How often have you seen this scenario with your female athlete...

She had a pretty good game. Maybe she competed well and did a lot of great things. However, she can’t stop thinking and talking about that ONE mistake she made. 

She's playing it over and over in her head and beating herself up. 

Sound familiar?

I used to be the same way as an athlete! It never seemed like anything was “good enough.” I would get a career high number of kills in a match, but go home feeling disappointed because I hit one ball out. 

I know many athletes who feel the same way. 

So, if your athlete feels the need to always be perfect, listen up! We're going to dig into how athletes can reframe their success to feel confident no matter how they play. 

#1: Set process-oriented goals 

Often, athletes want to set result-oriented goals. For example: Score 15 points in a game, get a perfect score, or achieve a certain benchmark. 

While these are good things to aim for, result-oriented goals end up cutting an athlete’s confidence. They are usually strict, restrictive, and often dependent on many other factors that might be out of an athlete’s control (like the refs, opponents, teammates, etc…)

Instead, athletes should focus on changing these outcomes to process-oriented goals. 

Focusing on process goals can actually help athletes outperform their original outcome goal!

#2: Redefine Success 

What I see often is that athletes have a narrow view of “success.” Usually, they define success as…

• Winning
• Not making mistakes
• Scoring a certain number of points 

Like we mentioned previously, defining success as only outcome-oriented can leave an athlete never feeling like she’s good enough. 

This is not to say that athletes shouldn’t have big goals, dreams, and visions for themselves. 

But without reframing how they define success, athletes can feel like they are always in pursuit of something that doesn’t exist rather than finding joy, success, and progress in the process. 

Athletes can redefine success to mean: 

• Improvement (tracking and comparing performance over time)
• Reaching process-oriented goals (like the ones they set in step #1)
• Maintaining daily habits (including daily mental training routines)
• Mastery of new skills
• Learning from failure 
• Recovering from mistakes faster

There’s so many more markers of success that go beyond scoring points or winning!

#3 - Have a solid post-competition routine

One of the key ways to allow athletes to process their performance in a healthy way (and to stop dwelling on everything they’ve done wrong) is to complete an intentional post-competition routine within 24 hours after competing. 

Snag the post-competition routine we use with athletes in our programs here!

Bonus:

Your athlete is perfect exactly the way she is. Here's what she needs to know:

💗 You don’t need to perform to be loved. 
💗 Your self-worth is not dependent on how many points you score. 
💗 You are more than your sport. 
💗 Being you is enough. 

Helpful Links:

• Post Competition Routine Cheat Sheet
• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
•  Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community!

Join basketball, volleyball, and track star Emma Behrmann as she shares her journey to confidence through the Elite Competitor Program!

Highlights include:

• How she learned to overcome mistakes and failures
• Her struggle with perfectionism and how she shifted her focus to allow for healthy striving
• The key strategy she used to break free from caring about the opinions of others

When asked what Emma would tell other athletes who are considering joining The Elite Competitor Program, she shared:

"I probably would say just do it. I mean, it completely changed my mindset and not just in sports, but in life. You need to work hard and always do the work and push yourself to be better because you won't regret it in the end and it'll all be worth it. And I would also say that it's hard at first. I think you told us that, that it gets easier as you go along, but you'll just be really happy you did the work... cause I'm happy that I did it and it shows."

Emma's story is one that your daughter can very likely relate to and her transformation is one you're not going to want to miss!!

Helpful Links:

•  Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
•  Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

We have a special interview with Tarah (mom) and Evelyn (athlete daughter) today! They're going to share their experience inside The Elite Competitor Program, Tarah ends by saying: "We really have loved this program. And I think that you and Kristina are such great encouragers and Evelyn's already looking up to you guys as role models and mentioning you guys at different times.

And so I'm just so grateful that you have this. I think you've really identified an issue that female athletes have. And so I think that all of the areas that you work on are so relevant."

We asked Evelyn what she felt like before joining the program and she said: "I felt a lot of pressure.  I had a lot of fun at practices, but then whenever it came game time, I was so nervous. I kind of got  a little sick before games and I think I was more concerned about what other people thought whenever I made mistakes then what I could  do to change the mistakes and what to do better next time."

When asked what Tarah would tell other moms, she shares:
"We would encourage her and and tell her all the things that we saw and that we believe.

But until she thought about it and took the time to really explore her thoughts and her self-talk and visualizing herself as the athlete that she knows she could be versus what she's doing. Until that became real to her, it didn't matter. So I think that is huge. You could be saying everything you're saying, but until they work through it and they're doing that homework and they're spending that time, then it's not going to be real to them. And it's not really gonna soak in. So to me that's worth it."

She also shares: "I think we've learned a lot. I've learned from my own self-talk to really watch what I say about myself, because I don't want her to believe that about herself. It's helped me evaluate the things that I say and the beliefs that I have, because I don't want to pass that on to her."

We loved sitting down to chat with Tarah and Evelyn and hope you find their story and journey inspiring and encouraging as well!

Helpful Links:

• Check out The Elite Competitor Program that Tarah and Evelyn were part of
• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Here's a truth you need to know: Not all confidence is created equal.

We all want it... Confidence. It’s what we truly desire for our athlete daughters, not only on the court/field, but in life. 

The confidence to play to potential. To bounce back from mistakes. To play with tenacity. To perform consistently. 

But, not all confidence is created equal and not all confidence gives the results we desire.

In my 10 years of coaching female athletes, I’ve seen a difference in the type of confidence that players exude on and off the court. 

Simply put, it’s either:

Fake vs Real
Superficial vs Deep
Fleeting vs Lasting

So, how do we know which type of confidence that our female athletes are cultivating? And how do we ensure that they are working towards real, deep and lasting confidence? 

As a mom of a female athlete, here’s what you need to know…

Fake vs #RealConfidence: Spotting the Difference

There are a few tell-tale signs of confidence that won’t last. “Candy” confidence that feels really good in the moment, but doesn’t last long includes...

1. Confidence based on outcomes

When athletes rely on their performance and the outcome of matches to determine their confidence, they will always be on a roller coaster. 

We'll talk about turning this into real confidence by athletes setting and monitoring progress based on process goals vs outcome goals. 

2. Confidence that is reliant on praise

This one is tough! We want to praise our athletes and make them feel good. However, if athletes are relying on praise and external validation to build their internal confidence, they will always be at the mercy of other people rather than themselves. 

I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t recognize your athlete’s accomplishments. 

Turn this into real confidence by recognizing and pointing out things that are in your athlete’s control: Attitude, effort, preparation, and behavior. 

We'll talk a lot more about this in the episode!

3. “Fake it ‘till you make it” confidence

We’ve all heard the phrase… “fake it ‘till you make it!” It sounds good, and that it actually might work. Not feeling confident? Just fake it and eventually it will come! It might work in the moment, but at its core, this principle cannot help athletes develop true, lasting confidence. 

We can’t fake...

-Proper preparation
-Intentional self-talk 
-The ability to come back from mistakes (if we don’t have the skills to do so)

All things athletes need in order to have real, authentic confidence on the court/field and in life. 

We'll chat all about this.

There you have it. Fake vs Real Confidence...how to spot the difference and cultivate deep, lasting, and true confidence from the inside out. 

Helpful Links:

•  Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
•  Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission!

 Today, I want to fill you in on what I’ve noticed after 10 years of coaching female athletes to become mentally tough and confident. Some of the greatest benefits are actually occurring off the court and field!

When most athletes and parents start to understand and utilize the power of mental training, it’s typically to help with things like:

- Performance anxiety
- Getting out of playing slumps
- Bouncing back from mistakes
- Playing consistently to potential
- Performing in pressure situations

I could spend hours telling you stories about how athletes have overcome their limiting beliefs, changed their self-talk, and created routines for themselves to improve performance on the court/field. 

However, today I’m talking about the unexpected transformations that parents and athletes have reported that you might not notice on the court or field. 

#1: They Make Better Decisions

Athletes who have developed a deep confidence in themselves through mental training are more secure about who they are as a person off the court and have a vision of who they want to become. Mentally tough athletes are committed to making choices that push them in the direction of where they want to go. 

#2: They Take Healthy Risks

Just the other day, one of the athletes in the Elite Competitor Program told me that she decided to reach out to college coaches with game film and asked to set up a meeting to talk to coaches. To her surprise, most responded AND set up a meeting with her! She reported that if not for her increased confidence through working on her mental game, she wouldn’t have even tried to reach out in the first place. 

#3: They Have Improved Relationships

Jamie, mom of Elite Competitor athlete Marissa told us this after watching her daughter become more confident through mental skills training:

“I have noticed her ability to move through difficult situations, with her school work, change dramatically. She’s able to remain calm and focused in times where she used to get frustrated and maybe even a little emotional. I've seen a boost in her confidence when communicating with friends as well.”

#4: They Are Better Equipped to Navigate the Challenges of Life

Mentally tough athletes have the ability to bounce back from mistakes, setbacks, and losses on the court/field. But that skill doesn’t stop there. These athletes apply these skills to the challenges of life, school, and relationships. 

#5: They Have Improved Body Confidence 

Improved body confidence is one of the most beautiful, unexpected benefits that I’ve seen in the athletes I work with. Game-changer is an understatement. More like life-changer!!

There you have it! The unexpected benefits of mentally tough, confident athletes. It goes far beyond the court/field and into athlete’s lives, relationships, and future! 

Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
•  Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

The BEST way to help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes is by leaving a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. Thank you in advance for joining us on our mission!

We get what we repeat... your confidence is a lagging measure of your daily mindset habits.

To get results,  athletes need to train their minds daily (not every once in a while).  Same goes for us, moms!

Here’s three simple ways they can get started now:

#1: Practice Productive Self-Talk

We say over 50,000 things to ourselves daily! If we aren’t aware of what’s going on in our minds, these thoughts can easily become negative and limiting. 

Our self-talk is directly linked to confidence. For athletes, this means practicing self-talk that is productive - meaning it’s in line with their goals and the athlete that they want to be. 

Examples of negative self-talk include things like:

“I’m not good enough”
“I suck at defense”
“Everyone else is better than me!”

Left unchecked, these thoughts become reality! 

To work daily on more productive self-talk, athletes should be creating affirmations around the type of athlete they want to be. Affirmations are written, positive, first-person statements affirming something desirable to be true. 

I'll teach you how to make affirmations in this episode.

#2: Visualize

Visualization as part of a daily mindset routine is something every athlete can do daily. Visualization is an extremely powerful way for athletes to connect with the athlete they want to be, how they want to play, and how they want to show up. 

To do this, athletes should carve out 2-3 minutes a day of uninterrupted time. During this time, athletes will take a few grounding breaths. Then, they will say their affirmations to themselves one at a time. 

After each affirmation, athletes will spend 10-15 seconds visualizing the affirmation with as much detail as possible. Recruit all five senses: what does this image look like, feel like, sound like, smell like, and taste like? How does the athlete feel when bringing it to mind?

Repeat for all three affirmations! Visualization helps the mind align thoughts, habits, and actions to allow athletes to literally become and perform what they are visualizing. 

Check out podcast episode #5 to learn the all the ins and outs of visualization so that it becomes your athlete's superpower!

#3: Do something challenging every day!

Here’s a great way to build confidence daily: give yourself proof of how strong and powerful you are! Find something challenging to do daily to allow yourself to see what you’re capable of and apply that to your sport and life. 

I'll share some examples in this episode.

There you have it. Athletes that want to build confidence need to be working on it daily, just like any other skill! 

Another simple way to do this is to enroll your athlete in our Confidence Boost Text Membership! With this membership, athletes receive weekly confidence and mindset strategies, tips, and exercises straight to her phone Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays! Easy to access, effective, and at a price that is less than what you likely spend in coffee in a week! Sign up here: www.kristinabreanne.com/boost

Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

One common concern I hear from parents is this:

“My daughter doesn’t feel like she’s good enough!”

Good enough to be on the team…
Good enough to compete with other athletes…
Or, just that nothing she does will ever be “good enough”! 

It can be hard as a parent, especially if you feel like you tell her all the time that she IS good, but she won’t believe it. 

Below, I’ve compiled some key drivers in our role as parents to help our kids have the confidence to know they are good enough (on and off the court/field!)

Separate Who She Is from What She Does

It’s really easy to point out our daughter’s accomplishments. And we should celebrate when she scores the goal, brings home the awesome report card, or earns the award!

However, when we only celebrate them for what they DO, they lose their confidence when they can’t or don’t do it. They also put unneeded pressure on themselves to be performing always because that’s what they think they need to do in order to receive your praise. 

We'll talk about what to do instead in this episode.

Reframe Your Reaction To Failure/Mistakes

If you’ve been following along for a while, you know that one of the most important part of a player’s growth and development is her ability to fail, make mistakes, LEARN, and get better. 

The learning and getting better can’t happen without the mistake! It’s important that athletes know this and truly believe it. 

However, as parents, our verbal and nonverbal reactions to mistakes carry a lot of meaning. We can tell our daughter that mistakes are necessary to growth...but if we are showing signs of disapproval when she makes one, those words hold no weight. 

When she feels like she can’t make mistakes for fear of disappointing you (or seeing your reaction), she will be less likely to risk and play to her potential. Therefore, feeling like she isn’t good enough and even worse when she does make a mistake.

We'll talk about some some simple ways to ensure your reaction to her mistakes/failure encourage your daughter to continue to get better and know she’s good enough.

Give Information Over Criticism 

Along the lines of failure and mistakes, when we talk to our daughters about where they came up short, make sure to give information vs criticism. 

Criticism sounds like: 

“Why can’t you get your work done faster?”
“You need to be more aggressive and serve more like _______ (teammate name)”
“It’s your fault that you procrastinated!”

We'll talk about what it looks like to be giving information:

Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes by leaving a rating and review. It's THE BEST way to help our podcast be seen and heard! Thank you!

In working with thousands of female athletes, I’ve been able to see a wide range of personalities and behaviors on and off the court/field. 

One that tends to baffle coaches and parents alike?

Athletes that are shy, timid, or hold back during competition. 

Sometimes accused of being “too nice,” these athletes have a tendency to back down when the competition gets fierce. They pull it back instead of going for it. They let others take the lead and set the tone for the competition. 

As a parent and a coach, it’s probably hard not to just tell your athlete things like “be aggressive!” or “Go for it!!” and hope for the best. 

Sound familiar? If your athlete tends to be more on the shy side or holds back in competition, there are a few reasons why that might be. 

Learn what they are in today's episode, as well as my go-to strategy she can use to unleash her inner beast on the court/field! 

First...Why is she holding back?

In my experience, there are a handful of reasons why female athletes tend to back down or become more timid in competition. Usually it's because of...

1. Her physical characteristics (or perceived limitations)

Too short. 
Too tall. 
Too slow. 
Too young. 
Too big. 
Not big enough. 
Not enough experience.

The list goes on...

Athletes can be quick to decide that their physical characteristics or experience don’t set themselves up for whatever sport/activity they are competing in. 

I'll talk about how can athletes still show up and play all-out even if they might be undersized or slower than their competition.

2. Her personality

Some player’s personalities are naturally a bit more reserved, shy, and introverted. Maybe they prefer others to take the lead and don’t mind taking a more supportive role. Maybe they feel like others will think they are “mean” or “rude” if they are more aggressive. 

There is nothing wrong with being more reserved and introverted! (It’s important that athletes know this). 

3. Fear

Lastly, some players hold back and are timid during competition because of fear. 

Fear of making a mistake. 
Fear of disappointing teammates. 
Fear of what the coach might think. 
Fear of the spotlight and being better than others. 

These fears can take over and cause athletes to fly below the radar in hopes they don’t mess up or get noticed. 

Enter: The Alter Ego Technique

One strategy that applies to all the situations above is called the Alter Ego Technique. Athletes can implement this strategy to help them separate who they are on the court/field from who they are off. Listen in as I describe how your daughter can use this strategy today!

There you have it! Three reasons why athletes may be more shy/timid on the court/field and my favorite strategy to help them unleash their inner beast on the court/field. 

Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
•  Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes by leaving a rating and review. It's THE BEST way to help our podcast be seen and heard! Thank you!

Being “benched” or not getting the playing time athletes desire isn’t fun. 

However, it’s bound to happen at some point in an athlete’s career. Usually the response to getting benched is negative and can easily cut a player’s confidence if she doesn’t have strategies to use when she finds herself on the sidelines. 

Fortunately, there are some simple ways that athletes can regain their confidence in this tough situation. 

In this episode, I'll go over what your athlete can do!

Focus on Breath + Thoughts

If an athlete is being pulled from a game (for reasons other than normal rotation or to give her a break), there are likely some emotions happening. Maybe frustration from the coach or athlete herself. There could be confusion. Maybe the team is losing and the energy is funky. 

This is the perfect time to get back to two things that will ground and center the athlete from being carried away: Breath and Thoughts. 

We'll dig in on both of these in the episode.

Stay Engaged On The Bench

Experts agree that the majority of communication is nonverbal. 

Meaning our body language and our facial expressions are communicating more than our words, especially when we get benched. 

Follow the flow of the game, be ready to give information to your position group or the person who went in for you, high five and encourage your teammates, and make sure that you are still contributing to your team through your energy and knowledge (remember, you don’t have to be on the court/field to do this!)

You also never know when your coach needs you to go back in, so be ready and prepared mentally and physically! 

Ask For Feedback

If your coach didn’t give you a reason for pulling you out of the game (and it wasn’t obvious to you), schedule a time when you can meet with her/him and seek some feedback. 

This could be a good time to clarify your role on the team as well if that seems to be a little fuzzy (remember - not all roles include starting/playing all the time). 

In the episode, I'll give you some things to keep in mind when asking for feedback.

Bonus: Parents - Encourage Your Athlete to Reflect and Seek Feedback 

Parents, one of the most powerful things you can do when your daughter is in this position is to direct her to focus on her own improvement. 

Have her complete a post-competition reflection to get honest with herself and take ownership over how she can improve. 

If she is still puzzled and confused as to why she was benched, encourage her to talk to the coach. 

In short, being benched isn’t fun. But, just like everything in life, our athletes get to choose how they respond. With these strategies, they can use their situation as an opportunity to grow! 

Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
•  Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes by leaving a rating and review. It's THE BEST way to help our podcast be seen and heard! Thank you!

If you’ve been in the sports world for any amount of time, you’ve probably heard of visualization. 

And if you’re here, you probably have a hunch that it’s important. 

I’m here to tell you you’re absolutely right! 

Professional and elite athletes use visualization and imagery regularly as a part of their training and success. 

The great news is that this is available to athletes of any age! And it’s simpler to do than you might think. 

Below, you’re going to learn why visualization is your athlete’s superpower to become the player she wants to be and exactly how to get started with three easy steps. 

What Is Visualization?

Visualization is creating a mental image, visual, or storyline in your brain. It is similar to watching a movie or seeing yourself perform a movement, skill, or task (without actually physically doing it). 

Visualization allows us to experience events before they happen. When done correctly, our brain activates the exact same neuromuscular patterns as it would if we were actually performing the movement, skill, or task. 

In other words, our brain doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined when we visualize. 

And the science happens to tell us it works REALLY well to improve performance. Just check out this study, or this one where athletes were able to increase their skills and strength all through visualization alone. 

Why Is Visualization Important?

We can use the science behind visualization to our advantage! 

Visualization preps our brain and body for action and allows athletes to practice and become what they want to accomplish before they actually step on the court to do it. 

This is SUCH a powerful tool because it allows athletes to be prepared and align their actions to who they want to become. 

The more clearly athletes see their goals and the actions they need to take to achieve them, the more achievable these goals will be. 

Through seeing success before they achieve it, athletes build confidence, can regulate their emotions, improve their skill, and help come back from injuries or setbacks. 

On the other hand, if athletes DON’T have clear goals or a way to mentally prepare themselves, they will be at the mercy of what we call an “accidental future.” This is where we sabotage ourselves and let external circumstances control our reality. 

Three Simple Ways To Start Now

You know that visualization is key to athlete success. But how does my athlete get started?!

It’s easier than you think! She doesn’t need any fancy equipment, just a drive to level up (check!) and a couple of interrupted minutes a day to put this into practice. 

We go through my three step process in this episode!
Athletes, this is something you can start today!

Helpful Links:

• Visit our podcast website for more on this episode
• Download the free resources we've created for you
• Join us inside our FREE Facebook Group - The Elite Competitor Society - for weekly Q&A, periodic trainings and challenges, and the support of an amazing community of moms, coaches, and the men who partner with us!

Help us spread the word and get this information into the hands of millions of parents, coaches, and female athletes by leaving a rating and review. It's THE BEST way to help our podcast be seen and heard! Thank you!