Sex For Couples with Heather Shannon

Get 50% off Beducated where you can learn the skill of great sex! Use promo code HEATHER for your discount: https://beducate.me/heather

Want expert help figuring out what’s getting in the way of your sex life? Sign up for a Quickie Assessment with me for personalized guidance and a clearer direction forward: https://heather-shannon.mykajabi.com/offers/pZLVQLgG/checkout

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Feeling sexually frustrated or rejected in your relationship? In this solo episode of Sex for Couples, I’m breaking down three common mistakes I see men make when their female partners have less desire—and how those approaches can accidentally make connection harder. We explore why physical and emotional safety matter for female desire, how mental load and resentment can affect intimacy, and what it looks like to help your partner feel understood and supported.

Your sexual needs matter, too. I share how to express them without turning sex into a negotiation, obligation, or another item on your partner’s to-do list. We also explore how repeated rejection can create a scarcity mindset, why low libido often has several overlapping causes, and how to move toward more confidence, curiosity, flirting, and fun. The goal is a sexual connection you both genuinely want.

In this episode:

• Why emotional safety extends beyond physical boundaries to feeling heard, respected, and free from sexual pressure.
• How unequal mental load, decision fatigue, and a “project manager” dynamic can get in the way of desire.
• Practical ways to take initiative and share responsibility without making your partner assign every task.
• Why bargaining for sexual contact can create obligation and negative associations with sex.
• How to communicate your sexual needs and feelings while staying curious about your partner’s experience.
• What a sexual scarcity mindset looks like—and how to start rebuilding confidence when you’ve felt unwanted.
• How stress, health, hormones, relationship dynamics, and daily routines can overlap to affect libido.

Wondering what’s keeping you stuck? Take my free quiz, Why You’re Stuck In A Sex Rut: https://TheBetterBedroom.com

Want personalized support? Request a consultation for coaching with me at https://HeatherShannon.co

Stuck in a sex rut? Take my free quiz to discover what could be keeping you stuck—and where to start: https://TheBetterBedroom.com

What do you do when your partner comes out as asexual and you have a high sex drive? How do you get in the mood when life feels like an endless to-do list? In this listener Q&A episode of Sex for Couples, I’m answering your questions as an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. We explore mismatched desire, different ways to experience intimacy, and how to stay curious about your options when your sex life takes an unexpected turn.

I also discuss how hormonal changes throughout the menstrual cycle, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and perimenopause can influence libido—and why hormones aren’t the whole picture. Plus, I share my advice for building a satisfying relationship from the beginning, including talking openly about sex, maintaining your individuality, and bringing more playfulness into your connection. Whether you’re navigating a desire discrepancy or simply feeling too busy for intimacy, this episode offers starting points for less pressure and more connection.

In this episode, we cover:

• Navigating a relationship with an asexual partner, including conversations about boundaries, sexual needs, and shared intimacy.
• Why persistent, painful arousal deserves medical attention—and exploring the emotional needs that can accompany a desire for sex.
• Making room for intimacy when you’re overwhelmed, with mental foreplay, responsive desire, and small moments of connection.
• How menstrual cycles and life stages such as breastfeeding and perimenopause can affect sexual desire.
• Talking about sexual preferences and giving feedback in a positive, playful way—including trying a “kissing lab.”
• Keeping curiosity and attraction alive through individuality, novelty, emotional honesty, and a shared willingness to grow.

Want personalized support with your sex life or relationship? Reach out to explore coaching with me at https://HeatherShannon.co

Want your partner to take charge in bed, but struggle to actually let go? Or curious about being dominant without feeling like you’re playing a character? In this episode of Sex For Couples, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon welcomes professional dominatrix and erotic leadership expert Kimi Inch to explore conscious kink, dominance and submission, and building sexual confidence through connection.

Heather and Kimi unpack why trust, self-worth, and relationship patterns can get in the way of surrender—and how to explore BDSM with more curiosity and less pressure to perform. Through real examples from her work with couples, Kimi shares how to develop an authentic dominant style, communicate sexual fantasies and boundaries, and use a verbal rehearsal to discover what excites you both before trying it in the bedroom.

Key takeaways:

• Why being in charge all day doesn’t automatically make surrender easy in bed.
• How trust, self-worth, and unresolved relationship dynamics can affect dominance and submission.
• What subspace and Dom space can feel like—and why both partners need to let go in different ways.
• How erotic leadership uses presence, responsiveness, and creativity to build connection.
• How to use a kink checklist to discuss desires, boundaries, and sexual compatibility.
• Why talking through a fantasy before acting it out can build anticipation and clarify what feels good.
• How short play sessions, check-ins, and permission to make mistakes can take the pressure off exploring kink.

Connect with Heather:

• Take the free “Why You’re Stuck in a Sex Rut” quiz
• Visit Heather’s website and explore intimacy coaching

Connect with Kimi:

• Visit &More for Kimi’s coaching, classes, and events
• Download the free Conscious Kink Checklist

Stuck in a sex rut? Take the free quiz at https://TheBetterBedroom.com.

Tired of the all or nothing sex cycle? Learn how to enjoy intimacy without pressure, even when your energy is running low.

If you feel like every affectionate moment needs to lead to intercourse, you might be trapped in an all or nothing sex mindset. This pattern often leaves partners feeling exhausted or disconnected, as it narrows the definition of what intimacy can be. This episode is for anyone who wants to break that cycle and find more room to breathe in their relationship.

Certified Sex Therapist and host Heather Shannon explains how to build intimacy without pressure, helping you explore diverse forms of intimacy that do not require high energy or a high libido. By shifting your focus away from the performance of intercourse, you can start reclaiming your sexual experiences and finding connection in the small, everyday moments.

Subscribe for weekly relationship insights, and comment if you have felt the pressure to perform in your own relationship.

Want Heather to be your sex and relationship coach?

Request your free consultation call here: https://calendly.com/hshann1/ignite

In this episode of Sex For Couples, Heather Shannon talks with relationship coach Ally Iseman about non-monogamy, consensual open relationships, and how to build a sex life and relationship that's designed on purpose instead of running on autopilot. They get into why exclusivity and commitment aren't the same thing, why jealousy shows up in monogamous relationships too, and how monogamous couples can borrow the same tools non-monogamous couples use to keep things exciting.

Ally is the founder of Passport to Pleasure, offering relationship coaching and curated travel experiences for couples who want to have the conversations they don't get to have anywhere else. She and Heather talk about relationship scripts, the difference between fantasy and desire, why living together or splitting things a certain way isn't required for commitment, and why curiosity — not effort — is the real antidote to a stuck sex life.

In this episode:

• Why exclusivity and commitment are not the same thing
• Jealousy is an emotional experience, not a character trait — and it shows up in monogamous relationships too
• The difference between a fantasy and a desire, and why you can share one without acting on it
• How "relationship scripts" (living together, marriage, monogamy by default) keep couples from designing what actually works for them
• Why avoiding a hard conversation with your partner is still a choice, not neutral
• How non-monogamous couples build novelty and variety — and how monogamous couples can borrow the same tools
• Why your sex life is supposed to change over time, and what that means for your relationship

Connect with Ally Iseman:

Website: https://www.passport2pleasure.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/allyiseman

Connect with Heather:

Stuck In A Sex Rut? Take the free quiz: TheBetterBedroom.com

Work with Heather As Your Coach: https://HeatherShannon.co

Stuck in a sex rut? Take the free quiz at https://TheBetterBedroom.com

If you've ever wondered if you're sexually repressed or inhibited, this is the eipsode for you!

Discover the signs that you're sexually inhibited, why so many people hold back sexually and what to do to become more sexually authentic and free to be yourself! Let your freak flag (or vanilla flag) fly.

Host and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon goes over common patterns she sees with clients as well as her own past experiences feeling repressed and uncomfortable with sexuality.

In this episode, Heather shares practical ways to notice when you are holding back, how to talk about desires with a partner, and how to work with the parts of yourself that feel protective or ashamed.

• Sexual inhibition can show up as keeping fantasies private, staying quiet during sex, or feeling like your desires are weird or inappropriate.
• A “low libido” may actually be hidden desire that has been buried by self-judgment, fear of being judged, or difficulty naming wants.
• Private sexual interests, like porn fantasies, romance novels, or kink scenarios, can be a sign that part of your sexuality is not being shared with a partner.
• Cultural conditioning plays a major role, including messages from family, friends, school, church, purity culture, and gender socialization.
• Safety matters first. Heather notes that sexual inhibition can be tied to real concerns about unwanted attention, objectification, and sexual aggression.
• Substance use during sex can be a clue that inhibition is getting in the way of pleasure and ease.

00:00 - What sexual inhibition is and what this episode will cover

00:31 - Signs you may be repressed or censoring yourself

05:36 - How socialization teaches people what sex is “allowed” to be

06:06 - Church, purity culture, and shame-based sexual messaging

07:03 - Sexual safety, unwanted attention, and guardedness

09:25 - Family modeling, mixed examples, and emotional risk around sex

13:36 - How civilization can lead us to exile our primal side

15:00 - Reconciling the proper self with the sexual self

16:25 - Integrating lust and emotional connection

17:24 - Using parts work to welcome the more wild parts

19:50 - How sharing desires can create intimacy and closeness

20:49 - Substance use as a sign that inhibition may be present

21:10 - Befriending the protective inner voice

21:40 - Freeing your sexuality without needing to be stereotypically wild

23:06 - How to ask for curiosity and safety from a partner

Looking for coaching? Request a free consultation with Heather:

Unlock Your Passion - Consultation Call

Feeling stuck in your sex life? Take the free quiz to find your sexy spark again: https://thebetterbedroom.com

SEX WITH ADHD

You're in the middle of sex and somehow your brain wanders off to grocery lists, Hamilton the musical, or the ceiling fan clicking. Then the shame kicks in. If that's you, this episode is going to change how you think about it completely.

Heather sits down with Cate Osborn, ADHD content creator, sex educator, and best-selling author of The ADHD Field Guide for Adults, to break down what ADHD and neurodivergence actually have to do with sex and intimacy. Spoiler: everything.

They cover why the ADHD brain treats sex like just another series of tasks (same as making a sandwich), why kink might be the most naturally ADHD-friendly toolbox there is, how executive dysfunction shows up in the bedroom, the surprising links between ADHD and erectile dysfunction, orgasm difficulty, and hormonal shifts, and, for partners of someone with ADHD, where explanation ends and excuse begins.

In this episode:

00:00 Intro

01:35 Why so many of Heather's clients turn out to be neurodivergent

02:53 Executive functioning and how it touches every part of your sex life

04:15 The comorbidities nobody talks about (anxiety, OCD, disordered eating)

04:42 What "AuDHD" is and why it matters

06:45 The sexual assault statistics that stopped Heather in her tracks

08:04 Inside The ADHD Field Guide for Adults

14:11 Why kink might be the perfect tool for an ADHD brain

18:20 The real reason you get distracted during sex

23:50 "I'm thinking about Hamilton the musical", checking out mid-sex

25:10 Eye contact, communication, and knowing your own needs

36:12 The partner side: what's fair to ask, and where accountability comes in

44:34 Resentment, parentified relationships, and sex drive

45:43 Orgasm difficulty and erectile dysfunction, explained

Curious about coaching with Heather? Book a free Pathway to Passion consult

More from Cate Osborn:

Instagram

Buy The Book

Feeling stuck in your sex life or wondering how to reignite intimacy with your partner? Take the free quiz at TheBetterBedroom.com to find out what's really going on.

Why More Frequent Sex Isn't the Fix You Need

Most couples who feel stuck in their sex life assume the answer is just having sex more often. Couples therapist Zach Brittle (host of Marriage Therapy Radio) joins host and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist Heather Shannon to explain why chasing frequency backfires, and why sex is actually a skill you build, not something you either have or don't. They dig into what people get wrong when they try to "work harder" at sex, why outcome-focused sex (orgasm, erection, intercourse) narrows what counts as intimacy, and how one couple in Zach's practice eliminated the guesswork around initiation entirely with a simple negotiated system.

Topics covered:

• Why "more sex" is the wrong goal for a low sex life
• Reframing sex as a skill instead of a talent you either have or don't
• What "what's it for?" and "what counts?" reveal about your sex life
• Why rejection in the bedroom is rarely about attraction
• A real couple's negotiated system for ending initiation anxiety
• Treating sex like a hobby instead of a performance

More from Zach Brittle:

Marriage Therapy Radio — https://marriagetherapyradio.com/

More from Heather:

AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, host of Sex For Couples. Want personalized support for your relationship? Book a coaching consultation at https://HeatherShannon.co.

Take the Why You're Stuck In A Sex Rut Quiz now! https://TheBetterBedroom.com

If you feel more like roommates, co-parents, or logistical planning partners than lovers, your phone might be a bigger part of the problem than you think. In this episode, Heather Shannon — certified sex therapist with 20 years of counseling experience — breaks down what constant phone use is actually doing to your sex drive and your relationship, and how getting present again brings your desire back with it.

• 00:02 — Why phone use might be quietly killing your sex life, and what a 2025 University of Connecticut/Columbia study found about phone use, conflict, and intimacy in relationships
• 02:27 — The societal shift toward disconnection: distracted driving, ignored bids for attention, and the disappearing "hello" when you walk into a shop
• 04:54 — Why being "in your head" instead of "in your body" is one of the biggest hidden causes of performance anxiety, difficulty orgasming, and disconnection from your partner
• 07:16 — How to audit your own phone use: what you actually want vs. what your actions show, and why this matters even more for men who weren't encouraged to be in touch with their emotions
• 09:38 — What you get back when you put the phone down: presence, laughter, working out as a body-awareness practice, and why boredom can actually be good for your sex life
• 11:52 — The trade-off most people don't examine: what you're sacrificing for a quick dopamine hit (and a mention of the book Dopamine Nation)
• 14:15 — Heather's own 48-hour phone experiment: turning off text, WhatsApp, social media, and email for a weekend — and what it did to her nervous system and her sex drive
• 16:32 — Practical solutions: checking in with yourself before you scroll, using Screen Time/Downtime limits, and why limits alone aren't enough — you have to decide how you actually want to spend your time

Heather's considering building a 30-day cell-phone-reducing, relationship-presence-boosting challenge. If that's something you'd want in on, comment "CHALLENGE" on YouTube or Spotify, or email [email protected] directly. If there's enough interest, she'll build it.

• 📋 Take the quiz: TheBetterBedroom.com
• 📅 Book a consultation call for coaching: HeatherShannon.co
• 📖 Mentioned in this episode: Dopamine Nation by Dr. Anna Lembke
• 🧘 Mentioned in this episode: Eckhart Tolle's perspective on digital society and presence

Take the free quiz to find out why you're stuck in a sex rut: https://TheBetterBedroom.com

What does it actually take to feel dominant in the bedroom, and why do so many of us freeze up when it's our turn to lead? In this episode, Heather sits down with Amanda Dames, a kink consultant and former professional dominatrix, to break down the real skills behind dominance, submission, and power dynamics in a relationship.

Amanda spent two years working at a dungeon while holding down a corporate job at the Wall Street Journal, and she brings that hands-on experience into a real conversation about how dominant and submissive roles actually work, how to figure out your own authentic style, and how to vet a partner for safety before you ever get started. They cover the different types of Doms (Master, Traditional Dom, Caretaker Dom, and Pleasure Dom), the different types of submissives (service subs, slaves, baby girls and boys), the red flags that signal an unhealthy power dynamic, and why most of what we see about kink and BDSM in movies sets totally unrealistic expectations.

If you're ready to go deeper than a podcast episode, visit https://HeatherShannon.co to request a free consultation and learn about Heather's signature Pathway to Passion coaching program.

Timestamps: 0:00 Amanda's path from marine biology to the Wall Street Journal to a Craigslist dominatrix job 4:30 Discovering a more powerful, dominant version of herself 8:00 What a Dom's real job actually is, and how to avoid burnout 17:00 Why you need to talk to your partner before you talk divorce 19:30 How a real negotiation between a Dom and a client actually works 26:30 Why being patient with yourself matters more than getting it right the first time 30:00 The four types of Dominants, explained 36:20 The submissive types, and how to find your own style 37:50 How to vet a Dom (or any partner) for safety 45:00 Why movies like Secretary and Baby Girl are not how-to videos 51:00 Amanda's free worksheet for talking about your desires with confidence

Take the free quiz: https://TheBetterBedroom.com

Learn more about Heather's Pathway to Passion coaching: https://HeatherShannon.co

Get Amanda's free worksheet, Speaking Your Desires With Confidence: https://AmandaDames.com