Regulated & Relational

In this Episode Julie and Ginger teach about the PolyVagal Theory and introduce us to Our PolyVagal World a new book by Dr. Stephen Porges and his son Seth Porges.

Link to the book: https://www.amazon.com/Our-Polyvagal-World-Safety-Trauma/dp/1324030259

How safe we feel is crucial to our physical and mental health and happiness.

When we feel safe our nervous system and entire body undergo a massive physiological shift that primes us to be healthier, happier, and smarter, to be better learners and problem solvers: to have more fun; to heal fast, and generally to feel more alive.  It is in this safe state that we can learn.

When we feel safe we feel a sense of connection to ourselves and others. We are born wired to connect but when trauma enters the picture it rewires us and we feel disconnected from people, society, and our own bodies.  The impact of trauma stretches through our brain and nervous system through every part of our body changing our physical and mental health.

Link to the video on our Autonomic Nervous System and how we are impacted by trauma:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZdIQRxwT1I0&t=15s

In this Episode Julie and Ginger talk to Dr. Rick Cain. Rick specializes in the neuroscience of stress and well-being. He helps us explore how wellness practices in the biological domain of self-regulation, such as healthy eating, restorative sleep, and regular exercise, aid in our ability to regulate our nervous system and are pivotal for optimizing cognitive function, forming habits, and managing emotions.

Rick teaches us about the concept of the "body budget," as coined by Lisa Feldman Barrett, PhD -https://lisafeldmanbarrett.com - and he ends with talking about how we can use mindfulness to help us avoid functioning on autopilot.

Autopilot is a state of mind in which one acts without conscious intention or awareness of present-moment sensory perception. It's common for us to go through our days on autopilot, just trying to get through them. It's a normal part of the human experience, and it's okay sometimes to lose track of the present moment.

It's important to recognize that when we're constantly on autopilot, we risk missing out on the small moments that make up our lives. The choice between operating on autopilot and cultivating a state of awareness is within our control.

In today’s episode, Ginger and Julie talk to Dr. Amy Fast. Dr. Amy is currently a superintendent in Oregon. She is an author, and education commentator, former HS principal and elementary school teacher…and she is a mom!  Her book, It’s the Mission, Not the Mandates can found at https://a.co/d/4ZtW5Kg .

Listen in for these great takeaways:

“Where I find kids thrive and are the most well, is when there is the magic balance of being pushed hard and loved hard. You can't have one without the other because if you have the love without that developmental push, that just right push, so that they are just enough outside their comfort zone where they're growing but not falling off the edge of the cliff then kids do become entitled or enabled, but if you have the opposite where you are always pushing them with no support, or love or affection then you have kids with suicidal ideation or poor self-concept.”

“The work doesn't feel good when it's easy, it feels good when it matters and that's part of why so many educators are suffering. There is a lack of congruence between what we are asking and mandating and telling them to do and what they know in their guts actually matter for kids.”

In today’s episode, Ginger and Julie dive into Step-Parenting.

Approximately 40% of all families are blended families, which are defined as divorced and/or remarried families or those living together that have children residing with one parent and possibly visiting the other, and have another adult in their lives who is the stepparent figure.

Divorce is widespread, (hovering around half of all marriages.) For children, divorce is considered a traumatizing event and being raised by stepparents can be a landmine of potential trauma.

That doesn’t mean we at ATN are against divorce or that we blame the adults for their decision to separate. We want parents to understand how divorce can potentially impact your children – for the rest of their lives. And how best to help them come out of it in a positive way.

Here are some takeaways.

Listen to your children. Give them a safe space to express themselves.

Discuss and decide as a couple how you’re going to handle family dynamics and what you want for your family.

Whenever possible, try to be on the same parenting page. Take co-parenting seriously.

Professional help will be needed as you blend your family, Interventions can help these struggles from becoming complex traumas and resources and support are available through ATN.

If you want more information about our Trauma-Informed Certification program, go to certification.attachtrauma.org.

Co-Regulation: Stepping in with soothing, responsive interactions to help a person be able to regulate their emotions.   OR Borrowing the ability to attain a regulated state from another person who is emotionally regulated and responsive to our need for assistance.

First – you need to regulate yourself.  

Second - let them borrow some of your regulation.  

The final step of regulation is to actively teach children how to regulate themselves, giving them tools to use.

Resources:

Mona Delahooke https://monadelahooke.com/

Deb Dana https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/

The Whole Brain Child- Dr. Siegel and Dr. Bryson

In this episode, Julie and Ginger share the Five Neurodivergent Love Languages from @neurowonderful.

Info dumping. Sharing information about topics that excite you and that you have an interest or passion in and sharing them in detail and length.

Body Doubling/Parallel Play/Sharing Space. When people do separate activities with each other, they are not trying to influence each other's behavior.

Seeking Support/Support Swapping.  Helping each other look out for themselves in small ways. 

Deep Pressure. Finding a way to be grounded physically through pressure and weight 

can alleviate stress. 

Penguin pebbling/gift giving. This is when an ND person shows another person affection by offering them little objects, like trinkets or even memes. 

Listen in as Julie and Ginger discuss that the Five Neurodivergent Love Languages are a Tool for EVERYONE!

Share these with the children in your care to open dialogue about how we see and value each other and how we can better connect and understand each other. It can be a very effective way to increase communication and inclusivity.

In this Episode Julie and Ginger seek to increase awareness and acceptance of the strengths that neurodivergent children have. 

Neurodiversity means valuing all types of thinking and learning equally, without considering any as superior. It focuses on equitable inclusion by accepting diverse ways of engaging with the world, rejecting the ideas that difference from the norm are problems to be fixed. ATN aligns with the belief that societal and physical barriers create disabling environments, and that impairments result from these barriers rather than from focusing on what is wrong with the person. 

“Neurodivergent” describes someone whose brain works differently. A neurodivergent person often has different ways of thinking or processing the world around them than someone who’s “neurotypical” or who has what’s seen as a more standard experience.

Neurodivergent people aren’t any less capable than their peers, and in fact tend to excel in more particular or specialized areas. But often our school and social structures aren’t built to accommodate ND individuals, which makes life more difficult for them.

Neurodivergent students LEARN DIFFERENTLY. Dr. Mona Delahooke teaches that we should take “differences” off a diagnostic checklist and see these differences as adaptations in the way the student processes information in the classroom. 

So what should educators be doing?  Experts who work with neurodiverse students suggest Using Trauma-Informed strategies in the classroom and regulation-driven teaching models.

They also highlight the importance of adapting systems and environments to support success by honoring all forms of communication as valid

Resources noted in the episode

https://www.templegrandin.com/

https://www.axismunditherapy.com/

https://www.kelly-mahler.com/

https://monadelahooke.com/

Listen in and Julie and Ginger share their vulnerable stories of parenting and educating their neurodivergent children in hopes of helping others walking in their shoes.

In this Episode, Julie interviews Joe Brummer and Marg Thorsborne about their new book, Becoming a Trauma-Informed Restorative Educator. 

Both Joe and Marg have years of experience and are experts in the field of restorative justice.

Marg talks about how we can move away from punishment and the harm of behaviorism, and encourages us to look at how to build lagging skills and view behaviors through a lens of can’t vs won’t. She says that punishment doesn’t have the capacity to teach a skill that is missing.

Joe tells us that restorative justice is a community-building program vs. discipline program and goes on to say that RJ is any practice that builds, maintains, and repairs relationships. It’s going upstream and creating a school climate that doesn’t create negative behaviors - when we focus on relationships and see the value of every student because they aren’t disposable.

It’s a way of being that says to the student, “We will love you, we will help you clean up your mess, and repair your mistakes”. Accountability is there. There are consequences, And it requires system change because the system helps them make the change. It’s a paradigm shift.

Marg reminds us that we are wired to be connected and redemption is important for our healing. 

Listen in as Julie interviews Marg and Joe and dives into the why behind their new book that will lead to a systems change starting with the creation of restorative educators. 

Pre-order this book now - released June 21, 2024: 

Jessica Kingsley Publishing

Amazon

In this episode, Julie and Ginger welcome Ingrid Cockhren into the studio to discuss parenting in today’s society…or, as Dr. Gabor Mate calls it, Horticulture on the Moon.  

Dr. Gabor Mate, a renowned expert, brings a unique perspective to the table. He points out that Western society has taught us to ignore our parenting instincts. He cites indigenous parenting practices as examples, which were more likely to meet the infant’s needs while supporting the mother and family with the community. We echo his sentiments. Our current culture often makes raising children a challenging task, akin to cultivating plants on the moon.

Ingrid Cockhren, M.Ed., is a seasoned professional with a career spanning two decades. Her expertise in stress, trauma, and human development has allowed her to transform her research and knowledge into trauma-informed and healing-centered solutions for communities, workplaces, and organizations. Her diverse roles in juvenile justice, family counseling, early childhood education, professional development and training, and community education further underline her comprehensive understanding of the subject. 

Ingrid states, “As long as we continue to focus on individual wants and desires and not the collective public good, then we will continue to have struggles, and our society pushes for those individual wants and desires. We are mainly driven by consumerism and capitalism and the pursuit of individual liberty and happiness.  These are our founding principles, but what is required when we have children is the village, the collective. This is in opposition to the values that go along with our society. As long as we continue down this path of putting the individual's wants and desires ahead of the collective good then we will continue to have environments that are not conducive to parenting."

You can find more from Ingrid here

https://cockhrenconsulting.com/

In his book, The Myth of Normal, Dr. Gabor Mate points out that all children have 4 irreducible needs:  

And the way that they get these needs met is the availability of an attuned, non-stressed and emotionally reliable caregiver.  The more stressed or distracted the caregiver, then the shakier the emotional architecture of the child’s mind will be.

And that’s the crux of it all…how do we set up parents and families to be able to be those attuned, non-stressed and emotionally available caregivers? 

Julie and Ginger want to share this message from Dr. Mate and talk about how it aligns with so much of what ATN believes about Attachment being the Antidote, but also about how we have to advocate for what families need in today’s society.

We highly recommend The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate, MD and Daniel Mate