Is your daughter not getting the playing time she wants? Are you torn on how to help her as her mom?

Today, we’re talking about what you can do to support and empower your daughter, and how you both can use this situation to build her confidence.

Step 1: Keep the big picture in mind
It’s tempting to jump to conclusions, but when we do this, we only make the situation worse. Ask yourself - why is your daughter playing spots in the first place?

Too often, parents are tempted to allow their child to fall into a victim mindset around the topic of play time. Your daughter could start to believe that she’s a victim, and she might believe that there’s nothing she can do to change her circumstances. This could leave her feeling stuck.

But it’s these situations, when she’s disappointed or not getting what she wants, that turn into great teaching opportunities. As her mom, you get to help her develop her long-term confidence by teaching her how to navigate a tough circumstance.

Be sure to check in on yourself, too. Is the issue really about the play time, or is her play time pointing to a different issue? 

Is your daughter:

• Developing good work habits? 
• Setting goals for herself? 
• Working towards improving at her sport? 
• Navigating challenging situations? 

Step 2: Know how playing time is distributed on your daughter’s team
Play time is an expectation that should be laid out by your daughter’s coach. If you have the opportunity, ask questions about play time before you join a team. It’s helpful to know, both for you and for your daughter, how play time is distributed and earned.

Athletes thrive with clarity, and knowing their specific “role” on their team can really allow your athlete to grow.

Step 3: Strengthen what's in her control
The biggest things in your daughter's control is her mindset, attitude, and her thought patterns. 

When we help her focus on what's in her control instead of getting hung up on things she can’t control, then we’re helping her navigate the situation with actionable steps. If she gets hung up on negative thoughts, that mindset quickly becomes unproductive.

Another thing in her control is her contribution to her TEAM. Don’t forget, she’s part of a bigger picture. Reminding her to think of someone or something outside of herself is important for her overall mindset.

If a conversation would be helpful…
If your daughter wants the situation to change but she doesn’t know how, it’s best if you empower your daughter to have the conversation with her coach herself. 

By empowering her, she has an opportunity to learn the skills to advocate for herself and navigate tough conversations. You can certainly be there as support for the conversation, but helping her initiate on her own is key.

You can frame questions for her to ask her coach, such as:

• Can you help clarify what my role is on the team?
• What do you see that I have an opportunity to improve on?
• What can I be doing to help the team?
• Is there an opportunity for me to earn more playing time?

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Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode.
• Join our FREE Training for Sports Moms - How to Strengthen Your Athlete Daughter’s Mental Game so She Believes in Herself as Much as You Do

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