Welcome to the Shutdown Fullcast, the world's only college football podcast, only Bill Simmons podcast, and only Ringer NBA podcast.

Today we're discussing:

An American rite of passage: having to sweat in a pig costume on a 95-degree day

Seriously, were all of you Piggly Wiggly mascots as kids

What to do when Hank Aaron sees you nude

What to do when you are a nude Willie the Wildcat

The Deontay Wilder entrance costume of dangerously slapped-together dragon mascots

"My mom managed a Big Dog Sportswear. Governor Schwarzenegger was coming to the mall."

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Time once again for the college football internet's single most reliable content: PICKING COACHES WHO SHOULD FIGHT EACH OTHER

Holly, Jason, and Spencer are each managing their own stables, drafting FBS head coaches to build five-man tag teams

You, the Podcast Readership, have also filled out a draft board and get a five-coach team of your own

Ryan is not here, so we're giving him all the lowest-voted coaches from your draft board

Ryan's team will be competing for the Intercontinental title at absolute most

Tell a friend about our stupid podcast!

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Hot streaks are real. Everyone gets that moment - on a basketball court or in a casino or at work or wherever - where you just absolutely cannot be stopped. These are, in effect, the anti-disasters, in which you are the force to be reckoned with. We are here to celebrate those moments, in your lives and in the lives of college football players, even if sometimes they're just "I did this dumb thing multiple times and it didn't kill me!"

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Jason quizzes Spencer and Holly on all the latest coaching carousel developments; like Nick Saban with a South Florida real estate deal, they struggle to break even but will hopefully get sweet national TV commercial gigs to help them out.

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February means Valentine's Day, and Valentine's Day means romance, and the Shutdown Fullcast means disaster. We review your tales of amorous failure and share a few of our own. Please note: if you have used the Fullcast to find love of your own, we would love to hear about it and we will not be held responsible in the event of your breakup.

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Spencer and Holly are both out sick, so Jason and Ryan are joined by Banner Society's Alex Kirshner to talk about why Signing Day is suddenly a bad time for USC, what Georgia's rise as a talent state means, and what our individual college processes looked like. As a bonus, we're then joined by longtime contributor Brian Floyd to talk about the coaching change at Michigan State through the lens of "how could you drive an Acura to Africa from very very very far away?"

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Way back in November, we went to Jacksonville and did a live show! I would be lying if I said i remembered the things that we talked about, although I know Florida disasters (football and otherwise) is on there. Also, UConn was playing Navy during the show. They lost by 46, which proves if your choice is come to a Fullcast live show or play Navy in football, you should pick the live show.

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If you're Mike Bloomberg or someone associated with the Mike Bloomberg 2020 Campaign, don't read below this. Just reach out ([email protected]) and let's figure out how your money can become our money.

If you're not Mike Bloomberg, this episode is about theoretical matchups that would fluster 2019 LSU, and by theoretical we mean everything from very good Miami teams to time-traveling Derrick Henry clones. Does it make sense? More than our proposal for a top-loading microwave does!

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Is Odell Beckham Jr. a robot who spits out currency compulsively? Which Olympian was Spencer completely dismissive towards? Why is every Boston College coach's name "[First Name] Boston" and do you care that we just made that up on our own? Is Robocop real and how did he get to New Orleans? Can God make Ed Orgeron so strong that even He can't pin Coach O?

Early in this episode, Spencer mentions the memorial fund for Ed Aschoff. If you're interested in donating but don't want to rewind to listen to him read the address, here you go: Donations to the Edward Aschoff Memorial Fund at UF’s College of Journalism and Communications can be made out to the “U.F. Foundation”, sent to P.O. Box 14425, Gainesville, FL 32604, Attn: Gift Processing. Please note "Edward Aschoff Memorial Fund" in the memo area.

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LSU-Clemson promises to be an intriguing game, with plenty of skill talent, schematic variation, and narrative meat to enjoy. And we talk about a lot of those things, because this podcast can talk about football when it wants to, dammit!

But first we make you listen to some nonsense about the NFL playoffs, Nas, Ed Orgeron's shopping habits, Spencer's bare legs, and Pokemon. WELCOME!

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