Pillow Talks

Have you ever looked at your partner and thought to yourself, “I love you, but I don’t like you right now”? Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us!

We’ve been dying to do an episode about the topic, but when we polled our audience on IG, it quickly became obvious that this needed to be a series, not just a single episode.

So this week, we’re focusing on one of the most frequent complaints - gaming. 40% of our Instagram community said gaming is hurting their relationship. The gamers are feeling dismissed and misunderstood, and the partners are feeling lonely and unprioritized.

In this episode, we’ll teach you how to both be accountable for your wants and needs, how to avoid common pitfalls, and even reveal the 3 things that gamers wish you knew as a non-gamer. Whether you’re listening together or solo, we hope you take some notes to help you get on the same page, because no hobby should come in between you and your partner.

Head on over to our Instagram afterwards and tell us what you found most helpful, and also, let us know what you’d like to see as the next topic in the series!

Links & Resources:

Guide:  Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/PILLOW (http://StoryWorth.com/PILLOW) 

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode101

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Can you believe this is our 100th episode??? We knew we had to do something super special to commemorate the occasion, so we decided to play “Know Ya Boo” (bonus points if you get the Parks and Rec reference).

You guys gave us 50 questions, and our job was to guess each other’s answers. The results had us in stitches from start to finish. There’s even one answer that we had to censor. Make sure you listen all the way through to get the scoop on which one of us comes out on top. (Let’s just say Vanessa got a little too excited to turn it into a competition!)

Afterwards, you can play our version of Know Ya Boo with your partner. DM us with how it went, and if you beat our scores!

In all seriousness though, doing 100 episode of Pillow Talks has been an honor and a joy. Thank you for coming along for the ride with us!

Links & Resources:

Guide:  The Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) 

Guide:  Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) 

Guide:  Sexual Bucket List (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-bucket-list/) 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow).

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode100

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Have you heard of The Bristle Reaction? We recently made a TikTok about this term that Vanessa created, and 8 million people watched! The Bristle Reaction is when your partner comes in for a hug or a kiss, and you feel yourself recoil. No matter how much you love your partner, there are times when their touch can immediately create a sense of tension.

We polled our Instagram audience and found out 84% of people have experienced The Bristle Reaction. Even though it’s so common, most people have no idea what to do about it. In fact, that’s been the main comment on our viral TikTok: “How do we fix it?”

So strap in, because we’ve got what you need! We go through the 3 major reasons why The Bristle Reaction happens, and 6 ways to overcome it. If you’re ready to start enjoying your partner’s touch again, this episode is a must-listen!

Links & Resources:

Our Book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/) 

Guide:  Initiation 101 (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/initiation101/) 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping.

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode99

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It’s time to talk about Dead Bedrooms. Does your sex life feel like a ghost of what it used to be? Has it felt that way so long that you don’t know if it will ever recover? Are you grappling with feelings of isolation, loneliness, shame, and/or hopeless?

First of all, please know that you’re not alone. When we reached out to our Instagram audience asking people to share their stories of Dead Bedrooms, we were completely overwhelmed by the number of responses. There are so many couples feeling weighed down by not just the loss of their sex life, but their intimacy altogether. Their stories were so layered that “it’s complicated” doesn’t even begin to describe what’s been going on. So let’s talk about what it’s like to live with a Dead Bedroom and what you can do about it.

We sifted through all the stories our community members sent in, and picked one to dissect live in this episode. You’ll get an intimate peek at what’s really going on in another couple’s bedroom. We’ll give you plenty of resources for navigating the pain and frustration, tips for getting the conversation going, and advice on navigating common pitfalls. A Dead Bedroom only stays that way if you let it; we’re here to help you resuscitate it!

Links & Resources:

Guide: Milfs, Dilfs, Pilfs (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/pilfs/) 

Guide:  Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) 

Guide: Next Level Intercourse

(https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) 

Our Book: Sex Talks (https://sextalksbook.com/) 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to zocdoc.com/pillow (http://zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode98

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We’ve all seen the articles from cheesy women’s magazines (and TikTok)…“10 foolproof ways to drive your man wild in bed!” But so many of the tips just sound weird. (Slipping a donut over his penis? Really?) There’s a never-ending supply of suggestions to supposedly turn up the heat in the bedroom, but do any of them actually work??

We asked our Instagram audience to share the sex tips they’ve always been curious about, and decided to be the guinea pigs for you!

Along with some hilarious sex mishaps and admitting which ones made us run screaming, you’re gonna get the scoop on which sex tips are worth a try and which ones were truly just doomed from the start. You’ll even get to hear our actual voice memos from our experiments. Gulp.

It was truly a wild ride, but since we’re doing this in the name of science, we also give you a cheat code or two on how to turn what sounds like a click-bait nightmare into a little trick to keep up your sleeve when you’re feeling like mixing it up.

Links & Resources:

Guide:  The Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://dipseastories.com/pillow).

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode97

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you and your partner go to bed at the same time? In the same bed? In the same ROOM?

It’s easy to get stuck in the stereotypes of what a couple “should” be doing, and what it means if you and your partner have unconventional sleep habits. After polling our Instagram audience, we found that many of you are worried that “different” is spelled t-r-o-u-b-l-e, so in this grab bag episode, we address a collection of sleep-related topics that we hope will put your minds at ease. We’ll tell you all about the choices we’ve made about bed times, bed arrangements, to cuddle or not to cuddle, and what to do with the dogs when it’s time for lights out.

Now, we couldn’t talk about sleep habits without talking about the ever-popular subject of sex dreams, so don’t miss out on the hilarious revelations of what really gets our subconscious motors running and how we feel about not always co-starring in each other’s fantasies.

(Heads up: At the very end of the episode, we define sexsomnia, how it can be a game-changer, and how it can bring up tricky issues around consent.)

Links & Resources:

YouTube Video:  What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream?

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-Ux8UMSiMg/) 

Our Instagram:   Vanessa + Xander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/) 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode96

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mental Load sucks. But are you accidentally making it even harder?

We originally talked about Mental Load way back in episode 4, and in today’s episode, we’re going to zone in on two nuances that can make or break your attempts to balance your partnership: perfectionism and male Mental Load.

Do you have a specific way that you like tasks to be done around the house? Maybe you find yourself feeling frustrated at your partner because they never do things the way you would do them. Or you get upset when they try to “help” because they bombard you with so many questions that you end up just doing it yourself? Perfectionism is hard enough to deal with on its own, but when you combine it with Mental Load, it’s a recipe for disaster and resentment.

Or maybe you’ve tried to talk to your partner about your Mental Load, but now you find yourselves in a competition about who is carrying more. You could list all the things you do for the house, for him, for the kids, but what would he have on his list? We asked the men in our community to talk about their Mental Load, and some of their answers may surprise you! (One answer was shocking enough that you’ll get to hear first-hand how to navigate a Mental Load conversation when your male partner carries a Load that’s invisible to you.) Men may not always know how to put into words what they carry, but the weight is still there, and it’s throwing off the scales of your partnership.

Let us guide you through the minefield of gender roles, socialization, and the burden of perfectionism in this second edition of Mental Load. Grab your partner or play it loud enough for them to hear it in the other room, because this is the one episode your relationship can’t afford to miss!

Links & Resources:

Guide:  Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/) 

Podcast Episode Callback:  Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship (https://vmtherapy.com/episode4/) 

Podcast Episode Callback:  Fine, I’ll Just Do It Myself: The Danger of Weaponized Incompetence (https://vmtherapy.com/episode35) 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode95

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Welcome to Pillow Talks! Is this your first time listening to our podcast? Maybe you bought our book Sex Talks and you’re just starting to dig into our episodes. Or maybe you’ve been listening for a while, but still don’t really know our story. Whatever the case may be, we’re so glad to have you and can’t wait to tell you a little more about who we are and what we do!

It seems like a good time for a reintroduction into our backstory and all the content we have to offer. Ever wonder how a sex therapist and a regular dude partnered up to change to world one orgasm at a time? We’ll go into all of that and more in this episode, as we talk about building our brand on IG, spilling our secrets on the podcast, and changing as many relationships as possible with our classes and guides.

So whether it’s your first time or your 50th, take a listen as we stroll down memory lane and share some great advice from the OG’s that have been here with us from the beginning. We promise, it’s gonna get weird!

Links & Resources:

Our #1 recommended guide :  The Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) 

Our most comprehensive course:  Better, Hotter, More (https://bhm.vmtherapy.com/) 

All our courses:  The Courses Page (https://vmtherapy.com/courses/) 

Our book:  Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://vmtherapy.com/sex-talks/) 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 (http://GreenChef.com/pillow60) and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping.

Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow).

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode94

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ready for the most epic game of Would You Rather?

We’ve done Would You Rather on Instagram a few times, and it was such a hit that we decided to bring it to the podcast. We asked you for your best Would You Rather questions, and sat down to play without discussing our answers beforehand. You’ll get to hear our genuine reactions and honest responses as we giggle our way through the submissions you’ve sent in. Stay tuned to the end to hear our immediate buyer’s remorse that sent us over the edge.

Spoiler alert: Would You Rather is a silly game, but it’s also a sneaky and effective way to start genuinely useful conversations with your partner!

Would you rather listen to a sex therapist and a regular dude dig into some thought (and laughter) provoking questions, OR miss out on the funniest hour of your life?

Links & Resources:

Our Book:  Sex Talks (https://vmtherapy.com/sex-talks/)

Guide:  Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/)

Past Episode: Episode 83 How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument (https://vmtherapy.com/episode83) 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. (http://RocketMoney.com/pillow) Rocket Money could save you hundreds a year!

Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (http://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode93

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s official… Sex Talks is a New York Times INSTANT Bestseller!

But to be totally up front with you, the process of getting here has been pretty wild. There have been SO many surprises, frustrations, and downright heartbreaks.

So we decided to pull back the curtain and get brutally honest about this journey has really been like. We’ve been keeping a secret journal of all of the ups and downs of the last few months. Stories we couldn’t tell you here or on Instagram. Stories we’re finally able and ready to reveal.

So pull up a seat and sip your tea while we spill all of ours!

Links & Resources:

Our Book: Sex Talks (https://sextalksbook.com/) 

If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!

Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode92

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices