Sex With Dr. Jess

Curious about what other people get up to behind closed doors and online? Carly from AURORE is here to share. She collects confessional sex stories submitted by people from all over the world. Tune in for her story and; a sampling of real-life literary (and audial) erotica.

Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

Real-Life Sex Confessions: AURORE

[00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hello. Are you looking for a new job? Are you in the market for a new career? It depends what it is.

[00:00:27] What are you selling me? Well, I'm proposing you try out for the Orgasm Advisory Board for love, honey. I'm, I'm intrigued. Tell me more. So they're looking to hire a diverse group of 10 sex toy testers from all experience levels. So from somebody who has all the sex toys, which is pretty much you, to somebody who's brand new and every.

[00:00:50] Thing and everybody in between. In between. So they're looking to improve basically the quality and inclusivity of their products over at Love Honey. And that's really why, why I'm here today. I'm here in Toronto because there's an event in Toronto. They're going on the road. Basically, they're taking this not antique road show on the road to 16 different cities where we're going to be recruiting sex toy testers and doing a bunch of games and giveaways and stuff on the street as well.

[00:01:14] But hold on, it's a real job. It's a job. I don't wanna mess up the details, but it pays a thousand dollars. For the year and every month you get around, okay, around $250 of sex toys that you test out and you provide feedback. I, I would 100% apply for this job. Are you going to, can I put in hold? You get paid to touch yourself and they're gonna send you toys to help you touch yourself.

[00:01:36] That's exactly. That's it. Get paid for pleasure. They were in New York, I think over the weekend, this past weekend and this weekend they're heading to Austin, Texas. They're heading to Toronto, Ontario, which is where I'm going to be. They're also gonna be in Denver, Colorado, San Francisco, uh, Phoenix. And then next weekend they're in Philadelphia.

[00:01:55] I'm kind of mad that I won't be there. I wish I could be in Philadelphia and next weekend they'll also be in [00:02:00] Chicago and Montreal. And Las Vegas and Seattle and Atlanta and Miami and Houston. And then they're heading to Cheyenne, Wyoming. And I think, you know, the reason they've picked these markets has to do with the way people are purchasing sex toys.

[00:02:14] And I think that Wyoming one was, uh, at the bottom of the list in terms of per capita sex toy investments. So they need people to step up their game In, in what city again? Cheyenne, Wyoming, Cheyenne. There you go. If you're there, message me. I'm gonna get you a toy. I'm getting kicked. Yeah. Anyhow, if you are in Toronto this weekend, come on down.

[00:02:33] I'm gonna be Saturday afternoon somewhere near the skydome, and we're gonna be, there's gonna be a whole recruitment team there. I'm not a part of the recruitment team. I'm there, you know, helping with any interviews or any questions that people have and there's games and there are probably going to be, Free vibrators if you participate.

[00:02:49] So That's amazing. Yeah, that's amazing. They sign me up. Well, there are only nine spots left cuz Brandon just took one. I just took, yes. I think it's a conflict of interest. I don't think you'll get in. I did, I, I think I bring an element of expertise given how much I have touched myself and how many toys I have.

[00:03:04] Well,

Are your sleep habits adversely affecting your relationships?

Is a lack of sleep affecting your sex life?

Do you want to sleep better and wake up rested?

Board-certified sleep expert Ellen Wermter joins us to share her top tips for a better night's sleep and why sleep is essential to happy relationships.

Ellen Wermter is a Board Certified Family Nurse Practitioner through the American Nurses Credentialing Center and a member of Sigma Theta Tau National Honor Society. She earned her Bachelor of Science in Nursing at the University of Virginia and her Masters of Science at Virginia Commonwealth University; and is a member of the Virginia Council of Nurse Practitioners (VCNP). Ellen is a dedicated sleep professional both board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine (DBSM) as well as being certified in cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia and who actively treats patients full-time. In her free time, Ellen prefers to be outside in nature - and stays active running; and practicing yoga. She lives on a farm with her husband and four children - where she grows apple trees and keeps honeybees. She also enjoys singing loudly in the car and rarely gets the lyrics right.

Check out the BetterSleep.Org to learn more about the Better Sleep Council. Stay up to date with the Better Sleep Council by following them on their social media from Twitter to their Instagram accounts.

Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to improve sleep for better relationships (and better sex)

Episode 315

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Jessica O'Reilly: Hey, babe, are you well rested? No, I am not. When was the last time you felt well rested?

[00:00:21] Brandon Ware: It's been a very long time. I can't remember the last time I woke up and felt refreshed. I don't think I ever wake up and feel refreshed.

[00:00:28] Brandon Ware: You know, some people wake up and they spring outta bed. Me, I fall outta bed because I'm still

[00:00:33] Jessica O'Reilly: asleep. So Did you have a good sleep last night? I slept well, but not very long. Yeah, it was a little bit of an nap. We had an early morning flight today.

[00:00:40] Brandon Ware: Yeah, we did. When was the, here's the real question. When did you last have a full night's sleep where you felt well

[00:00:45] Jessica O'Reilly: rested?

[00:00:46] Jessica O'Reilly: Okay, so I do sometimes feel well rested, but I swear I don't

[00:00:49] Brandon Ware: sleep. Oh my God, you 100%. You don't sleep. I like

[00:00:53] Jessica O'Reilly: sleep with one eye open.

[00:00:55] Brandon Ware: You're like a dog. You always got one eye open.

[00:00:57] Jessica O'Reilly: Yeah. Just to see what, what happens next. Don't miss anything. We're gonna be talking about how sleep affects our overall health, our relational health, sexual health, all that jazz.

[00:01:06] Jessica O'Reilly: We have an expert because I am the anti expert, not anti expert. I'm the antithesis of an expert when it comes to sleep. I suck at it. So Ellen Morter is a board certified. Family nurse practitioner through the American Nurses Credentialing Center. Uh, she's a member of Sigma Theta Tao National Honor Society.

[00:01:22] Jessica O'Reilly: She has a long resume. Okay? She has a Bachelor of Science in nursing,

Family lawyer Justin Lee sees relationships and marriages from both sides: couples come to him before they get married (or move in together) and when the relationship has come to an end. His perspective offers a view of the good, the bad and the ugly. He joins Jess and Brandon to discuss:

The benefits of prenups & marital contracts

Why marriages fall apart

Why all couples should talk to a divorce lawyer before getting married

Infidelity clauses

Why he still believes in true love despite seeing so many breakups

 

https://happiercouples.com/wp-content/uploads/IG2-Marriage-Advice-from-a-Divorce-Lawyer.mp4

 

Justin is a Toronto-based family & divorce lawyer. He is a graduate of the University of Toronto Law School and is a founder of his own family law firm, JLEE Family Law. He practices in all areas of family law, including high-conflict parenting disputes, complex property issues, domestic contracts, and child and spousal support. You might know him better as the divorce lawyer or “jleejd” on TikTok and Instagram, where he posts divorce-related content to over 450,000 followers across both platforms.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Marriage Advice From A Divorce Lawyer

Episode 314 - Marriage Advice From A Divorce Lawyer

[00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware and I'm very excited. For today's conversation because we are gonna be speaking with Justin Lee, who is a divorce lawyer, gonna be giving us his take on relationships and relationship advice.

[00:00:30] So we're gonna start right off. Justin, a Toronto based family and divorce lawyer. He's a graduate of the university Toronto's Law School, a founder of his own family law firm, Jay Lee, family Law. He practices all areas of family law, including high conflict parenting disputes, complex property issues, domestic contracts, and child and spousal sup.

[00:00:49] Port, but you might know him better as the divorce lawyer or j Lee JD on TikTok and Instagram where he posts divorce related content to over 450,000 followers. I'm one of those followers, so am I. I'm one of 450,000 and I, I gotta say, I really like Justin's perspective, his insights on Instagram, so I'm excited to dive just a little bit deeper because of course you're getting short form.

[00:01:14] Content on those platforms and it, it's interesting because I think everyone in the public eye these days, all the influencers, everyone has something to say about relationships, which I actually think is fabulous. I think it's really cool to hear so many perspectives. I do think the challenge is when people either pass off their experience as expertise.

[00:01:31] Or assume that their experience can be globalized or is universal. That's when I get into kind of murky waters in that space. But, uh, Justin to me is the exception. I've kind of gone through all of his content I've been following for a while, and, uh, man, the relationship advice or insights really are really sound.

[00:01:48] So I'm excited to dive a little deeper into this conversation now. Thank you so much for being here. Um, I'm a huge fan of your content. I have gone through all of your relationship advice on the [00:02:00] other end, and it seems like all of it is. Really sound, and I guess you have this super unique perspective as a divorce lawyer.

In this quickie episode, Jess and Brandon reflect upon a recent argument and share three conversations to address relationship issues. They share their personal perspectives and delve into the importance of addressing three main points when you're struggling:

1. Why you want to work on the relationship

2. How you're feeling vs how you want to feel

3. What you want & what you're willing to compromise

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

3 Conversations To Save A Relationship: Why? How? What?

[00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:16] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

[00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: Well, hello. I have a question for you. How. How are your stress levels right now? I'm

[00:00:28] Brandon Ware: feeling pretty good. Not very high.

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Really? Yeah. On a one to 10 today I'm like a three. Okay. What's your baseline?

[00:00:36] Brandon Ware: A seven. No, that's what I was gonna say. Uh, the last six months, probably

[00:00:42] Jess O'Reilly: like a five. Okay. And lifetime? Like adult lifetime?

[00:00:45] Brandon Ware: Adult lifetime, probably. Yeah. Probably like a six to seven.

[00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Oh man. Yeah.

[00:00:51] Brandon Ware: Okay. I didn't realize before how high my baseline was until I started to pay attention to it. And, you know, recognizing some of the feelings that I would feel on a regular basis.

[00:01:01] Brandon Ware: The, the, you know, the butterflies in my stomach. I was like, oh, it's I'm hungry, or it's whatever. No, it's like, man, this is

[00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: stress and has your, Stress overall come down over the last few years as you become more aware of that? Uh,

[00:01:11] Brandon Ware: yes it has, but I mean, it's obviously spiked at different points because of different things that have happened.

[00:01:15] Brandon Ware: Like I remember, you know, the uncertainty when the, the pandemic first started, like, yeah, I was a bit more stressed out. I remember having some pretty intense dreams those first like four or five weeks or six weeks of the pandemic when it started. Um, and then there have been other things that have happened over the last handful of years that have caused pretty significant spike in stress.

[00:01:33] Brandon Ware: But today you're three.

[00:01:34] Jess O'Reilly: Today I'm a three man. Why are you feeling

[00:01:36] Brandon Ware: good? You know, I don't know. I woke up early, got in, um, did a bit of work, and then got in a good workout, which I wasn't expecting. Mm-hmm. And, uh, after a six hour

[00:01:46] Jess O'Reilly: time change Last

[00:01:47] Brandon Ware: night. After, yeah, after like a really big time change and, uh, just in a general good mood.

[00:01:53] Brandon Ware: So I'm just gonna keep rolling with it. Well, I'm

[00:01:55] Jess O'Reilly: here to ruin it. No, just kidding. What? Thank you. No, there just seems to be a lot of stress [00:02:00] in the world. Like the headlines. Yeah, the tragedy. And I am finding that I'm receiving more and more messages from people in distress about life, but particularly about relationships.

[00:02:11] Jess O'Reilly: And so that's why I asked about stress, because I, I'm curious, like, does the world feel more stressed right

Mike and Denise are one of the happiest couples ever. They've been together since they were teenagers, raised two kids, run a family business, and they're still loving, happy and playful. Have a listen to their story and "secrets" in this casual, candid conversation with Jess and Brandon (Mike is Jess' cousin BTW). There are no magic pills for happy marriages, but every story counts. Warning: gushing contained herein.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Secrets of A Happy Couple (After 35+ Years!)

00:02

You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

00:16

Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, hey, I'm excited for this conversation and we are going to dive right in because today we are chatting with and getting insights from one of the most happy couples I have ever met. So we are here with my favorite. I'm not going to say cousins because I'll get in trouble. Also, they're not both my cousins. Only Michael is my cousin. My favorite couple.

00:45

I think when you say somebody's your favorite, but then you don't finish it, I think you've just now said they're your favorite. I know. We have a problem in our family, right, Mike, about favorites? Well, you're just stating the obvious. There's a whole bunch of us. So Mike is my eldest cousin, right? Thank you for that. A favorite cousin. Favorite cousin. There's a lot of us. Denise is his wife, and we spend a ton of time with you. We prioritize spending time with you, even though we spend...

01:13

even though we live far, far away from one another, because we love being around you. And Denise has been on the podcast before, so you may remember her from a Christmas episode with her daughter, Annabella, who wrote her dating profile. And if you haven't listened to the dating profile episodes, please, please, please go back and listen to the dating profile episodes. One of them is called, The Greatest Gift Ever and it's free, but definitely check those out. So you might remember Denise from there, but I'll give you a little bit of background on them. They haven't given me their bios.

01:42

but they run a family company with many, many employees and extra special stresses because it's in Jamaica. But they're just the happiest couple. They have two grown kids who are also my favorites. And I wanted to chat with them because they're happy. And I think we all just wanna be happy like they are. Mike, you're happy. I'm always happy. You bring joy. So why don't we just start with how you met? Tell us the story of how you met 30.

02:11

Six years ago, 30, a lot of years ago. A lifetime ago. I think 1989, right? 85. No, 85. How old was I in 85? Mike was a year younger than me, but we met freshman year at RISD. So we were at school and we met a couple of times, I think, at the dormitory, just around campus. And I remember just shaking my head and thinking, no, this guy's crazy. That's most the charm.

02:39

But you also weren't happy at RISD. And I think that's what I was picking up is that you were not happy there. I think it was just coming from South Florida from high school and coming to a Northeast school. I was again, in a whole different world. Right, which was my happy place, but not your happy place. Again,

Is scheduling sex a good idea?

And how do you deal with a partner - who is struggling with erection issues?

Is avoidance of sex but engagement with porn an indication of a Madonna-whore complex?

We discuss all this and more with the therapist Kat Kova.

Don't forget to check out the Womanizer Starlet, which is on sale this week & you can save an EXTRA 15% with code DRJESS15.

Kat Kova is currently; a Ph.D. student in the Social and Personality Psychology Program at York University. She holds a Master of Science Degree in the Couple & Family Therapy Program from the University of Guelph, an Honours BA Degree in Psychology from York University and a Certificate in Sexuality Studies from York University. She is an Associate Member of BESTCO (Board of Examiners of Sex Therapy and Counselling in Ontario) and has completed the Sex Therapy Intensive Training at the University of Guelph. She is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), Solution-Focused Therapy (SFT), Narrative Therapy and mindfulness approaches and personalizes treatment according to your specific needs and the concerns you wish to address.

Kat is also trained in embodied experiential dreamwork practices, an effective treatment for alleviating suffering from trauma-related nightmares and PTSD symptoms.

Learn more on the Kat Kova Therapy website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Scheduling Sex, Erectile Issues & Sexual Avoidance

00:02

You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

00:17

Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Good morning. It is 10.45 on a Monday morning for us here. Yes it is. And at 10.45 in the morning, would you like to schedule some sex? I would sure like to schedule some sex. Where are we going with this? Do you feel like we schedule sex at all? No, I don't. Okay. So I feel like we sort of do. I know that it doesn't go in our calendars, but I feel like we make time for it. Who are you having sex with then?

00:47

I'll invite to the wrong Brandon. Another Brandon. It's another realtor named Brandon. It's really good if anyone's in the market. At multiple things apparently. Okay. I know we don't put it in the calendar. I know we don't say, hey, at 3 PM on Saturday, would you like to have the sex with me? Sexy time. I do feel like we carve out time. I have an idea sometimes of when you're going to want to have sex with me. Do you? Yeah. I've got to tell. I've got to tell. You don't know you want it, but I know you want it.

01:17

I don't know what the tell it. Okay, I'm going to give one example. When I... Please do share more of Brandon's secrets. When I'm on the road for work and I know that I'm leaving, you carve out time the night before. Yes, I do. Not just for sex, but just to be with me, to try and be home, to try and not be working, to try and not have phone calls. And it always leads to sex. It usually does. Yes, you're right. I do do that. So there's some scheduling of sex. And you know, we've got an expert who's going to help us kind of parse whether or not we should schedule sex

01:47

There's research on the topic. Let's schedule in this time to start right now. Let's do this. Before we welcome our esteemed guest, quick note, the Womanizer Starlet is 50% off at lovehoney.com or lovehoney.ca or lovehoney.uk,

Pelvic floor function is essential to sexual health a pleasure, but how much do you know about this key region? Do you know…

At what age should you start thinking about the pelvic floor?

What daily activities are hard - on the pelvic floor?

Which movements can support pelvic floor health?

How to care for your pelvic floor during pregnancy?

How menopause affects the pelvic floor?

We didn’t know the answers, so we asked the fabulous Dr. Kamaria Washington to weigh in on these questions; and much more in this content-rich episode.

Dr. Kamaria Washington is a proud product of Detroit, MI - and she received her Bachelor of Science in Movement Science from the University of Michigan’s School of Kinesiology before pursuing her Doctorate of Physical Therapy from the MGH Institute of Health Professions in Boston, Massachusetts. She then went to Therapeutic Associates Bethany in Portland, Oregon for extensive pelvic floor training in conjunction with Herman and Wallace pelvic floor continuing education. Dr. Washington is the founder of Pelvic Noire Physical Therapy & Wellness, where she serves as the CEO, a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist for women's health, and a Birth Prep and Postpartum Coach. Appointments can be held at their office in Metro-Detroit, MI, or virtually; from all over the world. She sees clients' preconceptions through menopause with pelvic pain, urine/fecal leakage, low back pain, reproductive concerns, prolapse, and more.

You can keep up with her work and learn bits of pelvic floor education from her on Instagram & Facebook. And you can set up an appointment (virtual or in-person) at Pelvic Noire website.

Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

00:02

You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

00:16

Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir here with my lovely other half and Dr. Jess. Hey, hey. Today we are talking about pelvic floor health across the lifespan. And we're going to be joined by Dr. Camaria Washington, also known as Dr. Cave from Detroit, Michigan. She has a Bachelor of Science in Movement Science from the University of Michigan School of Kinesiology, like you, baby kinesiologist. Shout out. But then she went on to do her doctorate of physical therapy from the MGH Institute.

00:46

of Health Professions in Boston. She has a lot of schooling. She then went to therapeutic associates Bethany in Portland, Oregon for extensive pelvic floor training in conjunction with Herman and Wallace pelvic floor continuing education. She is the founder of pelvic noir physical therapy and wellness where she serves as the CEO a pelvic floor physical therapist for women's health and a birth prep and postpartum coach. She's amazing. I've been following her on Instagram for some time. I highly, highly, highly recommend

01:16

you follow at dr.kwashington underscore. That one's a bit hard, so I'm going to make sure it's in the show notes and I'll do a shout out on Instagram because her content is so good. On the personal side, Dr. K likes solo traveling, spending time with the locals, food experiences, dancing, spoken word, hiking, reading, spending time with her family and friends and she is a sucker for thrifting. I like that. And big pairs of handmade earrings and she joins us now. Thank you so, so much for being here.

01:46

What questions should you consider if you’re thinking of opening up your relationship?

What issues do couples commonly face when considering polyamory?

What is brainspotting?

What should solo polyamorous folks consider when dating couples?

Which dating sites are best for open relationships?

We’re joined by marriage and family therapist Joy Berkheimer who weighs in on these questions and shares her personal experience with swinging and polyamory.

Joy is a radical force for self-expression that helps women cultivate self-love, and empowers them to fully embody their sexuality so that they may become their best authentic and liberated selves.

To learn more about Joy, follow her on her Instagram or on the Joy Berkheimer website.

Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

speaker:

You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half who's dancing, Dr. Jess. I was really in the mood for this today. You're grooving today. I heard a little scobbyed in the background. It makes me happy. That's your jam. Mm-hmm. Literally, that's your jam. And today, I've been up all morning talking about relationship deal breakers. Do you have any relationship deal breakers? Oh, I have a whole list. I have one that immediately comes to mind. What's that? Smoking. Cigarettes. Cigarette smoking. I'd have a hard time with that. Other substances are acceptable. other substances totally fine. Because you like the smell of other ones, but you don't like the smell of cigarettes. Yes. Yeah. You know, I had, I grew up with one parent who smoked on and off. And I remember that you just turned to them at some point and you're like, listen, I love you and that's going to kill you and I need you to stop. And they did. Yeah, I think I said that to somebody who wants to. They were very disciplined, though. My parents who smoked, like they would smoke in certain places and not in others. They never smoked in the house and they would smoke in certain social situations, but then quit in between for like a year. But I got it. that that's a deal. But I mean, if you were to start, I wouldn't really understand, especially why you'd start at this age. What if I started smoking cigars? Well, I mean, how often would you smoke them? This conversation is getting very detailed. Well, I'm just thinking that a lot of people smoke cigars once in a while. And so I wouldn't always have to be around it. I don't know. I don't know, I really like the smell of a pipe. I was just gonna say, I love the smell of a pipe. My grandfather smoked a pipe and I was like, man, that smells good. Yeah, it's sweet, sweet, but I think it still causes harm. Yeah, I think so. So we were talking this morning about the top relationship dealbreakers and they categorize them into six categories But what comes out on top for all types of relationships is Grossness okay, that's a very vague topic. So do you want to give me some details? Like what was what was gross? So another study found that it's basically if somebody has it disheveled or unclean appearance and then down the list There's lazy too needy lacks of sense of humor lacks of sense of humor. I know all about that one Here's one Have you ever You've seen me first thing in the morning? Speaking of disheveled, the first one? I know,

Sex therapist Dr. Donna Oriowo joins us to answer your questions about sex and relationships.

How do you manage sexual incompatibility?

What do you do when one of you wants sex all the time and the other has trouble getting in the mood?

And how do you get yourself in the mood to be a "giver" when it doesn't come naturally?

Dr. Donna Oriowo (oreo-whoa!) LICSW, CST, is an award-winning DEI advocate, international speaker and certified sex and relationship therapist in the Washington D.C. metro area. Dr. Donna is the owner of private practice, AnnodRight, which specializes in working with Black women on issues related to colorism and texturism and its impacts on mental and sexual health. Dr. Donna specializes in working with Black women to feel Free, Fabulous, and F*cked! She is the author of Cocoa Butter & Hair Grease: A Self Love Journey Through Hair and Skin and the host of a weekly community space for Black women called In My Black Feelings. Dr.

Donna collects inspiring quotes, eats donuts, loves pasta, travels to learn, and gives COVID-safe handshakes, warm hugs, and (figurative) knocks on the head.

Dr. Oriowo served as DEI Co-chair and Communications Steering Committee Chair for AASECT. She is a member of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN). She can be found on social media @Dr.DonnaOriowo (Instagram and Twitter). OR you can visit her on the interwebs at DonnaOriowo.com OR interact with her by joining the Free, Fabulous, & F*cked Community on Facebook. Be sure to check out Dr. Oriowo's 5-Day Pleasure Challenge

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Help! We're not sexually compatible

Speaker 2 00:00:05 You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use Tonight.

Speaker 0 00:00:14 Welcome

Speaker 3 00:00:14 To the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

Speaker 1 00:00:20 Hello from Washington DC

Speaker 3 00:00:23 Is there a more enthusiastic way to say that?

Speaker 1 00:00:25 Good morning, Washington DC Good morning. This is our second stop here in the last couple of weeks. Yeah,

Speaker 3 00:00:31 It

Speaker 1 00:00:31 Is. We are here for the Sexology Summit in inaugural conference hosted by the folks from Sexpert Consultants and they're doing a great job. It's, it's so nice to be back with colleagues and surrounded by non civilian sex people.

Speaker 3 00:00:46 Yeah, I mean, I'm having a great time. I haven't been to a lot of sex conferences. I've been to Sex down South. I've been here. I'm trying to think where else I've been. And definitely meeting people that I've met online and through the podcast. And it's interesting because now I'm actually seeing them, but I feel like I already know them. Like we met Courtney, we saw Courtney Bra the other day. Hang

Speaker 1 00:01:05 On though. Courtney Bra is a lot taller than I expected. Yes. He, he's a tall man.

Speaker 3 00:01:09 He's, he's a muscular, tall gentleman

Speaker 1 00:01:11 In a soft cashmere sweater. My favorite convo, my favorite I you wear He's cashmere. He's a really nice guy. If you let me, I'm gonna touch you. , like, people should really be wearing cashmere pants. . If you want a butt rub, say for,

Speaker 3 00:01:24 For the holidays, I, I get cashmere underwear.

Can Gender-Bending Improve Sex? Exploring Pleasure Beyond the Binary

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TL;DR: Can Gender-Bending Improve Sex?

Gender roles don’t just limit who takes out the trash,  they police who initiates sex, who receives pleasure, and who’s allowed to feel wanted.

Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons breaks down how gender scripts shape (and often stifle) your turn-ons, fantasies, and sexual confidence.

The more rigid your gender expectations, the more restricted your erotic potential.

Ditch the shame and rewrite the rules: your sexuality isn’t binary, so why are your bedroom roles?

Try Dr. Hargons’ 5-step gender liberation exercise, starting with unpacking everything you were taught about being a “real man” or “real woman.”

Play, pleasure, and power all expand when you allow yourself to initiate, receive, dominate, or surrender, regardless of gender.

Erotic self-awareness grows with gender self-awareness; the more you explore, the hotter it gets.

Tools to help you rewrite your erotic script:

We-Vibe Melt: air-pulsing precision for hands-free surrender

We-Vibe Touch: silky and palm-sized for mutual power exchange

Womanizer Duo 2: dual stimulation for switch-friendly pleasure

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Do you have trouble expressing your desires in bed?

Are you nervous - to open up about your fantasies?

Do you have difficulty tapping into sexual turn-ons?

Perhaps the constraints of gender (and the associated shame) are holding you back from experiencing deeper pleasure.

If any of this resonates, you’re not alone. In this gender bending episode of the Sex With Dr. Jess Podcast, the brilliant Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons joins us to explore how rigid gender roles can hold us back from sexual freedom and how breaking them down can help us build hotter, more satisfying sex lives. Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons is an award-winning associate professor of counselling psychology at Emory University’s Rollins School of Public Health, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. With over 70 published articles,  Dr. Hargons has made substantial contributions to the field, positioning herself as a leading authority in her discipline. She is the host; of F*ck the System: A Sexual Liberation Podcast and How to Love a Human, a liberation podcast that asks people with multiple marginalized identities what the world would be like if it loved them.  

How Gender Roles Constrict Sexual Desire

Gender roles aren’t just about who does the dishes or who takes the lead on date night — they seep into our most intimate spaces, shaping who initiates sex, who is “supposed” to be the object of desire, and who is permitted to feel what.

“Rigidity and flexibility make the difference between how constricted people feel in their sex lives and how open and liberated they feel in their sex lives,” says Dr. Candice Nicole. When men are expected to always initiate and want sex, and women are expected to always receive and withhold, everyone loses.

It’s not just about equity — it’s about erotic possibility. When gender roles are too rigid, pleasure gets policed, and rejection becomes painful not because it hurts — but because it violates deepl...