Social Skills Coaching

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00:00:34 Part one of the Friendship Mindset is the Art of Active Listening.

00:06:12 Pay Close Attention

00:09:17 Be Mindful of the Little Things

00:10:52 Help People Think Out Loud

00:16:03 Restate

00:17:16 Summarize

00:18:10 Reframe

• Give the gift of solid, respectful attention at all times. Listen generously, as though you are prepared to hear the value, the sense, and the meaning in everything you hear. Don’t let your desire to seem like a good listener get in the way of actually being one. Let people know you are listening with small verbal and nonverbal gestures.

• Try not to let your own perspective impair your ability to understand somebody else’s. Start from a position of ignorance and work your way up to real understanding, rather than making assumptions about what other people’s experiences mean.

• To be a good listener, practice restating what you are told, paraphrase that content in your own words, summarize what you’re hearing in a useful way (or else condense things by labeling the core emotion), then potentially reframe the story or gently suggest something new if this might help solve a problem or create an emotional resolution. Do this without assumptions, biases, or interpretations, but with a mind to truly understand the other person’s point of view.

#BeMindful #Concentrate #GoodListener #Listening #Mindful #Paraphrase #PayCloseAttention #Reframe #Restate #Summarize #Paraphrase #Summarizing #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #TheFriendshipMindset #THEARTOFACTIVELISTENING #PatrickKing

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00:06:04 How to Use Funnel Questions

00:08:26 Here's a summary of How To Ask Funnel Questions

00:11:50 How You Structure a Question Matters

00:15:14 Rhetorical Questions

00:16:09 To conclude, here are a few Tips For Using Questions

00:17:03 How to Be a Truly Effective Listener

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• One of the easiest ways to connect with another person is to just ask questions. The right questions help you gather more and better-quality information, build stronger connections with others, inspire trust and liking, learn, and help other people learn, too.

• Closed questions (those that have very short or one-word answers) can be used to confirm your understanding, make conclusions or summaries, or set the tone and scope of a more formal or structured conversation. However, they can kill a conversation and make it feel interrogatory.

• Open questions (any possible answer) allow you to probe for depth and can keep a conversation lively and open-ended. Use both in the “funnel question” technique, which probes for information down a narrowing path of increasing detail, starting broad and progressively becoming more specific. Start with open questions, then drill down for more detail as you go, eventually reversing the funnel if necessary.

#FunnelQuestions #Openended #Probing #Question #Rhetorical #EffectiveListener #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #Communication’sMostUnderratedSkill

The Power of E.Q.: Social Intelligence, Reading People, and How to Navigate Any Situation By: Patrick King

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https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0C3CC2RM3

Your success in life will depend on how good you are with people. Sorry, that's the harsh truth.

But the good news is that this is a trainable skill - and this book is an amazing start.

Make a smashing first impression and make people crave your presence.

The Power of E.Q. is as practical as a book can be. You will get techniques to use immediately on the people around you, and you will suddenly realize how much you have been missing! You will gain a deep understanding of emotional intelligence and the small signs behind what people are thinking and feeling. Imagine how much more easily you could make friends or befriend business partners if you could analyze them better.

Read and analyze people with such stunning accuracy that they will be shocked.

Patrick King is an internationally bestselling author and social skills coach. His writing draws of a variety of sources, from scientific research, academic experience, coaching, and real-life experience.

Find the shortcuts to connecting with people in record time.

conversational intelligence and how to empathize in 4 steps

how to step outside of your own perspective and read the emotions of others

cold reading and being an expert at finding "clues" about people

understanding emotions and how to label yourself and others

how high-quality questions will make you seem like a mind reader

#DrDurvasula #PatrickKing #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q. #HandlingBigEgos—IncludingYourOwn #

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00:02:26 Anatomy of a Good Question

00:04:10 A Good Quality Question Is Open-Ended.

00:06:11 High-Quality Questions Actively Follow Up.

00:08:23 High-Quality Questions Use Paraphrasing.

00:09:37 High-Quality Questions Are Balanced With Self-Revelation.

00:10:37 Questions You Should Never Ask

00:17:53 Chapter Summary

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• High-quality questions are targeted, focused on understanding and not judgment, open-ended, and tend to paraphrase and connect to what has already been said. Balance questions with your own self-revelation. Remember what people say and follow up with thoughtful questions that show that you’ve truly heard and processed the message.

• Certain questions should always be avoided: those concerning jobs, salaries, financial costs, choices around children, relationship status, weight, diet choices, or physical appearance.

#HighQualityQuestions #SelfRevelation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q. #AnatomyOfAGoodQuestion

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home

00:08:57 How to Build Curiosity

00:13:49 Assume Nothing

00:16:40 Person, Not Story

00:19:15 You Go First

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• Maintain reciprocal curiosity and the mindset that you can always learn something new from others. Be fully present, open-minded, and receptive rather than approaching with bias, judgment, or distraction. Instead of trying to convince others how fascinating you are, find what is fascinating about others. Conversations are co-creations!

• Genuinely connect to others by listening deeply, focusing on the person and not their story, and never making judgments or assumptions. Listen to understand, not to respond; listen primarily for emotion, not just fact. One way you can show that you’re willing to really listen to people is self-disclosure.

#Conflict #Conversation #Curiosity #Listen #ListenDeeply #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily #ReciprocalCuriosity

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00:02:31 How to Paint the Picture

00:02:59 To get a hang of using imagery in conversation, you need to master the use of three tools: 1. Concreteness 2. Simile 3. Metaphor Concreteness is about being embedded in the world, about being real.

00:08:02 Rhythm and How to Go with the Flow

00:09:28 Parallelism

00:11:42 Repetition

00:12:39 Think about Winston Churchill’s famous “we shall fight them on the beaches” speech

00:13:58 Alliteration and Assonance

00:15:33 How to Be a Masterful Storyteller

• If you want your listeners to really absorb what you say to them, paint them a mental picture. Do this by using vivid and concrete imagery, similes (using like or as), and metaphors to connect abstract ideas with more real-world ones. Use adjectives and interesting details and be a little unexpected.

• Language is musical by nature, and much of the meaning it conveys comes down to its rate, its articulation, its flow, and the way it moves through time. Pay attention to the rhythm and flow of your speech.

• In parallelism, we repeat certain structures to create an effect. Repetition drives our point home and makes it seem more true, as do alliteration (repetition of initial consonant sounds) and assonance (repetition of internal or vowel sounds).

• Human beings react not just to “information” but to narrative; to be a good storyteller, you need to go beyond sharing information and facts, and help your listeners form an emotional connection to what you’re saying. Good stories enlist the use of our voice, body language, gestures, facial expressions, and even visual aids.

• Make sure that your story illustrates supports or connects to your larger point or circumstance. Set the scene but don’t dawdle on unnecessary detail. Start with a bang and keep things at a moderate pace, being concise. Be relevant and interesting, and if you can, practice your story ahead of time!

#Alliteration #Assonance #Brevity #ChipsChannon #Concreteness #Metaphor #Parallelism #Repetition #Rhythm #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #HowtoSpeakEffectively #MasteringStyleandTone

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00:02:26 The Emotions Wheel and Learning to Label

00:04:47 Different versions of the Emotion Wheel

00:07:39 1. Anger

00:08:46 6. Disgust

00:09:53 7. Fear

00:10:53 8. Happy

00:12:26 9. Sadness

00:13:37 10. Surprise

00:14:45 11. Bad

00:21:36 Step 1: Put a name to the emotion (the Emotion Wheel can help).

00:29:31 What Invalidation Looks Like

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• Becoming more emotionally intelligent requires understanding of what emotions are, how to read them, how to feel and label our own experiences, and how to validate them in the people around us. We need to develop empathy, social skills, self-awareness, and self-control.

• There are universal basic human emotions, but they express themselves in varying degree, variety, and intensity. A tool like the Emotion Wheel can help you build emotional literacy and pinpoint precise feelings and emotions. Primary emotions include anger, fear, disgust, happiness, surprise, and just plain “bad.” If you become an expert at knowing exactly how you feel, however, you are never in the position of misunderstanding yourself and will be a more effective and coherent person as a result.

• The more emotionally literate we become with our own experiences, the better we can recognize them in others. Pay attention, listen, and then (tentatively) call out the emotion you think someone is experiencing. Verbalize the emotion by putting a name to it, and without judgment or interpretation, validate their experience. Remember that you’re not validating the factual content of what they’re saying, but the emotional content.

#EmotionalValidation #EmotionWheel #EQ #Invalidation #DanielGoleman #Validate #Validating #Validation #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q.

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00:01:54 Bestselling author and self-help guru Tim Ferriss

00:04:20 Be Very Aware of Personal Space

00:06:42 Stay Present

00:09:07 In a now famous 1977 interview Barbara Walters did with Dolly Parton

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• To create a reality distortion field, you will need to increase eye contact, be aware of your personal space, and stay present and open-minded in conversations. Charismatic, confident people are physically present, without being imposing or threatening, and their eye contact is natural. They do not let judgment, anxiety, or distraction undermine their presence in the moment. The key is to acknowledge people and make them feel important.

• The biggest impact you make on people does not come from what you say, but from how you are.

#BarbaraWalters #BeVeryAware #BillClinton #Charismatic #DollyParton #EyeContact #Ferriss #PersonalSpace #Charismatic #StayPresent #TimFerriss #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #MakeFriendsEasily

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00:03:51 Get Comfortable with Pausing

00:09:20 The Dangers of “Hedging Language”

00:14:35 Upspeak and the Mystery of Tone

00:19:37 The Five Types of Communication Tone

00:20:55 Type 1: Informative

00:21:20 Type 2: Humorous

00:21:40 Type 3: Respectful

00:22:08 Type 4: Formal

00:22:28 Type 5: Informal

00:31:36 Transitioning to a New Point

00:32:34 Providing More Details on One Point

00:33:17 Linking Similar Points Together

#CommunicationTone #Conversational #DrKamiAnderson #HedgingLanguage #JamesGorman #Signpost #Signposting #Summarizing #Upspeak #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #EliminateCrutchWordsAndEmptyLanguage #PatrickKing #HowtoSpeakEffectively

Easily listen to Social Skills Coaching in your podcast app of choice at https://bit.ly/social-skills-home

00:02:24 Similarly, so called Barnum statements, named after famed showman and Hoaxbuster P t.

00:05:56 Avoid Emotional Disconnectors and Word Trash

00:13:47 Elizabeth Stoke is a professor of social interaction at Lowborough University

00:16:13 Researchers at Amsterdam's Vu University

00:16:24 Lead researcher Camille Buickenboom

00:18:41 Jacob Hirsch and Jordan Peterson from the University of Toronto

00:19:12 Social psychologist James W. Pennebaker and his colleagues

00:29:14 Summary

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• Use the principles of cold reading to create quick rapport and “read” nonverbal expressions to gain insight into their personalities. Observe, redirect their attention, collaborate with them, and gather information during back-and-forth conversation. Pay close attention to the details and make constantly updated predictions, maintaining warmth while you redirect from incorrect guesses.

• Finally, avoid emotional disconnect caused by “trash words” such as “just,” “honestly,” “amazing,” “slay it,” or “should.”

• Listen to how somebody speaks and uses language to gain insight into their mental models of the world. Notice the focus of their speech, their pronoun use, their positioning of subject and object, and how they explain neutral events. Always be curious about what this expression tells you about the person’s perspective, beliefs, worldview, and focus.

#AvoidEmotionalDisconnectors #Barnum #Beukeboom #BigFive #CamielBeukeboom #ElizabethStokoe #EllenLeanse #EQ #HowWordChoiceRevealsCharacter #JacobHirsh #JamesWPennebaker #JordanPeterson #Kufner #LinguisticInquiry #LoughboroughUniversity #Nonverbal #Openmindedness #Pennebaker #PTBarnum #Shotgunning #RussellNewton #NewtonMG #PatrickKing #PatrickKingConsulting #SocialSkillsCoaching #ThePowerofE.Q.