When people ask me the question “Is retroactive jealousy OCD a form of obsessive compulsive disorder?” I generally try to steer the conversation toward possible solutions, rather than discussing theory.

I do this because I think giving retroactive jealousy OCD an intimidating label such as “OCD” makes it seem bigger, scarier, and harder to overcome.

I’ve tried to avoid this as much as possible when writing for this blog, as well as in my guidebook and video course because I want you to see your retroactive jealousy for what it really is: something you can indeed overcome. Not some “disorder” you might have to “live with” indefinitely.

Still, there are a number of tactics and techniques we can borrow from the literature on OCD to help us regain control over our brains, and break free from the cycle of obsessive jealous thoughts associated with retroactive jealousy OCD.

Watch the video:

(Transcript below)

Whether or not you consider them “one in the same,” it’s clear that OCD and most experiences of RJ have a great deal in common.

I have received numerous detailed emails from RJ sufferers over the years. Over time it has become clearer and clearer to me that many, if not most experiences of retroactive jealousy include symptoms that we can classify as falling under the label of OCD.

Here’s an example of a destructive thought cycle associated with retroactive jealousy OCD:

(Note: I borrowed this diagram from GetSelfHelp.co.uk)

Keeping the above diagram in mind, let’s do a few substitutions to reflect the typical experience of retroactive jealousy OCD:

INTRUSIVE THOUGHT: girlfriend prefers her ex-boyfriend to me

leads to

ANXIETY: vivid “mental movies” of my girlfriend and her ex together, followed by feelings of nausea, physical unease

leads to

COMPULSION: bringing up the topic of her ex-boyfriend in conversation, looking for her to reassure me that I’m better in bed, and an all-around better match for her

leads to

(Emphasis on short-term) RELIEF: I feel better for an evening, or a half hour, until the same jealous thoughts return, and the cycle repeats itself.

As you can see…

There is no lasting relief to be found in this process.

None.

Einstein defined insanity as “repeating the same process over and over and expecting different results,” and unfortunately this is what many sufferers of retroactive jealousy do.

We look to our partners to give us an ultimate reassurance that we really are the best for them, and they’re “over” their past relationships.

However, no matter what, or how often our partners tell us, it’s never enough.

It might take a day, it might take an hour, but sooner or later our retroactive jealousy OCD thoughts and anxiety return, and we’re looking for even more reassurance.

However, there are ways to overcome your retroactive jealousy.

The first thing you can do is to stop talking to their partner about their past.