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When kids hit puberty they become driven by a core motivation that many of us adults don't fully appreciate. It's not simply fun, or sex; they're looking for experiences that give them social status and respect.

According to David Yeager, author of 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, a societal belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to misunderstand the power of this motivator. When parents, teachers and employers get it wrong they try to use either an enforcer mindset - yelling telling, blaming and shaming - or a protector mindset such as bribes and lowered expectations rather than mentoring.

In his book, Yeager, whom Clarivate Web of Science ranks as one of the top 0.1% most-influential psychologists in the world over the past decade, tells stories and gives concrete explanations for why the the science of motivating young people shows we can harness their drive for social status and a growth mindset, to motivate any young person to achieve their best.

BOOK:
10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People

DAVID YEAGER: Author/Professor/Scientist
[email protected]

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Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Send us a text

THE BOOK:
10-25: The science of motivating young people by David Yeager

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POPULAR EPISODES:
93 I updated screen time for tweens and teens with the latest study results.
88 Nagging, Reducing friction using the magic of routine.
65: Parenting styles that enable teens to grow into capable adults. 
47: Anger issues, tips for dealing with an explosive and angry teen. 
5: How to motivate your teenagers when they’re not enjoying school. 
3: How to talk so your teenager will listen.

Support the show

Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.

My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Explore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻

 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventures

Over the last decade, parents have been consistently more likely to report experiencing high levels of stress compared to other adults, according to a report issued by the US Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy. 

According to the advisory, 'When stress is severe or prolonged, it can have a harmful effect on the mental health of parents and caregivers, which in turn also affects the well- being of the children they raise. Children of parents with mental health conditions may face heightened risks for symptoms of depression and anxiety and for earlier onset, recurrence, and prolonged functional impairment from mental health conditions.'

It goes on to say “Demands from both work and child caregiving have come at the cost of quality time with one’s partner, sleep and parental leisure time.”

We've talk about ways of reducing stress in the past, but it can't be talked about enough. In this episode we unpack what is said in the Advisory, and give you some helpful tips on how to reduce the pressure felt by us all.

Here is a 10-point list of top tips from this episode:

1. Be a "single tasker" and focus on one task at a time to reduce stress and improve focus.
2. Identify when you are hearing judgment or fear, and examine whether it is an internal or external stressor.
3. Ration your exposure to negative thoughts and negative media to avoid activating stress circuits.
4. Lean on your support network and share your feelings with others to avoid feeling isolated.
5. Recognize the signs of stress in yourself and have a list of de-stressing activities.
6. Plan and organize tasks in advance to reduce stress and increase efficiency.
7. Practice cognitive empathy by understanding others' perspectives without getting emotionally involved.
8. Cultivate meaningful happiness by reconnecting with experiences, people and goals that matter to you.

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Explore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻

 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventures

How to parent kids who struggle with ADHD, anxiety and life
Nobody wants their child to struggle, but it's inevitable at some point. Many of the problems our kids face will be part of a well-worn path through the teenage years.

But some kids have more complex needs. Parenting them can be far more challenging, and require a far great draw on our own resources, which is why I've been looking out for advice that will help those of us who find ourselves in that situation.

Having read the Essential Guide, by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, I knew she would be perfect for the podcast. The book is packed full of tips and support, and her thinking is completely in line with all of the advice I've uncovered over the years of making this podcast.

Let me know what you think and if you enjoy the episode please give it five stars or a review if you have the time.

BOOK:
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more: What Parents and Teachers Really Need to Know to Empower Complicated Kids with Confidence and Calm.

CONTACT:
https://impactparents.com/

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Explore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻

 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventures

A recent Tweet focused my mind on something I've only really glimpsed with a side-eye. We hear so much about the challenges of the early teen years that it's easy to forget young adults have their own issues.

As the Tweeter said, when our kids are 18-22 they're dealing with adult emotions, disappointing experiences and us parents have zero control; making it terrible to witness. The response to the remark was a variety of parents agreeing entirely, or begging for better news because they needed to know that things get better.

My two bonus daughters have been through this stage and I have a teen who's literally on the brink, so I thought it would a great topic to discuss with her.

In our chat we talked about the precipice of leaving school, the way that our teen's cohort then moves on to vastly different things, and the need for our teens to create their own community for the first time in their lives.

For us parents, there's the need to realise how little control we have over our teens, that we too are in a new stage of life, and a time when we begin to see the groundwork we have laid in terms of resilience and self-determination, begin to pay back.

We'd love to know what you think about this discussion.

BOOKS:
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
The Mad Woman's Ball Victoria Mas

ARTICLE:
https://www.thetimes.com/magazines/the-times-magazine/article/caitlin-moran-british-teenage-girls-unhappy-qgc3d5wgf

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Explore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻

 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventures

When an anonymous listener posted this question we thought it would be a great topic to discuss; one that many of our listeners could be wondering about. 

The listener said, Hello, I absolutely love your podcast. And here’s the question. Do you think all teens should go to therapy, just so they have a space to talk that isn’t a parent, family member or friend. I’ve been pondering this lately and trying to equip my kids with all the tools I feel they will need in life.

Feeling very empowered listening to the podcast. 

The other issue we discussed was an email in which a listener queried whether it's really that important for boys to have male teachers as role models; or even to have same sex role models at all.

REFERENCES:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/
• Richard Reeves Of Boys and Men
• Bad Therapy, Why The Kids Aren't Growing UP. 

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Explore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻

 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventures

Grades are used in education the world over, but why? With the growing mental health crisis in teenagers I've been exploring how experts are asking whether perhaps it's time we looked again at the role grades play in helping or hindering the learning of our children.

In my interview with Josh Eyler, author of Failing Our Future: How Grades Harm Students, and What We Can Do about It we discuss the negative impact of grades on students. Eyler argues that the focus on grades, starting early, is akin to a Tetris-like pile-up, affecting students' motivation, performance, and psychology.

He criticizes grade portals for creating undue pressure and strategic learning and  advocates for feedback over grades, emphasizing that grades are often used to justify judgments rather than to coach students. 

He suggests alternative grading models that reduce pressure and honor individual learning rates and also highlights the importance of fostering curiosity and intrinsic motivation in students, noting that employers value skills like communication and critical thinking over GPA.

For us parents, Josh emphasizes the importance of fostering curiosity and natural interest in learning. He argues for the importance of communicating our love and support for our children, regardless of their grades.

https://olemiss.edu/profiles/jreyler.php

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Explore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻

 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventures

As your child turns from a tween to a teen it's obvious to everyone that their body and mind are undergoing massive changes. It's destablising for our kids and can be very uncomfortable for us parents watching as the changes take place. 

Some of our discomfort can come from our own fears about how to guide them through the changes and what sort of person will come out the other side of the transformation. 

Some of it will be down to our own memories of the problems we faced when we hit puberty and some of the biggest difficulties can stem from our own unresolved body issues and the different attitudes to body image when we were growing up. 

It's a messy, imperfect, process so we thought it might help listeners to hear Phoebe and I talk about our own experience as a way to help you unpick the process for yourself. 

BOOK MENTIONED:
Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain by Sarah-Jayne Blakemore

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Explore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻

 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventures

Music festivals are a rite of passage for many teens. Whilst some love the music, the lack of restriction and opportunities to mingle in a way that they could have only dreamt of during Covid, others decide to give them a miss or go and positively hate the experience. 

I was never a festival kid growing up. I didn't have the money, or the opportunity. As an adult, I've found them to be joyous events, but will always refuse to stay the night. 

My girls have now both been to one of the key UK festivals, Reading, so I thought you might be interested to hear more about what to expect if your kids are keen to go, how best to plan ahead, and what the key issues turned out to be.  

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Ask Rachel anything

Explore Worldwide Holidays - Click here for an adventure your child will never forget: 👇🏻

 https://www.explore.co.uk/experiences/family-holidays?utm_source=teenagers-untangled&utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=family-adventures

What is school for, and are exam grades a good measure of a human? Does someone's grades tell us what we should know, or are we being misled? Do grades help children grow and engage with learning, or do they simply destroy interest and entrench social divisions? These are the sort of questions that perplex many of us who are parenting teenagers.

It’s coming to the end of summer in the UK which means there’s been a wave of exam results and the beautifully timed release of a terrific book called Exam Nation; why our obsession with grades fails everyone. 

Written by Sammy Wright, Headteacher of a secondary school in the North of England and part of the UK government’s Social Mobility Commission for several years it was chosen by the BBC as book of the week, and applauded by reviewers across the serious newspapers in the UK, and I even found it laugh out loud funny at times. 

In this interview we talk about what school is for, the difficult transition from junior to secondary education, the need for tests and the way in which we view grades. Sammy offers up thought about other ways of looking at schooling which he thinks has become too transactional and would serve us better if it were more focused on the whole person.

https://twitter.com/SamuelWright78
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Exam-Nation-Obsession-Grades-Everyone/dp/1847927521/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Explore Worldwide Family Holidays
Click here for adventures your children will never forget.

Support the show

Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.

Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.
My email is [email protected]
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/

You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk