Recovery Elevator

Today we have Tori, with 16 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Self-Loathing is rampant in addiction, and it needs to be addressed and curtailed if we want to find long-term recovery. Self-trash talk is a double whammy when we judge ourselves harshly. We are both the attacker, and the attacked. Dr. Kristin Neff's book "Self Compassion" is summarized.

SHOW NOTES

[9:25] Paul Introduces Tori. I am from Gainesville Florida; I have lived here since I was 10. I am 24 years old. I am a proud mom to a Chi Wawa named Tucker. I like to craft, and go to the springs.

[14:39] Paul- What was the deciding factor to listen to the RE podcast, and contact the host?

Tori- My DUI was my bottom, the way I portrayed myself to the officer in December of 2015.

[18:35] Paul- I'm going to read one sentence from the email you sent to me. "I don't drink everyday, I don't have withdrawals, what I do have is the inability to control myself once I start drinking". Talk to me more about that.

Tori- During the workweek I like to keep my head on straight. The culture in town is to drink, and to binge drink. I have been doing these bar tours since I was 17.

[24:34] Paul- What has it been like these past 16 days?

Tori- I have been preoccupied with work. I was moving for one of the weekends. The hardest day was when two of my best friends came over and brought wine. I didn't drink, and they didn't care. I haven't had that breakthrough of clarity yet. I kind of feel that I am in limbo.

[32:58] Paul- To this point, what have you lost to alcohol?

Tori- A lot of my dignity, you gain more dignity in sobriety. Other things I have lost are trust with my parents. I have lost my sense of safety. I was taken to the back seat of a car and taken advantage of. I was beaten up, and had a concussion; I lost a ton of money.

[37:01] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? The DUI, it affected many more people than myself. The sexual assault was the worst, but I try not to associate drinking with that.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? Every single time I do something dumb. Every time I lose a notch of my dignity.
3. What's your plan moving forward? What I have been doing has been working. I like listening to the podcasts. Most of my friends probably all have a drinking problem.
4. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Take it one day at a time; realize that you are better than your addiction.
5. You might be an alcoholic if spend the night on a chair that is not yours in front of a house that you do not own or rent. Or if you choose to not take the advice of the people that care about you the most, and continue with your bad habits.

Resources:

Self-Compassion Dr. Kristin Neff

Dr. Kristin Neff- CMSC website

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Peri, with 81 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Paul summarizes a talk by Tara Brach named "Healing Addiction: De-Conditioning the Hungry Ghosts"

Addiction is addiction, it doesn't matter what it is, it is applicable. Tara talks about the "hungry ghosts" of addiction. There is a sense that something is missing. A feeling that this moment does not contain enough happiness. How you live today is how you live the rest of your life. When we don't have basic needs met, we reach out for a substitute. We must find a way to love ourselves.

SHOW NOTES

[11:11] Paul Introduces Peri. I have been sober since May 8, 2016. I am a bartender, I live in Salt Lake City, Utah. I am a poet, and have been writing more in sobriety.

[12:58] Paul- Describe your drinking habits, how much did you used to drink?

Peri- I think by the end I was drinking 20-30 shots of whiskey a day, and 5 beers. I tried all types of rules with most of them meant to be broken. I think I started to derail when I was 17 years old. I knew by the time I was 21, I had a problem.

[16:13] Paul- Talk to us about some of the things you have had to change?

Peri- A big thing for me is friendships. Almost everyone I associated with drank like I did. I had to cut almost everyone out of my life. I had to start fresh like I knew no one in the city.

[20:19] Paul- You quit smoking and drinking at the same time, tell us about that?

Peri- I quit soda at the same time too. 5 aspirin and a large Coke used to get me through the hangovers. I had massive blood clots, so I had to quit both to avoid the health consequences.

[25:11] Paul- What's on your bucket list in sobriety, what do you hope to accomplish?

Peri- Some days it is One Day at a time, others it is the moon. I am saving up for a truck, I would like to travel more. I would like to get off my blood thinners. Healing my body would be a huge moment for me.

[29:45] Paul- What do you do when you have the cravings?

Peri- I eat a lot of ice cream. Either Pistachio, or Peanut butter ice cream, sometimes Raspberry.

[35:27] Paul- How is it today? How are you on day 81?

Peri- I feel really great, doing an interview right now. Meeting up with my friends, having some dinner. I legitimately haven't experienced a sober birthday in 10 years. I am looking forward to remembering it. I have been trying the meditation. I have been researching alcoholism. I have been pretty active in Café RE. Occasionally, I will go to AA, but only when I need an extra boost.

[37:30] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? I don't know, there were a lot. I was hanging out with a shady group of people who had alcohol. I fell, and these people left me on a curb with a big gash on my head.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? My last job I got fired from, because I was taking shots of alcohol in the bathroom before my shift.
3. What's your plan moving forward? I'm going to keep digging in; reading, writing, and it will all figure itself out.
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? Café RE. I listen to the podcasts, but the Facebook group is great to describe what I am feeling, and have the communication with the group.
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Nothing worthwhile is ever easy.
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Anything in your life that is a toxic influence, get rid of it. It is not conducive to your sobriety.
7. You might be an alcoholic if you wake up on the sidewalk.

Resources:

Healing Addiction: De-Conditioning the Hungry Ghosts

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Tyler, with 137 days since his last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Paul summarizes the book "When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron.

How can we live our lives when everything seems to fall apart—when we are continually overcome by fear, anxiety, and pain? The answer, Pema Chödrön suggests, might be just the opposite of what you expect. Here, in her most beloved and acclaimed work, Pema shows that moving toward painful situations and becoming intimate with them can open up our hearts in ways we never before imagined. Drawing from traditional Buddhist wisdom, she offers life-changing tools for transforming suffering and negative patterns into habitual ease and boundless joy.

SHOW NOTES

[7:45] Paul Introduces Tyler. I'm 33, live in Austin, Texas. I am an editor for a national magazine, and I am an HIV pharmacy rep in Texas. I have 2 standard Poodles named Jones and Indy (Counting Crowes reference, not the movies).

[12:57] Paul- When did you realize that maybe your drinking is not normal?

Tyler- I started about 3 years ago evaluating my own behavior. I wanted to look into my own behaviors and recognize that I'm 33, and I am binge drinking 3 nights a week. I took a 30-day sober challenge, and then I was wasted on day 31.

[17:06] Paul- Was it a question in your mind that you were getting worse?

Tyler- I still question whether I was or not (having a problem with alcohol). Let's just go ahead and say I have a problem with it. My balance is none at all. If I weren't so exposed to alcoholism, it wouldn't have showed me what it could do to a person.

[21:21] Paul- It sounds like you woke up one day and said "I have a drinking disorder." How did that feel when you reached that conclusion?

Tyler- It was terrifying, I was going slowly in the process. I did go to an AA meeting my first month. It is a wonderful program, and I will never close my door to that program. It was organizing my thoughts around what I am, and what I'm not.

[29:19] Paul- Walk us through a typical day for Tyler.

Tyler- I am still figuring out how I do it. I went to a wedding in Mexico at a resort, which had, it struggles. I volunteer a whole bunch; I volunteer at an animal shelter, and at a local clinic. I do meditate quite a bit for 20-30 minutes a day. I am on a kickball team here in Austin. The hardest part about my journey is navigating my same social circles sober.

[32:47] Paul- What have you learned most about yourself in recovery?

Tyler- I'm honestly a very intense person. Alcohol used to water down my intensity. I have to find other ways of chilling out.

[35:23] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? The memory that I lost. The worst memory is having zero memories.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? It boils down to that one last night. It turned into an all night party.
3. What's your plan moving forward? To stay sober. We are getting married, and working on adoption. Talking about it publicly, and being an open book for others helps me keep my head on straight.
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? A Recovery podcast episode- RE 74: 50 Ways to Stay Sober This Summer.
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Alcohol is literally shit, and why are you putting it in your body?
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you are thinking about getting sober, do it. Lean to the side that says you have a problem, don't run the other way.
7. You might be an alcoholic if you wake up with a wig on, and you don't know how it happened.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

RE 74: 50 Ways to Stay Sober This Summer

Gay, Fabulous, and Drinking Myself to Death

"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema Chodron

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Randy, who took his last drink on December 30th, 2016.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Paul comments on a video show on stopdrinkingexpert.com titled "Alcohol will kill you" If we can put "smoking kills" packaging of cigarettes, why can't we put similar labels on alcohol? This documentary takes place in the UK, but is contemporaneous throughout the globe. They found that 50% of the people tested had elevated liver values. The price of alcohol has become significantly cheaper than it was 30 or 40 years ago. Fear does not harness long term sustainable sobriety. www.stopdrinkingexpert.com [8:26] Paul introduces Randy with a sobriety date of 12/30/2016. I am 39 years old, with 4 kids aged 12, 10, 4, and 2. I am from Indianapolis, IN, and currently relocating to the Denver area. I am a restaurant manager who enjoys hiking, and spending time with my kids. Drinking wasn't really fun anymore. I found myself drinking alone by myself most of the time. [17:05] Paul- Would you classify yourself as a high bottom drunk? Randy- No one really believed that I was an alcoholic, even when I started going to AA, and getting into recovery. The older I am getting the hangovers became too difficult to deal with. People who aren't involved in recovery, have a difficult time understanding what we go through. [22:41] Paul- Is AA the main vein for how you got sober? Randy- I hit a streak of RE podcasts where AA wasn't mentioned at all and I remember being excited that I didn't have to go to any meetings to get sober. Then I heard a few RE episodes where people started to get traction with their sobriety had success with AA. I went to a few meetings before I found one I really liked and connected with the people there. I found a sponsor, and have been working the steps and making progress. [25:56] Paul- What was it like when you first quit drinking? Randy- I wasn't sleeping great initially. Sleep is amazing now. The second day without drinking I woke up at 6:00 am, and was binge listening to podcasts and working out. The first few days were rough for sure. Finding those activities and things to do that replace drinking are important. I joined the RE Facebook group within the first 2 weeks. [30:53] Paul- Walk us through a typical day in sobriety now. Randy- I am there for my kids more now. I like to spend time with my sponsor at least once a week. I always check in with the Café RE Facebook group. I am trying to eat a little better, and exercise more. I look forward to so many more things now, instead of trying to get everything accomplished so I can drink. [35:37] Paul- Has it been tough being in the restaurant business through sobriety? Randy- It has it's challenges, but hasn't been too bad. Seeing the hangovers on my servers faces keeps me grounded in my recovery, and reminds me of what I don't miss from drinking. [38:06] Rapid Fire Round What was your worst memory from drinking? We went out with my little brother, and I tried to keep up with his friends. We did shots of Irish car bombs, I was so hungover the next day. We had to get up early and go to a "Fun Fair" at my daughters school. All the parents were happy and engaging, I didn't want to be there and just wanted to hide. Did you ever have an "oh shit" moment"? I remember coming home from work and finding only 8 beers in the fridge. I was angry because I knew that wasn't going to be enough. I had to go to the liquor store and get more before I could start drinking. What's your plan in sobriety? I want to keep moving forward in my sobriety. Meditation is on my list, and I want to continue doing what has worked for me so far. What's your favorite resource in recovery? "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace What's the best advice you have received? Find what works for you. Talking to people who are sober have all sorts of different paths, but end up sober. What parting piece of advice can you give to listeners who are thinking of quitting drinking, or in early recovery? If you are thinking about getting sober, then let's do it! I haven't regretted a day of sobriety thus far. If my life doesn't improve, I can always go back to drinking. If I don't make changes now, I know I will regret them later. You might be an alcoholic if you still pack a cooler to take to parties, but now it is full of La Croix and other sparkling waters.

Today we have Odette, with 7 days since her last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Paul breaks down and discusses the article: "The Spiritual Consequences of Alcohol Consumption" by Zahrah Sita

Although it is mass produced, mass promoted, legal, and ingested by a multitude of people all over the world, most people don't ever consider or understand the spiritual consequences of drinking alcohol.

Let's begin by taking a look at the etymology of the Word alcohol. Etymology means the root of the word… where it is derived from.

The word "Alcohol" comes from the Arabic "al-kuhl" which means "BODY EATING SPIRIT", and gives root origins to the English term for "ghoul". In Middle Eastern folklore, a "ghoul" is an evil demon thought to eat human bodies, either as stolen corpses or as children.

The words "alembic" and "alcohol", both metaphors for aqua vitae or "life water" and "spirit", often refer to a distilled liquid that came from magical explorations in Middle Eastern alchemy.

[5:45] Paul Introduces Odette. I have been sober one week, so still riding the "Pink Cloud". I am from Guadalajara, Mexico and currently reside in San Diego California. I am 29 years old, I am married and have 2 kids, and I am a wellness and fitness coach. For fun I love going to the beach, cooking, and going to concerts.

[8:00] Paul- Describe your drinking habits over the last 10 years, 5 years.

Odette- I started only drinking on weekends. Then over time it turned into drinking everyday, and heavy drinking on the weekends. I noticed a natural progression of my drinking habits.

[16:02] Paul- When was it you that decided you needed to quit drinking?

Odette- It had been on my mind for months. I am a very optimistic person, and the past few months I was living from a place of fear.

[19:23] Paul- What's it been like the past week?

Odette- It's been hard. I have a 3 year old and an 8 month old. Being grounded helps me kick the urge. My number one assignment is to be a mother, a present mother. I really just enjoyed being a mom. Listening to podcasts every single day, exercise and self-care. One day at a time.

[22:40] Paul- Have you ever had a rock bottom moment in regards to alcohol?

Odette- The morning after the Super bowl. I spoke with my dad about not drinking anymore. Pay attention to your own compass. People perceive you differently than you are.

[29:14] Paul- What advice can you give to someone struggling to recognize his or her own addiction struggles?

Odette- I think the best advice I can give is I wish I would have known two concepts. If you know your why, it will help you surrender quicker. Write out your vision.

[33:18] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? That event we talked about, the Super bowl where I didn't spend a moment looking at the screen.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? I don't think I had a clear moment; I was tired of listening to the little voice telling me it was time.
3. What's your plan moving forward? Accountability for sure. I love listening to personal development.
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? Melody Beattie's book: "The Language of Letting Go". I love the Recovery Elevator podcast, and Café RE.
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? You can't do it alone.
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Own your truth, own your story. Do an inventory on yourself. It will help you to surrender.
7. You might be an alcoholic if you start creating rules for yourself around drinking. Also if you have any parents that have struggled with addiction.

Resources:

http-//educateinspirecha#4A112C

https://www.eckharttolle.com/books/newearth/

http://melodybeattie.com/books/language-letting-go-hazelden-meditation-series/

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Pete, with 488 days of sobriety shares his story.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Rule Number One of podcasting is plug in the microphone.

SHOW NOTES

[2:19] Paul Introduces Pete. I am 38 years old, and golfing is my favorite leisure activity. I have an 8-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son. I am in construction sales, mostly traveling around Ohio and surrounding states.

[6:07] Paul- When did you realize you had a problem with alcohol Pete?

Pete- I've always known, or at least had the fear of having a problem. I could drink a case of beer by myself in High school.

[12:23] Paul- Was this a bottom you experienced, or where you done?

Pete- I hit a spiritual bottom. Things that were important, no longer seemed important. My wife, great job, and truck were all things that weren't making me happy. I realized that doing these things that I was taught would make me happy weren't. I was bankrupt spiritually and emotionally. My wife opened the work bench, and the drawer was full of empty and full booze bottles. They were devastated. I realized that suicide wasn't' an option. That was the moment that made me change everything.

[17:25] Paul- What was the outpatient therapy like? Walk us through that.

Pete- I went to a state certified program. I attended with several other professionals who learned a great deal about addiction and recovery.

[24:44] Paul- What have you learned most about yourself these past 488 days?

Pete- I have learned that I like peace, calm, and serenity. I accepted chaos because that is what I knew. My life is really good, but I made it really bad by a lot of choices that I made.

[28:18] Paul- Have you had cravings, and how do you overcome cravings them?

Pete- My cravings as of today are more "I would like a drink" but more thoughts than cravings. In the beginning I had physical cravings. I don't have the impulse to drink now. Alcohol was the medicine that fixed everything for me.

[30:25] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? The experience with my wife and daughter not being able to ride bikes because of my booze hidden in the drawer.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? For me it was when my mother in law died from alcoholism, in the nursing home my biggest thought was how do I get out of here and have a drink without anyone noticing.
3. What's your plan moving forward? Continue to present in the moment, and doing, not thinking about things I don't do, and then regretting them. I just need to do the best I can.
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? Meditation and Prayer. I've used the Headspace app, there is a meditation guru that lives in our village.
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Follow direction. Putting faith in a blind process.
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? You are feeling the way you are supposed to be feeling at that time. Talk to other people. My feelings are normal; it's okay to relearn.
7. You might be an alcoholic if when you walk out of your recovery center, and you see one of your friends that you've been partying with forever and he says "Hey Pete, I was surprised to see you here." Then I thought about it, and It's really not much of a surprise to see you here.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

"The most effective way to do it, is to do it." - Amelia Earhart

Paul discusses his difficulties in quitting smoking, and it's parallels to quitting drinking. Alcohol is not your friend. Stop drinking cold turkey, and don't try to a taper off strategy. Rip the Band-Aid off. Get rid of the booze from your house. At this moment, you are not stronger than your addiction. One day at a time. Thinking must be flipped. Quitting drinking is an opportunity to get your life back, not a sacrifice. Write down a list of pros and cons from quitting drinking. Don't worry about your weight initially. Get through sobriety first. Schedule personal time for exercise. Life happens, and we need to build up our coping skills muscles without alcohol. Accountability is the underlying theme of this entire podcast. Celebrate the milestones, and be happy with your progress.

Leah, with 19 days since her last drink, shares her story.

SHOW NOTES

[11:20] Paul Introduces Leah. My last drink was June 3rd, so my sobriety date is June 4th. I am 34; I have been married since 2010. I have a 6-year-old daughter, and a 2-year-old son. I'm not really sure what I do for fun; I'm still figuring that out.

[13:01] Paul- When did you realize that perhaps you had a drinking problem?

Leah- I grew up with drinkers. My dad will still get wasted and he is in his 70's. I would watch him pass out at the table at 7:00, and that was normal. It really hit home over the past few years. I would go to bed drunk, and wake up foggy and disconnected from everybody. I didn't drink to relax; I drank to feel normal again.

[17:35] Paul- With 19 days of sobriety have you noticed an uptick of being mindful and present in the moment?

Leah- Absolutely. I want to give a spin on my story as a mom. It is hard to have moms admit that they are an alcoholic. As a mom, I would watch other moms accomplish so many tasks, and didn't know when they had time to drink. Now I have all this energy to do things. I took my 2-year-old running.

[20:28] Paul- 19 days ago was something building up? Was there a rock bottom moment?

Leah- I didn't want to quit drinking. I wanted to change my life to accommodate drinking. For the past 2 years we have had some family issues. I am not the person I wanted to be, and it started to impact my happiness.

[27:58] Paul- What was it like the first 24, 48,72 hours?

Leah- I had thought over the past year that I wasn't physically addicted. I had a habit, and I had to create a new habit. Now I drink coffee when I get home instead of wine.

[35:08] Paul- If you had an open schedule, would you go to an AA meeting?

Leah- Yes. I am skeptical, but I have gotten to the point where I realized you can get something valuable from whatever is out there. You can make anything work for you if you have that desire.

[39:17] Paul- What's on your bucket list in sobriety? What do you want to accomplish with this new life.

Leah- Be present, be engaged, and mindful. Get fit, and spend quality time with my family. I would like to wake up earlier, and center myself. Checking in with like-minded people will be important. I would like to add meetings to my resources.

[42:55] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? There was one night where I thought I was losing my mind. Screaming matches with my husband. I was losing the grip on reality.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? Waking up with my hands shaking. The times I would stop to get a "juice box" on my way to pick up the kids.

1. What's your favorite resource in recovery? Recovery Elevator podcast. Something to hold onto when you need it. Something you can grab when you need a reminder.
2. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? Writing a goodbye letter to alcohol. My relationship with alcohol is over. It's time to break up. If I need to go back, alcohol will be there. I don't want to go back.
3. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you're thinking about quitting, it's probably something you need to do. You'll get there on your own time if need be.
4. You might be an alcoholic if the running joke is you fall asleep on the toilet multiple times.

Resources mentioned in this episode

Thanks to Kathy Von Lintel for doing the show notes the past 6 months!

Recovery Elevator Retreat

Connect with Cafe RE- Use the promo code Elevator for your first month free

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Dawn with a sobriety date of November 27th 2016.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

Paul discusses the webinar, which took place in Café Re, and focused on why taking action is so hard. It's much better to focus on the action and not the results. We are definitely in a results oriented society. Focus on the journey and not the destination. Success can follow a flawed effort, and failure can follow a flawless effort.

If your happiness is predicated on your success, and if your success is predicated on a specific outcome, then you are setting yourself up for a high likelihood of frustration and disappointment. If you instead let go the need for any particular outcome, you increase your chances for success and contentment. View each attempt as practice for the next attempt.

SHOW NOTES

[8:09] Paul Introduces Dawn. I'm single, 42, and I'm from Poole in the U.K. In the daytime I work in accounts, in the evening I'm generally working on my blog. I love going out to dinner with friends, and walking to work. Set myself a challenge to do 10,000 steps a day.

[10:10] Paul- Tell us more about this experiment to live you life without alcohol.

Dawn- The plan was to give up alcohol for a year. I was struck down with flu, and I gave up alcohol then, instead of waiting until the New Year. I decided to write down my journey, and document it on my blog. It's been filled with positivity.

[13:35] Paul- The way I've made it this far in sobriety, and been successful, is that I looking at it as an opportunity instead of a sacrifice. Is that something that you are experiencing as well? You're looking at this as an opportunity instead of a sacrifice?

Dawn- Yeah, definitely. I don't think I realized how unhappy I was drinking. I was more of a binge drinker than a drink everyday, drink in the morning type person. My weekend would be properly drinking from Friday through Sunday. Drinking copious amounts of alcohol to the point that I was sick the next day. I don't see that as a sacrifice, giving that up that kind of mentality, since it was so much binging and purging.

[14:53] Paul- When did you first realize that perhaps that you wanted to quit drinking? Was it something that happened?

Dawn- I was conscience that I was drinking too much in one sitting, not remembering how I got home, kind of dangerous drinking really. If I drove somewhere I would have nothing, instead of a single glass of wine. Because if I had one, it wouldn't stay at one. Once I started, it was difficult to stop.

[18:06] Paul- Can you tell me about a time when you started drinking and you found the "off switch" a little difficult to find? Was that progressive for you? Did it become harder and harder to stop?

Dawn- Yeah, I was born without an "off switch". The first time I really remember getting drunk I was probably about 15 or 16. Early twenties living with friends, drinking was a massive part of our lives together. The men that I met were a massive part of that as well. It didn't spiral rapidly.

[22:16] Paul- How are you staying sober now?

Dawn- It's a matter of changing everything. I thought life would carry on the same. Everything has changed. I write a post for my blog at least once a week. Trying to keep other people encouraged to carry on. I used to always have a special drink as a reward for hard work. I no longer do that. I have a drink when I am thirsty.

[26:31] Paul- There's a quote in recovery- You don't have to change much, you just gotta change everything. Is that how it went down for you?

Dawn- I still struggle with the social side of things. I was the party animal. It's difficult to go from that to- it's dark and I've got to get home. I find it hard to socialize without alcohol. I'm not good with big crowds. I've come to terms that I won't be that person again.

[28:40] Paul- What have you learned most about yourself in these past 6 months of sobriety?

Dawn- I've never really believed in loving yourself. Now I keep saying to people you have to love yourself. I haven't loved myself for 40 years. I realized I'm not the person I thought I was. In my previous job I wasn't really helping people and I didn't think I could. It's being confident in myself, rather than what other people think.

[31:31] Paul- How do you feel about alcohol being an addictive substance, and perhaps there is no void?

Dawn- For me, the feeling is what was addictive. I was the crier. Alcohol gave me an emotional release. For me it gave me an emotional release, woe is me! For a window of 15 minutes I would feel amazing, then I would go over the top. Then you're miserable. I think really it was the way it made me feel for 15 minutes before the crying would start.

[33:27] Paul- What are your goals in sobriety?

Dawn- I've always wanted to go to Thailand. Stop waiting around for something to happen. I was too tired, and lazy, and in bed. Now I'm full of energy, and I'm going to make it happen on my own in January.

[35:18] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? Getting home, and waking up the next day at 4:00, and not remembering getting home in a taxi.
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? I was a drunk texter. Sometimes I couldn't even touch my phone. They were my worst moments really working out who I had contacted the night before.
3. What's your plan moving forward? Keep the blog going beyond being sober. Maybe the hope rehab center in January. Listening to podcasts more than music, listening to other people's journeys.
4. What's your favorite resource in recovery? I love the online forums. Club soda, team sober UK, and listening to Podcasts. It is amazing listening to other peoples journeys
5. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? The best thing to do is go for each day at a time. Breaking it into chunks can work. Un-break the habit.
6. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Never give up. I admire those who never give up. I recommend writing down how you're feeling. I literally flooded my mind with sobriety.
7. You might be an alcoholic if you find yourself questioning that you might be an alcoholic, then you probably are.

Resources:

[email protected]

http://www.soberfish.co.uk

http://www.belvoirfruitfarms.com/

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Garrett, with 16 days since his last drink.

Today's Sponsor: Café RE Use the promo code CONNECT for one free month in the alcohol-free community Café RE.

SHOW NOTES

[ 9:15 ] Paul Introduces Garrett. I've had stretches of sobriety, I had 14 months, and I've had 3 years. I live in Southern California, in Santa Clarita. I work in outside sales, which is a non-structured job perfect for an alcoholic with hangovers. I'm 43, married, like going to Dodger Games. I have 2 kids, 1 in high school, and one in junior high.

[10:45] Paul- What was the impotence behind you quitting alcohol for 3 years, and then for 14 months?

Garrett- The hangovers for me are the body's way of saying you've put a bunch of poison willingly in your body, and this is the result of it. I would be laid out for a full day. Thinking in the moment there is no possible way this could happen again. The feeling in my stomach, I can't move, or get out of the bed until 4:00 or 5:00 in the evening. One of those times I stopped for 3 years, didn't go to any program. I lost weight, and started drinking again without any reason. I would romanticize drinking, and once I got the buzz, there was no way I could stop now. I would have to drink to continue with only a short window of feeling good. The cost of that was being completely laid out the entire next day.

[13:35] Paul- What was it like when you first drank after 3 years? Do you remember the first night? Did you pick up right where you left off?

Garrett- No, not really. It was a gradual thing, a slow buildup. My elevator is kind of chaotic; it's like the elevator at the tower of terror at Disney world. At that point it was gradual. I would wait for people to go to sleep, get a six-pack, and when that was gone, drunk drive to the liquor store and buy some more. I would start with a bottle of wine, then I would go back to the store for tall boys. I don't know how many I would buy, but I would wake out, the room would start completely shaking, I would close my eyes, and that would be it.

[15:45] Paul- Garrett you mentioned a word earlier that I would like to explore- Fascinating. You would tell yourself I'm only having a couple, but then just game on. Can you tell me more about that fascinating part for you?

Garrett- It was complete and total amnesia every single time. Forgetting the hangovers. The amount of times I would lose not doing the things I wanted to do because I would be hung-over. Because I'm not a bum in the street, I didn't feel I was a true alcoholic.

[19:30] Paul- Was there a rock bottom moment 16 days ago? How come you quit drinking?

Garrett- It wasn't a single rock bottom. I have season tickets for the Dodgers. If there was ever a sport made for sitting and drinking beer it is baseball. The beer vendor at the stadium recognized me; I would have to go different vendors because I was embarrassed. The drunk driving home from the games, then going to bars, then drunk driving home again. I dented the garage with my car, and realized with a moment of clarity that this sh#t has got to stop.

[22: 01] Paul- Before I hit the record button you mentioned you felt like you were ping ponging back and forth between: Am I an alcoholic? Do I have a drinking problem? Tell us more about that.

Garrett- It was a stretch of a few days where I would just continually have a few days (of sobriety), and then I would be like "I'm not" because I would have a few days and that proves it. The hangover goes away and I would think I'm not (an alcoholic) again.

[ 24:00] Paul- Is it harder this time around, do you remember?

Garrett- This time I've got 16 days. I'm trying to arm myself with some resources. I'm in a Pink Cloud at the moment. History does repeat itself, and I have a plan to address what I know is going to start coming down the road. The key thing is accountability. I never had accountability with another person. I think if I were not anonymous, I wouldn't have taken that first drink on the New Port Harbor cruise after 14 months of sobriety.

[27:57] Paul- You mentioned you had a bad experience with AA, tell me more about that.

Garrett- I was raised Christian evangelical, about 10 years ago I broke with that, and I am an atheist now. I saw a lot of the judgment, dogma and there was trust that was broken in AA. That combined with the God thing I'm still wrestling with. I need to focus on the positive. I'm ready to explore going back to AA, maybe a different meeting time.

[30:14] Paul- With 16 days of sobriety, what have you learned most about yourself?

Garrett- This time around is more of a sense of inner peace. What I'm realizing now is that I don't have to keep living the way I was living. There's no reason I have to pick up a drink again. My life does not have to be how it's been. I'm choosing not to drink. When cravings strike, I've been setting a timer on my apple watch to allow the 20 minutes to pass.

[34:10] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking?

Waking up and having to tell my wife that I was too hung-over to go down to my mom's house for Easter. Then spending the entire day in a state of despair.

1. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? Back in college when I just got too hung-over and missed a final. That was the first "oh-shit" moment.
2. What's your plan in sobriety moving forward? Accountability. Reaching out and talking to other alcoholics, and seeking ways to help each other.
3. What's your favorite resource in recovery? Podcasts, Recovery Elevator, and the big book on my kindle.
4. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? You don't ever have to drink again if you don't want to.
5. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? If you were thinking about getting sober… I would say: Do it, you'll never feel better.
6. You might be an alcoholic if: Every night after you down many many bottles of beer, that you put those bottles of beer in a trash bag, put them in your trunk, and then the next morning drive them to a dumpster so that your wife doesn't find out that there were all these empty bottles of beer in the trash can.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"

Today we have Mary, with 3 years since her last drink.

We all think that the cities we live in should be on the "Nations Drunkest Cities" list. The state of Wisconsin wins the prize for the largest number of cities on this list. Listed below are a few of the favorites:

• Greenbay, WI
• O'Clair, WI
• Appleton, WI
• Fargo, ND
• Missoula, MT
• Iowa City, IA
• Lincoln, NE
• Milwaukee, WI

SHOW NOTES

[6:31] Paul Introduces Mary

Mary – I am 3 years sober, live in Louisiana and am married with 5 children. I like to run and bike and am currently raising puppies. I am a college student and am enjoying getting to know my new sober self.

[9:32] Mary tells the story of her younger 13 year old self

Mary – I was 13 years old and baby-sitting an infant. I invited some friends over and we started drinking. I left the baby in her crib and we drove around. I backed the car into a ditch and hit a palm tree. The police ended up bringing me home.

[12:23] Mary describes her drinking habits

Mary – I was a daily beer drinker and would try to abide by my rules of not drinking before 5 pm. This never worked. At night, if I couldn't sleep, I would have a drink. If I woke up later in the night, I would have another drink. Pretty soon my window of "not drinking" had shrunk.

[14:00] Did you see any signs that you had a problem?

Mary – If I went out, I would immediately have to have a drink and was always looking for the next one. I would start my night with some drinks at home. In my 20's and 30's, I surrounded myself with other drinkers so it seemed normal. My drinking really took off in my 40's. I started noticing I had a problem more when I became a mom.

[17:21] What was the progression like into alcoholism?

Mary – 1 drink was never enough. I started focusing more on when I could have a drink. Alcohol helped me cope with life. I hated myself.

[18:03] Tell me about this self- loathing

Mary – I used to think "this is as good as it gets?" I had accepted that my life was going to suck.

[18:45] Did you have a bottom?

Mary – I had grown sick and tired of drinking. My family called me out as being drunk when I was slurring my speech. A close friend of mine went to rehab. I stopped drinking in order to support him. As each day passed, I could not believe that I was still not drinking. I went to Al-Anon in order to further support my friend.

[21:05] How did you do it?

Mary – I kept going to Al-Anon. When I visited my friend, he took me to a meeting. As I sat there listening, I realized I wanted what they had. I worked the 12 steps. My life has changed to being joyous and free. It is freeing not having any more secrets.

[24:00] Paul and Mary talk about being sober emotionally

Mary – It felt good to get rid of all of my secrets. I listened to other people in the program and did what they said. I wanted to be happy and try to remain teachable.

[27:23] Describe a day in your life

Mary – I pray every morning and evening. I also meditate (U-Tube 11th step guided meditation). I reach out regularly to friends in the program. I listen to AA recordings (Joe and Charlie AA tapes), read The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

[30:00] What is on your bucket list?

Mary – Continue to share my story, bring hope to others, and be of service to others.

[31:21] What have you learned the most?

Mary – That I am OK just the way that I am. I am trying to have a good life and do the best I can.

[31:57] What are your thoughts on relapse?

Mary – For some people, it is an important part of their recovery. I try to accept just this 1 day that I have and not "future trip." Relapse can be an important learning tool in recovery.

[33:00 ] Rapid Fire Round

1. What was your worst memory from drinking? leaving that sleeping baby alone when I was 13 and driving around while drinking
2. Did you ever have an "oh-shit" moment? at my daughter's 16th birthday party, I was too drunk to drive but did anyway. I hit the curb and flattened my tire.
3. What's your plan moving forward? keep going to meetings, keep breaking the stigma
4. What's the best advice you've ever received (on sobriety)? keep falling forward, everywhere I go, there I am.
5. What parting piece of guidance can you give listeners who are in recovery or thinking about quitting drinking? Continue to move forward, talk about it, give voice to your pain
6. You might be an alcoholic if… you take the computer test "Are you and alcoholic," and focus on your No answers.

Resources:

Sobriety Tracker iTunes

Sobriety Tracker Android

bmjopen.bmj.com (article on how women millennials are catching up to men in their alcoholism)

Sober Selfies! - Send your Sober Selfie and your Success Story to [email protected]

"We took the elevator down, we gotta take the stairs back up, we can do this!"