Over the last few weeks, I have had the opportunity to speak to multiple groups on mindset. In researching and prepping for these conversations, I dug into some hard truths around our current culture. Namely, the fact that we are all enduring Collective Trauma - and no one is talking about it.  

An article in Psychology Today (linked in this episode’s show notes) teaches that “Collective trauma is a response that can follow a variety of traumatic experiences. Situations that may elicit a collective trauma response may include but are not limited to: wars, natural disasters, mass shootings, terrorism, pandemics, systematic and historical oppression, recessions, and famine or severe poverty.”

It goes on to say collective trauma “can change the entire fabric of a community… In fact, collective trauma can impact relationships, alter policies and governmental processes, alter the way the society functions, and even change its social norms.” 

Once we acknowledge that we are experiencing this, we can see how our mindsets have shifted to match this arduous cultural moment in history. In fact, it stands to reason that we have quite possibly (and very understandably) shifted our default mindset to a fixed mindset framework, instead of a growth mindset framework. As a refresh, fixed mindset vs growth mindset is the work of the great Carol Dweck. Author of the book Mindset - which every human should read! 

In this episode, I explore why you might be defaulting to fixed mindset, how it’s limiting you, and how to shift out of it in order to see more opportunities, potential & possibility in your life - instead of defaulting to seeing obstacles & roadblocks. This isn’t to say the obstacles aren’t real. Things are hard. But let’s uncover how to hold space for two truths:

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Amy Lang, MA has been a sexual health educator for over 25 years. With her lively, engaging and down-to-earth style she helps parents become comfortable and confident talking to their kids. Amy’s books, online solutions center and podcast, show parents they really can become their kids' go-to birds and bees source. Amy is still married to her first husband and they are getting the hang of parenting their recently launched man-child. She lives in Seattle WA. 

Amy was on the show to talk about how to talk to younger kids about bodies a few years ago. This time she is back to talk about how to talk to your tweens about sex. Given that Vinnie turned 10 just a few days ago, I was in desperate need of this convo. Amy is an incredible educator who makes talking about sex one million times easier and more fun than anyone else I know. 

 Listen in to hear Amy share:

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This one is for all my friends who have spent their lives collecting A+’s and doing all the extra credit.  

I know perfectionism kept me in my own way for a lot of my first 20 years of life. If I couldn't do something to an A+ level, I didn't want to do it at all. In the last 15 or so years, I've learned that the fun, power, and momentum that allow me to have the most impact in the world comes when I am intentionally imperfect. Doing things well, but "good enough" instead of sitting on them until they are absolutely 100% A++ perfect. 

In my mid-twenties, I started giving myself permission to try things I hadn’t done before. This was a huge departure from never trying anything new out of fear of failure and even more fear of looking foolish.  

By my mid-thirties, as I was growing businesses, I learned that trying new things, giving myself the space to be a newbie, and sitting in the discomfort of learning were actually really rewarding.  

Now, in my mid-forties, I am able to have so much FUN doing things I’m not great at. This is how I was able to learn to ski at age 42, get back into triathlons at age 46, try new things in my business, allow myself to be more creative, and laugh at my imperfections #everydamnday, while riding out the massive momentum that comes with staying in imperfect action and never taking myself too seriously.  

In this episode, I talk you through what I’ve learned from getting great at doing things I’m not great at, why we stop ourselves from doing things we’re not great at, and what we gain when we get great at doing things we’re not great at.  

This one is for my fellow perfectionists and recovering perfectionists. I GOT YOU. 

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Peter Mutabazi is an entrepreneur, an international advocate for children, and the founder of Now I Am Known, a corporation that supplies resources that encourage and affirm children. A single father of one white son and foster dad to many, Peter is a former street kid who has worked for World Vision and the International Committee of the Red Cross and has appeared on media outlets such as the BBC and the TODAY show. A passionate and popular speaker, he currently lives in Charlotte, North Carolina.

I am so delighted to welcome Peter back to the show. He recently released his first book, Now I Am Known. When I heard he wrote a book about his experience of not being known and literally not having a name as a child living on the streets of Uganda through his present-day reality of having fostered 27 children, I knew I wanted him to come back for another conversation. 

Listen in to hear Peter share:

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We are really good at finding reasons to wait. And sometimes waiting is warranted. But often, we wait because we have made up a story that we are not yet ready, worthy, capable, or qualified. Often that story is a bold-faced lie.  

When we wait to go after what we want, take action, or accomplish something that makes us proud, we waste our precious mental and emotional resources, our energy, and our TIME.  

While we are waiting, we often compromise our values, stall our growth, and stay STUCK in a headspace that lends itself to self-doubt and negative self-talk. 

I’m not a leap person. I don’t make big bold moves. But I am an action taker. I take small action steps to test the waters and collect data. Those small steps and pieces of data determine my next steps and move me toward what I want so I’m not stuck in the emotional and mental purgatory of waiting to accomplish something. 

In this episode, I’m going to dig into what is wasted while you’re waiting. You’re costing yourself more than you know. You are ready. You are capable. You are qualified. Now. 

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Fareedah Shaheed is the CEO and Founder of Sekuva SehKOOvuh, where she helps parents and caretakers protect their kids online. She has taught thousands of people online security & safety, has hosted lunch and learns, and has delivered keynotes on the subject. She is a Forbes 30 Under 30 honoree and is currently serving on the Forbes board for the Under 30 community.

Fareedah was named Cybersecurity Personality of the Year 2020. And her work has been featured in Cisco, NASA, FOX 25, FOX 46, FOX Carolina, NBC Washington, The Grio, Yahoo!, AfroTech, The Every Mom, StartPage, TripWire, Infosecurity Magazine, and most recently on the NASDAQ. Fareedah is on fire when it comes to spreading her message. I connected with Fareedah via LinkedIn and as I got to know more about her work and her personal story, I knew she would be a fantastic guest. She did not disappoint! 

Listen in to hear Fareedah share:

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Last weekend I did my first triathlon in 18 years. It was an incredible experience - which I almost put it off until next summer. I’m so glad I didn’t wait. I shifted a 12-month goal to a 2-month goal and it paid off - big time.  

Whether you’re working toward a new goal or returning to a goal from the past, I want to invite you to take a look at how you’re approaching your goal. Your perspective and approach will deeply impact your experience and your outcomes.  

When I did triathlons 18-22 years ago, it was so much work and so much stress. A lot of the training felt like a grind. It was all very intense.  

You would think, at age 46 and being out of the game for so long, I would have felt that intensity and stress return as I took up training again. I did not.  

I was really intentional about how I approached this goal. My approach allowed me to enjoy every moment of training and every second of race day.  

In this episode, I talk you through 5 Important Lessons On Trying Something New in hopes that you can cut your deadlines on your goals in half in order to get to the finish lines faster - and with a ton more ease and joy! 

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Beth Syverson is a mom of an 18-year-old son, Joey, who has been struggling with addiction and mental health issues for several years. She struggles with addiction as well, though not with the same substances as her son. This experience has given her empathy for her son's struggles. She has learned to maintain firm boundaries while still nurturing a positive relationship with Joey. She is walking beside Joey as he struggles with his recovery, while she works on her own personal growth and healing. Joey and Beth started Safe Home Podcast in August 2021 in order to help other families avoid the pain they've endured. They are committed to destigmatizing addiction and mental health, and they want to help as many families as possible by sharing their stories.

This is such an incredibly important topic and conversation. I’m so grateful to Beth for sharing courageously and vulnerably. It’s also important that you know, Joey gave consent, even encouragement, for his mom to have this conversation and share parts of his journey with this audience of Shameless Moms. 

Listen in to hear Beth share:

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When we get overwhelmed or frustrated or feel the universe is working against us, we tend to drop our heads, metaphorically and literally. We stop seeing the good around us. We stop seeing potential. We stop seeing opportunity. We look down and miss the magic that is right in front of us, if not passing us by.  

I’m only able to describe this because I’ve been there. When I feel overwhelmed or rejected or frustrated, it’s easy for me to start to shrink. And in that shrinking, I become fixed on the fact that I cannot fix what is broken and no one else can fix it, either.  

Sometimes my husband will offer solutions and I will excitedly point out how they are all awful - because EVERYTHING IS WRONG AND BROKEN right now.  

But when I step back for a moment - typically a few hours and a good workout - I can start to see how he may be right. There might just be a few options that could work just fine, even if they are not the exact options I initially had in mind.

This happened recently when we learned we would need to get a new car - that we were not planning for in 2022. I had a meltdown because there were just NO GOOD OPTIONS. To be fair, this is a really sucky time to buy a car, but… BUT… there are still options. As he laid out some options for us, I shut down. None of his options were my top picks for options. I went to bed quiet and grumpy. The next morning, I was able to see where he had some good points. There are options and a decent number of them are, well, decent.  

If you’re a Type A person like me, you might be quick to look down, lock up, and to lock out possibilities when you feel like things are not working out for you. In this episode, I’m going to invite you to LOOK UP.  

When we look up, everything shifts. There are options and alternatives galore - and often they are even better than what we originally thought we wanted.  

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Sue Holt is the founder of Mommy's Life Coach. Sue coaches moms who yell at their kids. She helps them to stop feeling guilty and enjoy being a mom. As a stay-at-home mom for the past 16 years to four children, Sue remembers sitting at the bottom of her steps with her head in her hands crying, not because she yelled so loud that her throat hurt from screaming at her daughter for spilling salad dressing on her new boots that Mom bought her, but because she felt guilty and ashamed. Sue created Mommy's Life Coach as a space to integrate, validate, acknowledge, encourage, and celebrate moms. Sue lives in Philadelphia with her hubby, four kids, and Irish Setter, Oscar. When Sue is not watching her 3 boys play ice hockey, lacrosse, baseball, track, football, or her daughter dance, sing, act, or play field hockey, she enjoys taking dance classes, working out, and relaxing on the beach.

Listen in to hear Sue share:

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