Raising Daughters

Show Notes: The book, The Soul’s Code, offers a way to see thru children’s misbehaviors for the deeper meaning behind them, i.e., see the oak tree when all you have in front of you is an acorn. Too many kids get mislabeled & misdiagnosed because our lens is so short-term oriented; also the medical & psychological communities are so pathology & negative & deficit focused. Children’s behaviors reveal something positive about the child, instead of seeing developmental problems, look for the beauty & meaning in what you see and then love and accept your kids for who they are. Dr. Jordan shares many stories of his patients and eminent people to illustrate how an important part of our job as parents is to create an environment for children’s soul and destiny to flourish. This includes stories about Gandhi, Picasso, pioneering geneticist Barbara McClintock, Woody Allen, Painter Benjamin West, architect Frank Lloyd Wright, climber Sir Edmund Hillary, primatologists Jane Goodall and Brute Mary Galdikas, and actress Betty Davis. Link to Dr. Jordan’s podcast on the Dot Theory Link to the book, The Soul’s Code: In Search of Character and Calling,  by James Hillman For more info on Dr. Jordan’s books and camps and programs, go to www.drtimjordan.com  

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Business meetings are designed to help businesses run more effectively. So, why shouldn’t families use family meetings in the same way to be better?
Running weekly family meetings results in more closeness, increased cooperation, kids who feel empowered & heard, & kids learning many crucial life skills.
Here are some of the main intentions for running family meetings:

• All have a voice, feel heard & understood & important
• Advocate & get in other’s shoes = develop more empathy, perspective
• Create win-win agreements: ensures greater cooperation, easier to follow thru
• Learn problem-solving & brainstorming skills
• Handle sibling rivalry. Kids take responsibility for their conflicts
• Learn leadership skills

Guidelines for running family meetings: go to my website at www.drtimjordan.com to get my list of 12 guidelines for running family meetings.
Some of the results of family meetings:

• Kids take on more responsibility
• Agreements/accountability model vs. rules/punishments
• Proactive approach, stay on top of things, less reactive, more peaceful home
• Eliminate nagging, reminding, rehashing, yelling, threatening to take things away, and annoying sticker systems = stop manipulating kids with a carrot-stick approach.
• Kids feel heard, empowered, valuable, confident, close, and relaxed
• Blended families: makes it easier for step-parents to be able to be involved in disciplining their step-kids

Dr. Jordan’s website: www.drtimjordan.com

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Show Notes: Women don’t scream or fight back during sexual assaults and rapes due to protective brain responses and cultural conditioning. In this podcast, listen to the recent story of how World Cup soccer player Jenni Hermoso was forcibly kissed by soccer federation president Luis Rubiales and how this experience mirrors so many other times when girls and women have had their boundaries crossed. Learn the sobering statistics of how few rape cases are reported, prosecuted, and convicted and why this is so. Understand how the brain changes how it is encoding memories during sexual assaults which creates gaps in women’s memories of the assault. Learn how quickly stress hormones are released by the brain during assaults and how these impair the prefrontal cortex and its ability to reason. Learn the brain and evolutionary reasons why women respond to terror and assaults by primitive brain responses such as freezing, tonic immobility, and dissociation. if the fear circuitry perceives escape as impossible and resistance as futile, then not fight or flight, but extreme survival reflexes (which scientists call “animal defense responses”) will take over to try to protect women. Women’s body’s are literally paralyzed by fear, thus making them unable to move, run, speak, or cry out. Women don’t cry out because Broca’s area of the brain, our speech center, shuts down as a way to not draw attention to them; thus, women are literally scared speechless. Dr. Jordan shares ways we need to approach girls and women who have been sexually assaulted or raped to make them feel safe, heard, understood, and supported. This will require education police officers, any first responders, ER staff, doctors and nurses, teachers, and parents. Good resources for further information on this topic: Know My Name by Chanel Miller Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town, by Jon Krakauer Spanish soccer player Jenni Hermosa kissed by federation president Luis Rubiales What people misunderstand about rape article: NY Times, 8-22-23 Jen Percy  

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SHOW NOTES:  Dr. Jordan many reasons why kids engage us in power struggles including: feel disconnected from distracted parents, intense & powerful temperament, autocratic parenting style, being tired or hangry or overstimulated, pushed to conform to other’s expectations Learn also the need for parents to understand why their child might trigger them to get angry and engaged in these conflicts, including old issues/feelings from our paths

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Show Notes: Learn how to handle calls from homesick college freshmen to empower them to learn how to cope, problem-solve, and grow in confidence. Many parents have been guilty of doing too much for their daughters prior to launching them off to college: solving problems, advocating, rescuing, not allowing her to make mistakes or suffer, wanting her to be happy always This results in girls never learning coping skills, how to handle the normal ups & downs of life, face adversity & struggle thru it to overcome obstacles and gain confidence; they lack the confidence to face adversity and handle it because they weren’t allowed to growing up. Dr. Jordan describes a typical call from a homesick college freshman. He shares how to listen, mirror, normalize and validate their feelings, and then how to turn over the problem-solving to them. Learn some helpful phrases to turn problems back over to them to solve such as: “So, what will you do?” “What have you tried?” “What could you do different?” “How could you approach the problem in a different way?” “What have you done in the past when you felt stuck like this?” “You might want to take a break, calm down, & then come back and try again.” Ask who they could reach out to for support and encourage them to use whatever coping strategies have worked in the past: journal, art, music, poetry, letters, nature, exercise, join a club to meet people like did in HS. Dr. Jordan also discusses how to handle the issues of whether or not to have them come home and also how to set boundaries about phone calls home. For a good read for your high school or college aged daughter, use this link to have them find and read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living Here’s the link for Dr. Jordan’s podcast interview with 4 high school seniors discussing why they are afraid to grow up.  

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Show Notes: Dr. Jordan discusses how girls can reframe past experiences & scars into healthy stories Turning scars into beauty exercise Dr. Jordan describes an exercise he did with his high school campers where they … How To Turn Physical & Emotional Scars into Beauty Read More »

Show Notes: Dr. Jordan discusses how girls can reframe past experiences & scars into healthy stories Dr. Jordan describes an exercise he did with his high school campers where they visualized any scars they carry, physical or emotional, from past experiences & which carried strong emotions. The girls then painted something positive and beautiful over their scars where previously they’d seen only brokenness or pain or bad memories. Listen to the stories of the kinds of scars girls carry and the harmful effects on them. Learn some of the ways that Dr. Jordan helped these girls look at their scars in a different light: reframe past negative beliefs with his spiral of beliefs process; visualization of passing shame back to the person who deserves it, not you; journaling your story & what you want to let go of; write a letter to the person who hurt you & then burn it; link to Dr. Jordan’s teaching kids to forgive and move on podcast Journaling about the lessons and gifts you received from the past trauma and scars: learn about Kintsugi, the Japanese art form of repairing broken pottery with gold to represent the idea that beauty can be found in imperfection. Dr. Jordan also discusses the “steeling effect” of exposure to some hardship steels us against impact of future ones. Listen to Dr. Jordan’s previous podcast interview with author Meg Jay (Meg Jay podcast: How to help kids gain resilience and thrive from adversity Click on this link for Dr. Jordan’s podcast on the above-mentioned process of “the spiral of beliefs” For more resources from Dr. Jordan, visit his website at www.drtimjordan.com

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Show Notes: Creating a lot of down time at our camp allows kids to take initiative & create their own fun and games. In this podcast, Dr. Jordan describes how seldom kids get to experience unsupervised down time where they can take initiative and create their own fun. Dr. Jordan describes the game Snake Pit which his campers created several years ago and how it has evolved with each new week of campers. Older generations were allowed as kids to have much more unsupervised down time where they were left to their own devices to generate their own fun. Learn the many invaluable lessons we learned from having this down time such as street smarts, taking initiative, self-responsibility, and taking responsibility for our boredom. Dr. Jordan also describes the value and benefits from allowing kids to daydream and be bored. Daydreaming and boredom is when our brain is most relaxed & the usual filters are off; this allows moments of greatest creativity, self-awareness, insight, and problem-solving. When we have a choice as to how to fill our empty space, we fill it with our passions, many of which are creative: writers, musicians, designers, and artists often do their best work and get their new creative ideas from moments of being bored. So, when your child says, “Dad, I’m bored” & they want you to take responsibility for it, ask this questions, “So, what will you do?” brainstorm ideas, buy supplies, and turn them loose. Don’t overschedule every moment of their lives; create more down time like we do at Camp Weloki. You’ll be amazed at what kids will create when left to their own devices w/o adult meddling. Check out Dr. Jordan’s weeklong summer camps and weekend retreats at: www.campweloki.com      

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Show Notes: In this podcast, learn the benefits and the tools for forgiving others. Research on the harmful effects of not forgiving others Research on the negative effects of not forgiving others: increased stress, anxiety, … Teaching Kids To Forgive and Move On Read More »

Forgiveness is an internal process that sets you free from negative feelings & thoughts, opening you up for love and happiness. Show Notes: BENEFITs of practicing forgiveness Research has shown that forgiveness is linked to mental health outcomes such as reduced anxiety, depression and major psychiatric disorders. Stress relief is probably the chief factor connecting forgiveness and well-being.  Harmful effects of not forgiving Not forgiving results in worse mental and physical health, and economic, social and spiritual problems. When kids are wronged and don’t forgive, they remain “stuck” in the traumatic situation when they felt victimized. Every time they recall the hurtful event, they re-experience their stress response. How do we teach kids about forgiveness? Become aware of the costs to you Forgiveness is for you; it's letting go of any feelings you've allowed the other person to bring up in you. Forgiving others opens up space for growth, happiness, and closeness. Teach kids to be in charge of their feelings and reactions to experiences and other people. Use the tomato word tool and the "I'm an ass, you're an ass" tool to not give their power away.  Learn to come from understanding vs. judgement. Replace (-) emotions with empathy, sympathy,  understanding, compassion, and love. Contact Dr. Jordan: https://drtimjordan.com  

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