How you spend your weeks is how you spend your life. In this episode, I walk through five powerful philosophical, psychological and spiritual concepts—including Nietzsche’s eternal return, Aristotle’s golden mean, the planning fallacy, and Parkinson’s Law—that will help you create a weekly routine you love. I also let you in on my own weekly routine, including a Sunday night ritual to rewire your brain and my top tips for planning weeks that change your life. 

EPISODE OUTLINE

04:21 Nietzsche’s eternal return

12:27 Aristotle’s golden mean 

19:04 The jar principle & Parkinson’s law

23:16 “I don’t have time” vs. “it’s not a priority”

25:28 The planning fallacy (Kahneman) 

31:59 Dharma

37:22 My weekly routine

MY LINKS

• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! 

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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The bad news is you’re always going to care what people think. The good news is  it doesn’t have to control your life. In this episode, I walk through 9 ways to rethink your relationship with external validation. If you want to be done letting other people’s opinions steer your every move, this one’s for you.

EPISODE OUTLINE

00:00 Intro

05:28 1. Caring what people think is natural

07:14 2. You can’t control how you feel, but you can control what you do 

16:07 3. You should care what some people think 

18:16 4. Not caring what people think ≠ not caring about people

19:45 5. Chasing approval always backfires eventually

26:21 6. You don’t know what people think

30:29 7. Other people are not thinking about you as much as it feels like they are

35:32 8. You care more about other people’s opinions when you don’t have your own

37:28 9. It’s okay to want to be with people who make you feel good

39:27 Lightning round recap

42:29 Challenge

EPISODE LINKS

• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz 

• Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl 

• The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

• The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir

• The Art of Living by Epictetus 

• Spotlight Effect Study 

• Social Rejection Triggers Physical Pain Brain Centers 

• Surgeon General's Report on the Health Impact of Loneliness 

MY LINKS

• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Join the waitlist for future retreats! 

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Is the self something we find—or something we create? We’re constantly told to “be ourselves,” but the world teaches us fast that we also need to be likable, marketable, and hot. No wonder we’re all confused. In this episode, we dive into how different philosophers—from Socrates to Simone de Beauvoir to Carl Jung—understood the search for the true self and how their insights can help us stop performing and start living more honestly. If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing your personality instead of living it, this one’s for you.

EPISODE OUTLINE 

00:00 Intro

05:49 Sigmund Freud

09:08 Attachment theory (Bowlby & Ainsworth)

10:55 Carl Jung’s theory on masks and shadows

12:15 The chill girl mask (Gone Girl)

13:34 Shapeshifter (MAKE BELIEVE) 

14:38 The masks vs. the Self

15:04 Rousseau’s natural vs. social man

17:15 Using logic to hide from passion 

17:55 For the ones who left (MAKE BELIEVE)

19:37 Freud, Jung & Rousseau reflection questions 

21:48 Sartre: owning your agency as authenticity

23:08 Sartre’s concept of bad faith 

24:12 Simone de Beauvoir on social class 

26:41 The upper limit theory (Gay Hendricks)

27:25 But also, the playing field isn’t level

27:48 Sartre & de Beauvoir reflection questions

29:27 Heidegger: inauthenticity due to death denial 

31:33 Authenticity vs. ethics and compassion

33:23 Authenticity vs. self-protection 

34:01 Kant’s categorical imperative

34:48 Socrates: dying on the hill of authenticity

35:26 Socrates and Kant reflection questions

36:46 Nietzsche on creation of the true self 

37:17 Does everyone have a calling?

38:19 Jealousy as a clue to your passions

38:33 The “love it for you, want it for me” folder

39:53 Nothing grows if you don’t water it

40:18 Nietzsche reflection questions  

41:50 Lightning round recap 

EPISODE LINKS

• Carl Jung, The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious (1959) and Modern Man in Search of a Soul (1933)

• Jean-Paul Sartre, Being and Nothingness (1943)

• Simone de Beauvoir, The Second Sex (1949)

• Authenticity episode of In Our Time: Philosophy

MY LINKS

• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

In a flop era that feels like it will never end? I know that feeling. If you’re in a rut—whether it’s burnout, a creative freeze, or a “what now” spiral after a big life change—I made this episode for you. I share about my own recent rut, what helped me get through it, and a practical 3-step roadmap grounded in neuroscience, psychology, and philosophy. This one’s part pep talk, part game plan, part love letter to anyone feeling stuck.

EPISODE OUTLINE 

00:00 Intro 

02:00 My “what now?” rut

06:46 Roadmap out of your rut 

08:06 1. Get your story straight

08:29 You haven’t ruined your life 

09:48 My bar exam story

15:48 You are not alone

16:26 Lifequakes

17:55 You are not lazy 

18:54 Are you burnt out?

20:44 The classic existential crash out 

22:14 Are you in functional freeze?

23:42 Perfectionism-procrastination-paralysis cycle

26:31 2. Make a plan 

26:47 Friction audit (Adam Alter)

30:01 Smallest possible actions 

32:47 Lower the bar or you won’t reach for it

33:43 The photography class experiment 

38:13 3. Have grace for yourself 

38:21 How dare you say you’re not trying?

39:20 What you have to give right now is enough

39:53 Lightning round recap 

MY LINKS

• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

What actually makes us feel drawn to someone—and what makes us cling to situationships long after we can see the glaring red flags of emotional unavailability?

In today's episode, I’m joined by my first-ever guest (!!) and one of my favorite podcasters of all time, Jemma Sbeg—host of the wildly popular Psychology of Your 20s podcast and the author of Person in Progress. If you’ve ever screamed-cried in your car after someone you weren’t even officially dating ghosted you, this one’s for you.

A few things we dive into:

• A research-backed formula for attraction (and how to use it without playing games)
• The role of the “spark” in attraction
• The psychology behind common dating pitfalls in your 20s
• The stigma of being single

• The commitment-readiness scale (and why it can land you in situationship after situationship)

Jemma also shares insights from PERSON IN PROGRESS—a roadmap for surviving the chaotic, confusing, deeply transitional decade that is your twenties—and offers advice to her younger self that made me tear up a little. Whether you’re trying to understand your patterns, make sense of someone else's, or just feel a little less alone in the dating trenches, this one will stick with you.

EPISODE OUTLINE

00:00 Intro
02:51 The formula for attraction
04:21 1. Proximity
07:10 2. Similarity
11:43 3. Familiarity
14:03 The 3 month rule
16:55 The curse of comfort
19:31 The sunk cost fallacy
21:06 The fear of starting over
22:37 4. Reciprocity
23:13 The harm of playing games
26:36 5. A spark
27:19 The psychology of common relationship pitfalls
27:31 1. Repetition compulsion
31:04 2. The stigma of being single
36:45 3. Situationships
38:23 The commitment-readiness scale
40:21 Permission slip to grieve your situationship <3
42:09 Lightning round recap
43:26 Last question: what would you tell past you?

PERSON IN PROGRESS

If you liked this episode, you will love PERSON IN PROGRESS. Out now and available everywhere you buy books. Get your copy today!

PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG

PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG

PERSON IN PROGRESS BY JEMMA SBEG

MY LINKS

• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

PS - This is the study I mentioned that found that single women are one of the happiest demographics on Earth. And an article about it here!

What if the things you believe about life, love, success, and happiness are backwards? In today’s episode, we’re diving into 10 paradoxes: the little plot twists, contradictions, and life surprises I wish someone had warned me about. Learning these the hard way cost me a lot of time and heartbreak, and my hope is that sharing them now saves you some of yours. Hit play for a big, juicy reality check.

EPISODE OUTLINE

00:00 Intro

01:23 1. The likability paradox

03:12 2. The paradox of choice

06:09 3. The paradox of knowledge

06:52 The Dunning-Kruger Effect

08:22 4. The paradox of failure

09:12 Not choosing is a choice (Jean-Paul Sartre)

10:33 5. The paradox of tolerance (Karl Popper)

11:03 James Baldwin on agreeing to disagree

12:20 6. The paradox of moving on

12:46 Ironic process theory

14:19 7. The paradox of pleasure

15:37 Aristotle's virtue-based happiness

16:08 Viktor Frankl on happiness

17:07 The dopamine trap

18:03 8. The paradox of freedom

18:33 Self-determination theory

20:02 The dizziness of freedom (Kierkegaard)

20:52 9. The paradox of shadow sides (Carl Jung)

22:54 10. The paradox of the comfort zone

24:46 Lightning round recap

MY LINKS

• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Getting back in the saddle? I love that for you. But here’s the truth: staying on track takes more than motivation. If you’ve been craving a fresh start but don't know where to start, this episode is for you. We’re breaking down 8 of the most common ways people sabotage their own progress—from relying too much on discipline to using self-hate as fuel. Whether you have a big dream or just want to get unstuck, you deserve to enter your next chapter with eyes wide open. Let’s talk about the philosophy and psychology of making a comeback stick. 

EPISODE OUTLINE

00:00 Intro

02:40 Eight ways to sabotage a comeback

03:22 1. Believing you're behind

06:19 2. Being apologetic about what you want

07:18 You hold yourself back when you move in silence

08:41 You're being judgmental when you assume people are judging you

10:28 3. Underestimating the subconscious mind

10:45 The neuroscience of manifestation

12:46 Self-deprecation is manifesting too

14:37 4. Focusing only on your how & not your why

14:47 Nietzsche's will to power

15:20 Chasing superficial whys

17:14 5. Underestimating the power of small changes

19:38 Results are a lagging measure of effort (James Clear)

21:30 6. Focusing on what you can't control

21:55 Amor Fati: loving your fate (Nietzsche)

23:22 PS: My book MAKE BELIEVE is out now

24:05 Stop feeling bad for yourself for not figuring it out sooner

25:58 7. Waiting until you're ready to start

26:30 Hiding in the planning phase

26:51 The confidence-competence loop

27:50 8. Using self-hate as fuel

29:56 Lightning round recap

30:56 Give yourself some credit

EPISODE LINKS

Michigan State Study on accountability⁠

Mind Magic by Dr. James Doty

Study using fMRI showing impact of visualization on motor cortex

The Gay Science by Friedrich Nietzsche

MY LINKS

• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

The tariffs won’t just affect your wallet—they’ll also affect your soul. In this episode, we walk through 5 spiritual side effects of an economic downturn (per Abraham Maslow, Karl Marx, and Simone Weil). Then we’ll talk through 3 philosophically-rooted tips for tending to your soul during (yet another) unprecedented time. Are the people wearing milkmaid dresses to the club a recession indicator? What would Karl Marx think about you hating your coworkers who won’t stay late at the office? How can we prioritize spirituality at a time like this without being navel-gazey? Let’s talk about it.

EPISODE OUTLINE

00:00 Intro

03:16 5 spiritual impacts of a recession

03:45break

06:39 1. Accessing spirituality gets harder

06:52 Maslow’s hierarchy of needs

08:37 Simone Weil and Simone du Beauvoir clash

11:05 Everyone’s an existentialist until the rent is due

12:31 2. Resurgence of traditional faith systems

12:39 Hemline index

13:36 Moral panics during recessions

13:52 Today: trad wives, homesteading and Catholic core

14:28 The link between economic security & decline of religious affiliation

16:33 3. Disconnection from nature and each other

16:58 Karl Marx’s 1844 paper on alienation of labor

21:23 4. Escapism becomes more tempting than ever

21:44 Lipstick index

22:40 TikTok restock videos as a recession indicator

23:10 Alcohol sales during recessions

23:54 TikTok shop dupe culture as a recession indicator

24:35 5. We’re ripe for spiritual expansion

25:42 The god shaped hole (Pascal)

26:27 3 practical tips for spiritual health during a recession

26:42 1. Other people are not your competition

27:28 “Be kind to people and ruthless to systems”

27:40 2. Tactile hobbies and reconnecting with the fruits of our labor

29:38 3. Spirituality during hard times is best served pragmatically and people-focused

31:58 Challenge: noticing me versus them moments

MY LINKS

• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

We all want to be happy—but so many of the ways we chase happiness actually leave us more disconnected, burnt out, or empty than before. In this episode, we’ll walk through five of the most common happiness traps: the things we do to feel better that often make us feel worse. Along the way, we’ll explore what Nietzsche, Marx, and modern Slovenian philosopher Slavoj Žižek have to say about the pursuit of joy. Then, we’ll turn to one of the longest-running studies on happiness to ask the big question: when it comes to feeling good, what actually works?

No one has the secret to happiness. But a lot of smart people have said a lot of smart things that might help you feel better and access a little more joy. Let’s talk about it.

EPISODE OUTLINE 

00:00 Intro

01:18 Break

03:22 5 happiness traps 

03:27 1. Overconsumption 

06:00 Overconsumption starts with scarcity programming

07:11 Nietzsche & overconsumption as a way to fill the void 

10:37 2. Chasing achievements 

11:46 Slavoj Zizek and the duty to enjoy the grind

13:26“Don’t be ridiculous, Andrea. Everyone wants this.”

14:18 Superego injunction: “a million girls would kill to have this job”

15:22 On using a lack of happiness as fuel to grind 

15:56 3. Comparison 

18:11 Downward social comparison 

22:12 4. Self- and symptom-focused spiritual practices 

22:55 Marx on how economic systems shape values 

23:28 Self-centered spirituality in the West 

24:41 Spirituality as a bandaid vs a root cause solution (Zizek)

25:45 5. Isolation 

27:03 The hyperindividualism crisis

28:00 We owe each other stuff

28:17 We want things from each other, and we should

28:23 Harlow’s monkey study on attachment 

30:13 We’re living in our own worlds

31:28 So what DOES work? 

31:57 Harvard happiness study 

35:13 Challenge 

36:19 Lightning round recap

MY LINKS

• ⁠MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• ⁠Let’s hang on tour!!⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

I’m thinking of someone. Guess who? They’re a trailblazing artist. LGBTQ-adjacent. A Gemini from Long Island. An artist trying to make sense of rapid technological change and political division. No, not Lady Gaga. Not RuPaul. Not Frank Ocean. Think older. Centuries older. Today we’re talking about the great American poet, Walt Whitman.

Walt Whitman was born in 1819, but his world feels eerily familiar. His New York was reeling from technological change and caught in a web of political division. Sound familiar? In this episode, we explore Whitman’s life—from his roots as a Brooklyn typesetter to his rise as the great American poet. We’ll unpack his most famous work, Leaves of Grass, and the ideas in it that scandalized entire towns. We’ll talk about the beauty of contradiction, the divinity of the mundane, and the radical interconnectedness of all things. We’ll ask: what does it mean to write about hope and unity at a Time Like This? If you’re questioning how your art (or your heart) fits into a collapsing society, this episode is for you.

EPISODE OUTLINE 

00:00 Intro 

02:56 Life Update: Tour! USA Today Bestseller! Bali?

05:32 Walt Whitman: a Long Island Gemini  

06:03 1800s NY: Nationalism, populism, manifest destiny

07:52 Sound familiar? 

09:02 Walt Whitman’s early life

10:11 Walt Whitman, the reluctant teacher

11:05 Walt Whitman, the starving artist 

12:27 Walt Whitman does a social media detox

13:00 Walt Whitman emerges with a first draft

13:14 Leaves of Grass: not like other girls 

14:00 1855 Walt Whitman is giving Woodstock 

14:14 Publication expert level: just like us 

14:44 Walt Whitman gets left on read   

14:48 Enter: Ralph Waldo Emerson

15:54 Walt Whitman is his own cheerleader 

17:47 Walt Whitman is as petty as the rest of us

18:22 Leaves of Grass starts to get legs 

18:41 Leaves of Grass gets smuttier 

18:57 Walt Whitman is not an angel 

21:02 The Civil War changes everything 

22:21 Leaves of Grass, an OG banned book

23:01 Walt Whitman’s legacy 

24:03 Walt Whitman quotes that will change your brain chemistry

24:18 1. “Every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you”

25:07 My ego nap

25:59 2. “I am large, I contain multitudes” 

26:39 The categorification of the human experience

27:10 you are not a cottagecore coastal grandma clean girl mob wife u are a spiritual being having a human experience  

28:48 3. “The smallest sprout shows there really is no death”

31:09 4. “Do you guess I have some intricate purpose?”  

EPISODE LINKS

• Leaves of Grass by Walt Whitman

• Stuff You Missed in History Class episode

• Comedy by Bo Burnham

• My Writer’s Digest article on writing about hope

MY LINKS

• MAKE BELIEVE is out everywhere now

⁠⁠⁠⁠• Get a signed copy of MAKE BELIEVE from Blue Willow Bookshop⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

• Let’s hang on tour!!

⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Join me in Bali June 1-7! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠⁠⁠⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠• ⁠Find me @thedailyvictorian on TikTok⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠