Raising Daughters

Show Notes: Stop trying to change your daughter and accept her for who she is even if she is different than your family Girls often complain to me that their parents don’t see them, understand them, accept them for who they are, can’t relate to them, and are always trying to change them to fit the parent’s vision of them. I discussed the concept of the vulnerable child syndrome and ghosts in the nursery in a March 24, 2022 podcast, so go back with this link and listen to that to help you understand why you may have a hard time understanding and relating to your child. When I validate girls who aren’t seen by their families and help them to see that they are fine and don’t need to change, they experience a tremendous sense of relief and big smiles erupt as they finally feel seen and accepted. Dr. Jordan shares many stories of different ways girls from his counseling practice, retreats, and camps don’t fit in their family’s vision of who they are supposed to be. Some examples include: A dad too invested in his daughter becoming a top athlete Moms pushing daughters to be more outgoing because they judge them as being too shy and quiet Educated, intense parents having a hard time relating to an easygoing, free-spirited daughter Intense, goal-driven parents not understanding their easygoing kid who seems to not be very motivated, or haven’t discovered their passion or interests or purpose Sporty parents who have a hard time connecting with a daughter who is not competitive or aggressive and just wants to play sports to socialize and have fun Dr. Jordan suggests you watch these 2 movies with your kids to stir up conversation about this issue: October Sky, and Simon Birch Here is the Gibran quote Dr. Jordan read in the podcast: “Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the make upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness. For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He also loves the bow that is stable.” Stop trying to make your child quieter, louder, more outgoing, more interested in things their sibling and family likes and appreciate the unique and individual small person you’ve been given. Parent and love the child you have.

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Show Notes: Today’s hypercompetitive & hyperspecialized youth sports are causing girls to experience more overuse injuries, anxiety, stress, and burnout. Interview with author Linda Flanagan, author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids’ Sports — and Why It Matters The following are topics discussed in Dr. Jordan’s interview with author Linda Flanagan: How have youth sports changed in the past 30 years and why did it occur, especially as it pertains to girls? How have these changes affected girls? Why do girls need to overcome good girl conditioning when it comes to advocating for themselves with coaches and sports leagues? How can parents raise daughters to have a healthy outlook on sports? Why would it be valuable if kids in youth sports, high school, and college to have more women coaches? What is the value of taking breaks from sports and balancing athletics with non-sports activities? Why should kids always have obvious & conscious off-ramps and the ability to quit their sport? How could eliminating college sports cause a trickle-down effect to lessen the mania of today’s youth sports culture? For more information about Linda Flanagan, check out her website at www.lindaflanaganauthor.com Take back the game: how money and mania are ruining kid’s sports- and why it matters Visit Dr. Jordan’s website for information on all the resources he offers www.drtimjordan.com

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Show Notes:  Parents, schools, and girls themselves can learn to stop cyberbullying; here’s how. Disturbing data on the rise in cyberbullying Nearly half of teens say they have been cyberbullied, and it’s most prevalent in … How Parents, Schools, and Our Girls Can Stop Cyberbullying Read More »

Show Notes: Parents, schools, and girls themselves can learn to stop cyberbullying; here’s how. Nearly half of teens say they have been cyberbullied, and it’s most prevalent in adolescent girls. Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated or has the potential to be repeated over time.  The kinds of cyberbullying girls share about with me include: being pushed or blackmailed to send or resend nudes, someone turning a friend group or the whole class against someone, spreading false rumors that alienates someone, or being cancelled by someone who has an issue with them causing the girl to lose her friend group. Dr. Jordan discusses why some girls are targeted for cyberbullying including: passive, innocent girls who are sensitive and allow words to hurt; powerful girls who don’t go along with the queen bee, girls who hang out with the boys to stay out of drama creating jealous feelings from the other girls, girls who are different in their looks, interests, dress, ethnicity, family dynamics, LGBTQ kids, etc. Dr. Jordan offers some of the main reasons that girls may cyberbully their peers: as a way to feel powerful and in control; as a way to connect and have a sense of belonging in a group, due to the wiring of the teen brain especially mirror neurons, the effect of being online vs in-person; and because most girls start on phones and social media before they have the maturity and impulse control to handle it effectively Learn some of the signs of readiness socially, emotionally, their level of self-responsibility, and how well girls keep their power. Dr. Jordan discusses some of the awareness and tools girls need to handle and prevent cyberbullying. Parents will learn some things they can do to best prepare their daughters to handle drama and cyberbullying. Dr. Jordan also lays out things schools can do to give girls the skills to prevent it and to take charge of their learning environment. Some links for more info on this subject: survey about teens and social media  Taking a bite out of online bullying: Dr. Jordan blog Social Emotional Learning:  Dr. Jordan blog For more in-depth information on girls friendships and emotions, check out his online course, Parenting girls: The challenges girls face today with their feelings and friends and what they need  

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Show Notes: Dads have a unique role to play in raising confident, successful, amazing daughters. BENEFITS TO HAVING AN INVOLVED FATHER IN THE HOME Dr. Jordan discusses research about the benefits of having an involved father in the home: less likely to be poor, perform better in school, less likely to abuse alcohol, drugs, or to be sexually active as teenagers, and less mental health disorders like anxiety and depression  UNIQUE WAYS THAT DADS INTERACT WITH DAUGHTERS Many ways that dads parent differently than moms are presented along with their benefits to girls including changing nursery rhyme verses, teasing and bantering, handling conflicts directly, being more directive with discipline, teaching problem-solving, rough and tumble play, staying detached when need be, making decisions based on what you feel to be right, and encouraging risk-taking and adventures. SPECIFIC WAYS DADS CAN PARENT GIRLS Dr. Jordan shares specific examples of ways to parent girls including being fully present, how to be a good listener, modeling relationships by how you treat them and their mom, respecting their boundaries and stopping when they say no, focusing on non-physical qualities, teaching them to be image and media savvy, showing them the difference between being aggressive vs. assertive, and connecting over her interests. Dr. Jordan discusses the value of sharing your stories about when you were her age so she knows you can relate and understand what she’s going thru. HOW YOU CAN BE AND REMAIN YOUR DAUGHTER'S HERO Finally, most little girls look up to their dad as their hero, but dad really can be her hero when he forms a truly loving and supportive relationship with his daughter. The bond between father and daughter can influence her self-esteem, future relationships, and career success. For some invaluable information about empowering girls to become confident leaders, read Dr. Jordan’s latest book, She Leads: A Practical Guide for Raising Girls Who Advocate, Influence, and Lead   She Leads    

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Show Notes: Set an intention for 2023 to slow down, stop multitasking, unplug, & learn to be alone without being lonely. Learn to be busy without being hurried Learn how slowing down does mean being … How To Be Busy Without Being Hurried & Alone Without Being Lonely Read More »

Show Notes: Set an intention for 2023 to slow down, stop multitasking, unplug, & learn to be alone without being lonely. Learn how slowing down does mean being less productive, quitting your job or retiring, or auctioning off your kids. You can learn to be busy without being hurried and stressed out. The culture conditions us to believe faster is better, hurrying is normal, speed means more efficiency as opposed to having focused concentration on 1 thing at a time and an unbroken flow of attention. The ultimate goal is not to slow down, it’s to live in freedom, free from distractions and hurrying and stress and pressure & cravings. Dr. Jordan describes the many ways kids today are being rushed to grow up with sports, academics, sexualization, as well as experiencing a decrease in down time. Learn the cost to us when we multitask and give everything our partial attention and why we’re not actually multitasking; rather, we are switching rapidly between different activities. Dr. Jordan also describes the effects of devices and social media in causing anxiety, stress, FOMO, and decreased empathy and connection. Learn the benefits of developing regular slowing down practices such as daily meditation time. Dr. Jordan explains some examples of how to meditate and to cultivate quiet time for solicitude, reflection, and learning to be alone without being lonely. You CAN have it all as long as you are in charge of what that means for you vs. comparing yourself to others, trying to measure up to unrealistic cultural standards & expectations, running your life by shoulds, or making choices based on fear of criticism or how you look or being judged. It’s your life, you set the pace, consciously make choices about your work, schedule, relationships, who you spend time with, allow time for self-care and meeting your needs too I quit pediatrics, my reading challenge, conscious choices about sports & activities to allow for more down time For some in-depth info on how to live a more mindful life, read Dr. Jordan’s book, Letters from My Grandfather: Timeless Wisdom for a Life Worth Living  

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Show Notes: Covid fatigue: When we are in the eye of the storm and can’t find our way out, it is easy to lose hope and think the storm will last forever. But one day the sun will shine on you again, and the clouds will clear, and you will look around and realize you have been blown to an even better place. Sometimes, in the storm, there is a miracle waiting to be seen. Dani, look for the lessons & gifts from the pandemic vs focus on the negatives Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway. Emory Austin, take action to create energy, momentum, and movement   Support kids in developing grit & confidence:   Just remember: The people that say, “Your dreams are impossible” have already quit on theirs. Grant Cardone   When someone tells me “No”, it doesn’t mean I can’t do it, it simply means I can’t do it with them. Karen Quinones Miller May you never be the reason why someone who loves to sing doesn’t, or why someone who dressed so uniquely now wears plain clothing, or why someone who always spoke so excitedly about their dreams is now silent about them, or someone gave up on a part of themselves because you were critical, nonappreciative, judgmental, or sarcastic about it. Mostafa Ibrahim; It’s curious that we spend more time congratulating people who have succeeded than encouraging people who have not. Neil Tyson, Support kid’s passions & dreams Mindfulness: Do not ask your children to strive for extraor­dinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness. Help them in­stead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting toma­toes, apples, and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the infi­nite pleasure in the touch of a hand. And make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordi­nary will take care of itself. William Martin   Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they didn’t stop to enjoy it. William Feather Model and teach kids to be in the moment and to savor each moment Being of service: We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone. Ronald Reagan Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive. Howard Thurman We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say, “It’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my prob­lem.” Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes. Fred Rogers; acknowledge heroes other than soldiers & first responders: teachers, activists, nurses, people who are of service to others, people who live life fully and don’t care what others think "It actually doesn't take much to be considered a difficult woman. That's why there are so many of us." Jane Goodall, honor powerful girls even if they have rough edges Final thoughts for parents who want to become and remain an influence in their daughter’s life now, throughout the teen years and beyond: My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person—he believed in me. Jim Valvano   My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived and let me watch him do it. Clarence Kelland In the end, there doesn’t have to be anyone who understands you. There just needs to be someone who wants to. Robert Brault Happy new year to you all Contact Dr. Jordan: www.drtimjordan.com        

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Listen with your family to a story about the origin of tinsel and one about a father’s love for his daughter. Merry Christmas!

Listen with your family to a story about the origin of tinsel and one about a father's love for his daughter. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Thank you for listening to my podcast.  Please join our community on our social media platforms and share with yours to help us grow!