How much can you ask a partner to change?

And how do you know if non-monogamy is the right choice for you?

Jess and Brandon discuss these listener questions and share their (imperfect) perspectives in this quickie episode.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Quickie Q&A: Should you change for a partner & how do you know if non-monogamy is right for you?

Speaker 1 00:00:05 You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

Speaker 2 00:00:15 Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half. Dr. Jess,

Speaker 3 00:00:21 Are you ready for a quickie?

Speaker 2 00:00:22 I'm always ready for a quickie. Are

Speaker 3 00:00:24 You though?

Speaker 2 00:00:25 Yeah, I'm usually ready for a quickie.

Speaker 3 00:00:27 is all, all we really do is quickies. not in the podcast, but I feel like we've been squishing sex into smaller Look at your face. Sorry. I'm like, I'm, I'm getting tripped up from my words, but I'm gonna keep going. I feel like we've been squishing it into tiny little, what do they call it? Time blocks.

Speaker 2 00:00:44 time. We're time blocking. We're the Harvard Review. We're time boxing.

Speaker 3 00:00:47 Time boxing our sex lab, but we're getting it in.

Speaker 2 00:00:50 We're smooshing booties and time boxing.

Speaker 3 00:00:52 Bumping uglies.

Speaker 2 00:00:52 Bumping uglies. I

Speaker 3 00:00:53 Don't like that cuz I think they're very pretty.

Speaker 2 00:00:55 I like it.

Speaker 3 00:00:56 We're actually in a hotel right now with, uh, curtains where the, the decor. They really look like Volvos.

Speaker 2 00:01:02 Yes, they do. You brought that up the other night and I didn't realize it. And you're spot

Speaker 3 00:01:06 On. I think it's supposed to be something from the sea, but they really remind me of Volvos. Anyhow, we're doing a quickie because I am off to Dubai for another couple's retreat. I feel so good to be working and meeting people and I'm just, I don't know. I'm having the absolute best time, but have a long couple of flights today. So we have two questions for you and one is about getting your partner to change and the other is about non-monogamy. So big topics, but we're gonna try and be fairly succinct so that I don't miss my flight.

Speaker 2 00:01:34 Sounds good. All right.

Speaker 3 00:01:35 What's the first, so the first they're asking how to differentiate between getting your partner to stop doing something that bothers you versus trying to change them. So they say we're told to accept our partners just as they are, but also to speak up if something they're doing makes us unhappy. So where's the balance?

Speaker 2 00:01:52 I mean, this totally resonates not with, not so much with me, but just the question is kinda like, at what point are you crossing that line? Right.

Speaker 3 00:01:59 Um, you don't ask me to change much.

Speaker 2 00:02:01 No. Again, I think we're constantly having conversations about things. I think I feel like you ask me to change things, more things, would that be wrong? I think I'd agree. But it's you, I think I agree with that, but I don't feel like you're trying to change me as a human being, like as a person.

Speaker 3 00:02:16 It's trying to make you better. No,