Sex With Dr. Jess

A pregnant listener wants to know how to deal with hurt feelings; after her partner; interrupted a conversation to check out another woman. Jess and Brandon share their thoughts on how to deal with sensitive issues like body insecurity, affirmations and feelings of un-attractiveness during pregnancy and throughout life's transitions.

Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Attraction & Body Image: Communication for Couples

Episode 326

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight.

[00:00:14] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess, and today we are talking about body insecurity and how we respond to our partners when they make requests.

[00:00:27] Brandon Ware: I mean, it sounds like it would be very simple, but

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: there's always nuance, isn't there?

[00:00:31] Brandon Ware: Always.

[00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. So we received a question from a woman who says she's pregnant with her third child. She's been with her partner for many years, and here's what she says. I've been entrusting him with my physical insecurities during this pregnancy, and I find it hard.

[00:00:47] Jess O'Reilly: to see my body change in this way. So we were at the pool the other day, with our kids, and we were having this face to face conversation with, when suddenly, kind of mid conversation, he checks out this other woman getting out of the pool, in a very obvious way, very much in front of my face, so I'm feeling very hurt from this incident, because I've been really open about how I'm feeling about myself, and his attraction towards me, and I don't really know how to address this.

[00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, why don't you go?

[00:01:14] Brandon Ware: You want me to start? I mean, okay, maybe he's a dick. Whoa. Maybe. Well, I mean, maybe it was also, he noticed something. I mean, I feel like in this circumstance, you got to pay attention to your partner and their request. They're saying, I need this from you. I feel this way. And I feel like perhaps this person didn't listen.

[00:01:34] Brandon Ware: Isn't heeding their advice. Yeah. Heeding like, and responding to their request.

[00:01:38] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. I'm thinking about folks who are going to say like, Oh, well you're responsible for your feelings, but come on. That's not the whole picture. Right. Right. I think we also. I know we have to be considerate of other people's feelings like we're not responsible for our partner's feelings entirely that but that doesn't mean we can't hurt their feelings you know if you're mid sentence with me and you stop paying attention not just to check someone out but just period I'm gonna have some [00:02:00] feelings if you stand me up I'm gonna have some feelings if you greet me with a big smile I'm likewise gonna have some feelings in response to you right so we say oh people are responsible for their own feelings but we don't live in a in a vacuum so um You know, if I've already told you that I'm feeling out of touch, I'm feeling uncomfortable with my body, and you're ogling someone else in an obvious way, I'm probably going to have some feelings.

[00:02:21] Jess O'Reilly: And it's not necessarily that your ogling is entirely responsible for them,

Have you encountered scammers while dating online or in person? We received this query from a loyal listener:

"I started dating after divorce (I was married way too young at 19 years old, I’m 28 now), and I’m devastated after being scammed. He took over 20K from me, which I know is not as bad as some of the stories in the media, but it’s a lot for me. The worst part is I really did love him, and now I’m nervous to even; date again. I live in a smaller town, so online is really my only option unless I want to date someone from my high school who has already dated half of my family. I’m exaggerating, but for real online dating is my only option. How do I make sure; this doesn’t happen again, and also; how do I deal with the embarrassment? I’ve had to move home with my parents (I’m lucky we get along so well), but I haven’t told anyone why."

Romance scams are more common and sophisticated than you may think. According to the Federal Trade Commission in the USA, in 2022, nearly 70,000 people reported a romance scam with losses of $1.3 billion. And it's growing year over year.

The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre received 1,928 reports of romance scams totalling $64,604,718 in losses, compared to 1,546 reports and $28,989,750 in losses in 2020. An estimated 5% of victims report romance scams, so this number is much higher in reality.

Jess and Brandon share their perspectives on how to date with confidence and protect yourself in the changing dating landscape.

Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Romance Scams & How To Date Safely

Episode 325

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:14] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm Brandon, your cohost here with the lovely Dr. Jess.

[00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, I'm a new woman today.

[00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Why is that?

[00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: Because I discovered the excitement of an electric bicycle.

[00:00:27] Brandon Ware: It's, it's, it's a whole new world.

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: For the whole bike ride yesterday, I was like, this is a whole new world. Did you hear me screaming it?

[00:00:35] Brandon Ware: Is it because you didn't actually ride the bike?

[00:00:38] Jess O'Reilly: No, so I didn't know that these electric bikes, you just touch the pedal and then they move for you. So I'm not good on a bicycle. Yeah, we know that. Yeah, like I get on a bicycle for 10 minutes and I'm in pain and I know that I need to get like my pelvic floor fixed, but I've torn my hamstrings so many times that something about sitting on a bike doesn't work for me.

[00:00:57] Jess O'Reilly: Like I usually rollerblade next to my friend Mel who cycles and I have to bust my ass on blades and I have no problem with that. But the. Bicycle hurts my butt.

[00:01:05] Brandon Ware: Yeah, no, it's not. My sits bones hurt today.

[00:01:08] Jess O'Reilly: Until yesterday, because it's still hurt to sit on it. But anyhow, you just touch the pedal and the bike moves for you.

[00:01:15] Jess O'Reilly: And I'm probably 10 years behind everybody else, but I'm super excited about this because I don't know, it opened up a whole new city to us. We were able to go way across the city and here it's, you know, traffic's so bad that it's faster on a bicycle than getti...

How does your relationship affect desire and libido?

How do you rekindle connection and desire after breaking up and then reuniting?

How do you rebuild trust when you get back together?

In this episode, we respond to a listener question: her partner left her and then returned, and now she's dealing with low libido and painful sex. We discuss the complexities of rekindling desire, reigniting the flame and rebuilding trust.

Don't forget to go back and listen to these related episodes:

Painful Sex: It's Not In Your Head

How To Get Your Libido Back

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

 

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Q&A Quickie: Sexual Desire & Painful Sex

Episode 324

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we've got a quickie episode for you, babe. How are you doing today?

[00:00:19] Brandon Ware: I'm awesome. Thank you. How are you?

[00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: I'm good. I'm good. We are in the heat of summer. We're in Barcelona, our now second home.

[00:00:27] Brandon Ware: It's hot and it's hot.

[00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: I guess it's our first home now, but the streets are super packed with tourists. Of course. It's a really young city. Like, I definitely am on the, I feel like I'm on the older side here. I don't know when that happened. You wake up one day and then you're old.

[00:00:43] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I mean, yes. Welcome to my world.

[00:00:46] Jess O'Reilly: Young people here for a ton of music festivals, right?

[00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: I feel like there's just a music festival every weekend here, and so I stumble trying, trying to be one of the cool kids. I never go to the music festival, so no. I'm like, I'm in bed before they start dinner here in Barcelona. They eat dinner at 11 o'clock at night.

[00:01:01] Brandon Ware: Yeah, you gotta gotta find that early.

[00:01:03] Brandon Ware: It's kinda like being in Florida.

[00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: I need the senior special. Absolutely. Well, actually it's weird. It's easy to adjust to the lifestyle here, I've found, because the sun goes down at like 10 o'clock at night.

[00:01:13] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I feel ridiculous when I'm wrapping up my day getting ready for bed and I can hear kids playing inside.

[00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: But it's also, I find we end up going to dinner later because it's so bright out, right? Like seven and eight o'clock at night. Everything's. Alive, sort of like the Sanka set, like the um, after work thing back, back in Toronto and in North America. But I was thinking about music festivals because you see, um, every weekend there seems to be a change of attire on the streets.

[00:01:40] Jess O'Reilly: Cuz I guess different festivals attract different demographics and there tends to be a look, right? Like when you think about Coachella, there's a look, I know people dress differently, but there's some thematic elements and love honey with whom I'm good friends. They did a, a survey. To find out how many people are actually having sex.

[00:01:57] Jess O'Reilly: At these music festivals. Have you, have you had sex at a concert?

[00:01:59] Brandon Ware: [00:02:00] No, I have not had sex. I,

https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/wp-content/uploads/Dr.-Antony-Chum-Website-Promo-1.mp4

 

What's the difference between an ally & an accomplice?

How do health risks intersect with sexual orientation?

What can we do to support those who are at greater risk?

Why are discussions of interracial and mixed orientation relationships essential to DEI + justice work?

Dr. Antony Chum of York University joins Jess and Brandon to discuss his recent research, which explores the link between sexual orientation and self-harm -- including the finding that bisexual women are three times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual women and gay men and lesbians are twice as likely as straight folks to engage in suicide-related behaviours. They discuss both causes and solutions -- on both personal and policy levels. Sexual expression and freedom for all are essential to pleasure for each of us, so this is an essential conversation for folks of all gender identities and sexual orientations.

Antony is the Canada Research Chair (tier 2) in Population Health Data Science. Drawing on the disciplines of social epidemiology, geospatial analytics, and machine learning, Antony’s research investigates the social and built-environmental determinants of health and evaluate policies to build healthier cities and communities, especially for marginalized groups such as the homeless, low-income, racialized, and LGBTQ+ people. His research approach combines population health data sciences (“big data” analysis) and the application of rigorous social theories (e.g. intersectionality, social ecological theory, minority stress theory, etc.) to investigate social determinants of health and to evaluate interventions aimed at eliminating health disparities.

And don't forget to follow Dr. Antony on his Twitter.

Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to Be An Ally & Accomplice

Episode 323

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice You Can Use Tonight.

[00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Hello. Hello. Good day to you. Today we are talking about a number of topics, including what it really means to be an ally, and we're gonna look at the distinction between allies and accomplices. You know, this week I just hosted a, a session.

[00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: That I, I loved working with this group on healthy relationships as a key component of d e I and justice work, and it was with Com community and government reps in Southern Ontario. Uh, and I think that, you know, a big part that of d e I or justice work that's left out is just the relationship piece around interracial relationships, mixed orientation relationships, and.

[00:00:47] Jess O'Reilly: Brandon and I of course have talked about our personal experience, but the leaving out of these topics, their absence, I think is at a huge cost. So we're gonna get into that shortly. Quick reminder, since we're on the topic, we have an old podcast on our interracial and our mixed orientation relationship where we talk a little bit, well, really I talk about my needs and Brandon Ways in.

[00:01:08] Jess O'Reilly: So if you can go back, uh, and have a listen to that one and please share. It's a few years old, but, uh, but still relevant. So we're gonna dive into that. But we're all. Also going to be talking about a really important study out of York ...

Why do we develop fetishes and kinks like heirophilia and small penis humiliation?

How do you tell a partner about a specific desire, fantasy or kink?

What are the costs of not opening up about a kink or fetish?

If you’re into something and they’re not, how can you bridge the gap?

Carli DeVille, the ultimate guide to all things tantalizing and titillating, joins us to answer these questions are much more. As a sexologist, licensed psychotherapist, and relationship coach, Carli specializes in kinks, fetishes, sissification, and domination training. With their unapologetically flirty approach and extensive expertise, they help individuals and couples navigate their deepest desires and embrace their naughty side. Carli's passion for empowering others to celebrate their sexuality shines through in their role as the captivating host of the Naughtylicious Sex Podcast.

Here, they delve into sizzling topics, address intriguing intimacy issues, and ignite open conversations about everything from the every day to the forbidden. When they're not offering sex coaching or hosting their podcast - Carli can be found captivating their YouTube audience with their magnetic personality and salacious advice. Whether it's discussing the latest sex trends or providing guidance on spicing up your love life, Carli's wit and charm keep viewers coming back for more. As your guide to unlocking hidden pleasures and unleashing your inner vixen, Carli DeVille is the perfect companion on your journey to a more passionate, fulfilling, and deliciously naughty life. No question is too naughty, and no fantasy is too wild for this audacious expert.

So go ahead, dare to explore, and let Carli show you the way with their irresistible wit, charm, and naughty sense of humour. Follow Carli online, on YouTube, and the Naughtylicious Podcast (Apple Podcast or Spotify). Also, be sure to check out their brand - new book.

This episode is brought to you by Desire Cruises - a unique experience for adventurous couples! Join us as we cruise to the Greek Isles in August and the South of France next Spring 2024.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to Explore Kinks & Fetishes

Episode 322

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you Can Use Tonight.

[00:00:13] Jess O'Reilly: Today we are talking kinks and fetishes, and this is gonna be a good one. We've talked about kinks and fetishes before, and just as a brief, Brief recap. Kink generally refers to anything unconventional, which of course, you know what's unconventional for me may not be unconventional to you.

[00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: It might be your regular Monday afternoon routine. And fetishism different than kink generally refers to an actual need for a specific act or object to be present in order to experience arousal and satisfaction. So again, kink is more of a preference, and then fetishism tends to be more of a strong, strong preference or need.

[00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: And here to help us break it down. We have sexologist and psychotherapist, Carly Deville, host of the Naughty Licious Sex podcast, and author of a book by the same name, Naty Licious. And first and foremost, tell us all about your brand new book.

[00:01:04] Carli DeVille: Oh, hello. So good to be back. So my book, it's actually kind of like a hybrid.

[00:01:11] Carli DeVille: It's a book. But more importantly, it's a game.

When is it okay to pass gas in front of a new partner?

Is it ever okay to snoop in their messages?

Should you ask about their past?

When should you introduce kids to a new partner?

We don't have their answers, but we share our imperfect thoughts on your "when is it okay to...?" questions.

Get 15% off with by using the Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Q&A Quickie: Passing Gas, Snooping & Ex-Lovers

Episode 321

You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:14] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon here with my Love. The other half, Dr. Jess.

[00:00:20] Jess O'Reilly: Hey. Hey, today's a quickie.

[00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Yeah, I love quickies.

[00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: You do love a quickie. Just get it over, wham. Bam. Thank you, ma'am.

[00:00:26] Brandon Ware: Yeah, just when there's time constraints, I'm down.

[00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: All right. So we are, we're on the road this week, so we're gonna keep it kind of short, but I think it's an interesting topic. I've been trying to kind of group together some of the questions that come in for the podcast thematically, and today is about timing.

[00:00:41] Jess O'Reilly: Relationship milestones. So when is it okay to fart in front of your partner? When is it okay to introduce kids to a new partner? When is it okay to snoop on your partner's phone, et cetera, et cetera. I'm sure you have some thoughts on those. I do. Uh, but before we dive into that, I wanted to quickly talk about a study that's sort of relevant, not sort of extremely relevant to you and me, and, uh, let's make it about us.

[00:01:06] Jess O'Reilly: This is a study outta Michigan that found that one in five adults do not plan on ever having children.

[00:01:13] Brandon Ware: I found that number very high initially when you said it to me. 20% seems a lot higher than I I, I think the general population, but again, this is representative of the entire. Us?

[00:01:24] Jess O'Reilly: Well, yeah,

[00:01:24] Brandon Ware: that it's a sample.

[00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: So this is a sample out of Michigan. But what they said in the study is that the, it's a state whose population is representative of the US more generally in terms of demographics. So it's a, it's a, it's a good sample and so they consider it nationally representative and 20% not having kids. Now, that sounds really high, but if you look around us, especially in our closest friend circle, so many of us don't have kids.

[00:01:50] Brandon Ware: I mean, I, I, the last studies in Canada that I read, I think our birth rate was neutral. Without immigration, we would be alright. It might actually be negative, but I think we'd be [00:02:00] du our country would be shrinking.

[00:02:01] Jess O'Reilly: Shrinking. Yeah. And our land is just like massive. We need some people. Well, we're bringing a lot, which is great. We need people to come in and, uh, yeah. Cuz you know, jerks like us aren't having kids.

[00:02:11] Brandon Ware: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:02:12] Jess O'Reilly: It's interesting because this is a huge topic and we're not gonna, you know, spend forever on it. Maybe we can do a full episode on it. But there definitely, for me as a woman, I do think I'm seen as selfish for not having kids. I don't know if you, you probably don't get that as a dude.

What are swallowing disorders?

Who can benefit from the support of a Swallowologist?

Can you learn to control your gag reflex?

What do therapists need to learn from SLPs?

Scientist and professor; Dr. Ianessa Humbert joins Jess and Brandon to address these questions and more.

Dr.Humbert has been on faculty at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, the University of Florida, and the University of Iowa. She has also co-founded a range of online learning tools including STEP (Swallowing Training and Education Portal), lovingly known as Swallowing Netflix. The content from Dr. Humbert’s courses are supported by scientific evidence from her laboratory, from the larger body of research literature, and of course, common sense!

Follow along and learn more about her work on Instagram and Twitter.

Get 15% off with by using the Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Swallowing, Gag Reflexes & SLPs

Episode 320

[00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

[00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: Happy to be back on solid ground. I bet you are. Yeah. The, the world is still moving for me. After getting off the cruise,

[00:00:28] Brandon Ware: how long does that last for you?

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: For most people, it lasts like a day or two for me, I'm, I'm still going in, I, I don't know if it's because I feel like I'm swaying back and forth gently, like I'm still on the boat, but also just spending a week with so many happy couples. On the desire cruise. I just can't stop reflecting on all the lessons, all the conversations.

[00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: It's kind of interesting, right? Rather than having, you know, intense sessions with individuals or individual couples. You talk to so many people over breakfast, lunch, dinner, walks in the port, and the big lesson, my big takeaway, and I've been posting about this on Instagram with more specificity. My big takeaway from the whole cruise and all these couples is do not wait.

[00:01:10] Jess O'Reilly: Like act now in your relationships, but also in life. If you're unhappy, don't assume that things will get better. Don't leave it the first sign, but also don't stick around or stay quiet because what, what we're hearing is, you know, you'll blink and 2, 4, 10, 20 years pass you by. And on the flip side, you know, kind of off the cruise from other people.

[00:01:31] Jess O'Reilly: I'm hearing from so many people right now who are. Unhappy in their relationships. I mean, to the point that they're down so much of the time, like they can't focus on work because they're preoccupied with conflict or hurt or stress or betrayal in their relationships. And what I'm really saying seeing is that they don't wanna face it.

[00:01:49] Jess O'Reilly: You know? So they focus on their kids instead, and there's an avoidance. They're really not ready for either the tough conversations or in many cases, the tough decision, right? [00:02:00] This is what I'm seeing. So the decision is, do I wanna stay? Partners, like life partners with someone who isn't a fit for me or whose behavior causes me ongoing distress for months, for years.

[00:02:11] Jess O'Reilly: Do I wanna say with someone who cheats or someone who refuses to have sex or e...

Curious about anal pleasure and rimming? Luna Matatas has you covered. She shares tips for oral, seduction, confidence and more.

Luna Matatas is a Sex and Pleasure Educator with over 15 years of experience teaching sex and empowerment workshops. She celebrates body confidence, self-adoration and building shame-free pleasure in and out of the bedroom. She teaches 30+ sexy skills topics - including threesomes, BDSM and sexual confidence. She created Peg the Patriarchy® and Meditate Medicate Masturbate® brands as part of her sex-positive and feminist merchandise.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Backdoor Pleasure with Luna Matatas

Episode 319

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and Relationship Advice you Can Use Tonight.

[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: I love Zeik belt. It's a belt zk accent is not good. So I am trying, you know, the bird, the hair on the chin is, uh, It's a build of z

[00:00:27] Jess O'Reilly: dicks. If you try and order an oat milk latte in Paris, what do they say?

[00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: No,

[00:00:33] Brandon Ware: no milk. The animal with the tea,

[00:00:38] Jess O'Reilly: if it eat from a tea, it's not milk. Milk

[00:00:41] Brandon Ware: is not milk. It's O water.

[00:00:45] Jess O'Reilly: It's o, o,

[00:00:46] Brandon Ware: o o o o

[00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: o. Folks. I don't know how we got here.

[00:00:52] Brandon Ware: This is the Sex with Z. Yes. Podcast. Anna. I'm sorry, I, I default back to my original language and the is here today. She drew the penis on my Chapelle.

[00:01:13] Brandon Ware: I'm sorry, my head.

[00:01:15] Jess O'Reilly: Today we're at the Sexology Summit in DC and Luna took a picture of Brandon to post on Instagram, and I don't know why she put so many eggplant on his head. Was

[00:01:25] Brandon Ware: very many eggplants I not enjoyed very much.

[00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: What is the perfect amount of dicks on your head? Um, in

[00:01:32] Brandon Ware: this particular instance, it was perhaps southern

[00:01:37] Jess O'Reilly: Exactly.

[00:01:38] Jess O'Reilly: Is it seven? Cuz ice cream doesn't have

[00:01:40] Brandon Ware: bones because Yes, that is correct. And oats do not have tits to milk. No oat milk.

[00:01:46] Jess O'Reilly: Listen, our job as podcast host is, you know, it's really to make our guests shine, but this is all the Brandon show. I'm okay with this. Welcome today. who are gonna tune out of this just to get away from your voice.

[00:01:59] Jess O'Reilly: So [00:02:00] Luna Matata is here. She's a superstar. You're an absolute superstar. Anytime. I can't. Make something, or even if I don't think I'm right, the right fit for it, Luna is my number one pick to stand in and every client raves about her. Every brand is thrilled with her. And you have basically a gazillion webinars online.

[00:02:22] Jess O'Reilly: Everything from Eat Pussy, like a Champ to dominant skills. Do you do anything on submission?

[00:02:27] Luna Matatas: I do. I have sexy skills for submissive and dirty talk for submissives. Hmm. Are you a switch? I am a switch. Okay. I'm a reading switch. I have a switch

[00:02:35] Jess O'Reilly: skills class. Oh, you have a switch skills class, and then you have, do you have like dick pleasure classes as

[00:02:40] Luna Matatas: well?

[00:02:40] Luna Matatas: Yes. Uh, bj, like a boss. Uh, penis pleasure hand, job

Performance pressure can affect pleasure and sexual response from the desire to erections to orgasms and more. In this episode, Jess and Brandon discuss:

The most common sources of performance pressure

How to talk to a partner about your experience with performance pressure

Strategies to reduce pressure and increase pleasure

Mindful touch exercises to offset the symptoms of performance pressure

Techniques to tune into pleasure

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How To Get Over Performance Anxiety

Episode 318

[00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Oh, way to start the podcast. So you knew what I was doing. Yeah, of course I did. I'm making the cruise sound because we're heading out on a cruise tomorrow.

[00:00:30] And that's, isn't that the sound They le they they make when they leave point. It's mine. It's not the tutut little engine that could woo your Sounds like a donkey. No, yours sounds like a donkey. You've heard a donkey go-to too? No. What you just did. You were he, have you ever ridden a donkey? Probably, yeah.

[00:00:46] When? When I was a kid. I don't know why there were always donkeys in Jamaica to ride. No. Like they'd come by and try and get you to ride the donkey and, but did they say it was a horse? No, I don't know what they said, but there was definitely a donkey and I remember I never had on clothes. So all the pictures of just are genocide.

[00:01:02] Naked? Not naked. I had on underwear. Oh, okay. Um, on a donkey. I'm gonna pull up those pictures. Make it the, the profile picture. Profile picture for this, for this one, for this episode. Anyhow, we're heading out on the Venice Rome Cruise with Desire Resorts Clothing optional. I'm there for work, which means I'll be hosting a couple couples workshops.

[00:01:20] Will you be riding a donkey topless? Listen, if you wanna ride a donkey topless. Desire cruise, that is the place to do it. Well, actually, on the last cruise, we were on a cruise with them a few months ago, and we were, we went through the Greek aisles. And if anyone's ever been to Santorini, you know, there's a couple of ways to get up the hill when you dock at the bottom.

[00:01:40] So you can walk mostly through donkey crap. You can, which is what we did. Which is what we did. Yes, yes. Because there was a six hour line to take the, uh, the funicular, or I don't know what you call it. Some sort of cable car. Yeah, there's a line for the cable car or you can take the donkeys, but I didn't have like five euros, so we walked up through the donkey poo.

[00:01:58] It would be [00:02:00] very sexy if somebody had had taken off their top and wrote it up. This switchback mountains. Side full of donkey crap. There was no, there was nothing sexy about it. Do you remember? It was so incredibly hot and it smelled like poopoo. Yeah, we got, but then you got back on the boat and the boat was sexy.

[00:02:17] The boat was amazing, and I have to stop calling it a boat. It's a ship. It's a yacht. Anyhow, this time we're going to, we're starting in cia, so just. You know, part of the Venice Lagoon, and then we're heading to two stops in Croatia. Then we're stopping in Montenegro. I've never been to Montenegro, and then we head to AM Mai.

[00:02:33] Oh, I'm so excited for that. And Soreto.

Curious about how to overcome sexual repression and boost sexual self-esteem? Dr. Tara has you covered. She joins Jess to share her personal story of sexual empowerment -- from shame to She also shares tips to improve sexual communication even if your partner isn't 100% on board.

Dr. Tara is a Los Angeles-based sex and relationship expert, a tenured professor of sexual and relational communication (CSUF), and the viral sex ed creator at Luvbites.

Stay up to date with Dr. Tara by following her on her social media accounts. (TikTok, Instagram, Twitter). And take a listen the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara

Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Improve Sexual Self-Esteem & Communication

Episode 317

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:16] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey. I am without Brandon today, but I am going to be interviewing in just a moment. The fabulous Dr. Tara. She's a tenured professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She was tenured at a very young age at 33. She is an award-winning. Researcher, a sex and relationship coach.

[00:00:36] Jess O'Reilly: She is the host of Love Bys by Dr. Tara podcast, and there she focuses on sexual wellness and sex exploration. Her work is featured in all sorts of media. I've seen her on K T L A News, Cosmo Women's Health Magazine, insider, and many more. And I'm excited to have this conversation and learn more about sexual self-esteem and sexual communication.

[00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: Dr. Tara, thank you so, so much for being here. I watch you from afar on Instagram, on TikTok. I know you have, you have a master's, you have a doctorate in interpersonal communication. Uh, tell me a bit about your story. How did you end up working in sexual communication?

[00:01:14] Dr. Tara: Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited I follow you from afar as well, Dr.

[00:01:18] Dr. Tara: Jess. So I'm really excited to be here. Well, my story really started, we have to start it from the very beginning. I am originally from Thailand, Bangkok. Have you been? I've

[00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: been, I love it. I have family there. It's one of my favorite cities. Like I prefer the city to the beaches. Yeah.

[00:01:36] Dr. Tara: I swear people that know how to do Bangkok really love Bangkok.

[00:01:40] Dr. Tara: So that's where I grew up. I went to an all girls Catholic school in Thailand where you know, As a woman, uh, you learn early on in life that your body is something that you shouldn't, like advertise or be confident about. Uh, because we wore these [00:02:00] uniforms and our skirt has to cover our knees. Because, you know, knees are sexy.

[00:02:05] Jess O'Reilly: Every time I see a knee, I'm like, I wanna lick that thing.

[00:02:09] Dr. Tara: Yeah. So our skirt had to cover our knees, and if the skirt doesn't cover the knees, we get hit on the hands. Oh. So imagine being like eight years old. That's first grade. Right. And that was your learning about your body. And how you should exist in the world as a girl.

[00:02:27] Dr. Tara: You know, when I tell people this, some of my friends back home are like, oh, it doesn't matter. Most schools have like uniform code, but I think it's because they haven't thought about it deeply. And I have,