Feeling overwhelmed by the complexities of leadership today? Tune in to learn how building your self-regulation can help you navigate dysregulated times and have more effective conversations. In this episode, my co-host Jenn David-Lang and I had the pleasure of speaking with the amazing Jennifer Abrams, whom I see as a guru of interpersonal relations in education. Jennifer, a full-time international consultant and author of impactful books like Having Hard Conversations and Stretching Your Learning Edge: Growing (up) at Work, joined us to explore the critical topic of self-regulation in dysregulated times.

We talked about living in a VUCA world, Volatile, Uncertain, Complex, and Ambiguous, and how we need to build complexity fitness by developing our cognitive, emotional, and psychological skills. Jennifer shared that becoming more self-regulated involves building self-awareness, like cleaning up our emotional "dust". It turns out only about 10-15% of people are truly self-aware, and one way to improve is by bravely asking for 360 feedback from your team.

We also dove into practical skills for leaders navigating challenging moments, such as learning to suspend certainty that your way is the only way. Saying "Tell me more" instead of reacting can be incredibly powerful. For extroverts like me, focusing on listening instead of jumping in is key. I shared my favorite tactic when someone is stressed: asking, "How long do we have to make this decision?". This simple question helps shift from feeling "subject" to circumstances to viewing them more "objectively".

Jennifer left us with powerful parting advice: "Go have humane, growth-producing conversations. That's the goal.". Jennifer Abrams' Newsletter: jenniferabrams.com

If you have questions, feedback, or suggestions for future episodes—including great non-education books with lessons for school leaders—email us at [email protected]. Please consider leaving a rating and review on Spotify or iTunes to support the show. Every bit helps! And if you found this episode helpful, share it with your colleagues.

Interested in sponsoring the podcast? Contact Mike directly at [email protected]. To explore insightful summaries of top leadership books, connect with Jenn David-Lang at [email protected] or visit TheMainIdea.net.

Timestamp:

00:00 Introduction and Guest Introduction

02:08 Understanding Dysregulation and Self-Regulation

07:08 Building Self-Awareness and Team Dynamics

24:00 Mentoring the Next Generation of Leaders

27:29 Balancing Personal and Professional Needs

37:17 Personal Insights and Fun Tangents