Recovery Elevator

Today we have Tricia. She took her last drink on November 14, 2016. She is from Dallas and is 40 years old. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Today's episode will be a bit different. Tricia chatted with Paul previously on episodes 100 and 212. We will focus on life beyond the bottle and what happens after you have some sober time under your belt.

https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-100-binge-drinking-problem-2/

https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-212-the-body-tells-us-where-to-go-next/

Today is the final episode of Season 2. Season 3 of the Recovery Elevator podcast begins June 21st. We are focused on having fun, staying authentic, spicy chili mango, ice cream and helping others along the way.

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message.

Odette has encountered many people who feel stuck. They are struggling with letting go of booze. It's hard to let go of alcohol in a society that encourages drinking. It is normal and part of cognitive dissonance. You can step out of that societal pressure that encourages alcohol consumption. It's when we resist that it feels the hardest. Choosing to see this journey as an opportunity instead of a sacrifice helps is the first step to breaking free. Choosing to see we are the lucky ones.

Alcohol makes false promises. When we engage differently with the world, we learn we are detaching from booze and the matrix. We must be part of society, but we have power to choose and create new experiences. We outgrow our old selves and fitting in with others.

Remember you have the power to break free from the matrix. You have the power to heal, make new friends, make different decisions, and focus on a better life. Lean into new beginnings. You matter! You can find peace in your decision to stop drinking.

[10:28] Odette welcomes Tricia

Tricia took her last drink on November 14, 2016. She describes herself as a high functioning drinker. Her family had addiction issues. Tricia talked about being co-dependent and she was a perfectionist and over achiever. Success validated her. She worked in a service industry and as a chef. She worked hard and drank hard. She was protective of her drinking because she didn't want anyone to know about her drinking. She was obsessed with making it look like everything was fine. She was a blackout drinker. She was scared about that progression. She was unable to quit for more than a month at a time. She got divorced and used alcohol to cope and avoid her feelings. Her anxiety peaked and her drinking became out of control. One Monday she went through three days of withdrawal after a weekend of binge drinking. She reminds everyone not to quit cold turkey if they are physically addicted because it can be life-threatening. She started listening to podcasts, Recovery Elevator and heard stories that sounded like her. She began looking for resources and she went to an AA meeting. She worked the steps, got a sponsor, and went to therapy. Not all of them stuck, but she liked being able to do it her way. Tricia has found freedom in recovery.

[20:10] Is it easy to forget how bad your problem was? How do you make yourself remember?

Tricia said she forgets, but not in a way that makes her want to drink. She knows it was terrible and doesn't want to go back. The freshness of early sobriety, her first 90 days are hard to remember. Recovery is a big part of her life which makes it easier to remember.

[23:19] What are some of your later lessons of sobriety?

Tricia said people pleasing and inner child work are old habits to break. Initially your focus is not drinking. In time you find new things to work on and it never gets old. People pleasing is a tough one to overcome. Separating herself from her feelings was huge. Alcohol was 20% of her issue, the other issues emerge as you gain sobriety.

[26:25] What is your currency now?

Tricia said joy and peace. At night, if she is sleeping easy and she isn't ruminating, she knows she is doing something right. Breathwork and meditation help. Her focus was on achievement and what she could earn. When she finds joy in things and what makes her happy, she is at peace. You make choices about how you live life, and it brings you freedom. Stopping and being mindful of what she is thinking is the work. Small, steady work on your thoughts is important.

[30:50] How do you protect your energy?

Tricia said identifying energy sucks are critical. She is mindful of her reactions to things. Identifying 'her part' is important. Identifying what she can control helps. There are days when she didn't sleep well or didn't eat and she doesn't do as good a job as she would like, but she gets an opportunity to try again the next day. Tricia recognizes she will disappoint herself and others. She does the best she can and embraces her humanity. We are all doing the best we can, and listening is important. Getting counsel from people who know you well is helpful. She likes to remember that not everyone is thinking about you. Tricia says, find your team – people who know your story. Don't live someone else's life. Think about yourself the way your dog loves you!

[41:15] How do you manage your relationship with anxiety?

Tricia said she has struggled with anxiety since age 7. She had physical panic attacks at age 20. Medication has helped, but she didn't have any tools. Anxiety can be progressive. She was blocking out days at a time because of anxiety, not alcohol. Now she lives with anxiety and pretends it's a roommate. She knows how to keep it in check. Giving up alcohol is the best thing you can do. Tricia focuses on trying to prevent anxiety and meditation, exercise, journaling, a therapist are great tools. Routine is important including good sleep.

[45:32] How is being tuned into your body helpful?

Tricia said, the body keeps the score. It holds onto trauma, memories, etc. Through breathwork, she is learning to connect to her body. It checks her into her body, and she can feel when she is getting triggered, stressed, or tired. Expressing uncomfortable emotions is so important, otherwise it shows up as anxiety or a drinking problem.

Book Reference: The Body Keeps the Score

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18693771-the-body-keeps-the-score

[50:12] Rapid Fire Round

1. What is something unexpected in your journey?

How fun it is.

1. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Tricia can't eat ice cream, but she loves peach pie.

1. What has recovery made possible for you?

Meeting myself and who I really am.

1. What parting advice would you give to young listeners?

Ask questions about your relationship with alcohol. Push back. If you drink, you will miss out. Holding on to booze keeps you missing out.

Odette's Summary

Odette challenges us to take out our journal and write out what the most beautiful and authentic version of your life looks life. If the unknown is hard to process, give your brain some direction. Write it down, fill in those fear gaps with hope. Feel free to email me at [email protected].

You took the elevator down; you must take the stairs back up.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

Today we have Dane. He took his last drink on October 11, 2020. He is from Washington State, and he is 32 years old. This is his journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Season 3 of the Recovery Elevator podcast begins June 21st. We are focused on having fun, staying authentic and helping others along the way.

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message.

Odette spoke about her beloved Peleton and the arsenal of "why's". and thought shifts. The instructor encouraged Odette to dig into her arsenal of why's and keep going. Odette reflected on Simon Sinek's book, Start with Why.

Odette reflected on her time in rehab. She focused on why she was recovering from food addiction. She knew having a family was her why and

Actions can be driven by fear or manipulation or love and inspiration. Simon says few people or companies can articulate why they do what they do.

Charisma has nothing to do with energy, it come from clarity of WHY. Energy comes from good sleep or caffeine. Charisma comes from loyalty, energy does not. Our purpose is to stay on the path of an alcohol-free life. Odette wants to stay sober so her kids can have a health, not perfect role model. Odette wants to have healthy relationships and break toxic patterns in society . Odette has many why's and she leans on those whys when her tank is empty. Hard days are part of a good life. Dig into your arsenal of WHY's.

[7:56] Odette introduces Dane

Dane took his last drink on October 11, 2020. He lives in Washington State. He is a buy and hold real estate investor. He subcontracts with janitorial work. He is 32 and single. He has a son arriving in June. He was an only child, so he is hoping to make it as fun as possible. He loves to travel, seeing culture, history, and food. He loves cross fit, yoga, the river, boating and is returning to meditation.

[10:49] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Dane said he started drinking in high school He and a friend drank a fifth. In junior year, beer was the drink of choice. In college he was mixing drinks and he noticed things going downhill. He had a rock bottom moment; he was in a car accident. He was transported to Portland and was in the hospital for 30 days. He was de-gloved. After a year of healing, he returned to college to get his degree. For two months he didn't drink. When he started again, he would black out and it went downhill from there.

[14:13] Were you questioning your relationship with alcohol when your accident occurred?

Dane said the night of the accident, he didn't drink any more than usual. A psychology class prompted him to think about how much he drank. He moderated and binge drank on the weekends. Everybody drank in college, so it didn't seem like a big deal.

[16:08] What happened after college?

After college, Dane moved to Seattle for a large city experience. He binged with his friends on the weekends. He began to distance himself from his friends so he wouldn't drink as much. He went home to visit him family. His business and his family inspired him to move back to Eastern Washington.

[17:40}. When did you attempt to stop drinking?

Dane said he and his girlfriend had an argument. He didn't remember any of it. He drove back to his house and awoke with shame, guilt, and anxiety. He tried to quit before, but generally avoiding his friends and moderating. He knew the life he wanted to have wouldn't exist without drinking.

[19:47] What was your thought process about quitting?

Dane said once the car accident happened it put a bull's eye on him. It put him on the map with an alcohol problem. People asked him about quitting or moderating.

When people asked him about quitting, he wanted the details so he could understand it.

Dane googled how to quit drinking or famous people who quit drinking. He knew for five years, he needed to quit, he just didn't know how.

[24:06] What happened on October 10th?

I had an argument with my girlfriend and I couldn't remember any of it. The first three days were recuperation. He continued looking at other nondrinkers. Dane found Café RE, and a weight was lifted. He knew he was not alone. As he continues getting tools, he knows his life is better.

He realized he was a good person but didn't show his best character when drinking.

[27:34] How did you handle early sobriety?

Dane said he was always a binge drinker, and he listened to podcasts and focused on podcasts, yoga, and healthy food. He is tempted with a cold beer or a shot, but he goes back to what he may feel, do, or say.

Dane often thought he didn't have a problem because he wasn't a daily drinker.

A lot of times the hard things are hard. We think backwards.

He lets people know he isn't drinking. Many people ask him how many days he has.

Dane gave a shout out to P

[37:27] Do you have a favorite non-alcoholic drink?

Dane said Topo Chico and Fred Meyer's Selzer water. He loves the feeling. He also does some NA beers. He goes to water quickly.

[38:55} Have you noticed any changes in your daily routine?

Dane said he is sleeping a lot more. He acknowledges his body is healing and he needs the sleep. Day to day he works out and goes to one of his properties. He is working on meditation.

Dane is managing his expectations and tries to limit them.

[43 21:] Rapid Fire Round

1. What is a lightbulb moment you have you had in this journey?

I feel better physically and mentally

1. What would you say to your younger self?

Try the experiment but acknowledge your goals for your body and your spirit.

1. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Ben & Jerry's tonight dough.

1. What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

You are going to feel shitty, but you must let go of alcohol as the crutch.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

If you almost die, almost lose your arm….

Odette's Summary

Odette challenges us to build our list of why's. Find all the reasons why you want to stay committed to ditching the booze.

This isn't a no to alcohol, but a yes to a better life.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

Today we have Adam. He took his last drink on December 13, 2019. He is from Massachusetts, and he is 37 years old. This is his journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Season 3 of the Recovery Elevator podcast begins June 21st. We are focused on having fun, staying authentic and helping others along the way.

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message.

Odette spoke about early sobriety and thought shifts. Early sobriety can be exhausting because your body is resetting, and your thoughts are playing tug-o-war. You have permission to be tired in early recovery. The mental work is exhausting. Odette referenced Melody Beattie and the Language of Letting Go. Letting go of fear is at the core of codependency. Fear can help you protect yourself. In recovery, waving goodbye to fear allows you to embrace safety, trust, peace, and acceptance. Pay attention to healthy fears and let go of the rest. We can trust and love ourselves.

Sometimes what is best for us feels wrong. We oversee letting go of what doesn't serve us anymore. Peace begins within you.

[8:15] Odette introduces Adam

Adam took his last drink on December 13, 2019. He lives in Western Massachusetts with his wife and two young children. He is a lawyer. He loves running, hiking, reading, and playing with his two girls.

[9:51] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Adam said his first love was marijuana. He smoked during high school. His mother died suddenly when he was in college. He stopped smoking pot when he went to law school due to the conflict with legality. Slowly alcohol crept into his life. After a few years, he muted his feelings and pressures at work with alcohol. He quickly started moderating. He moved to Massachusetts and intended to stop drinking, but he was isolated, and his drinking escalated.

[12:28] What was your mindset around alcohol?

Adam said for him it was always numbing. He liked to drink alone. He struggled with family issues including shame, vulnerability, and food issues. He took on some of the behaviors he saw in his family.

[14:00] Did You have food issues as well?

Adam said he did struggle with weight as well. In junior year of high school, he lost 70 pounds. He loves running and that has helped him manage his emotions. He has been choosing mediation in the past year.

[15:21] How did your drinking evolve?

Adam said by 2014, he went to his first AA meeting. He spoke to his therapist about drinking, but he wasn't ready to deal with it. He developed a pattern of lying about his drinking and he would get caught. He tried to control his drinking by buying nips.

He wanted a state of numbness without heavy consequences. He described an out of body experience about starting to drink and drive and hide bottles before he got home.

[17:45] Was your shame progressing?

Adam said it was terrible. He felt like a total failure. He was taking risks, putting his daughter in danger. The weight of the shame was huge.

Things came to a head when his wife was pregnant with their second child. He recalled lying about sobriety time and taking coins for a year of sobriety when he hadn't achieved it. He brought the coins into the meeting and told them he had lied. He was accepted, given hugs and it opened the door for him to transition from shame to guilt. He was still drinking and hiding. Anticipating coping with a newborn prompted him to ask for a bigger level of help. He went to rehab to get well.

[22:51] Did returning the coins change how you approached drinking?

Adam said it opened the door to imperfection. He read "the Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. He learned that the quality of relationships with other people in this world were limited by his relationship with himself.

If he couldn't learn to love himself, his relationship with his wife would suffer. He knew he needed to take 30 days away to have the space and room to learn to love himself.

[24:58] How were things when you returned home?

Adam has found freedom from his self-imposed "control" cage. When he returned home, he had a lot of trust to rebuild. He spent 15 hours a day changing his mindset while in rehab. When he returned home, he realized life went on. In the beginning he resisted several things. His wife asked him to put a breathalyzer in the car because she was concerned about him driving the children while intoxicated. Today he embraces that completely, but at the time his ego resisted the suggestion. He had to learn to ask for advice versus selling his excuses to others. He and his family have been safe for over a year. He has rebuilt trust and freedom with his family.

[30:53] How were the first few months?

Adam said he had very few cravings. He is active in AA. He attends four virtual meetings a week. He belongs to a gratitude group and shares three things he is grateful for every day.

[32:55] What role does exercise play in your recovery?

Adam ran when he was drinking. He works out now. He uses the peloton app and looks forward to running when the weather improves.

[33:39] Tell me about your meditation practice.

Adam dabbled in meditation for a while. In treatment, he focused on developing a meditation practice. He embraced the mantra, "I am worthy of receiving all of the love the universe has for me."

He had some life changing moments with meditation, mantras and breathwork. Things just clicked. Adam meditates daily for a minimum of ten minutes. He loves how he can change how his body feels just by breathing. He knows it is worth it to try new things and invest in himself. Willingness is critical for him.

[37:55] How have your relationships evolved in recovery?

Adam referenced AA's promises and said he could not have designed what his life is like now. He wakes up after disjointed sleep and realizes how lucky he is to experience his daughters. The last year (COVID) has been a gift with a new child, homeschooling, juggling careers and has helped his marriage.

[40:51] Is parenting triggering for you?

Adam said he doesn't want to drink, but he often wants to escape. He leverages meditation to help him overcome those temporary challenges of parenting.

[42:44] What is your response when someone offers you a drink?

Adam feels very comfortable. He brings his own drink anytime he goes out, so he doesn't risk having to look around for something.

His wife had a glass of wine after a year of not drinking (due to pregnancy) and didn't like how she felt. She is joining Adam to be alcohol free.

The only thing Adam misses is the escape.

[46:33] What is something unexpected that has happened during your journey?

Adam said he experiences more joy daily than he thought was possible.

[46:44] What are you looking forward to?

Adam loves live music, specifically Fish and the Grateful Dead. Both bands have a big sober following. He wants to go to a concert and attending a fellowship meeting during a set break to experience live music and sobriety.

[47:54] Rapid Fire Round

1. What would you say to your younger self?

You are worthy of receiving all the love that the universe has for you.

1. What has recovery made possible for you?

Everything. Addiction is giving up everything for one thing and recovery is about giving up one thing for everything.

1. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Ben & Jerry's oatmeal cookie.

1. What are some of your favorite resources in recovery?

The book, The Four Agreements. His sponsor and his sober community have been tremendous assets.

1. What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

There is nothing in this world that is worth more than an investment in yourself. Once you do that, you will have a life you can't imagine.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

If you find yourself drinking at an in-person AA meeting.

Odette's Summary

Odette challenges listeners to take out your journals and explore this prompt. When do I feel at peace? Is it easy to stay there? What do I run toward when I find myself unable to stay at peace?

Creating a new mindset takes more than quitting drinking. Learn more about yourself.

Check out our YouTube channel for a recipe for Tamarind limeade – lots of laughs!

You are not alone, together is always better. Peace begins with you.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

Today we have Chloe. She took her last drink on June 7, 2020. She is from the UK and is 32 years old. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message.

Odette spoke about growing up with her brother, Charlie and playing lots of video games. Odette talked about trust and video games. Trust is earned. The more you do the next right thing and protect your sobriety, you get to the next level, just the way you level up when playing video games. Facing recovery with fun instead of fear helps you recognize your increasing skills that come with practice.

[6:09] Odette introduces Chloe

Chloe took her last drink on June 7, 2020. She said it has been a crazy journey. Chloe is 32 and lives in the UK. She has a dog, and she loves walking the dog, running, anything active.

[7:16] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Chloe started drinking at age 15. She was a binge drinker like many of her friends. She didn't see it as a problem until her mid to late twenties. She started listening to the Recovery Elevator podcast. She reached one-year of sobriety and had a relapse that was lengthy. As of this recording she has 8 months of continuous sobriety.

[8:19] What put you on the trajectory to quit drinking?

Chloe said she wanted to drink more than she could get away with. As her moderation journey continued, her drinking got worse. She got depressed and was in a bad relationship. She attempted suicide and was put into an inpatient program for depression. She was sneaking alcohol while in the program but didn't relate the correlation between drinking and her depression, she found AA and discovered she could have a happy life without drinking.

[11:01] Did the doctors treating your depression ask about your drinking?

Chloe said she played down her drinking. She thought everyone did that. Alcohol was such a crutch, and it was something she looked forward to, so it was hard to get her head around stopping.

[12:30] How did you end up at your first AA meeting?

Chloe said the more she tried to moderate, the more out of control her drinking became. She answered yes to every question on an alcohol quiz. She was able to relate to what people in AA said. They were able to have a happy, functional life without alcohol. It helped her change her thinking about drinking and her depression.

[14:49] What happened after your first AA meeting?

Chloe stopped drinking for a bit, then relapsed. She went into a second treatment program and got sober. She worked the steps. She achieved a year of sobriety. She started drinking after getting into a relationship with someone new. He was a drinker and she wanted to share that experience. Over the next 18 months, her drinking became progressively worse. Her thinking was muddled. She read Paul Churchill's book; Alcohol is Sh*t! She realized she didn't need to figure out if she was powerless, yet. She needed to get back to basics and keep trying. Even one day of sobriety is progress.

[18:08] Did the desire to fit in influence your relapse?

Chloe said she thought she could have fun with alcohol and stop again. She didn't realize how insidious it is to continue starting and stopping over and over. Sobriety is precious. She felt crazy. She would listen to sobriety podcasts, then drink at night. She learned a lot of lessons through drinking.

[21:54] Did you share your sobriety with people outside of AA?

Chloe said she did share her quest for sobriety with the person she was in a relationship with. She had to get support when she returned to sobriety. She has great friends in AA and her family is supportive as well.

[23:02] Did sobriety help your depression?

Chloe said about six months into sobriety she noticed the feelings of joy and gratitude that she hadn't experienced before. The depression was gone. Her life had meaning and a reason to go on.

[24:46] What motivated you to quit again?

Chloe said it was during lockdown and things were bad. Lockdown accelerated her drinking. She drank three bottles of wine a day, passed out and kept repeating it day after day. Her last night of drinking, she drank so much, she got into a fight and got violent with her partner at the time. She called the police, and they took him away. The next morning, she realized she was the one with the problem and it couldn't happen again. The risk was no longer worth it. She felt done and resigned. She threw everything she had at sobriety. She went back to AA and attacked sobriety, stacked days and she is grateful it's working. The first few months were tough, now she doesn't have to work so hard to stay sober.

[28:11] Do you realize how amazing it is that you pulled it together?

Chloe said her self-esteem was strengthened. She knows she can do hard things and other things she didn't think were possible.

[30:21] Did you start going back to meetings?

Chloe said, not immediately, but now she can attend in person meetings. She has friends in AA, she connected to people on Instagram, listened to podcasts and joined Café RE.

[31:32] How do you manage cravings?

Chloe said she is learning not to freak out. She doesn't overthink the craving. It's normal. Cravings are just a thought. She plays the tape forward, exercises and reaches out to friends.

[33:55] Do you get any negative feedback from others about your sobriety?

She said, not this round. In the last round a co-worker said he didn't trust anyone who didn't drink.

[34:45] Have you overcome the concern about having fun sober?

Chloe had to rethink her mindset about sobriety and looks at it as a joyful, amazing journey of growth and possibility vs. misery and deprivation. She has more energy, more enthusiasm, more interests, more people in her life.

[37:34] Have you been able to identify triggers?

Chloe said stress and celebrations are her biggest triggers. She recognizes that drinking is no longer a celebration. The pause is so important.

[38:58] Rapid Fire Round

1. What would you say to your younger self?

Keep trying no matter what.

1. What is your go to response when someone offers you a drink?

She hasn't faced that because of lockdown. Her planned response is, yes please, I'll have a sparkling water.

1. What has recovery made possible for you?

Everything. When she was drinking, she was doing nothing. She is training for a marathon, starting a new career and happily single.

1. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

All ice cream. She hasn't had a bad one!

1. What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

Keep putting in the action, stacking the days and the result will come.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

If you are listening to podcasts about sobriety.

Odette's Summary

We have your back. We are your safe container. The journey comes with different levels. Hit the save button when you get stuck. Take a breath, ask for help. Nothing great is ever done on our own, sobriety takes a village. Have fun along the way and trust the process.

Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. We can do this!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

• Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you'll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
• You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

Today we have Erik. He took his last drink on March 9, 2019. He is from upstate New York. This is his journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message.

Odette is training for a marathon. She reached out to her fitness coach Paul from RecoveryFit1 to get some guidance on training, cross-training, etc. She has noticed the training for the race is re-training her brain, rewriting her story and building her confidence. Crossing the finish line of a marathon is scary for Odette. During her childhood, she participated in the rally portion of the mini-Olympics. She fell and as a result her team was in last place. From then on, she told herself she was not a runner.

Odette recognizes we often get stuck in our stories because those stories are all we know. We need to believe we can do things differently. She is using visualization techniques to overcome her old stories. What stories are we telling ourselves about our alcohol-free journey? Are those stories holding you back or keeping you stuck? How can you re-write your story?

[8:53] Odette introduces Erik

Erik took his last drink on March 9, 2019. His journey includes ups, downs, and stability. He grew up in upstate New York and lives in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, He is 42, single and living it up in the sunshine state. Erik loves binge watching TV (COVID), meet-up.com, brunch, dinner, event planning, relaxing and baths.

[11:23] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Erik took his first drink at junior prom and found his dad's secret stash of Manhattan's. He didn't drink much until college. He remembers the Bridge Street Run and he got completely wasted and was on camera when the local news covered the event. His drinking progressed from there. He moved to Los Angeles and in 2010 he got his first DUI. He knew his drinking was a problem and he started looking at his drinking more closely.

His DUI stemmed from a party that included friends from college. At 3 AM, he remembers driving home and avoiding someone on the side of the road. He passed an accident and almost ran over the cops. His recollection was foggy because he was so intoxicated. He exited the freeway on Hollywood Blvd., was arrested and the cops took him back to the scene of the accident so he could see where he almost ran the cops over.

His friends came to pick him up and told him, 'It's ok, it happens to everyone'.

[17:55] What happened after the DUI?

Eric looks at his drinking career through the lens of his DUI's because he's had three in ten years. He went to AA after the first DUI. He took one of the quizzes about problem drinking. His gut knew he had a problem, but he ignored it and went along with his friends who said it was not a big deal.

He moved to Florida and picked up where he left off. His 2nd DUI was in 2013. He remembers going out, ripping his jeans from dancing and drove from West Palm Beach to Ft. Lauderdale. He was driving 80 MPH in a 35 MPH zone. He blew a .15 and went to court.

Five years later he got his third DUI.

[21:16] What was your drinking like between the DUI's?

After the first DUI, it scratched the surface of concern, but he kept drinking. Erik describes himself as a celebratory binge drinker.

He went to AA for four months without drinking and believed moderating would work for him. He was able to moderate successfully until the shut off valve in his brain didn't shut off.

In 2018, Erik got his third DUI. He had a breathalyzer in his vehicle and was still positive (for alcohol) the next day. Erik took a cab to work. Erik never wants to be like that again.

[27:39] What other elements of your life (at the time) could be attributed to alcohol?

Erik said from 2016-2018 he was a mess. He was on anti-depressants and drinking and the combination and progression were not good. Erik knew peer pressure was a big deal for him. He learned to distance himself from people who drink. He acknowledges his choices and recognizes he needs to say no to others in an

[30:02] Did you have a rock bottom when you had your last drink?

Erik said the weekend after his third DUI he was drinking, and he drove a friend to the airport at 5 am. He went to AA for six months. He chaired meetings, read the books. His attorney helped him to stay out of jail by wearing an ankle monitor. He was unable to get into treatment because he already had six months of sobriety. Erik had to hack the system to get treatment. He got really drunk to make sure he could get into treatment vs. jail.

[37:54] How was your life after treatment?

Erik described treatment being a gift. There were some downsides, including losing his privacy. When he left rehab, he was required to wear an ankle monitor. He had a falling out with his sponsor. He made a choice to drink to stay out of jail. He became forthcoming with his therapist and social worker. AA was a blessing for him. He found Recovery Elevator during COVID, and he sees many similarities to AA.

Some days are hard and other days are beautiful. Sobriety is work. It's a daily chore, but it's so worth it for him. It works if you work it and work it because you are worth it!

Erik thirsts for Recovery Elevator to become bigger. He loves the meet ups and the chats, and it has been great for him.

[46:39] How do you relate to alcohol now?

Erik said his ankle monitor came in handy. It helped him through several situations including a funeral, a long layover at an airport. Erik knows he can have fun without alcohol, and he can be in public spaces without drinking. He is learning about who he is and who he wants to be. Time heals all wounds, and you get more comfortable with sobriety with time.

Playing it forward and playing it present helps him stay sober.

[51:01] Rapid Fire Round

1. What has this journey made possible for you?

It has allowed me to get to know myself and look inside and see who I want to be as a human being and how I want to interact with the universe.

1. What is your go to response when someone offers you a drink?

No, thank you.

1. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Rocky Road

1. What is an unexpected perk of this journey?

I have more patience and I'm more in the moment. You experience sunrises and sunsets differently. Florida is beautiful year around and he loves being in the moment.

1. What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

Stick with it. Listen to your gut. We've all had plenty of day 1's. Don't minimize your sobriety. Be thankful for what you have and keep coming back.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

You have to check your car for damage after a night of drinking or can't remember where your car is.

Odette's Summary

One of our team members, Alan Copeland is going to share about Café RE. Check out Alan's episode 287. Alan has been with Café RE since January 1, 2020. He helps onboard new members. Café RE includes:

• Connection with like-minded people
• Podcast
• Over 20 online chats per week
• Accountability partner
• Facebook group
• In person meet-ups with sober people (have fun without drinking)
• Courses including Restore, Ditch the Booze
• Book club
• Movie Club
• Yoga
• Fitness class
• Member listing
• Recovery Buffet (AA, Smart Recovery, Recovery Dharma friendly – we support the menu of options for recovery)
• $24 monthly membership fee
• Cancel anytime, rejoin anytime

Alan believes RE can help you overcome loneliness. You quickly understand there are like-minded people who are here to support you. Lifelong friendships are built in Café RE. We focus on the similarities. We don't follow a specific program we are open to multiple options for recovery. The light will always be on for you here at Café RE.

Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. We can rewrite our stories.

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

• Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you'll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
• You can find more information about our events

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

Today we have Gillian. She took her last drink on November 9, 2019. She is from Boston and loves playing video games. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message.

Odette has been thinking about death. She has anxiety about dying. She read a chapter in the Untethered Soul. The author, Michael A. Singer said having an active relationship with death is healthy. "It is truly a great cosmic paradox that one of the best teachers in all of life turns out to be death. No person or situation could teach as much as death has to teach you. While someone could tell you, you are not your body, death shows you. While someone could remind you of the insignificance of the things that you cling to, death takes them away in a second. Death makes us all the same." Keeping death at the forefront of our mind helps us stay in the moment. We can stop focusing on the future or dwelling on the past and appreciate every moment.

Full presence with her children gives Odette great joy. In the moment, Odette is learning to appreciate what she has. She knows we can avoid thinking about death, but it's inevitable.

When we choose sobriety, we remove a huge block that prevents us from being in the moment. Odette still has other blocks, yet she is motivated to stay sober by those moments when she can understand what being fully present is. The more time she spends away from alcohol, the more presence is available to her. Value what you have, honor where you are and be grateful!

[10:25] Odette introduces Gillian

Gillian took her last drink on November 9, 2019. She lives in Boston, she is a biochemist and for fun she reads, plays video games and hangs out with her husband and kitty.

[11:29] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Gillian started drinking at age 22. She was a late comer to drinking. She had a glass of wine at 18 and had such intense shame about drinking. She drank more in grad school and started with Bud Lite, and her drinking quickly escalated. She was frequently sick and within a year she was a daily drinker. Her tolerance doubled. She tried to moderate for five years. Eventually, she realized moderation would not work.

[13:27] Tell me more about the shame your experienced with your first drink?

Gillian is a rule follower. She had trouble liking who she was. She didn't like or accept her body. At 18 she was feeling shame about food she ate. It was a difficult time in her life.

[14:39] Tell me more about your moderation attempts.

Before Gillian was a scientist, she was a teacher and she used alcohol as her fuel. She learned that when you drink, the stress goes away, and you feel better. She switched to Vodka and made cosmos daily. She knew she was drinking too much. She used a rubber band for the number of drinks, had her husband pour drinks, she bought strong wine, bought weak wine. She ended several friendships because she thought she was drinking too much with them. In her journal her goal was to limit to 25 drinks a week. She abandoned that quickly.

[17:18] Why were you so firm on making moderation work?

Gillian said she couldn't imagine a life without alcohol. She thought it would be the death of fun. All her friends drank. It was fundamental to her socializing. She continued to try moderation. She went to a therapist and was told she wasn't an alcoholic.

[18:58] Did your husband know you were struggling?

Gillian said she talked with her husband a lot about her moderation attempts. He knew they were well thought out. He loved her and wanted to support her but felt uncomfortable saying she should quit.

[20:48] How is your relationship now that you have been sober for over a year?

Gillian said her relationship is much better. They were having a lot of issues before she quit. She says it's like they are dating again. They talk about their lives and their thoughts. They connect so much better. Her husband is a normal drinker.

[22:45] What made you decide to quit?

Gillian said her mental health declined for the last four years of her drinking. She developed anxiety and was up all night with panic attacks. She continued drinking and eventually she developed suicidal thoughts, which scared her. She challenged herself to not drink for 90 days. She did the 90 days and on day 91, she got drunk. She drank for a few more months and the suicidal thoughts and anxiety returned. She quit for good in November because she was afraid, she might act on her thoughts.

[25:42] You had good insights about the outcome of continued drinking. Does that ring a bell?

Gillian said she believed people would label her as a loser, a weak person. She wanted to go to parties and wineries and did not want to be the only one who wasn't drinking.

Anger has been her biggest struggle. She would get overcome with rage. She was mad at her husband and family. She has processed the anger, and no longer has rage attacks.

Gillian said she drank at people when she was upset. She believed alcohol calmed her down and helped her deal with the anger. It was exactly opposite.

[28:37] 15 months in has your motivation shifted?

Gillian said she uses data. She knows if she returns to drinking, anxiety and suicidal ideation will return. All the gains she has made in sobriety would disappear if she returned to drinking. A recent quote she likes is, "Addiction is giving up everything for one thing. Recovery is giving up one thing for everything."

[30:45] Did anything happen on November 9 that was different?

Gillian said it was the 11-year anniversary of a traumatic event. She started the day with a boozy brunch, then bought a bottle of wine, then another and by 6 pm she was destroyed. She made the decision to quit at 5:30 in the morning. She felt calm when she made that resolve and she celebrates the 9th, not the 10th.

[32:46] How did you celebrate your one-year?

Gillian and her husband went to an Airbnb in Maine with a cool hot tub. They had a great time, talked a lot, and made new memories.

[33:59] How were the first thirty days for you?

Gillian said quitting at the start of the holiday season was difficult. She went to lots of parties sober. She was the only one not drinking. She doesn't have cravings because her acceptance is so strong. She struggles with people questioning her drinking. She made new friends who were not big drinkers. She did experience a lot of night sweats.

[37:53] Did you feel strong after the holiday season?

Gillian said it gave her lots of confidence. She feels like a pro now. There were a few times she cried. The pride has rushed in and she started going to Starbucks to treat herself when other partygoers were getting drunk or weird. She has set lots of boundaries in sobriety which feels good. She now respects herself. She deserves people who care about her and want the best for her.

[40:03] When did your career shift happen?

Gillian said that during a moderation attempt, she realized teaching was too stressful. When she moved over to science, it was a good shift with the goal of being able to moderate her drinking.

[41:32] What happens when you have challenges in life?

Gillian now bakes cookies. The act of baking helps her calm down. Her husband is incredibly supportive. Playing video games and therapy help.

Seeing others drink wine can be triggering. She feels jealous. Her company sent wine as gifts, but she was able to avoid those gifts.

[43:39] How vocal are you at work about being alcohol free?

Gillian doesn't tell people about her sobriety. She was able to avoid the wine deliveries by telling someone who was part of the fun committee. She was able to request an alcohol-free alternative. She has given feedback that mocktails should be included at work cocktail parties. She has given feedback without "outing" herself. A wine delivery could be disastrous for someone in early sobriety, so she is courageous about giving feedback.

[46:50] Tell me about your anxiety?

Gillian said the anxiety is completely gone.

[47:33] What about sleep?

Gillian said she sleeps like a teenager. She was so sleep deprived at the end of her drinking. Sleep is now great, and it still surprises her how good it feels. It took a few months to get out of the disrupted sleep cycle. She feels amazing now.

[49:02] How has your body image changed?

Gillian said she has always struggled with body image. In May, she realized she was looking good. Now she can look in the mirror and likes what she sees. It has been an unexpected perk of sobriety.

[51:26] Rapid Fire Round

1. What would you say to your younger self?

It's okay, you are doing fine.

1. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Coffee Oreo.

1. What has been a lightbulb moment for you in this journey?

I realize my story is not unique to me. It's good to not be special. I am not alone. It was good to know that others had similar experience.

1. What parting piece of guidance would you give to listeners who are considering ditching the booze?

If you are worrying that you might have a problem, you know deep down that you do. It's ok that you do. Its better on the other side.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

You are obsessing about moderation every single day and you spend most of your time thinking about your drinking.

Odette's Summary

One of our team members, Alan Copeland wrote a poem he is going to share with you today.

Connection is The Key

For so long I was looking for the key that would open the door to a better life, a new life. One that wasn't spiraling into oblivion.

A dark abyss of anxiety, depression, self-loathing, and fear. The bottom was as far as I could keep falling - no rope to grab - no hand to grasp.

A true free fall with gravity doing what gravity does. A downward spiral.

Where is that key? What's on the other side of that door? Will I ever find what it's like to be free from this room that's closing in on me?

Can I buy the key?

That's it….I'll buy it!

Wait...where do I buy it?

Amazon?

Apple? Is there an App?

Google will tell me, right?

Or how about I make the key! Yeah….I'll make it to fit the door. I really can do this alone.

Wait….how will I make a key when I can't even find the door!?

I was all alone and to feel truly alone is paralyzing.

Being alone in addiction and pending sobriety is a fear that I've never experienced before. Please, please...someone help me find the key.

I never found that key.

Luckily, it found me. And finally, I opened the door. The door to a better life, a new life.

Connection is the key.

To say I'm grateful for connection doesn't give it the credit it deserves.

The key was with a group of individuals that I had never met, never would have met and in many cases - still haven't met.

Connection is the key.

True connection is something I had never defined or thought about.

When you can share experiences, challenges and growth with another person that is also battling the raging bitch of addiction...well...that's a connection that's hard to put into words.

I have now experienced true connection. The ability to tell a person, "I see you", "I hear you", "I understand you" and "you are loved".

Connection is the key.

The key to learning who I am….who I REALLY am.

It's not easy, but when you have someone to lean on, someone who catches you when you fall, someone who "feels the feels" with you, cries with you and the best of all...laughs with you. Authentic self to authentic self. We realize - we can't do this alone.

Connection is the key.

Connection is powerful.

Connection is the opposite of addiction.

Have you found the key yet? If not...don't look now….it might have just found, you.

Remember that you are not alone and together is always better. Connection is the key. We can do this.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

Today we have Bobbie. She took her last drink on December 16, 2019. She is from upstate New York. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message.

Odette was inspired by Brian who hosted one of the Café RE chats. Evolution of sobriety isn't always linear or a straight shot. We assume it will be an upgrade. However, sobriety can be messy. You can feel stuck and get into victim mentality.

Odette compared sobriety to a puzzle. Sometimes it can feel like we are going backwards. When looking at the puzzle, we grab different pieces. Sometimes the piece doesn't fit, but we make a mental note and later in the journey, the puzzle piece fits. Traveling backwards is common because the tool or lesson may have not made sense at the time, but it does later in the journey.

Everything has a purpose and it's there for a reason. We don't always see the bigger picture. We need to accept that unlike a puzzle …. the journey never ends. There is no destination, it's about the journey. It's not about being (un)loveable, morality, making mistakes, it's about discovering our wholeness.

We don't quit quitting. It's about resilience.

[11:59] Odette introduces Bobbie

Bobbie took her last drink on December 16, 2019 She lives in snowy upstate New York. She has family in Connecticut. She has two business that she launched in 2020. She loves volleyball, reading, puzzles, Zumba and is learning how to adjust the fun in our new environment.

[13:54] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Bobbie started drinking at 15. She remembers the first time she got caught for drinking. Her biological father was an alcoholic. She knew she shouldn't drink because she didn't want to be like her father.

Growing up, Bobbie spent a lot of time with people in recovery because there was a lot of addiction in her family. She went to Al-Ateen and many AA picnics. She believes that she developed an addiction to gambling because she was trying to avoid an addiction to drinking. She resented having to go to these events because it wasn't her problem. Now her view has evolved. She didn't embrace anything 12-step until 2017.

[17:32] What was your trajectory of drinking vs. gambling?

Bobbie said she was a truck driver in her early twenties. She didn't party when she was driving. She drank to excess on the weekends which she felt was normal because everyone was doing it. In her thirties she drank with her husband (he was the DD). She was gambling in the background, but her drinking was a problem. In 2017 she went to rehab and focused on gambling first.

She went to rehab on her own accord. She had an executive level job, but all her perceived obstacles were removed. She owed it to herself to address her addictions. She was getting in trouble at work events.

[21:06] How long were you at the rehab center?

Bobbie said she was in rehab for 28 days. Rehab left quite an impression. She was in the gambling wing. Her freedom was removed because she couldn't even choose when to take a shower. It felt like a cross between summer camp and jail. She knew she needed to focus on herself and didn't want to ever lose her freedom again.

[23:51] How did you handle being in the gambling wing versus the drug and alcohol wing of rehab?

Bobbie said that they were not allowed to interact with people in the drug and alcohol wing. Everything was separate.

Before entering rehab, Bobbie interviewed for a job. She left rehab at 28 days (vs 30) and went to after care. She was called out frequently for drinking. The aftercare team didn't hold back. In 2019 Bobbie decided not to use alcohol as a coping mechanism. She discovered Café RE in 2018 and knew she needed to focus on her drinking.

Bobbie was frustrated that alcohol was a problem when she was doing all the work for her gambling addiction. She broke up with a guy and was drunk texting her ex and recognized her texts were mean and venomous. Having another personality was a rock-bottom moment.

Bobbie signed up for the Recovery Elevator Asia trip. She knew she needed to be sober for 30 days and joined the trip with a little over 30 days of sobriety. She was following the rules versus deciding not to drink. When she returned from Asia, she learned that her biological father and grandmother had passed away within a week of each other. She hosted her father's funeral the day before the world shut down because of COVID. She was at a bar when she got a text about her father's death. She knew she had to decide how to cope with overwhelming emotions. She was afraid to drink because she was concerned, she wouldn't stop.

A friend she met on the Asia trip inspired her to achieve a year of sobriety. She realized it was the best year of her life because she started a podcast, opened a second company and was so much more productive without drinking.

Bobbie recognizes her journey is different than many others in Café RE because she wasn't as intentional about not drinking as many others, it happened almost as a side-effect of her gambling addiction.

[35:47] What made you decide to take the Café RE trip?

Bobbie said she knew she needed the trip to quit drinking. A friend helped her pay for the trip. When she left rehab, she didn't make the decision to quit drinking. The sober trip helped her explore her curiosity about sobriety and laid the foundation for the tools she needed to explore sobriety.

Bobbie said she was mesmerized by the RE community and by Paul Churchill. Paul inspired her to start her gambling podcast and was her first guest.

[41:55] What do you do now when you have a craving or a trigger?

Bobbie said everything has happened for a reason. She believes she can overcome anything. In a few situations (golf, road trips, etc.) she has urges, but now she has a conversation with herself that people can love and accept her without alcohol. She focuses on what she has learned along the way. She doesn't want to return to a destructive life. She hasn't committed to quit drinking forever. She is focused on her goals and sees alcohol as an obstacle to her achieving those goals. She has gratitude for her drinking career because it withheld some of her opportunities in corporate America. She is now helping others with addiction. She feels like she won.

[45:52] What other tools are helpful for you?

Bobbie is active in Gambling Anonymous (GA). She meditates and does a daily reflection every day. She likes Recovery Dharma through Café RE. She has integrated self-care into her everyday life.

Bobbie wasn't sure what she was supposed to feel and began to understand that resentment over her father helped her move from resentment to neutral and she is working on forgiveness.

The value of community and accountability have been helpful. Her obligation and accountability to others has helped her push through difficult moments. She tries to practice what she preaches in her podcast.

[51:02] Rapid Fire Round

1. What would you say to your younger self?

It's all going to be fine. It all has purpose and will take you where you are meant to be.

1. What has recovery made possible for you?

Everything – from relationships, work, business, transparency, vulnerability – everything.

1. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

All of them.

1. What advice would you give to listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

It's so worth it. It may not feel like it in the moment, but stick with it, it's so worth it.

You may have to say Adios to booze if …

Your friends are surprised there is coffee in your cup instead of Long Island iced tea.

Odette's Summary

Odette challenges us to think about one of the puzzle pieces in your sobriety journey that didn't make sense recently that now makes sense. Share what you have learned with a friend.

You are not alone, together is always better! Odette believes in you!

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

Today we have Lauren. She took her last drink on December 19, 2018. She lives in Canada and is 37 years old. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Shout out to Jeni's ice cream who is one of the sponsors of our Bozeman retreat.

https://jenis.com/

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message.

Odette reflected on a March NPR article titled, "A sharp, off the charts' rise in alcoholic liver disease among young women.

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2021/03/16/973684753/sharp-off-the-charts-rise-in-alcoholic-liver-disease-among-young-women

It's important this article is placed in a bucked about the global crisis, the COVID-19 pandemic. The article referenced a 30-year-old woman who was diagnosed with alcoholic hepatitis. She drank nearly a liter of liquor every evening. Doctors are seeing patients whose drinking has edged up in the last year. In conversations, physicians recognize it's astronomical and life threatening. The survival rate for alcoholic hepatitis and cirrhosis varies but can be as low as ten percent. The CDC has not compiled additional statistics since the pandemic began, however physicians are aware of the upswing as they see more hospitalizations and fatalities. While men have consistently driven the statistics, young women are driving the numbers up.

Many are crossing the bridge from normal drinking to problematic drinking. What are the signs? The rock bottom aha moments?

Sobriety isn't easy, but Odette is no longer living a double life. Odette wants to do more to help those who are struggling with alcohol addiction.

[8:27] Odette introduces Lauren

Lauren took her last drink on December 19, 2018 (sobriety date 12/20/2018). She has been sober for 750 days (as of this recording). She has several friends she has met through 12-step programs that are going through the same things.

Lauren is from Ontario, Canada and is 37 years old. She lives with her partner and they co-parent his children. They have a cat and are adopting a dog. Lauren is a housing work and helps homeless people in her community which is even more challenging due to COVID. Lauren enjoys running, hiking, reading, art, painting, and travel. Her reading comprehension has improved with sobriety.

[14:19] Tell us about your history with drinking?

Lauren had a normal childhood and started drinking in high school. She remembers in her last year of high school a friend saying he had never seen her sober outside of school. At the end of University, she knew she had a problem, because she was happier staying at home and drinking the way she wanted to in her room. After school, she moved to a big city and leveraged alcohol as a social lubricant.

[16:04] Did you attempt to change aspects of your relationship with alcohol?

Lauren knew her drinking was a problem, but thought she was too young to deal with it. She was regularly drunk, hung over and had no money. She did reach out and went to three rebabs, several detoxes and the psych ward.

[17:07] What wasn't working during those multiple attempts to quit?

When it finally clicked, Lauren realized she had used alcohol to manage her emotions.

On December 19, 2018, Lauren said she stopped digging. She called in sick to work for the third day in a row at work. She realized she had three options: 1). Keep going knowing things wouldn't get better; 2) End it all (Lauren had multiple suicide attempts); 3) Stop drinking and give sobriety and honest chance. Once she made that decision, she stopped. It took her six years of trying before it finally clicked. She says, 'don't give up.' She is learning what she is capable of with sobriety. The first month was difficult due to the wreckage of her past, but she now sees it is worth it.

[23:06] What worked for you that first month?

Lauren said acceptance – it was a miracle. Deep acceptance that she can't drink and letting go of the resentment about not being a 'normal drinker' helped.

[24:16] How did you reconcile that feeling?

Lauren said for six years the feelings of anger and resentment was insurmountable which is why she kept relapsing. She felt her life was hard and if she couldn't drink in public, she's just drink in private. She likened her relationship to alcohol with a severe peanut allergy. She will die if she drinks.

[26:12] What support did you have in the early stages?

Lauren said she has been in 12-step recovery on and off. She goes to meetings regularly and has a home group. Her employer is very supportive as well. Her family has also been great.

[27:28] How was telling your employer? Many people don't because of the stigma.

Lauren said it came up as part of a performance review. She was asked about her future goals and she opened up about her struggle with addiction and her desire to help others with addiction. Her supervisors were surprised, but incredibly supportive. Sobriety became "part of her".

[29:22] When did you reconcile the acceptance with shame?

Lauren said after the first few shaky months, she realized recovery was a superpower and part of who she is. It is very motivating. She carries shame from the past, including drinking dreams and regret about past behavior. She knows it will take a long time to let go of that shame.

Value Bomb – you get a chance to repair and live differently or live an amends through this journey. Repair is underestimated, let the guilt propel you to become the person you want to be.

Lauren's family has some residual memory and trauma because of prior behavior. She is giving them space and trying to live her life as a living amends. Her family is incredibly proud as is her partner.

Processing some of her drinking behavior with family and friends is difficult to hear and hard to process. She put her family, friends, and therapist through some scary times. All she can do now is be sober. She is hopeful that others can overcome the fear that when she calls, it isn't a crisis or bad news.

Odette acknowledged that it could take families time to adjust to us changing and we need to realize they have a timeline to ad as well.

[37:19] Do you still get cravings?

Lauren said, no. During her first attempts they were horrible. She rarely has cravings now and when she does, they are mild. The more time she gets away from alcohol, the more in tune she is with her body. She is better prepared to identify her needs and the most common need is sleep.

[39:15] Tell me about the differences between Year 1 and Year 2.

Lauren said year one was about making it to the first year; she was amazed every day. The second year was her "what now" time. She is working to make her life the best it can be including things she put on the back burner, doing things that are good for her mind and body. She is also reaching out to women who are early in their recovery. It reminds her of how difficult it is when you are starting, and she doesn't want to go back there.

Through her recovery network, Lauren realizes that the mind is powerful and switching back to old behavior won't make anything better. She must remain committed to her recovery, so her mind doesn't let her forget.

[43:43] Have you noticed that FOMO (fear or missing out) has dissipated over time?

Lauren said, 100%. She believes the FOMO kept her drinking. Now that she accepts that she can't drink, she has less FOMO and participates in life more. She doesn't miss family events because she is drinking alone or hung over.

[45:01] How have you maintained connections with your recovery community during the pandemic?

Lauren said her 12-step community has zoom meetings which is not ideal, but she can stay connected to her people via Zoom. She attends Café RE chats as well and even when she isn't sharing, she feels connected.

She feels less isolated during a pandemic than she does when drinking.

Lauren's partner reminded her that her relapses and attempts at sobriety. were "just more information."

[48:45] Rapid Fire Round

1. What is a lightbulb moment for you during this journey?

Acceptance that I can't ever drink.

1. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Rum and raising

1. What has recovery made possible for you?

Everything, every one of the promises in the Big Book have come true.

1. What advice would you give to listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

Don't give up and keep trying even though you think that it isn't working and that it will never click. It will click!

You may have to ditch the booze if …

You buy a magnum bottle of wine and drink it an hour after you have left your third rehab center.

Odette's Summary

Odette challenges us to think of a positive affirmation about you that you can say about you to you. Practice saying it once a day. Affirmations help Odette get her though when she is in a fear-based place.

You are not alone, together is always better! Odette is grateful for you!

Upcoming events, retreats, and courses:

• Bozeman 2021 (August 18-22, 2021). This is our flagship annual retreat held in the pristine forests of Big Sky Country, 10 miles south of Bozeman, Montana. During this 5-day event, you'll discover how to expand the boundaries of your comfort zone.
• You can find more information about our events

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The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

Today we have Marcella. She took her last drink on September 6, 2018. She lives in San Diego. Marcella lives in the arena and she shares her journey with the world on sobriety, parenting, and authentic Mexican food. She leads from the front in a transparent way that is very inspiring. This is her journey of living alcohol free (AF).

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Finding Your Better You – Odette's weekly message.

Odette reflected on her recent comments about judgement. When we feel judgement creeping up, we need to remind ourselves that person we are judging is a flawed human trying their best … just like me. When we bring

judgment into recovery space because someone is doing it differently than we are we invite shame. If we want to help others recover, we need to detach from our shame. We need to manage our own path. Odette referenced an Instagram post from Lara Fraser saying, "nobody gets to define your recovery but you. You don't get to have an opinion on someone else's recovery – that's control. Control brings us closer to our ego and further from our soul's expansion.

Odette referenced Demi Lovato who is being criticized for her actions in her path to recovery. The reality is we are meant to stumble, to fall and to have a messy path. When you are in the spotlight – everyone is watching your falls and judging them. Let's give ourselves and each other permission to have our own messy journey and don't explain ourselves to others or worry about judgment.

Odette referenced a concept from Brene Brown's book, Dare to Lead. Brene says, the biggest barrier to a safe container is shame. Everybody needs a small, safe place to act and talk about doing hard work. A place where you don't have to be awesome or cool. You need to be un-cool, awkward, and goofy. We should strive to create safe containers where people can ask questions and be heard. Leading by fear and perfectionist cultures does not allow us to create safe containers. Perfection has no room in a safe container.

At Recovery Elevator, our goal is to provide a safe container for you. You matter, and we are here for you.

[7:33] Odette introduces Marcella

This episode was recorded in March which is Women's Month and Odette is excited to have a fellow Mexicana share who is standing in her truth and unapologetically owning her power.

Marcella said she is flawed like others and recognizes age helps you realize you only get one shot at this life and you need to live it authentically because if you don't and you continue pleasing others hiding your truth, you get sick and you die. Everything is on the table.

Marcella made it clear she is sharing from her own path, perspective and journey. She knows some of her views are unpopular. She comes from a long line of alcoholics and her personal journey to healing is forgetting about labels and boxes while relaxing into the idea that she can forge her own path to what it means to be happy and addiction free. She is living a happy and fulfilled life. She reminds us we are always working on the path of life – often avoiding pain, causes more pain.

[12:41] Do you remember the last time you took a drink?

Marcella had to look up an event to remember when she took her last drink. A family member she had never seen drunk was inebriated and Marcella had an incredibly negative reaction. She recognized the only way she could control this for herself was to eliminate the external element. Alcohol became an enemy. She didn't tell anyone for weeks or months, not even her husband.

Her last drink was on September 6, 2018. She didn't count days until she went back to look at the date which was a family party. She doesn't have any cravings. She was a heavy drinker starting at age fourteen and once she stopped, that was it; the craving was gone. It became easy because not drinking eliminated the anxiety, drama, micro aggressions, and major aggressions from her life.

[20:21] What does your day-to-day life look like?

Marcella said she doesn't have time to bullsh!t anymore; it takes away time from her goals. She tried AA, but it didn't work for her. She had so many things she wanted to focus on, so alcohol had no place in her life. She was able to identify what made her want to take the edge off with alcohol. It was an association with power and coolness. Facing the darkness, she tried to diminish with alcohol gave her power: the ultimate control of her body and her emotions. It takes a lot of courage to face what is making you want to take that drink. She stopped promoting alcohol in her cooking classes because she didn't want to be part of the marketing machine that tells people they need alcohol to survive. She doesn't want to be a woman selling alcohol to other women.

Marcella spoke about being and Adult Child(ren) of an Alcoholic and is proud she has conquered alcohol. The horrible addiction that has been in her family forever stops with her. The massive trophy has taught her to be kind and compassionate with herself.

[30:29] How did you shift to finding a soft entry point to yourself?

Marcella said it has been a journey. In moments when she has hated herself, or she is obsessing, Carina (Marcella's sister) reminds her of who she is and that gift she is to others. They are truly soulmates.

[32:18] Did you find the root of your addiction?

Marcella reads lots of Gabor Mate and the question he poses is: don't ask why the addiction, ask why the pain? She identified childhood abuse, abandonment and living with alcoholism on both sides of her family. Another reason AA didn't work for her is because she equated anonymity with shame. She has spoken "the sh!t" out of her problems very publicly. The gems, gifts and knowledge that have come from her openness have been immeasurable. Marcella believes that none of us escape trauma. It's a broad umbrella and part of the human experience. We all experience some form (along the spectrum) of trauma. It is impossible to escape. Marcella needed to face the loneliness that comes with shame. She no longer feels like an alien. She finds healing in acknowledging her common trauma without shame and then her soul rested.

Marcella said the fear of appearing ungrateful or disloyal to our parents (particularly for Latinas) often inhibits us from sharing the trauma that came with our upbringing. You can love, be grateful and loyal to your parents and still heal. They can coexist in a space of love.

Marcella's children are the center of her universe and her biggest teachers. When you research childhood development the magnitude of your responsibility becomes clear. One of her biggest flaws is feeling like she is a bad mother. Her children are her greatest gift. The anxiety that comes with motherhood and her thoughts and expectations of herself can be overwhelming. The role of mother is her biggest anxiety. Conquering alcohol is helpful to managing that anxiety. Marcella doesn't believe that the more you suffer, the better a matriarch you are. La familia doesn't require you sacrifice yourself and your authenticity. Latina women don't need to diminish their lives to become matriarchs. The journey is so important and diminishing yourself is not a good message for your kids.

Marcella said, you must do the work to put yourself in the company of people who can support you. It took so much work for Marcella to separate herself from certain relationships and put herself in the relationship she is in now. It took A LOT of courage, humility, re-programming and breaking down her walls to be in an authentic partnership. She emphasized, you have to do the work to attract the people who have the strength, courage, and values to support you. The universe will continue to throw the same problems at you until you figure it out.

[51:34] What does work mean to you? What tools have helped you?

Marcella did therapy early in her life, but it was cyclical and did not help. She is studious and finds a lot of her solutions in books. The philosophy of Yoga has been a massive support to her, and she has taken courses in Yoga that have aided her healing.

Marcella's relationship with her sister is very significant and her sister often acts as her therapist. In the past ten years they dove deep into their childhood issues and verbalizing them has helped her to heal.

Marcella reminds herself of the rewards that have come because of her sobriety and she says them out loud as a reminder. Her ability to teach cooking classes and be herself are a reward of being sober.

She said if AA (or another modality) doesn't work for you it doesn't make you a failure. AA has served hundreds of millions of people, and some people are resistant to AA, it's simply not their path. There are multiple other paths – just don't give up. Recovery isn't black and white. Be a scholar of your F'ups. Have the courage to review them and you will become what you are meant to become.

[1:04] Rapid Fire Round

1. What would you say to your younger self?

Everything is going to be all right

1. What is an unexpected perk of sobriety?

You get your health back.

1. What advice would you give to listeners who are thinking about ditching the booze?

There is more than one path, and it might take you a minute to get there. Just be patient and kind to yourself.

Odette's Summary

Odette reminds us we are doing a great job. Be empowered to take the steps you need to stay on this path, but also to seek out and create your safe container. You deserve it.

You are not alone, together is always better! Stay weird, stay goofy, stay you.

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"

Today we hear from Aimee, who is the wife of one of our members. Aimee will share from the perspective of what it's like to live with someone struggling with alcohol addiction.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Aimee is the wife of Kris, one of the members of Café RE. Kris shared his message on episodes 175 and 278. He also does a lot of work for Café RE. Take a listen. Kris stands out by helping others and being of service.

https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-175-anxiety-and-alcohol/

https://www.recoveryelevator.com/re-278-day-one-emotions/

Odette's Weekly Message – Finding your better you.

Odette is focusing on loved ones. She is an adult child of an alcoholic. She has experienced her own struggles with addiction and married someone who struggles with addiction.

When Odette's Dad went into treatment, she was advised by the counselor that the whole family would be impacted. While only one family member has the disease, everyone gets infected at some level.

Being a part of the solution for her Dad was a tough spill to swallow. Odette attended Al-Anon to learn how to take care of herself while her Dad was treating his addiction. Odette remembers how scary some of the meetings were because of the number of broken relationships. Her inclination was to try to fix the problem, but she quickly learned she had to get out of the way and learn to take care of herself. She is still learning to detach with love by setting boundaries.

[10:33] Odette introduces Aimee.

Aimee is 37 and lives in North Dakota with Kris and their two kids. She is a teacher, loves playing piano, singing, and leading worship at her church.

[13:45] Tell us about your journey and how you experienced life with Kris.

Aimee met Kris her freshman year of college and fell in love right away. She was so enthralled with him; everything seemed normal.

Kris was deployed overseas in the military. He would call Aimee and was always drinking when he called home to deal with the stress of deployment. Aimee knew there was a problem. They got married, and when Kris came back from deployment, Aimee got pregnant right away. Kris was deployed again, and Aimee didn't drink because she was pregnant. Kris came home ten days before Ava was born, and they were two different people because of the time apart. Kris's drinking continued to escalate. They went through ups and downs, and Aimee thought things were getting better.

Their marriage has been a wild adventure because of moves, career changes, etc. Aimee had a mix of resentment and shame about Kris' drinking. At the height of his drinking, he would turn things around on her to avoid being attacked. As a couple, they tore each other apart. Aimee tried to protect Kris. She would set the alarm so she could pick up the beer cans before the kids got up in the morning. She lied to her pastor about Kris' absences and recognized she was compromising her values.

Kris' emotions were intense and amplified when he was hungover.

[10:15] Did you start second-guessing yourself?

Aimee said she was constantly questioning if she was enough. She took her marriage vows very seriously and started to become a doormat. There was a lot of manipulation. Kris would gaslight Aimee about his drinking, the bank account, and other things. Engaging in church and prayer was instrumental for Aimee. She began to realize that being a martyr or savior wasn't a safe place to be. She couldn't compromise her safety. They went on a road trip, and Kris drove drunk for five hours, and Aimee was overwhelmed and exhausted. Prayer helped her resolve that she couldn't live that way anymore.

[22:57] What did you do when you realized you couldn't do it anymore?

Aimee said after the road trip, the conversation between them shifted. She begged Kris to get help. He asked her who her lawyer was and said he would never love her enough to quit drinking. It took Aimee a long time to start to forgive him. She didn't believe him anymore, and it took a long time to rebuild trust.

[24:13] Was church a source of support for you?

Aimee said she couldn't do it on her own. Her church community never told her what she wanted to hear; they told her what she needed to hear. The church encouraged her to focus on herself and her next steps. It was the first time Aimee looked inside and didn't focus on Kris.

[26:44] How did you shift from feeling like a victim to looking within?

Aimee said the church worked with both of them separately and helped keep them on the same page. Aimee prayed and meditated a lot. Kris surrendered. They both surrendered at different times. Aimee had to let go of the bitterness. She said she was drinking poison and expecting Kris to get sick. She told Kris she loved him and didn't know what to do. It was a shift and became a point of empowerment for her to trust others and do work on herself. They went to marriage counseling, and Aimee went to counseling on her own. Aimee did EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) to deal with trauma from her marriage and her past. Aimee has done a lot of work learning how to build relationships, and the experience has been life-changing.

Aimee still has some flashbacks, particularly on road trips. All of their positive interactions slowly replace the negative ones of the past. While it may be a cliché, time does heal

[33:02] Tell me about the dynamics at home? How have the kids responded?

Aimee said they have been very open about their story with the kids. Dinner time is their favorite time now, and it was the worst when Kris was drinking. Their son wrote a book about the adventures of his sober Dad. He even quoted Paul Churchill's book, "Alcohol is Shit!". Their son looks forward to hugging his wife now that Kris is demonstrating new behaviors with the family.

Aimee shared that she and Kris have learned emotional and spiritual intimacy as well as physical intimacy. Their conversations are more vulnerable than the physical connection. It has been a lot of hard work, but so worth the effort.

[38:27] How is your experience with Kris in Café RE and other people in sobriety?

Aimee said Kris joined Café Re when they were separated. She said it was hard at first because Kris was being celebrated for all of his sobriety milestones. She was envious of his coins – where was her medal? Aimee has been to a Café RE meet up in Minneapolis, and she prays for all of the people she met. She supports Kris's model of "leave nobody behind". She doesn't mind the interruptions, and she supports his efforts with prayer. Aimee loves how Café RE retreats benefit Kris' recovery. She always notices a positive difference when she comes home, and she knows that helps their family.

Café RE feels Aimee's support through the videos she posts when Kris reaches a milestone. Aimee said five years ago, she never would have believed they would be where they are today. She is excited and believes the best is yet to come.

[43:14] Do you drink? Are you a normie?

Aimee hasn't had a drink in 7-8 years, and she doesn't miss it at all. She likes tea and doesn't favor the LaCroix as Kris, and the rest of us do.

[44:06] How were you able to separate that it was not about you?

Aimee said, when she figures it out, she will let us know. Recovery is like peeling back the layers of an onion. She encourages all spouses to be kind to themselves. It's ok not to be ok. It's ok not to have all of the answers. Lean in on your Faith, regardless of what you call your Higher Power. You will need it to move through recovery as well.

Odette's Summary

Odette encourages all family members to check out recommended Al-Anon, Melody Beattie, Smart Recovery for Friends and Family, Pia Melody, and traditional therapy.

Resource Links:

https://al-anon.org/

https://www.smartrecovery.org/family/

https://melodybeattie.com/

http://www.piamellody.com/

By helping yourself, you are better at supporting your loved one.

You are not alone, together is always better!

Affiliate Link for Amazon:

Shop via Amazon using this link.

The book, Alcohol is SH!T, is out. Pick up your paperback copy on Amazon here! You can get the Audible version here!

Resources:

Recovery Elevator YouTube - Subscribe here!

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

"Recovery Elevator – Without the darkness you would never

know the light - I love you guys"