work and also finding out what your kid is working on and supporting them in that work;
• Why having a mentor can be incredibly beneficial for your teen after treatment;
• And more!

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!

🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

More about Michael Wangsgard
Michael is a former struggling teen who went to wilderness turned mentor for struggling teens. You can connect with Michael via email at [email protected] or give him a call at 8014308455.

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.

It’s natural to feel uneasy when your kid strays from the socially accepted path of college, career, and other traditional milestones. But as today’s guest Joanna points out, the reality is that the so-called "normal" path is often the exception, not the rule. The world has changed dramatically, and success now comes in many forms. Degrees, certifications, and fulfilling careers don’t always look like they used to, and that’s okay.

As parents, we’re fearful of our teen’s choices because it looks different from our own experiences and we don’t know whether it’s going to work out for them. The unknown makes it scary for us to witness. But their unique journey can lead to a future that’s both meaningful and fulfilling for your teen.

“Anybody that has treatment experience just is so much more attuned, so much more insightful, so much more aware. … The reality is, they’re lightyears ahead of their peers” - Joanna Lilley

Today’s guest is Joanna Lilley, a therapeutic consultant who specializes in guiding young adults through life transitions. Together, we dive into redefining success, breaking free from outdated societal norms, and supporting young adults who are charting their own unique paths, especially when those paths look different from the ones we expected.

In this episode on what success looks like for our young adult kids, we cover:

• Why the "normal" path is no longer the standard;
• How societal shifts are changing what success looks like for our young adult kids nowadays;
• What it means to believe in your young adult, even when their path looks unfamiliar;
• Joanna’s biggest advice for parents when your young adult is feeling miserable on the path they’re taking;
• The life experience teens gain in treatment;
• And much more.

Let’s poke holes in rigid thinking and redefine success, together.

Looking for support?
🗺️Need help setting healthy boundaries with your teen AND following through? My free guide will help you do so by creating your own Parent Home Plan!
🤍Influence lasting change in yourself and your struggling teen with my private coaching or parent group program specifically created for parents of struggling teens.

More about Joanna Lilley
Joanna Lilley, MA, NCC, is a Therapeutic Consultant working with young adults only. Since 2016, Lilley Consulting has been helping families and young adults find treatment and resource options during the most important time in adulthood.  Joanna dedicates herself to working solely with emerging adults who unravel before going to college, when they land on campus, or right after college graduation. Young adulthood can be messy, but it doesn’t have to be if you find the right resources when needed.

You can connect with Lilley on her website or Facebook.
Have a listen to Lilley’s podcast ‘Success is Subjective’ where I was also a guest speaker.

You can support the show by:
Leaving a review
Subscribing to the show

And remember parents, the change begins with us.