Social Skills Coaching

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00:03:25 Why Stories Matter

00:05:23 Four Elements of a Good Story

00:09:28 Be Natural ... But Have a Plan

00:17:16 USING WITTY BANTER IN BUILDING RAPPORT

00:22:35 Technique 2: Use the Element of Surprise

00:24:03 Technique 3: Sarcasm

00:26:25 Technique 4: Being Self-Referential

00:28:15 Banter Warnings

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• Though the real foundations of a good conversation are humility, curiosity, and open-mindedness, it’s still worth learning how to tell engaging and entertaining stories. Storytelling is human, and anyone can be a good storyteller. But a story’s value is in how it’s perceived by the audience.

• The best stories have an attention-grabbing hook; they’re short, precise, and have a relevant emotional core. In conversation, a story is meant to create connection and rapport, not showcase you as interesting. Prepare somewhat by building a story “library” beforehand, then use natural transition phrases such as “You know, that reminds me of . . .”to introduce the story. Remember that telling a story is still a kind of conversation.

• Witty banter is playful, clever, amusing conversation that speeds up rapport and builds closeness very rapidly. Anyone can learn to banter as long as they follow the rules: start small and build, banter WITH someone, not AT them, and a little goes a long way.

• Self-deprecating or self-referential humor helps you drop your ego and shows strength and maturity, putting people at ease. Be brief and very obviously exaggerate something you’re actually comfortable with. Be unexpected and use the element of surprise to grab attention and create spark and spontaneity. Flaunt conversational norms with playful sarcasm. The focus is always on building rapport, not on entertaining or impressing people.

#AndyRichter #Banter #Sarcasm #ScottYoung #SelfDeprecatingHumor #Selfdeprecation #Selfreferential #WITTYBANTERINBUILDINGRAPPORT #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #TurningOnTheCharm

How To Say No: Stand Your Ground, Assert Yourself, and Make Yourself Be Seen (Without Guilt or Awkwardness) (Be Confident and Fearless Book 7)

By: Patrick King

00:02:05 Why Saying No is So Essential

00:10:26 Why We Struggle to Say No

00:20:53 The Psychological Root of Never Saying No: Codependency

00:36:51 Getting Rid of Counter-Mindsets

00:44:54 Change Strategies for Counter-Mindsets

00:46:19 Rewriting the Script that Saying No Makes You a Bad Person

00:55:31 Rewriting the Script that Saying No Means You Don’t Care

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https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0918PNTZV

Finally get what you deserve and stop “letting it slide” - without guilt, fear, or awkward tension.Saying no - just thinking about it sounds awkward, right? But that’s the barrier between you living your own life, and living for others. Get what you want, starting immediately.Stop sacrificing your own needs. Quit the agreeableness and accommodation habit.How to Say No examines the psychology of those unable to stand up for themselves. It’s not as simple as wanting to avoid awkwardness, and it’s not about the correct sequence of words. You’l dive deep and learn about your beliefs that are holding you back, as well as how to conquer them in short time.Saying no is the most liberating thing you can do for yourself, and this book tells you how to get there from inside to out.Swift tactics to gain respect, set boundaries, and ask for what you really want.Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. His writing draws of a variety of sources, from scientific research, academic experience, coaching, and real life experience.How to decisively say NO and stop being taken advantage of.•The counter mindsets you must change, and the mindsets you must replace them with•A multitude of categories for how to asset yourself•The easiest and least tense ways to simply say NO•An examination of your beliefs surrounding acceptance, love, and self-worth•Boundaries and how to ruthlessly enforce themStop putting others first and start treating yourself better.Who are you living your life for? Do you feel like you are exhausted by the time you can finally pay attention to your own needs?Do you finally wish that you could free yourself from self-imposed burdens and put yourself first? Learning how to say no and assert yourself is the most amazing tool that no one ever taught us. Start changing your life today.

#Burnout #Codependency #Codependent #Countermindsets #FOMO #Overcommitting #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #HowToSayNo #TheImportanceOfSayingNo #PatrickKing

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00:01:53 Dr. David Rock created the SCARF model

00:05:34 Assertive Communication

00:09:17 What Makes Assertive Communicators Different

00:10:45 Ten Essential Assertive Communication Habits

00:22:06 Bonus: The Broken Record Technique

00:23:47 Give and Take: The Art of Feedback

00:27:02 The Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) model

00:30:50 The Best Way to Receive Feedback

• Regulate your own emotions by being aware of the underlying needs they express: status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness, and fairness.

• Be assertive and communicate your needs, limits, and perspective with clarity and kindness. Be clear, calm, firm, open, in control, and respectful. Decide on the type of assertion that best fits your needs: basic, empathic, consequence, discrepancy, or negative feelings assertion.

• When it comes to giving or receiving feedback, remember that it is about behaviors and actions and not about people. Be kind, but also don’t take things too personally.

#Assertive #AssertiveCommunication #BrokenRecordTechnique #DrDavidRock #Effective #EmotionalIntelligence #Feedback #SBI #SCARF #ThomasKilmann #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #RegulatingYourOwnEmotions

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00:02:20 Identify Your Communication Style

00:04:20 The Passive Communicator

00:07:57 The Aggressive Communicator

00:11:15 The Passive-Aggressive Communicator

00:19:19 The Assertive Communicator

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• The best mindset to adopt in order to become a better communicator is the one that will best allow you to connect, meet your needs, solve problems, and express yourself.

• Begin by asking yourself what your default communication style is: aggressive, passive-aggressive, or manipulative. None of these styles actually achieves the ultimate goal of communication, however.

• The way you communicate is a choice. Assertive communication is the ability to express needs, wants, thoughts, and feelings directly without disrespecting or controlling others. Mature conversationalists are self-controlled, balanced, relaxed, open, and respectful.

• Communicating well is simple and easy, but we need to remove the formidable psychological barriers that stand in the way. With awareness, we can remove them and improve our communication skills.

#AggressiveCommunicator #AssertiveCommunicator #CommunicationStyle #ConversationSkillsTraining #ManipulativeCommunicator #PassiveAggressiveCommunicator #PassiveCommunicator #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ConversationSkillsTraining #TheBasicsAreNotSoBasic

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00:02:46 Psychologist Shelly Gable coined the term “active and constructive responding”

00:12:42 A truly active and constructive response

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• Your response to someone’s good news can vary, being passive or active, constructive or destructive. Aim for active, constructive responses that acknowledge and reflect the emotion and energy in a speaker’s message.

• Give compliments—but keep them rare, sincere, specific, and appropriate.

• Avoid giving advice. Problem-solving is best achieved by helping people discover what they themselves think, rather than telling them.

#Compliment #Constructive #Destructive #Gable #PerfectCompliment #Problemsolving #PsychologistShellyGable #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #ACTIVEANDCONSTRUCTIVERESPONDING

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00:01:18 In an article published in the Journal of Managerial Sciences in 2009

00:01:48 The Different Types of Conflict

00:02:02 Not all conflict is the same—take a look at some variants: Affective Conflict

00:02:23 Substantive Conflict

00:02:45 Conflict of Interest

00:03:02 Retributive Conflict

00:03:19 Conflict in Values

00:03:33 Goal Conflict

00:03:39 Displaced Conflict

00:04:29 The Thomas Kilmann Model

00:05:34 1. Competing

00:06:22 2. Avoiding

00:07:17 3. Accommodating

00:08:01 4. Collaboration

00:08:48 5. Compromising

00:09:36 VOMP

00:09:58 Ventilation

00:10:48 Ownership

00:11:53 Moccasins

00:12:20 Plan

00:14:24 Uh Oh—We Talked and There’s Still Conflict

00:15:21 How to Master High-Stakes Discussions and Stabilize Intense Emotions

00:19:17 How to Navigate a Crucial Conversation

• Conflict is inevitable whenever people differ, but it can be managed with grace and tact. Try to understand the type of conflict: affective, substantive, conflict of interest, retributive, conflict in values, goal conflict, or displaced conflict from somewhere else.

• According to the Thomas Kilmann model, people come into conflict simply because they have different ideas, values, motivations, or wants. There are five conflict-resolution strategies according to degree of empathy and assertiveness: competing, avoiding, accommodating, collaborating, and compromising. Each has pros and cons and is best used in specific circumstances. Compromising (medium assertiveness and medium empathy) is usually a good bet all around.

#Affective #Collaboration #Compromising #Conflict #CrosbyKerrMinnoConsulting #DisplacedConflict #Emotion #Empathy #GoalConflict #Kilmann #ProfessorAbdulGhaffar #QurtubaUniversity #RalphKilmann #RetributiveConflict #ThomasKilmann #Ventilation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #WhenItAllGoesWrong:EffectiveConflictResolutionPatrickKing

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00:03:22 The Perfect Apology

00:04:41 A Mistake Can Be a Good Thing!

00:07:37 1. Express your genuine regret

00:09:50 2. Explain what happened

00:11:20 3. Take responsibility

00:12:24 4. Repent!

00:13:58 5. Offer to make amends

00:15:14 6. Ask for forgiveness

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• Conflict will happen, but what matters is how people respond to their mistakes. A perfect apology can actually strengthen a relationship if it consists of these six parts: expression of regret, explanation of what went wrong (without excuses or blame), taking responsibility, repentance, offering reparations, and a request for forgiveness, in order of importance.

• Good apologies are sincere and match the severity of the offense. Apologize quickly and remember that you are never owed an apology.

#Apologize #EQ #Lewicki #PerfectApology #Repent #Repentance #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q. #Needs #Limits #Requests #Refusals...It’SAConstantNegotiation

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00:01:48 Karen Huang and colleagues

00:05:35 Chunking Up and Down

00:18:15 When to Chunk Up

00:19:13 When to Chunk Down

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• Research suggests that talking about yourself makes you a little less likeable, while asking questions makes you a little more likeable. Open-ended and follow-up questions especially showed the greatest relationship to likability. People like those they believe are genuinely hearing them, seeing them, and reacting to them.

• Questions that chunk up or down allow you to vary the degree of detail at which you present or request information. Both approaches have their uses, but it’s about balance, variety, and aligning with the other person. Become curious about where a current conversation is and whether it might need more chunking up or chunking down.

#Chartrand #Chunking #ChunkingUp #GeorgeAMiller #KarenHuang #Lacan #Lacanian #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #Question-Asking

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00:00:48 Judi Brownell from Cornell University

00:01:07 Here are the components of Brownell’s model: H: Hearing

00:03:01 U: Understanding

00:05:01 R: Remembering

00:06:48 I: Interpreting

00:08:33 E: Evaluating

00:10:57 R: Responding

00:15:29 Don’t Be a Conversational Narcissist!

00:17:52 Reframe the Way You Understand the Purpose of Conversation

00:18:52 Don’t Jump Ahead

00:20:04 Avoid Advice

00:21:12 Stop Centering Yourself

00:23:06 Watch Out for Passive Conversational Narcissism, too

00:23:56 What If They’re the Conversational Narcissist?

00:26:37 The HURIER method asks us to Hear, Understand, Remember, Interpret, Evaluate, and Respond, in that order.

00:26:53 Avoid being a conversational narcissist, who is someone who uses conversation to gain attention for themselves, rather than connect with others, share, or learn.

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• Good listening is a collection of different skills: hearing, understanding, interpreting, and responding. The HURIER method asks us to Hear, Understand, Remember, Interpret, Evaluate, and Respond, in that order. Remember that listening is active and includes both verbal and nonverbal material.

• Avoid being a conversational narcissist, who is someone who uses conversation to gain attention for themselves, rather than connect with others, share, or learn. Reframe the way you understand the purpose of conversation and understand that it’s not about you or your ego. Avoid giving advice, interrupting (or thinking about what you want to say), or centering yourself in the dialogue. Similarly, don’t be afraid to disengage when you encounter a conversational narcissist.

#AvoidAdvice #Brownell #CharlesDerber #ConversationalNarcissist #CornellUniversity #Derber #DontJumpAhead #HURIER #Narcissist #PassiveConversationalNarcissism #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #TheHURIERMethod

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00:01:43 How to Create Healthy Boundaries

00:03:29 How to Set Boundaries

00:14:24 Use DEARMAN for Polite Requests and Refusals

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• Human beings are complex, and not all problems and conflicts can be solved by simply heaping on more and more empathy and understanding. Emotional intelligence means having boundaries that are not too permeable or too rigid.

• Take the time to understand who you are, what you want, and what is unacceptable to you, then take responsibility for communicating that message clearly and directly to others. Whatever type of boundary you are setting a limit for (time, money, emotional energy, etc.), make sure that you are willing to follow through, and not use boundaries to passively control or manipulate others.

• The DEARMAN acronym can help you make requests and refusals while staying polite. It stands for describe, express, assert, reinforce, mindfulness, appear confident, and negotiate. Emotionally mature and intelligent people take responsibility for how they navigate social spaces, and know that their needs and limits are always changing and under constant renegotiation. Real life is messy sometimes; be flexible and open to accommodation.

#AppearConfident #Ask #Assert #Asserting #Boundary #Communicate #Confident #Conversational #DBT #DEARMAN #Decide #EmotionWheel #EQ #HealthyBoundaries #Mindfulness #Negotiate #Relationship #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q. #OwnYourLimitsWithHealthyBoundaries