Raising Good Humans

What if what we call high standards in our kids, and quietly admire in ourselves, is actually something much more painful underneath?

This episode takes on a question that hits closer to home than most parents want to admit: have I been confusing high standards with something more punishing, in my kids and in myself? I'm joined by Professor Thomas Curran, social psychologist at the London School of Economics and author of The Perfection Trap: Embracing the Power of Good Enough, whose research has reframed how a generation of psychologists, parents, and young people understand what perfectionism actually is. We get into why rates are climbing, why perfectionism is so often misread (as drive, as work ethic, as the humble brag we've all been trained to admire), and what it actually looks like to help your kid aim high without paying the hidden price.

What you'll learn:

Why perfectionism is shame, not standards. The deficit thinking underneath it ("how much less than I appear to others") and why what reads as procrastination, withdrawal, or "not trying" in your kid may actually be perfectionism, protecting them from a shame they can't put words to. (You can't fail at something you didn't try.)

The myth that perfectionism produces success. The research, the burnout, the self-handicapping that hold perfectionists back, plus why the culture keeps rewarding it anyway: the job interview humble brag, the curated social feed, schools that prize over-achievement, and a narrowing economy that has parents pushing harder than they want to.

What helps at home. Calibrating expectations so your child isn't permanently on tiptoes, decoupling love from accomplishment, modeling making mistakes (and forgiving yourself), the difference between perfectionism and conscientiousness, and how to foster a love of learning that outlasts any one grade.

Understanding what perfectionism is helps us stop misreading our kids, soften the pressure we're passing on without meaning to, and protect the part of childhood where trying things and getting them wrong is still part of the joy.

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⁠What if the years where you feel less rested, less resilient, less yourself aren't burnout or bad parenting — but a hormonal transition no one prepared you for?⁠

This episode tackles a question every woman asks herself: am I losing my edge, or is something actually happening to me? I'm joined by Dr. Mary Claire Haver — the OB-GYN whose work has reshaped how an entire generation of women, doctors, and families talk about midlife, and the first person who made me feel sane in my own body when symptoms started showing up in my early 40s. We talk about why perimenopause is landing earlier than most women expect, why it gets misread as postpartum lag, work stress, or just "getting older," and why so many plugged-in women hear from their doctors that everything looks fine when nothing feels fine.

What you'll learn:

Knowing what's happening inside your own body isn't extra. It's how you stop feeling crazy, find a clinician who actually believes you, and protect the version of yourself who gets to enjoy the decades still ahead.

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What if your child's most "defiant" behavior at home isn't a discipline problem — but a sign of how safe you've made them feel?

This solo episode tackles one of the most common questions we all have: what to do when your kid digs in, pushes back, and you can feel yourself slipping toward the version of bedtime you swore you'd never have. It comes on the heels of a Today Show segment with Hoda and Jenna that sparked a wave of comments split between recognition and resistance — much of it circling the same anxious question: isn't picking your battles just permissive parenting?

This conversation walks through both the why and the how: why home is so often the place where the wildest behavior lands, why permissiveness is not what most of us think it is, and what to actually do in the bathroom at 7:45pm when your kid is still in their clothes and the bedtime window is closing. It also looks at the moments when no strategy is going to work because everyone's nervous system is too lit up, and what to do instead.

What you'll learn:

Why "defiant" behavior so often shows up the moment your child walks through the door and why that's usually a sign of safety, not a sign that something is wrong

The real difference between picking your battles and being permissive, and how to choose your have-tos so you protect what actually matters (sleep, safety, connection) without dragging the whole family through an hour-long fight over a bath

The three tools that tend to work in real time — choice, removing the barrier, and natural or logical consequences — plus what to do when both you and your child are too dysregulated for any of them to land, and a note for the parents of the orchid kids who feel like none of this works for them

Holding the line while your child storms isn't strictness. It's the steady, loving presence that, over time, teaches them that the world has structure, and that you are the safe place to come home to.

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What if oversharing isn't the real problem — and the quieter habit of holding back is what's keeping us, and our kids, from the connection we're looking for?

Dr. Aliza Pressman sits down with Harvard Business School behavioral scientist and author Professor Leslie John to challenge one of the most widespread assumptions in modern parenting and culture: that the path to healthy relationships is learning to say less. It isn't. And understanding why could change how you show up with your partner, your colleagues, and your children.

Professor John unpacks the surprising science behind self-disclosure, from the hidden cost of "TLI" (too little information) to how emotional literacy quietly shapes a child's ability to make friends, trust adults, and thrive, and why learning to reveal — adaptively, not recklessly — is one of the most important skills we can grow in our kids.

What you'll learn:

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Professor Leslie John has published extensively on privacy, self-disclosure, and trust, and is the author of Revealing: How People Build and Reveal Themselves to One Another.

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What if anxiety isn't the enemy but the edge you've been missing?

Dr. Aliza Pressman sits down with clinical psychologist, professor, and author Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary to challenge one of the most widespread misconceptions in modern parenting: that anxiety is something to be eliminated. It isn't. And understanding why could change how you show up for yourself and your kids.

Dr. Dennis-Tiwary unpacks the surprising science and history behind anxiety, from its ancient roots to how modern psychiatry transformed a normal human emotion into a medical diagnosis, and why that shift has made things harder for all of us.

What you'll learn:

Why anxiety is actually a superpower (backed by dopamine and oxytocin science)

The parenting mistake that makes kids' anxiety worse, and what to do instead

Why "fixing" your child's feelings is the one thing you should stop doing today

Dr. Tracy Dennis-Tiwary has published over 100 peer-reviewed scientific articles and is the author of Future Tense: Why Anxiety Is Good for You (Even Though It Feels Bad).

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In today’s episode, I sit down with Dr. Michaeleen Doucleff to unpack what dopamine actually is—and how understanding it can completely shift the way we approach screens, food, and motivation in our kids’ lives. We talk about why dopamine isn’t about pleasure but about desire, and how that “do it again” loop can pull kids toward things that don’t actually make them feel good in the long run. We discuss practical, doable ways to redirect that drive—by replacing, not restricting—so kids naturally want the activities that support their well-being. We also explore why willpower isn’t the answer, how small environmental changes can make a big difference, and how starting tiny can help create lasting habits for a calmer, more connected home.

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In today’s episode, brought to you by Skylight, I walk through how shifting from being the “family manager” to a team leader can dramatically reduce the invisible load so many of us carry. We talk about why predictability and visual structure are so regulating for developing brains, how simple systems can support autonomy and executive functioning across ages, and why nagging tends to backfire. I share practical strategies for building shared responsibility at home—from weekly check-ins to visual task lists—and how tools like a centralized family calendar can make expectations clearer, reduce daily friction, and help everyone feel more capable and connected.

Meet Skylight Calendar 2, available for $299.99 at https://myskylight.com/

I WROTE MY FIRST BOOK! Pre-order your copy of The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans https://draliza.com/pre-order/

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@raisinggoodhumanspodcast 

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In today’s episode, I sit down with psychologist and professor Alison Fragale to explore the concept of status—what it really means, why the need to be respected is such a fundamental human drive, and how it shapes the way our kids navigate friendships, school, and their broader social world. We talk about how status often shows up differently for girls, the balance between being likable and being confident, and how subtle habits like self-deprecation can influence how our kids see themselves. We discuss a simple, powerful framework for understanding behavior through the lens of warmth and competence, along with practical ways to help kids build confidence, interpret social feedback, and develop relationships rooted in real respect rather than external validation.

I WROTE MY FIRST BOOK! Pre-order your copy of The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans https://draliza.com/pre-order/

Subscribe to my free newsletter for parenting tips delivered straight to your inbox: draliza.substack.com 

Follow me on Instagram for more:

@raisinggoodhumanspodcast 

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In today’s episode I sit down with Dr. Elisha Goldstein to explore how small, practical shifts can help us break out of the constant overwhelm so many parents are living in. We talk about why knowing what to do isn’t the same as actually doing it, how chronic low-grade stress impacts the way we show up with our kids, and why self-regulation is one of the most important skills we can model. We discuss simple, in-the-moment tools to interrupt reactive patterns, calm the nervous system, and move from reacting to responding, as well as how these “tiny shifts” can improve not just our parenting, but our overall health and well-being.

I WROTE MY FIRST BOOK! Pre-order your copy of The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans https://draliza.com/pre-order/

Subscribe to my free newsletter for parenting tips delivered straight to your inbox: draliza.substack.com 

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@raisinggoodhumanspodcast 

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Join me for a solo episode this week, and a look into alleviating mealtime tension and how to deal with body image baggage. I give six helpful tips to make mealtime easier, and discuss the acronym BALANCE, which you can use to ease mealtime stress. I also discuss the three principles for kids to grow up with a positive body image, and the importance of doing the work to shift how we see our bodies and others. 

I WROTE MY FIRST BOOK! Pre-order your copy of The Five Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans https://draliza.com/pre-order/

Subscribe to my free newsletter for parenting tips delivered straight to your inbox: draliza.substack.com 

Follow me on Instagram for more:

@raisinggoodhumanspodcast 

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Pocket Hose: Text HUMANS to 64000 to get a FREE pocket pivot and their 10-pattern sprayer with the purchase of ANY size Copper Head hose. Message and data rates may apply

Produced by Dear Media.

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