Stronger Marriage Connection

On Today’s episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection, we dive deep into disagreements with our guest, Laura Silverstein, who is a certified Gottman couples therapist. Discover with Dave and Liz all kinds of tips to help couples manage differences in their marriage shared by Laura.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Laura Silverstein
1:47 – Conflict is not a bad thing in marriage
4:00 – The number one communication problem in couple relationships
6:21 – Two parts to establishing new habits
11:11 – Four horsemen – John Gottman
14:55 – What to do when both partners continue to be critical
18:27 – How to repair damages within a partnership
23:50 – Ownership, humility and kindness
27:05 – A little about Laura’s book workbook
29:07 – Key to a stronger marriage connection
31:35 – Takeaway’s

About Laura Silverstein:

Laura Silverstein is Certified Gottman Couples therapist as well as a recognized thought leader in the field of relationship wellness, sought out for her expert advice from media outlets such as, the New York Times and the today's show. In her book, Love is an action verb, Laura helps couples focus on their strengths instead of their problems and guides them with small step by step action plans.

Insights:

Dave: It takes humility, compassion, understanding and awareness when rebuilding something that has fallen. Take the time to slow things down and really look at things from a wider perspective

Liz: Take ownership, be humble and stay kind when working through a repair in couple relationships

Laura: It is important to have humility and stay humble when we enter loving relationships, no matter the challenges at hand

Invites:

   •    Take ownership, have humility and be kind. Those are key things to effectively repair a relationships

   •    When things start to escalate, it is good to ask for a break – take a time out and revisit later

   •    Two parts to learn – learning how to avoid conflict in the first place, if possible, and understanding how to get out of it once you are stuck

Laura Silverstein Links:

https://laurasilverstein.co

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

On today’s episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection, learn about the 7 primal
questions that all humans are seeking to answer if their lives, careers and especially their relationships. Discover with Dave, Liz and Mike how to remedy these questions and understand their answers and how that works in your life.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Mike Foster?
2:02 – What is the primal question model?
5:17 – The 7 Primal Questions
9:09 – How does understanding these questions apply to marriage?
13:38 – Satellite questions
15:14 – How does the primal question model apply to parenting?
18:12 – Understanding the importance of seeking emotional intelligence
20:19 – Safeguarding the scramble
22:48 – How does answering the primal question affect communication?
27:26 – The 7 Primal Questions assessment
30:24 – What is the most common primal question?
31:45 – Key to a stronger marriage connection
32:37 – Where to find more resources
34:16 – Takeaways

About Mike Foster:

Known as the Mr. Rogers of personal development, Mike Foster is a best-selling author,
speaker, and executive coach empowering people to build strong lives and relationships.
His new book “The Seven Primal Questions” is a revolutionary new way to understand our emotional needs. Based on over four years of research and 6,000 hours of one-on-one interviews, the Primal Question model will transform your relationship with yourself and others. Mike’s work has been featured on Good Morning America, FOX News and the New York Times. He lives in San Diego with his wife Jennifer and their fluffy dog.

Insights:

Mike: Awareness needs to be moved into action.

Dave: Be aware of ACE’s and see how we can provide ourselves and other safety, connection and security.

Liz: Behavior adaptation makes a difference in how we act today.

Invites:

   •    Ask your spouse how you can answer their primal question with a “yes.”
   •    Sit down with yourself or your spouse and discover which of the 7 primal
questions you need to be answered. Share this with your partner and write it down
in a journal or safe space where you can review it often.
   •    Seek to understand what your child’s primal question is by talking with your
spouse and child about what they need from you as a parent.
   •    Take the assessment @ mikefoster.tv

Mike Foster Links:

https://www.mikefoster.tv

https://www.instagram.com/mikefoster2000/

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Instagram:

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit
down with life coach Julie Balkman and discuss the dating game when it comes to relationships and how to get out of the game and develop healthy happy relationships without the runaround.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Julie Balkman?
2:01 – Getting into coaching
5:47 – Thinking that gets us stuck
7:28 – Playing the dating game can be confusing
8:30 – Being in a “situationship”
9:28 – CCQ: Clear, Concise, Quick
14:04 – Largest obstacles for dating today
17:36 – Good tips on connecting in dating
18:33 – Two things to look for in a partner
21:22 – Some practical tips and tools
23:22 – Decision making success system
25:27 – Dating Interview Project
28:42 – Key to a stronger marriage connection
30:05 – Where to find more resources
31:50 – Takeaways

About Julie Balkman:

Julie Balkman was trained and mentored by 3 life coaching programs which resulted in
eight years and thousands of hours in coaching experience. She is an expert panelist
for the LDS dating app “Mutual” and is currently writing a book about LDS dating. She
was a former co-host of a three-year international young adult support group and is the
owner/operator of the 100 interviews project, a project involving 120 young adults
interviewed about dating. She is an artist and illustrator and loves to dance!

Insights:

Julie: Be responsible: being responsible is sexy, romantic, confident, peaceful, and loving. When you are responsible you create a better life for yourself and your significant other.

Dave: It is critical to have a willingness to learn. It is ok to accept different things and want tolearn and change, especially within a relationship.

Liz: I love the idea of CCQ, clear concise and quick

Invites:

   •    Invite me to share my Dating Map Presentation as a guest speaker. I love speaking and teaching to any size audience.
   •    I have 1:1 coaching packages, plus a VIP acceleration package, which I would love to tell about. VIP: 6 weeks, 6 days a week, 20 minutes each day.
   •    Start with love, learn how to be a receiver of love so you can be ready for a real
relationship.

Julie Balkman Links:

https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=julie+balkman&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

https://www.instagram.com/lifecoach.julie/?hl=en

https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-balkman-0898031a5/

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

In this episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast, Dr. Ashley LeBaron-
Black tackles the hard conversation “How do I manage money in marriage.” Join us to learn how conversations about money can connect you and your partner rather than pull you apart.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Ashley Lebaron-Black?
1:48 – Is the issue really about money?
5:12 – Managing money habits: Family background
7:34 – Working together to manage money
8:45 – Family financial socialization
10:25 – Overcoming discomfort in talking about money
12:00 – Money management matters: Debt, materialism, financial deception, etc.
15: 35 – Joint bank accounts
18:08 – Financial therapy for marriage
19:30 – What makes a stronger marriage connection to Ashley
20:10 – Ashley’s tools and tips
24:50 – How do I bring up money while dating?
36:40 – Takeaways

About Dr. Ashley LeBaron-Black:

Dr. Ashley LeBaron-Black is an Assistant Professor of Family Life at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. She received her PhD in Family Studies and Human Development from the University of Arizona. Her research focus is family finance, including finances in couple relationships and financial socialization. Ashley has published over 50 peer-reviewed articles and is an Associate Editor for the Journal of Family and Economic Issues. She is Chair of the Family Financial Wellbeing focus group for the National Council on Family Relations (NCFR).

Insights:

Ashley: Don’t let your money control you and your marriage; you can control it

Dave: There is no right way to manage money in your marriage, but it is so important to
understand where your ideas of money management are coming from. Take some time to understand and communicate that with your partner.

Liz: Talk about money with your partner, be honest.

Invites:

   •    Sit down with your partner this week and develop a monthly budget together.
   •    Talk to your spouse about how you want to manage your money together going
forward. Should we do a monthly meeting, get a joint bank account, etc.?
   •    Read a blog post from Ashley’s website to understand a part of money management you and your partner may not understand.

Ashley Lebaron-Black's Links:

https://lebaron-black.byu.edu/

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit
down with Dr. Bill Doherty, back from Season 1 due to popular demand, to share how we can all become marital first responders. A long time Marriage and Family Therapist, he is an expert on challenges couples face when navigating marital crisis.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Bill Doherty?
2:29 – Where the idea of marital first responders comes from
4:42 – First important step in being a first responder.
6:32 – Other Do’s and Don’ts
9:45 – We can be an influence
12:16 – Common complaints from marriages
15:26 – Perspective skill technique example
19:16 – Learning to protect boundaries
21:36 – Unforced error
24:12 – You can be a friend to someone and their marriage
30:33 – What to say without adding negativity
31:14 – Where to get more resources from Bill
32:55 – Takeaways

About Bill Doherty:

Bill Doherty is a Professor in the Department of Family Social Science at the University
of Minnesota. A long-time marriage and family therapist, he is an expert on challenges
couples face in the modern world, on navigating marital crisis and avoiding divorce, and
on using family rituals to enhance the quality of family life. His books for the public
include The Intentional Family and Take Back Your Marriage. In recent years Bill has
taken this couples work to the national level via cofounding Braver Angels, an initiative
working to decrease the political polarization that is dividing the country. Among his awards is the Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Family Therapy
Academy.

Insights:

Bill: Marriage is existing of social relationships and when people open up, it is a precious gift they are giving. It is good to be mindful and intentional in how we respond.

Dave: We can have empathy without agreeing with others perspectives, you can still show compassion and lend a helping hand even if we don’t necessarily agree with what they may be saying.

Liz: LEAP: Listen, empathy, affirm and positive perspective

Invites:

   •    Check out maritalfirstresponders.org and participate in some of the workshops available to you.

   •    When giving advice to friends it is important to be a good friend to that person but also their marriage, listen with empathy but don’t rush to give advice. Don’t jump to take a friend’s side without considering the whole picture.

   •    Use life experience when giving out advice, you may not be an expert but we all have experiences to take and learn from when helping others.

Bill Doherty Links:

https://thedohertyapproach.com/about/

Bill Doherty Books

https://memberium.com/

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok:

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

Sam and Ember were on the verge of divorce for several years. They were a couple that Dr. Liz Hale worked with in her private practice, and they are willing to no longer be private but go public and share how they miraculously turned their marriage around from miserable to incredible.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who are Sam and Ember?
2:35 – What is something you wish you would have known before getting married?
4:51 – Contributors to the breakdown of a marriage
9:00 – Sam’s background
11:56 – How can two people experience one marriage differently?
15:45 – Addressing ‘me’ to fix ‘we’
20:00 – Ember’s ah-ha moments toward change
26:01 – Sam’s ah-ha moments toward change
31:00 – Communication strategies
36:43 – The role of forgiveness in healing
41:08 – Strategies to maintain connection
43:14 – Advice for couples on the brink
46:16 – Honesty is a key for a stronger marriage connection. Seek what’s best for the marriage.

Insights:

Sam: Get help. Some issues may be beyond what the two of you can do together. Be honest. You can decide what kind of spouse you want to be.

Ember: Deal with conflict before the weekend. Start your weekend with a clean slate.

Invites:

   -    Deal with conflict as soon as you can. If there is something bothering you, sit down and have a conversation about it with your partner when you both are in a clear headspace.

   -    Take some time today to evaluate yourself. Is there something you need to forgive yourself for?

    -    Give your partner a hug, a small peck on the cheek, or a squeeze of the hand today. Just a little physical affection can go a long way.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

Do you ever feel like your partner is more like a roommate than a spouse? This isn’t uncommon for couples to experience, and is actually a feature of marriage than a bug. Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz talk with Nate Bagley about “Roommate Syndrome” and discuss how being in this rut can act as a catalyst for growing up our marriage. As something that everyone in a relationship encounters, this podcast is a must-listen-to resource to create a stronger marriage connection!

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Nate Bagley?
1:42 – Fear of a mediocre marriage
3:59 – Interviewing the most successful and happy couples
6:15 – What is “roommate syndrome”?
10:20 – How to get the spark back in your marriage
12:30 – How to get out of the roommate rut
18:01 – Roommate syndrome is a feature, not a bug
19:57 – Happiness is a byproduct of growth
22:20 – The Eisenhower Matrix
27:10 – What do we need to do to have a great marriage?
30:10 – Maximize enjoyment for both people
32:48 – Nate Bagley resources
33:32 – Nate’s takeaway: you have more control over your marriage than you think
35:33 – Liz’s takeaway: remember maximum joint enjoyment
36:06 – Dave’s takeaway: the pillars of friendship – I like you, I know you, I trust you

About Nate Bagley:

Nate Bagley is a marriage researcher and educator whose mission is to rid the world of mediocre love. His passion is helping people DO the things that make their relationships extraordinary.

In 2012, Nate did a cross-country road trip where he interviewed the country’s most madly-in-love couples, and renowned relationship experts to discover the secrets of truly epic, lasting love.

Since then, he’s given a TEDx talk, and been published in Business Insider, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, the Gottman Institute blog, and many other outlets. He always loves hearing from his readers and listeners, so please feel free to reach out to him at his website here.

Insights:

Nate: Happiness is a byproduct of growth and roommate syndrome is a byproduct, not a bug. Roommate syndrome gives you the opportunity to grow up.

Dave: Foster the 3 pillars of friendship: I like you, I know you, I trust you.

Liz: Remember to focus on maximum joint enjoyment.

Invites:

   -    If you feel like you and your partner have roommate syndrome, try doing something out of your comfort zone today (ask a personal question, address a topic that makes you anxious, etc.).
   -   It’s the little things that get you out of roommate syndrome. Try making your partner a meal they wouldn’t expect (like breakfast or lunch), or sending them a sweet text while they’re away (even if not for very long).
   -    Try to make your marriage enjoyable for everyone. Is there something you grew up doing that your partner doesn’t particularly enjoy? Talk about it with them. What could you do to make things more enjoyable for them?

Nate Bagley Links:

   -    https://growthmarriage.com/

   -    https://www.epicmarriageclub.com/awr/

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

On today’s episode, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz talk with Dr. John Van Epp who brings to light some of the most important things we can do when selecting a life partner as well as how to strengthen those relationships over time. We learn some of the predictors of how long-term relationships will turn out as well as some principles to help navigate both red and green flags within our relationships.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is John Van Epp?
2:42 – Life-partner selection process
11:58 – Predictors of getting to “know” and getting to “no”
13:33 – Media love vs True love
16:10 – Let heart and head work together
20:00 – Discerning our partner is a process
26:16 – 5 ways to notice green flags and red flags
31:30 – With definition comes implementation
34:02 – Attraction alone is not enough
35:04 – Key areas to address stressors and struggles in dating
40:43 – Being equally yoked strengthens connection
42:32 – Have a game plan for managing your relationship
44:26 – John’s relationship resources
47:10 – John’s takeaway: heart and head are meant to work together
48:38 – Liz’s takeaway: Partner selection process is key
49:04 – Dave’s takeaway: Trust and commitment grow over time, RAM is a great resource

About John Van Epp:

John Van Epp, PhD, President and Founder of Love Thinks, LLC is the author of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk (or Jerkette) - top choice for singles by Christianity Today; Becoming Better Together: the RAM plan for growing together when life is pulling you apart; and Endgame: The Church’s Strategic Move to Save Faith
and Family in America.

He has previous experience as
   -    a founding church pastor
   -    an adjunct seminary professor in marriage and family with extensive research in
premarital, marital, and family relations
   -    a clinical counselor for 25 years in his private counseling practice
   -    and for over 20 years, he has trained military personnel and contracted with the military as a subject matter expert (SME) in relationship health, psychology, religion, suicide, and resilience.

For the past 25 years, he has developed relationship programs that have been taught by over 35,000 certified instructors to over one million participants.

He was awarded the Smart Marriage and the NARME Impact Awards, and has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Time Magazine, Psychology Today, O Magazine; he has appeared on the CBS Early Show, Good Morning America, Fox News, and Focus on the Family.

Insights:

John: With definition comes implementation. Your heart and your head are meant to work together in making decisions.

Dave: Trust and commitment grow over time.

Liz: There is very little you can do to compensate after marriage for choosing poorly before marriage.

Invites:

   -    After your next date, self-reflect and ask yourself: “Was there something I could have said or done to make my partner feel more seen?”
   -    Take a dating class to better help discern what kind of person you are dating and if they are someone you want to be with long-term.
   -    When getting to know someone, ask about or observe one of these 5 subjects: family, conscience (belief system), compatibility potential (what kinds of things do you agree on?), track record (dating/relationship history), and/or their skill level of relationships.

John Van Epp Links:

   -    https://www.mylovethinks.com/
   -    Dr. Morgan Cutlip Instagram
   -    https://ramseries.com/
   -    Healthy Relationships Utah

Visit our site for FREE relationship

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

Our podcast today is with our guest speaker Dr. Robert Navarra. He talks about addiction and how there is hope in recovering. An interesting talking point he mentions is that recovery should be done as a partnership. He provides some helpful insights for partners in dealing with the disease of addiction that can sweep into a relationship.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Robert Navarra?
2:44 – Fear and misunderstanding of addiction
5:42 – What’s the difference between codependency and interdependency?
9:34 – What partners of addicted individuals should know
11:03 – Addiction impacts the relationship not just the individual just like a disease
14:31 – Most common addictions
15:49 – Safe levels of drinking
18:50 – Rituals in relationships create connection
21:52 – Resources to help with creating rituals
23:39 – Understanding addictions and affairs
27:53 – Couple recovery resources
32:16 – Advice for partners of addicted individuals
35:15 – Responding to your partner in a way that feels good to create a stronger marriage connection
37:35 – The smallest unit of intimacy
38:12 – Robert’s takeaway: addiction is treatable and it is preventable
39:32 – Liz’s takeaway: be aware of “secondhand harm”
37:00 – Dave’s takeaway: there is hope; we’re in this together, let’s do this together.

About Robert Navarra:

Dr. Navarra has been a Certified Gottman Therapist since 2007 and is a Master Trainer, Consultant, and Researcher with the Gottman Institute. He has trained therapists nationally and internationally and is a popular presenter at conferences, webinars, podcasts, and in the media. He has co-authored book chapters with Drs. John and Julie Gottman on Gottman Method Couples Therapy, as well as co-authoring with Dr. John Gottman three articles on Gottman Therapy for the Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy.

Dr. Navarra developed a relational model of addiction assessment and treatment and has been published in textbooks and in the Encyclopedia of Couple and Family Therapy on systemic approaches in addiction recovery. Dr. Navarra was also recorded presenting a workshop that he developed, Couples and Addiction
Recovery Training, for an online class offered by the Gottman Institute that requires therapists in the Gottman Certification track program to complete. The Gottmans also invited Dr. Navarra to present his model with them at the Evolution of Psychotherapy Conference. He is currently collaborating with the Gottmans on researching the effectiveness of a workshop for recovering couples that he designed called, Roadmap for the Journey: A Path for Couple Recovery. Additionally, he teaches addiction assessment and treatment in the Graduate Counseling Psychology Program at Santa Clara University in California

Insights:

Robert: If you want to reduce conflict in your marriage, then focus on the times when you’re not in conflict.

Dave: There is hope. We’re in this together, let’s do this together.

Liz: Be aware of “secondhand harm”.

Invites:

   -    To reduce conflict in your marriage, or in any relationship you may be struggling with, focus on the times when you aren’t in conflict. Focusing on the good reduces conflict.
   -    If there is problematic substance use in your relationship, go to a professional to figure out to what extent it is an issue and if there really is an addiction.
   -    The smallest unit of intimacy is responding to your partner in a way that feels good. When you respond to your partner, give them your attention to show them that you care for them.

Robert Navarra Links:
   -    Love Map Card decks
   -    https://Drrobertnavarra.com
   -   

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

Dave and Liz talk with Dr. Matt Townsend on the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast today about how we can foster our basic needs in our relationships. Dr. Matt shares seven principles that we can use to increase our marriage connections: Safety, Trust, Appreciation, Respect, Validation, Encouragement, and
Dedication. By adhering to each of these principles our needs as well as our partner’s needs can be met in healthy ways.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Matt Townsend?
3:12 – What’s going on with marriages today?
4:50 – S.T.A.R.V.E.D: Safety
7:39 – T: Trust
9:02 – A: Appreciation
12:24 – R: Respect
14:20 – V: Validation
16:57 – E: Encouragement
20:33 – D: Dedication
23:00 – Matt’s keys for a stronger marriage connection
26:08 – Matt’s resources
27:40 – Matt’s takeaway: it’s not over ‘til it’s over and find the power in principles
29:49 – Liz’s takeaway: you have to be vulnerable to be known and loved
30:16 – Dave’s takeaway: To encourage is to truly see and understand another person

About Matt Townsend:

Over the last few decades Matt has dedicated his life to the study of communication and interpersonal relationships. Matt worked as a lead presenter for the industry leader, Franklin Covey, for many years. About 20 years ago he founded the Townsend Relationship Center where he has been able to share his expertise on relationships, communication, anxiety and conflict resolution with thousands of clients ranging from individuals, married couples and parents, to large corporations such as CNN, Cox Communications, and Lockheed Martin.

Dr. Matt earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Communication, a second master's degree in Human Development, and a doctoral degree (PhD) in Human Development. He is a weekly contributor to KSL TV’s show “Studio 5 with Brooke Walker”. Matt's book, Starved Stuff: The 7 Basic Needs of Healthy Relationships, is a popular pick among those searching for better relationship skills. He also has many online programs available on marriage, dealing with anxiety and parenting.

Matt is active in his church and community and enjoys swimming, playing tennis and spending time with his wife, Mardi of 32 years and his 6 children, 4 in-law children and 5 grandchildren.

Insights:

Matt: Count the given good.

Dave: Notice and be aware of the good your partner does.

Liz: Barbie dolls must be as important as the little girl is in order to really make her feel that we are encouraging her.

Invites:

   -    Encourage your partner’s dreams and aspirations.
   -    If simply feeding your marriage is still not “filling you up”, get help so you        don’t continue feeling starved.
   -    While you might not be able to find power in power, you can find power in principles. Find ways to foster the S.T.A.R.V.E.D. principles in your marriage.

Matt Townsend Links:

Starved Stuff: Feeding the 7 Basic Needs of Healthy Relationships

https://Matttownsend.com

10 day marriage makeover

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @st

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/