Every once in a while an orgasm hits you like a freight train, and you lie there afterward wondering what on earth that was and why you can't do it again.
 
What if that wasn't luck?
 
In this episode, you'll hear:
<ul>
 <li>Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets
</li>
 <li>Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets
</li>
 <li>The four things about your orgasm you can actually change
</li>
 <li>What your body does automatically the second an orgasm starts that's probably cutting it short
</li>
 <li>Why the window for a second orgasm stays open longer than you think, and the one moment that closes it
</li>
 <li>The truth about G-spot, cervical, and nipple orgasms, and why none of them outrank the clitoris
</li>
 <li>What Vanessa found after twenty years of thinking she already knew everything about her own body
</li>
</ul>
What if your orgasm was only the beginning?
Advanced Orgasm is our course for the woman who already orgasms reliably, on her own and with a partner, and is curious what else her body can do. It doesn't teach you how to orgasm. It teaches you how to shape what happens when you do.
<ul>
 <li>The four Amplifiers we walk through in this episode. Intensity, Duration, Frequency, and Pathway. Four levers you can pull, with the step-by-step for each one.
</li>
 <li>You get to decide what kind of orgasm you have. Slow and drawn out tonight, enormous on Friday, two of them if that's the mood.
</li>
 <li>A 30-day actually-try-it guarantee. Give it a fair shot, and if you haven't learned something that expands how you explore your own pleasure, we'll refund you.
</li>
 <li>Lifetime access, including every upgrade we ever make to it.
</li>
</ul>
Check out Advanced Orgasm here:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/advanced"> https://vmtherapy.com/advanced</a>
 
Not sure if it’s for you? If your orgasm only shows up under very particular conditions, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner, that's not a flaw. You're just at a different starting line. Start with Finishing School:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm"> https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm</a>
 
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

Every once in a while an orgasm hits you like a freight train, and you lie there afterward wondering what on earth that was and why you can't do it again. What if that wasn't luck? In this episode, you'll hear: Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets The four things about your orgasm you can actually change What your body does automatically the second an orgasm starts that's probably cutting it short Why the window for a second orgasm stays open longer than you think, and the one moment that closes it The truth about G-spot, cervical, and nipple orgasms, and why none of them outrank the clitoris What Vanessa found after twenty years of thinking she already knew everything about her own body What if your orgasm was only the beginning? Advanced Orgasm is our course for the woman who already orgasms reliably, on her own and with a partner, and is curious what else her body can do. It doesn't teach you how to orgasm. It teaches you how to shape what happens when you do. The four Amplifiers we walk through in this episode. Intensity, Duration, Frequency, and Pathway. Four levers you can pull, with the step-by-step for each one. You get to decide what kind of orgasm you have. Slow and drawn out tonight, enormous on Friday, two of them if that's the mood. A 30-day actually-try-it guarantee. Give it a fair shot, and if you haven't learned something that expands how you explore your own pleasure, we'll refund you. Lifetime access, including every upgrade we ever make to it. Check out Advanced Orgasm here: https://vmtherapy.com/advanced Not sure if it’s for you? If your orgasm only shows up under very particular conditions, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner, that's not a flaw. You're just at a different starting line. Start with Finishing School: https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every once in a while an orgasm hits you like a freight train, and you lie there afterward wondering what on earth that was and why you can't do it again.
 
What if that wasn't luck?
 
In this episode, you'll hear:
<ul>
 <li>Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets
</li>
 <li>Why getting really efficient at reaching orgasm can be the exact thing capping how big it gets
</li>
 <li>The four things about your orgasm you can actually change
</li>
 <li>What your body does automatically the second an orgasm starts that's probably cutting it short
</li>
 <li>Why the window for a second orgasm stays open longer than you think, and the one moment that closes it
</li>
 <li>The truth about G-spot, cervical, and nipple orgasms, and why none of them outrank the clitoris
</li>
 <li>What Vanessa found after twenty years of thinking she already knew everything about her own body
</li>
</ul>
What if your orgasm was only the beginning?
Advanced Orgasm is our course for the woman who already orgasms reliably, on her own and with a partner, and is curious what else her body can do. It doesn't teach you how to orgasm. It teaches you how to shape what happens when you do.
<ul>
 <li>The four Amplifiers we walk through in this episode. Intensity, Duration, Frequency, and Pathway. Four levers you can pull, with the step-by-step for each one.
</li>
 <li>You get to decide what kind of orgasm you have. Slow and drawn out tonight, enormous on Friday, two of them if that's the mood.
</li>
 <li>A 30-day actually-try-it guarantee. Give it a fair shot, and if you haven't learned something that expands how you explore your own pleasure, we'll refund you.
</li>
 <li>Lifetime access, including every upgrade we ever make to it.
</li>
</ul>
Check out Advanced Orgasm here:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/advanced" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://vmtherapy.com/advanced</a>
 
Not sure if it’s for you? If your orgasm only shows up under very particular conditions, or you can get there on your own but not with a partner, that's not a flaw. You're just at a different starting line. Start with Finishing School:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://vmtherapy.com/orgasm</a>
 
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices" rel="noopener noreferrer">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

E277: How to Take Your Orgasm to the Next Level with the Four Orgasm Amplifiers

Would you tell your partner if their kink gave you the ick? What if their foreplay technique wasn't quite doing it for you? And is it normal for sex to be just okay most of the time?

Oh, we've got some GOOD questions for you today.

We're back with another round of Ask a Sex Therapist, answering the questions you've been sending us about sex, pleasure, and all those things you might be a little too embarrassed to ask out loud.

From requesting spicy pics to navigating intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch, we're getting into the details with our favorite combination of honest conversations, practical advice, and a little TMI.

In this episode, you'll hear:
<ul>
 <li>How to ask your wife for spicy pics in a way that feels fun for both of you</li>
 <li>What to do when your partner's kink gives you the ick</li>
 <li>How to navigate intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch </li>
 <li>Whether it's normal for sex to be average most of the time and mind-blowing only occasionally</li>
 <li>Why clitoral stimulation can sometimes feel so intense that it almost hurts</li>
 <li>How to tell your partner you want something different during foreplay without hurting their feelings
</li>
</ul>
Whether you've been wondering about one of these questions yourself or you're just here for the juicy details, you're going to love this conversation.

And who knows? You might even pick up a new trick or two to try tonight.

Ready to put some new moves in your foreplay repertoire?
We've got your next favorite thing to do in bed. Actually, make that several.

The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are packed with step-by-step techniques for fingering, oral sex, handjobs, and blowjobs, so you can discover new ways to touch, tease, and drive each other absolutely wild.

You'll also get an entire section dedicated to navigating foreplay frustrations, including how to ask for what you want and give feedback that actually helps.

Because the more you know about each other's pleasure, the more fun you get to have together.

Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

Would you tell your partner if their kink gave you the ick? What if their foreplay technique wasn't quite doing it for you? And is it normal for sex to be just okay most of the time? Oh, we've got some GOOD questions for you today. We're back with another round of Ask a Sex Therapist, answering the questions you've been sending us about sex, pleasure, and all those things you might be a little too embarrassed to ask out loud. From requesting spicy pics to navigating intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch, we're getting into the details with our favorite combination of honest conversations, practical advice, and a little TMI. In this episode, you'll hear: How to ask your wife for spicy pics in a way that feels fun for both of you What to do when your partner's kink gives you the ick How to navigate intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch Whether it's normal for sex to be average most of the time and mind-blowing only occasionally Why clitoral stimulation can sometimes feel so intense that it almost hurts How to tell your partner you want something different during foreplay without hurting their feelings Whether you've been wondering about one of these questions yourself or you're just here for the juicy details, you're going to love this conversation. And who knows? You might even pick up a new trick or two to try tonight. Ready to put some new moves in your foreplay repertoire? We've got your next favorite thing to do in bed. Actually, make that several. The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are packed with step-by-step techniques for fingering, oral sex, handjobs, and blowjobs, so you can discover new ways to touch, tease, and drive each other absolutely wild. You'll also get an entire section dedicated to navigating foreplay frustrations, including how to ask for what you want and give feedback that actually helps. Because the more you know about each other's pleasure, the more fun you get to have together. Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Stay Connected Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Would you tell your partner if their kink gave you the ick? What if their foreplay technique wasn't quite doing it for you? And is it normal for sex to be just okay most of the time?

Oh, we've got some GOOD questions for you today.

We're back with another round of Ask a Sex Therapist, answering the questions you've been sending us about sex, pleasure, and all those things you might be a little too embarrassed to ask out loud.

From requesting spicy pics to navigating intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch, we're getting into the details with our favorite combination of honest conversations, practical advice, and a little TMI.

In this episode, you'll hear:
<ul>
 <li>How to ask your wife for spicy pics in a way that feels fun for both of you</li>
 <li>What to do when your partner's kink gives you the ick</li>
 <li>How to navigate intimacy when your marriage is going through a rough patch </li>
 <li>Whether it's normal for sex to be average most of the time and mind-blowing only occasionally</li>
 <li>Why clitoral stimulation can sometimes feel so intense that it almost hurts</li>
 <li>How to tell your partner you want something different during foreplay without hurting their feelings
</li>
</ul>
Whether you've been wondering about one of these questions yourself or you're just here for the juicy details, you're going to love this conversation.

And who knows? You might even pick up a new trick or two to try tonight.

Ready to put some new moves in your foreplay repertoire?
We've got your next favorite thing to do in bed. Actually, make that several.

The Ultimate Foreplay Guides are packed with step-by-step techniques for fingering, oral sex, handjobs, and blowjobs, so you can discover new ways to touch, tease, and drive each other absolutely wild.

You'll also get an entire section dedicated to navigating foreplay frustrations, including how to ask for what you want and give feedback that actually helps.

Because the more you know about each other's pleasure, the more fun you get to have together.

Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off on home and sleepwear. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices" rel="noopener noreferrer">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

E279: Ask a Sex Therapist: Kink Icks, Spicy Pics, and Vanilla Sex

It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee.
 
In this episode, you'll hear:
<ul>
 <li>Can you ask your partner to start initiating again after you spent years shutting them down?
</li>
 <li>A monthly quota for sex: reasonable or red flag?
</li>
 <li>Oral every single time: too much to ask or not a big deal?
</li>
 <li>The blowjob stereotype most women believe, and what men actually told us in our foreplay survey
</li>
 <li>Asking your partner to stop saying a word that gives you the ick, without shutting down the dirty talk entirely
</li>
 <li>How to admit you've hated something in bed for years without making your partner feel terrible
</li>
 <li>Is waking your partner up because you can't sleep crossing a line?
 
</li>
</ul>
Want to stop guessing and start feeling confident in your technique?

It’s time to give and receive “I didn’t know it could be that good” pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason.
<ul>
 <li>Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs.
</li>
 <li>Animated GIFs with tasteful illustrations that will help you become an expert at our hottest foreplay techniques.
</li>
 <li>Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more.
</li>
 <li>Exactly what to do before, during, and after orgasm to ensure a “my soul just left my body” experience.
</li>
</ul>
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay"> https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay</a>
 
Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram:<a href="https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander"> https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander</a>
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe"> https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe</a>
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
 
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Oversized, ultra-plush, and completely built for your best summer days. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee. In this episode, you'll hear: Can you ask your partner to start initiating again after you spent years shutting them down? A monthly quota for sex: reasonable or red flag? Oral every single time: too much to ask or not a big deal? The blowjob stereotype most women believe, and what men actually told us in our foreplay survey Asking your partner to stop saying a word that gives you the ick, without shutting down the dirty talk entirely How to admit you've hated something in bed for years without making your partner feel terrible Is waking your partner up because you can't sleep crossing a line? Want to stop guessing and start feeling confident in your technique? It’s time to give and receive “I didn’t know it could be that good” pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason. Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs. Animated GIFs with tasteful illustrations that will help you become an expert at our hottest foreplay techniques. Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more. Exactly what to do before, during, and after orgasm to ensure a “my soul just left my body” experience. Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Stay Connected Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Oversized, ultra-plush, and completely built for your best summer days. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's time for another round of Reasonable or Ridiculous, where we take real life couple disagreements our community members just can't settle and play referee.
 
In this episode, you'll hear:
<ul>
 <li>Can you ask your partner to start initiating again after you spent years shutting them down?
</li>
 <li>A monthly quota for sex: reasonable or red flag?
</li>
 <li>Oral every single time: too much to ask or not a big deal?
</li>
 <li>The blowjob stereotype most women believe, and what men actually told us in our foreplay survey
</li>
 <li>Asking your partner to stop saying a word that gives you the ick, without shutting down the dirty talk entirely
</li>
 <li>How to admit you've hated something in bed for years without making your partner feel terrible
</li>
 <li>Is waking your partner up because you can't sleep crossing a line?
 
</li>
</ul>
Want to stop guessing and start feeling confident in your technique?

It’s time to give and receive “I didn’t know it could be that good” pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason.
<ul>
 <li>Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs.
</li>
 <li>Animated GIFs with tasteful illustrations that will help you become an expert at our hottest foreplay techniques.
</li>
 <li>Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more.
</li>
 <li>Exactly what to do before, during, and after orgasm to ensure a “my soul just left my body” experience.
</li>
</ul>
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay</a>
 
Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram:<a href="https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander</a>
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe</a>
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
 
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first order of premium, wild-caught seafood. Get seafood you can trust. ➡︎http://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW
👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Oversized, ultra-plush, and completely built for your best summer days. Use code PILLOW for an exclusive 20% off. If you get a Post-Purchase Survey, be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here!➡︎https://cozyearth.com
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices" rel="noopener noreferrer">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

E275: Reasonable or Ridiculous? Sex Quotas, Oral Every Time, and Dirty Talk Dealbreakers

Your conversations have turned into a running list of who's handling what, and your quality time is two people on one couch looking at two different screens. 44% of the couples we polled said they're in a rut right now too.
 
So we built you a four-week plan, five minutes a day, plus the exact words to use if you're the one who has to bring it up.
 
In this episode, you'll hear:
<ul>
 <li>The difference between a rut and a red flag
</li>
 <li>The exact words to use when you're the one raising this, and how to keep it from landing like a complaint
</li>
 <li>Why "we're just busy" is the most common reason couples end up here, and the part nobody questions
</li>
 <li>The five-minute daily habit that starts week one, and why your brain needs the reps
</li>
 <li>The weekend activity that only counts if it has zero practical value
</li>
 <li>The hug-and-kiss math that resets both your nervous systems in under a minute
</li>
 <li>Why week four is the one couples skip, and why skipping it is how you end up right back here
 
</li>
</ul>
A rut doesn't mean you picked the wrong person or that something's broken between you. It means life got loud, so press play with your partner and let this be the thing that starts the conversation.

LINKS & RESOURCES
<ul>
 <li>📝4-Week Relationship Reset PDF: your Companion Workbook for EPISODE 278:How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut: Your 4-Week Plan - https://free.vmtherapy.com/4-week-reset</li>
 <li>👋The Art of Initiation: your guide to making initiation feel easier, sexier, and more satisfying
https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation</li>
 <li>✅Turn Me On: Your Initiation Style Guide: a free guide to discover your unique initiation style (and how to use it!)
https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide</li>
</ul>
Want the month after this one handled too?
The Spark is our $9 a month membership for couples whose lives are full and whose relationship keeps sliding to the bottom of the list. Every month we deliver a fresh drop of ideas straight to you.
<ul>
 <li>The planning is done for you. The ideas show up, and the two of you pick whatever sounds fun.</li>
 <li>Small sparks, on a schedule. Enough momentum to keep you out of the rut you just climbed out of.</li>
</ul>
Nine dollars a month. Less than a fancy coffee.
 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

Your conversations have turned into a running list of who's handling what, and your quality time is two people on one couch looking at two different screens. 44% of the couples we polled said they're in a rut right now too. So we built you a four-week plan, five minutes a day, plus the exact words to use if you're the one who has to bring it up. In this episode, you'll hear: The difference between a rut and a red flag The exact words to use when you're the one raising this, and how to keep it from landing like a complaint Why "we're just busy" is the most common reason couples end up here, and the part nobody questions The five-minute daily habit that starts week one, and why your brain needs the reps The weekend activity that only counts if it has zero practical value The hug-and-kiss math that resets both your nervous systems in under a minute Why week four is the one couples skip, and why skipping it is how you end up right back here A rut doesn't mean you picked the wrong person or that something's broken between you. It means life got loud, so press play with your partner and let this be the thing that starts the conversation. LINKS & RESOURCES 📝4-Week Relationship Reset PDF: your Companion Workbook for EPISODE 278:How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut: Your 4-Week Plan - https://free.vmtherapy.com/4-week-reset 👋The Art of Initiation: your guide to making initiation feel easier, sexier, and more satisfying https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation ✅Turn Me On: Your Initiation Style Guide: a free guide to discover your unique initiation style (and how to use it!) https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide Want the month after this one handled too? The Spark is our $9 a month membership for couples whose lives are full and whose relationship keeps sliding to the bottom of the list. Every month we deliver a fresh drop of ideas straight to you. The planning is done for you. The ideas show up, and the two of you pick whatever sounds fun. Small sparks, on a schedule. Enough momentum to keep you out of the rut you just climbed out of. Nine dollars a month. Less than a fancy coffee. Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your conversations have turned into a running list of who's handling what, and your quality time is two people on one couch looking at two different screens. 44% of the couples we polled said they're in a rut right now too.
 
So we built you a four-week plan, five minutes a day, plus the exact words to use if you're the one who has to bring it up.
 
In this episode, you'll hear:
<ul>
 <li>The difference between a rut and a red flag
</li>
 <li>The exact words to use when you're the one raising this, and how to keep it from landing like a complaint
</li>
 <li>Why "we're just busy" is the most common reason couples end up here, and the part nobody questions
</li>
 <li>The five-minute daily habit that starts week one, and why your brain needs the reps
</li>
 <li>The weekend activity that only counts if it has zero practical value
</li>
 <li>The hug-and-kiss math that resets both your nervous systems in under a minute
</li>
 <li>Why week four is the one couples skip, and why skipping it is how you end up right back here
 
</li>
</ul>
A rut doesn't mean you picked the wrong person or that something's broken between you. It means life got loud, so press play with your partner and let this be the thing that starts the conversation.

LINKS &amp; RESOURCES
<ul>
 <li>📝4-Week Relationship Reset PDF:&nbsp;your Companion Workbook for EPISODE 278:How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut: Your 4-Week Plan - https://free.vmtherapy.com/4-week-reset</li>
 <li>👋The Art of Initiation: your guide to making initiation feel easier, sexier, and more satisfying
https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation</li>
 <li>✅Turn Me On: Your Initiation Style Guide: a free guide to discover your unique initiation style (and how to use it!)
https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide</li>
</ul>
Want the month after this one handled too?
The Spark is our $9 a month membership for couples whose lives are full and whose relationship keeps sliding to the bottom of the list. Every month we deliver a fresh drop of ideas straight to you.
<ul>
 <li>The planning is done for you. The ideas show up, and the two of you pick whatever sounds fun.</li>
 <li>Small sparks, on a schedule. Enough momentum to keep you out of the rut you just climbed out of.</li>
</ul>
Nine dollars a month. Less than a fancy coffee.
 Check out The Spark here: https://vmtherapy.com/spark

==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow
 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices" rel="noopener noreferrer">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

E278: How to Get Out of a Relationship Rut: Your 4-Week Plan

At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort.
So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and floss, and nothing seems to happen on its own anymore?
 
In this episode, you'll hear:
<ul>
 <li>Why nothing sexy happens spontaneously after about six months, and what has to replace it
</li>
 <li>The thing you have to clear out of the way before you can build desire at all
</li>
 <li>Which of the four desire types you and your partner each are, and why it changes how you initiate
</li>
 <li>How to flirt with someone you've been with for years without feeling ridiculous
</li>
 <li>The compliment swap that makes it actually land, and what to say instead of "you're hot"
</li>
 <li>Why initiating in the moment is already too late, and when to start instead
</li>
 <li>What our community said gets them in the mood, from grey sweatpants to a longer than usual kiss in the kitchen
</li>
</ul>
Mentioned in this episode:
Discover your initiation style here:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/style"> https://vmtherapy.com/style</a>
Listen to Episode 251: What's Your Desire Type?:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/episode251"> https://vmtherapy.com/episode251</a>
 
Want to make sure the sex is worth craving?
It's time to give and receive "I didn't know it could be that good" pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason.
<ul>
 <li>Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs.
</li>
 <li>Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more.
</li>
</ul>
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay"> https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay</a>
 
Think you've tried every position? Think again.
Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies.
<ul>
 <li>47 fully illustrated positions with step-by-step guidance for getting into, out of, and moving in each one.
</li>
 <li>17 pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything.
</li>
</ul>
Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex"> https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex</a>
 
Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram:<a href="https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander"> https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander</a>
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe"> https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe</a>
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
 
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort. So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and floss, and nothing seems to happen on its own anymore? In this episode, you'll hear: Why nothing sexy happens spontaneously after about six months, and what has to replace it The thing you have to clear out of the way before you can build desire at all Which of the four desire types you and your partner each are, and why it changes how you initiate How to flirt with someone you've been with for years without feeling ridiculous The compliment swap that makes it actually land, and what to say instead of "you're hot" Why initiating in the moment is already too late, and when to start instead What our community said gets them in the mood, from grey sweatpants to a longer than usual kiss in the kitchen Mentioned in this episode: Discover your initiation style here: https://vmtherapy.com/style Listen to Episode 251: What's Your Desire Type?: https://vmtherapy.com/episode251 Want to make sure the sex is worth craving? It's time to give and receive "I didn't know it could be that good" pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason. Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs. Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more. Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here: https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay Think you've tried every position? Think again. Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies. 47 fully illustrated positions with step-by-step guidance for getting into, out of, and moving in each one. 17 pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything. Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here: https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex Stay Connected Follow us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame: https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts! ========================== THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================== 👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD 👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

At the start of a relationship, turning your partner on felt like it took basically no effort.
So what do you do a decade in, when you've watched each other fart and floss, and nothing seems to happen on its own anymore?
 
In this episode, you'll hear:
<ul>
 <li>Why nothing sexy happens spontaneously after about six months, and what has to replace it
</li>
 <li>The thing you have to clear out of the way before you can build desire at all
</li>
 <li>Which of the four desire types you and your partner each are, and why it changes how you initiate
</li>
 <li>How to flirt with someone you've been with for years without feeling ridiculous
</li>
 <li>The compliment swap that makes it actually land, and what to say instead of "you're hot"
</li>
 <li>Why initiating in the moment is already too late, and when to start instead
</li>
 <li>What our community said gets them in the mood, from grey sweatpants to a longer than usual kiss in the kitchen
</li>
</ul>
Mentioned in this episode:
Discover your initiation style here:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/style" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://vmtherapy.com/style</a>
Listen to Episode 251: What's Your Desire Type?:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/episode251" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://vmtherapy.com/episode251</a>
 
Want to make sure the sex is worth craving?
It's time to give and receive "I didn't know it could be that good" pleasure with the Ultimate Foreplay Guides. Our #1 best-seller for a reason.
<ul>
 <li>Detailed, step-by-step instructions that guide you through expertly fingering and going down on a vulva, and giving jaw-dropping hand jobs and blow jobs.
</li>
 <li>Over 100 unique techniques designed to give your partner maximum pleasure and secret hacks to get them begging for more.
</li>
</ul>
Check out The Ultimate Foreplay Guides here:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay</a>
 
Think you've tried every position? Think again.
Ultimate Sex Positions is our fully illustrated guide to 47 positions, with step-by-step guidance, tips for how to move, and smart adjustments for real bodies.
<ul>
 <li>47 fully illustrated positions with step-by-step guidance for getting into, out of, and moving in each one.
</li>
 <li>17 pillow positions, because changing your angle by a few inches changes everything.
</li>
</ul>
Check out Ultimate Sex Positions here:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://vmtherapy.com/ultimatesex</a>
 
Stay Connected
Follow us on Instagram:<a href="https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander</a>
Get our weekly email, real talk, expert tips, and zero shame:<a href="https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe" rel="noopener noreferrer"> https://vmtherapy.com/subscribe</a>
Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you get your podcasts!
 
==========================
THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS
==========================
👏Thanks Cure. Cure’s the electrolyte mix I’ve started reaching for daily. With clean ingredients and nothing artificial, it’s become easy to stay hydrated. Find it on Amazon or use the code PILLOWTALKS for 20% off. ➡︎https://curehydration.com/PILLOWTALKS 
👏Thanks Blissy. Because you’re a listener, Blissy is offering 60-nights risk-free PLUS use code PILLOWPOD to get an additional 30% off. Your skin and hair will thank you!➡︎https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD
👏Thanks Quince. Upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. ➡︎https://quince.com/pillow Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices" rel="noopener noreferrer">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

E276: How Do You Turn Your Partner On? (When You've Been Together For Years)

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!   Whether you’re looking to learn how to orgasm, skyrocket your confidence, or rekindle the spark with your partner, Vanessa & Xander can help you identify and overcome your blockages around, and learn how to have more fun in the bedroom. Head over to <a href="vmtherapy.com">vmtherapy.com</a> Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had! Whether you’re looking to learn how to orgasm, skyrocket your confidence, or rekindle the spark with your partner, Vanessa & Xander can help you identify and overcome your blockages around, and learn how to have more fun in the bedroom. Head over to vmtherapy.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had! &nbsp; Whether you’re looking to learn how to orgasm, skyrocket your confidence, or rekindle the spark with your partner,&nbsp;Vanessa &amp; Xander can help you identify and overcome your blockages around, and learn how to have more fun in the bedroom. Head over to <a href="vmtherapy.com" rel="noopener noreferrer">vmtherapy.com</a> Learn more about your ad choices. Visit <a href="https://megaphone.fm/adchoices" rel="noopener noreferrer">megaphone.fm/adchoices</a>

Welcome to the Pillow Talks Podcast with Vanessa + Xander

Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!

Share Pillow Talks

Sign up to save your podcasts

Pillow Talks

Pillow Talks episodes

About Pillow Talks

Best of Pillow Talks

More shows like Pillow Talks

Sex With Emily

Brave Love Great Sex – Couples Therapy Podcast

ONE Extraordinary Marriage Show

The Bad Girls Bible - Sex, Relationships, Dating, Love & Marriage Advice

Shameless Sex

Come Curious

Orgasmic Enlightenment with Kim Anami

The Curious Girl Diaries

Sex and Psychology Podcast

The Horny Housewife

The Intimate Marriage Podcast, with Intimacy Doctor Alexandra Stockwell, MD

Kingdom Sexuality

The Swing Nation - A Sex Positive Swingers Podcast

Girls Gone Deep

Naughty Sex Stories