Raising Daughters

Show Notes: The following are 5 ways we are sucking the heart and soul out of our children’s lives and with great cost: 1.   Lack of down time for unsupervised, self-directed play: kids need the freedom to explore and take things apart and play with ideas. This also requires enough down time for kids to be bored, daydream and really get into the flow of their creative processes. 2.   We don’t value the arts: We need to give artists, dancers, musicians, budding actors, and teachers the same amount of financial and emotional support as you give kids in sports. 3.   Kids have lost their love of learning: Kids learn to just play the ‘game of school’ and give adults what they want, but they lose their motivation and love of learning in the process. 4.   There is too much focus on external motivators: Teens and adults who are driven by internals like being of service and making a difference are happier, more fulfilled, and have richer relationships. Be very careful with what you focus on. 5.   Kids have lost the joy of playing sports for the love of the game: Too much emphasis on competition, winning, and achieving college scholarships has drained the love of the game out of youth sports.   What kids need: 1.   More unsupervised down time for kids to follow their own interests and passions & learn thru play 2.   Put as much value and encouragement into activities your kids are into like art, music, theater; let go of the fear they’ll never make $ doing it. 3.   Parents & the educational system let go of pressuring kids to all achieve straight A’s and to pad their resumes & do activities b/c it looks good on their college app; teach in a way that kids see the meaning in what they are studying; allow time for kids to pursue their own interests for the love of learning; autonomy, engagement, mastery 4.   Playing for plays sake: focus on playing for the love of the game vs. winning or getting a college scholarship Resources:   Listen to a previous podcast by Dr. Jordan on How youth sports are negatively affecting our daughters     A Whole New Mind by Daniel Pink Out of Our Minds: learning to be creative, by Ken Robinson The High Price of Materialism (http://www.amazon.com/The-High-Price-Materialism-Kasser by Tim Kasser

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Show Notes: Dr. Jordan discusses the book, Cassandra Speaks: when women are the storytellers, the human story changes, with author Elizabeth lesser Using her book, Cassandra Speaks, author Elizabeth Lesser describes how our human stories … How Our World Would Be Different if Women Were the Storytellers Read More »

Show Notes: Using her book, Cassandra Speaks, author Elizabeth Lesser describes how our human stories and our views of women would change if women were the storytellers. Elizabeth Lesser describes the mythological story of Cassandra where the god Zeus punished her with the gift of clairvoyance but the curse of no one listening to her or believing her thoughts. This story depicts how our culture still mistrusts and devalues girls and women’s intuition and perspectives. Dr. Jordan and the author discuss what story Eve would have told about picking the apple and about her journey after leaving the garden and what lessons humanity have learned from her story. This podcast discusses the need to redefine courage, power, and leadership vs. make women and girls change to fit the old, masculine model. Elizabeth Lesser describes the imposter syndrome and how it relates to how women doubt and devalue themselves. Learn about what the author means by the need to start valuing and affirming “first, first responders”. Learn also how repressing girl’s anger resurfaces as relationship aggressions and mean girl drama. Link to Cassandra Speaks: When Women Are the Storytellers, the Human Story Changes Read Dr. Jordan’s book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead for more information on empowering our girls.

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Show Notes: Dr. Jordan interviews 4 young adult women about the lingering social & academic effects from covid. Questions discussed in this interview: What grade were you in when covid hit & you had to go virtual? What did you like, dislike about virtual learning? What was it like for you socially when you 1st returned to in-person school? Any lingering effects socially from your covid experience? Still social awkwardness among peers? Anxiety? What did you learn about yourself? Any gifts from the experience? Describe what you learned about coping with adversity & uncertainty from covid and any strengths you discovered that you didn’t know you had. What advice would you give to parents about supporting their kids academically and socially with the lingering effects of covid in mind? For a deeper understanding of girl’s social and emotional lives, check out Dr. Jordan’s online course,  Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need.  

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Show Notes: Girls need to decide what success & having it all means for them, & to develop the following qualities to achieve a fulfilling life. The following are key ingredients for achieving success: Create your own end in mind, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on beginning with the end in mind Autonomy creates engagement which then develops mastery The pursuit of fulfillment will lead them to success, not the other way around Being allowed to solve your own problems and overcome obstacles and challenges helps girls to develop grit, resiliency, and self-efficacy which in turn creates more optimism and hopefulness Learn to trust and follow your intuition, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on teaching girls to make better decisions Teach girls that most successful adults zig-zagged their way to their calling and success, they didn’t go in a straight line at 18 years directly to their calling Learn to cope with feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and uncertainty, click here for link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on Sunday Scaries & Trigger Warnings Be willing to take risks, make mistakes, learn, and retry Retain your curiosity, love of learning, and creativity Embrace your feminine energies and leadership qualities; Instead of making girls change to fit our masculine leadership paradigm, change the way we all see power & leadership Value people skills and interpersonal effectiveness such as collaboration, resolve conflicts, negotiate, communicate ideas effectively, know your strengths/weaknesses, win-win, sell yourself Focus on more internal, intrinsic values like being of service and doing meaningful work vs. externals like becoming rich and famous Be in charge of what “having it all” means for you For great ideas about how to empower your daughter, check out Dr. Jordan’s book: She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead For more information on all of Dr. Jordan’s books, camps, and school programs, visit www.drtimjordan.com  

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Show Notes Learn the truth about Sunday scaries & trigger warnings as well as how to prevent & manage them. What are the Sunday scaries? The Sunday scaries are nagging feelings of nervousness and anxiety … Why Trigger Warnings & Sunday Scaries Are So Troubling Read More »

Show Notes: Learn the truth about Sunday scaries & trigger warnings as well as how to prevent & manage them. The Sunday scaries are nagging feelings of nervousness and anxiety that creep up on people as the weekend winds down and the new work week approaches; it’s about the anxiety & dread about returning to work on Monday Learn how to zoom out of your life and figure out specifically what is causing your anxiety on Sunday and that will direct you to where you need to do some work. Dr. Jordan discusses the roles that rumination and not dealing with everyday emotions plays in causing the Sunday scaries. Learn ways to manage and prevent beginning of the week anxieties: - Creating a practical intention on Sundays for the week ahead can help us navigate workplace stressors more effectively -Stop multitasking: more mistakes, work takes longer which creates more stress -Change attitude from have-to to want to or get to: feel more autonomy, in control -Focus on gratitude -Work out conflicts with co-workers if that’s what you dread -Find work you love to do: ask to be switched to job or role that appeals to you; start working towards starting a new career or new job, do research = creates energy -Focus on picking up skills that will make you more marketable and add to your identity capitol -Focus on your truth: work week ends up being fine once you get there & get to work Express emotions regularly so they don’t build up to overwhelm and leak out as anxiety Links to good articles on the Sunday scaries:   Sunday Scaries article: 12-8-21 Mental Health How to ward off the Sunday scaries: CNN.com How to beat the Sunday Scaries: Headspace Sunday Scaries article: 12-8-21 Mental Health,   Science behind Sunday scaries: 1-14-23 MI Blues Perspective Trigger warnings: “Content warnings” or “trigger warnings” refer to verbal or written alerts that assigned material, including academic writing or artistic expression, may involve sensitive or upsetting themes or details that may cause a student to have an emotional response tied to a personal experience. Topics may include: sexual assault, domestic violence, self-harm, suicide, child abuse, racial hate crimes, transphobic violence, homophobic harassment, xenophobia Dr. Jordan investigates the questions: Do trigger warnings work to decrease anxiety & help people manage their traumas? Do they help trauma survivors emotionally prepare to engage with difficult material?  Learn the difference between anticipatory vs. response anxiety: In a large study, trigger warnings didn’t meaningfully reduce the amount of distress students felt in the face of potentially disturbing content, such as graphic depictions of rape or violence, nor did they nudge students to avoid this material entirely. This held true for people with and without a history of trauma. Warnings did, however, increase the amount of anxiety students felt before experiencing the material in question= anticipatory anxiety Studies found substantial evidence that trigger warnings reinforce survivors’ view of their trauma as central to their identity; People who view trauma as a core part of their identity have worse symptoms The encouraging growth of studies has begun to converge on the consensus that trigger warnings are not typically helpful in reducing anxiety. This finding has been consistent across various types of trigger warnings and types of potentially triggering content Dr. Jordan discusses the need for parents to help kids learn to deal with being uncomfortable and with uncertainty, as well as learn to advocate for themselves so that they can take care of their emotions and needs in college.  Links to articles on trigger warnings: My podcast with HS seniors about why they are so afraid to grow up Do trigger warnings help or hurt: Wall street J. 2-10-23 Harm from trigger warnings: Little effect of trigger warnings on individuals with trauma histories: 6-1-20 Sage Journals

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Blue star grit: A mother’s journey of triumph and tragedy raising a defiant child into an exceptional leader Show Notes: Show Notes: Listen to author Ginny Luther’s story about learning how to raise her independent-minded son Bart, … A Mother’s Story of Abuse, Tragedy, and Love Read More »

Show Notes: Listen to author Ginny Luther’s story about learning how to raise her independent-minded son Bart, the childhood traumas he triggered in her, and the tragic story of his death in the military. Temperament of many natural born risktakers: independent-minded, intense, risk-takers, physical, restless, active, love the outdoors. These kids are often described as: hyperactive, wild, can’t sit still, out-of-control, impulsive, ODD, ADHD, not listen, don’t like to be told no, want things their way, intense, stubborn, willful, like a wild colt kicking against the slats of their corral.   Discover how Ginny learned to connect with Bart, stay detached from his power struggles, and how to empower him to get the best from him.   Listen as author Ginny Luther describes how her son triggered old memories of her abusive childhood and how she learned to grow thru them so that they didn’t interfere with parenting her son.   Listen to Ginny describe her son Barts experiences in the military and his tragic death at the hands of a soldier in his platoon. Ginny also describes the grieving process she went thru as well as the foundation she and her husband Jack founded in Bart’s name: Blue Star Parents. You can find information about the foundation at bartsbluestar.org   Here’s the link to Ginny Luther’s new book: Blue star grit: A mother’s journey of triumph and tragedy raising a defiant child into an exceptional leader   Check out this link to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast on the need to find more opportunities for girls to experience risk and adventure    

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Show Notes: Research shows that time in nature is associated with improved mental health, decreased stress, enhanced creativity and prosocial behaviors, and increased connection to each other. Positive mental health benefits from time in nature … Get Outside & Play! Why It’s So Critical For Kids Read More »