I’ll be brief today because it’s assignment season and all of my writing eggs are going into the uni basket.

This episode is for anyone who feels like something is missing in their intimacy, who struggles with body image, and wants to form a sexual self-identity that feels… Free.

I share some insights on how to cultivate the confidence you need to be yourself in intimate contexts, and connect to the parts of you that feel like they can’t.

This will be helpful for you if:

* You struggle to speak up during sex

* Identify with the people pleaser archetype

* Hide your body during sex

* Feel disappointed or defeated after sex (even if it was good)

As always, take what resonates. Leave the rest.

»»»»» Listen on Spotify

»»»»» Listen on Apple Podcasts

With love,

Laura Ellen

Links & Resources:

Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact

About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about

Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen?

Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw

Episode Summary:

This episode sits alongside a personal reflection on creativity, confidence, and the quiet ways we move away from our own voice within sexual and relational contexts. I speak into the fear of being too expressive, too intuitive, or too unconventional, and how that can soften confidence over time. This is a grounded reflection on returning to creative self-trust, allowing space for imperfection, and reconnecting with a more natural and self-led way of speaking, creating, and being seen.

Key Topics:

The impact of using AI on creative expression and self-trust

The difference between sounding confident and feeling connected to your voice

Fear of being perceived as too spiritual, emotional, or unconventional

The tension between academic validation and embodied knowing

Reconnecting with intuitive expression and creative autonomy

Letting go of perfection and allowing more honest, in-process work

Building confidence through self-acceptance and lived experience

Disclaimer

This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].

© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.

Links & Resources:

Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact

About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about

Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen?

Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw

Episode Summary:

This episode explores the impact of mismatched libido and sexual rejection on our sense of self and erotic vitality. I reflect on what happens when our desire isn’t met by a partner, how repeated experiences of being turned down can quietly erode confidence and the freedom to express sexuality, and how subtle self-silencing can affect our overall sense of aliveness. I focus on understanding what sexual rejection can mean psychologically, how it interacts with our own sense of enoughness, and how to stay connected to pleasure, desire, and sexual self-identity while honoring differences in arousal, history, and rhythm between partners. This episode is about holding space for our own vitality without trying to fix or change the other person.

Key Topics Covered:

How repeated sexual rejection can impact confidence and erotic vitality

The ways self-silencing develops when desire isn’t reciprocated

Understanding differences in sexual rhythm, history, and arousal between partners

Maintaining connection to your sexual self-identity despite mismatch

Reflecting on what sexual rejection means psychologically and emotionally

Practicing enoughness and presence with your own desire

Disclaimer

This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].

© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.

Links & Resources:

Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact

About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about

Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen?

Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw

Episode Summary:

Switching off at the end of a full day and moving into intimacy can feel harder than we admit. In this episode, I explore why sex is not inherently relaxing and how nervous system state, relationship context, and the pace of modern life all shape our capacity for arousal. We unpack the difference between spontaneous and responsive desire, and how cultural messaging can quietly create pressure on bodies to respond in ways that are not authentic. I speak to the moments of contraction, resistance, or bracing that arise when initiation lands at the wrong time, and how meeting those moments honestly can build deeper confidence and connection. This conversation supports you to honour your arousal system, communicate from integrity, and allow pleasure to arrive at a pace that feels true to your body.

Key Topics Covered:

Why sex is not automatically relaxing and how nervous system state influences readiness

The impact of stress, unresolved tension, and daily demands on sexual connection

Spontaneous and responsive desire and how each functions in real bodies

Cultural expectations shaped by media and how they influence sexual pressure

Noticing contraction, bracing, or resistance during initiation and what that means

Building confidence through honest communication in moments of discomfort

Moving beyond chemistry and newness to cultivate authentic, sustainable intimacy

Supporting pleasure to unfold organically rather than rushing the experience

Disclaimer

This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].

© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.

Links & Resources:

Work with Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/contact

About Laura: https://laura-ellen.com/about

Subscribe to Substack: https://substack.com/@bylauraellen?

Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7CQmZy8qRGBKGAaUcBCRXw

Episode Summary:

This episode explores the often unspoken reality of pain, numbness, and pressure in women’s sexual experiences. Drawing on clinical insight and research, including findings from OMGYes that one in four women experience pain during sex, I speak to the layers of shame, bracing, and self-judgement that many women carry behind closed doors. We unpack the psychodynamics and somatics of painful sex, including overwhelm, lack of safety, medical trauma, post-birth changes, heartbreak, and disembodiment. This conversation offers practical and compassionate tools for creating sexual contexts grounded in safety, attunement, and responsive desire. Designed with female bodies in mind, this episode will also support partners who want to better understand the pace and conditions that allow pleasure to unfold organically.

Key Topics Covered:

The prevalence of pain during sex and the impact on confidence and self-worth

Shame, bracing, freezing, and fawning in intimate moments

The nervous system responses that can shape sexual experiences

Medical trauma, post-birth changes, heartbreak, and disembodiment

Responsive desire and the importance of attuned, female-centered touch

Creating safety as the foundation for genuine pleasure

Practical tools for building a sexual context that supports your body

Supporting a partner with patience, attunement, and care

Disclaimer

This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].

© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.

Links & Resources:

Work with Laura

About Laura

Subscribe to Substack

Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, I explore long term love beyond the pressure to perform wellness, growth, or relationship mastery. We look at how modern ideas of conscious partnership can quietly create shame when relationships become ordinary, familiar, or less charged than they once were. I reflect on the emotional and somatic realities of staying with the same person over time, including boredom, irritation, longing, and the softening of passion. Drawing on different relational perspectives, including Esther Perel’s work and more devotion oriented views of intimacy, this conversation invites a gentler, more humane understanding of love as something that deepens through repetition, shared reality, and presence inside everyday life.

Key Topics Covered:

The pressure to perform emotional and relational maturity

How wellness culture can impact intimacy and self perception

Normalising triggers, boredom, and repetition in long term relationships

The transition from novelty into familiarity and depth

Desire, security, and intimacy over time

Working with autopilot and presence in daily relating

Holding individuality and togetherness in partnership

Staying connected to erotic aliveness within yourself

Finding intimacy inside ordinary life

Disclaimer

This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].

© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.

This episode is exclusive to monthly and annual subscribers. Join to access all Q&A episodes, monthly experiential workshops, and personal essays here.

Links & Resources:

Work with Laura

About Laura

Subscribe to Substack

Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here.

Episode Summary:

In this episode, I explore why we often find ourselves drawn to relationships that feel intense, exhausting, or familiar in ways that don’t serve us. Even when we know what we want, have done the work of self-awareness, and see the patterns clearly, our bodies can pull us toward dynamics that feel irresistible but stressful. I discuss how our nervous systems shape our attraction, why calm and safety can feel unfamiliar, and the ongoing practice it takes to reorient toward relationships that actually support ease, connection, and wellbeing. This is a reflection on the interplay between mind, body, and attachment, and an invitation to notice what your nervous system is truly drawn to.

Key Topics Covered:

How familiar patterns of intensity show up in relationships

Why cognitive awareness is not always enough to change choices

The role of the nervous system in attraction and relationship dynamics

Understanding why safety and ease can feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable

The practice of re-orienting toward calmer, more supportive connections

Learning to feel at ease within a secure baseline

Insights into choosing relationships that nurture rather than drain

Disclaimer

This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].

© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.

Links & Resources:

Work with Laura

About Laura

Subscribe to Substack

Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here.

Episode Summary:

Starting to date again can feel exciting and unsettling at the same time. In this episode, I explore the subtle tension your body might feel when stepping into the dating world, whether fresh out of a relationship, enjoying single life, or seeking something more meaningful. I discuss why self-trust is the foundation for choosing well, and how to cultivate the ability to say no, walk away from what doesn’t feel right, and enjoy connection without guilt or compromise. Drawing on clinical insights, personal experience, and what I’ve learned from working with clients, I offer practical tools to help you feel embodied safety, clarity, and confidence as you navigate relationships.

Key Topics Covered:

Recognising the body’s subtle signals of caution and readiness in dating

How cultural pressures, apps, and past disappointments shape nervous system responses

Why self-trust is essential for dating well

Strategies to build walk-away power and make choices that feel right in your body

Enjoying connection without guilt or compromise

Creating safety, clarity, and confidence as you navigate relationships

Disclaimer

This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected]

© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.

Links & Resources:

- Work with Laura

- About Laura

- Subscribe to the Better Loving Substack

- Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here.

Episode Summary:

In this episode of Better Loving, Laura Ellen explores the shift from performative sexuality—shaped by validation, approval, and desirability—to mature sexual power rooted in self-connection, presence, and authenticity. Laura unpacks how performative patterns show up in subtle ways, including faking enjoyment, over-accommodating, or shaping desire around external response, and reflects on how these dynamics impact intimacy and self-worth. Through personal insight, reflection questions, and micro-practices, this episode invites listeners to relate to their sexuality as a source of inner authority and embodied confidence rather than something to prove or exchange.

Key Topics:

- Sexual maturity and inner authority

- Desire rooted in presence, not performance

- Sexual identity beyond validation

- Pleasure without agenda or outcome

- Erotic self-connection and dignity

- Authentic intimacy and mutuality

- Self-worth beyond desirability

- Non-transactional sexual relating

- Embodied confidence and relational clarity

- Healthy boundaries and conscious sexuality

Chapters & Time Stamps:

00:00 Introduction: The Power of Sexuality

00:40 Performative Sexuality vs. Mature Sexual Power

01:36 Understanding Performative Traps

08:20 Reflection Questions and Practices

11:46 Embracing Erotic Integrity

19:36 Final Thoughts and Invitation

Disclaimer:

This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].

© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.

Links & Resources:

About Laura

Work with Laura

Subscribe to Substack

Music by PIANIKA, a New Zealand based producer, creating capsules of sound and energy. Listen here.

Episode Summary:

Starting again isn’t triumphant for me, it’s tender, resistant, and quietly/very confronting. In this episode, I reflect on what it’s been like to return to public creation after three years of choosing privacy, growth, and a life lived largely off the internet. Responding to your AMA questions, I share why I stepped away, what I had to let go of, and how I’m learning to hold creativity, visibility, and integrity without self-abandonment. This is a conversation about shame, courage, and allowing ourselves to be seen again.

Key Topics:

- Resistance, fear, and desire when starting again

- Life beyond internet attention and external validation

- Why I stepped away — and what that time made possible

- Integrating growth through action, not just insight

- Holding both visibility and integrity as a therapist

- Reclaiming creativity without shame

- The courage it takes to be seen

Disclaimer

This podcast is intended for general educational and reflective purposes only and is not a substitute for individual mental health care. The topics discussed are broad in nature and cannot account for individual circumstances or nuance. Listeners are encouraged to take what resonates, leave what doesn’t, and seek appropriate professional support where needed. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact [email protected].

© Laura Ellen. All rights reserved.