Shutdown Fullcast

- Ryan has a very cool solution for Spencer’s “I owe the internet video of me drinking 300 beers” that Spencer just barrels past

 - A #TwoAmericas law enforcement story introduces God’s secret archangel, Cajun Damon 

 - A goodish number of wildlife updates 

 - Hey, the Charity Bowl’s over, we have a lot of people to thank and are going to forget at least half of them. We’re very tired! You did this to us!

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Michigan won the charity bowl, again, and Spencer and Holly bring Randy and Jason Sklar on to discuss important Wolverine matters. Because this is the Fullcast, this turns out to mean “the episode is mostly about Grey’s Anatomy.”

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- There is no describing this episode. Look, just play it. You’ll get there. 

 - Alternate title was going to be THE TICK WAR EPISODE

 - The LEAST upsetting voice in this episode is Spencer’s Joe Paterno, if that tells you anything

 - In a shocking revelation, at least one member of this podcast thinks it used to be “too easy to obtain dynamite in this country”!

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When you think about it, we’re all just running downhill for Jesus 

Second Easter of quarantine, reviewed (bad!)

Presidents’ Days of the future, improved

Ryan invites the ire of nautical cocaine traffickers worldwide, for business purposes 

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• How much y’all reckon it would cost to just buy a football program outright?

• Short on new can’t-miss business ideas this week, but almost positive we’re the first media outlet to suggest militarizing rodeo clowns

• Who are you, “officer," to tell us we “cannot” jetski through the Suez Canal

• Ryan invents a game that reveals just how easy Spencer would be to steal from

• There are manatee noises! It’s not cute!!

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Jason, Spencer, Holly, and Ryan break down early-round action in the 2021 NCAA men’s and women’s basketball tournaments. Like and subscribe to our college football podcast.

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Please welcome Skylab Carl, Tequila Derek, and Judge Catfish

Which tiger-affiliated school is the least equipped to handle rapidly moving water?

Spencer fights against the strictures of both biology and physics, again

Thrill to Ryan’s tale of Florida’s sovereign sinkhole!

A robust debate: What is the perfect size of bird to fight?

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Imagining the world’s first gig economy coal mine!

See beautiful Hispaniola, by crate!

Spencer operates the annual coaching carousel quiz and it turns out Wakeyleaks has leaked entirely out of our skulls 

SOME SORT OF BUTCH JONES WORMHOLE OCCURS 

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- Hey y’all, Les Miles got fired in the middle of this show, and we pivoted about as adeptly as you might expect. 

 - Which American fast food chain serves a CHICKEN SANDWICH AS A SIDE ITEM AT BREAKFAST, but NOT IN AMERICA?

 - What color y’all reckon Prince Philip’s blood is?

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You’re probably not going to play professional football, so how should you decide where to attend college? Our academic survey can tell you! 

The “Which school has the most convenient parking" answers won’t surprise you; the “Which school has the best food" answers definitely will!

Also covered: The crucial categories of “waterslide availability" and “places to take a nap in public"

Eat shit, US News & World Report

The University of Texas’s clutch of Panera-level fascist boosters don’t deserve a good-faith argument, and you shouldn’t give them one!

A Charity Bowl challenge is issued!

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