Stronger Marriage Connection

On today’s podcast of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dave and Liz talk to Dr. Cole Ratcliffe about how we often get stuck in bad behaviors in our marriage relationships. Dr. Ratcliffe explains five steps that help eliminate bad behavior and provides some tips that might help increase connection in a sustainable way. Showing our partners we love them takes time and effort, but is incredibly worth it!

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Cole Ratcliffe?
2:29 – Why are annoying and bad behaviors so common?
4:42 – “Helping” is not always helpful
7:10 – Why we get stuck in bad behavior
10:48 – Marriage is the great revealer of weaknesses
14:54 – There is no justification for bad behavior
17:15 – Take personal responsibility for our needs
19:25 – Recognize your partner’s needs
20:32 – 5 Steps to help eliminate bad behavior
25:10 – Simple things to do to improve connection
26:40 – How to say I love you in a personal way
28:44 – Patience is the 5th step
29:40 – Investment in unselfishness is the key for a stronger marriage connection
31:12 – Resources from Cole Ratcliffe
31:59 – Cole’s takeaway: taking time to understand gives us traction for meeting our partners emotions and
needs
32:39 – Liz’s takeaway: turn around the meaning of “but” in our apologies
33:11 – Dave’s takeaway: don’t react to the behavior, respond to the need

About Cole Ratcliffe:

Cole Ratcliffe was raised in Springville, Utah, and completed a bachelor’s degree at BYU. He obtained a masters and doctoral degree in marriage and family therapy from Kansas State University. Currently, he teaches full-time at BYU-Idaho in Marriage and Family Studies and oversees their online program. He has
taught numerous courses in his career, such as human development, marriage, marriage prep, marriage skills, parenting, and relationship education. Dr. Ratcliffe maintains a small private clinical practice where he conducts individual, marriage, and family therapy, including discernment counseling. He has been married for 16 years to his wife Jenna and together they have 5 (almost 6) children. In his spare time, he enjoys spending time with his family, hiking, hunting, playing sports, and watching college football.

Insights:

Cole: Take personal responsibility for having our needs met.

Dave: Don’t react to the behavior. See the unmet needs.

Liz: We need to turn around the meaning of “but” in our apologies.

Invites:

1. Focus on the things you can control.
2. Respond to the need underneath the behavior.
3. Identify the things you need to stop doing. Apologize with the proper use of the word “but”.
4. Find a few small and simple things to increase connection that are sustainable.
5. Be patient with yourself and with others.

Cole Ratcliffe Links:

- https://www.Byuido.org

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

Our conversation today is with Dr. Jeremy Boden who talks about the importance realistic and hopeful expectation have in creating a stronger marriage connection. By committing to our partner and being aware of their needs, we can build our relationships in such a way that helps them last beyond the newlywed years.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Jeremy Boden?
1:56 – Why would we need relationship education when we love each other so much?
4:59 – Marriage is a loss of some expectations
7:00 – Biggest issues newlyweds face
9:26 – Intentionality is key to avoid “drifting”
11:04 – Adjust expectations
15:40 – Expectations will be adjusted throughout our lives
16:43 – What does commitment look like?
21:55 – Over-reactions can wreck our connections
23:15 – S.T.O.P. technique
24:40 – Resources for newlyweds
26:35 – Keys to a stronger marriage connection – Safe, Seen, and Soothed
29:12 – How to prepare for and navigate the newlywed years
30:38 – How to choose a marriage partner
32:38 – Jeremy’s takeaway: be aware of your partner
33:58 – Liz’s takeaway: there is always hope
35:13 – Dave’s takeaway: exercise mindful awareness

About Jeremy Boden:

Dr. Jeremy Boden is an associate professor of family science at Utah Valley University. He teaches courses in marriage and relationships, human sexuality, family dynamics, and couples therapy in the marriage and family therapy program. Jeremy is a licensed marriage and family therapist and maintains a small private practice in
Provo, Utah where he specializes in couples and discernment counseling. He's also the owner and director of the Center for Marriage Preparation which helps couples get ready for marriage through his Before We Say I Do program. Jeremy is married to his beautiful and wonderful wife, Daria and they are the parents of four children.

Insights:

Jeremy: Help foster a stronger connection with your partner by helping them feel safe, seen, and soothed.
Dave: Compassion is the blood of relationships.
Liz: Expectations for your relationship will always need to be adjusted throughout your life.

Invites:

   •    For the first 5 years of your marriage, commit to reading one marriage book with              your partner per year.
   •    Connect once a day and date once a week with your partner.
   •    Talk with your partner about what expectations might be in your wagon

Jeremy Boden Links:

   -    https://marriageandfamilysolutions.teachable.com/

   -    https://www.symbis.com/couples/

   -    https://extension.usu.edu/strongermarriage/relate-assessment

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz have a great conversation with Dr. Alex Korb talking about the little things we can do to create a stronger marriage connection. Happiness hacks start with us which then can translate into strengthening our relationships through understanding our own and other’s perceptions.

Timestamps

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Alex Korb?
2:25 – What makes the Upward Spiral unique?
7:45 – The healthy “we” starts with the healthy “me”
9:10 – Our brains are wired to notice the negative and ignore consistency
12:48 – Practicing gratitude; direct your attention to what you can acknowledge is good
14:47 – Understanding depression and anxiety
15:57 – Acknowledge that you have a perspective
18:09 – Depression and anxiety are common; there is nothing broken or wrong with your brain
20:53 – Why do we get stuck in bad habits so easily?
24:29 – Focus on the little small tweaks for your body that create an upward spiral
30:28 – Gratitude is something you can do on your own to improve your relationships
34:16 – Breaking negative patterns activates reward circuits
37:12 – Expressing gratitude does not have an expiration date
39:22 – When to reach out to a medical professional
42:09 – Any step is better than being stuck
43:21 – Everyone’s perspectives are different
46:20 – Alex’s takeaway: when things are feeling really bad, realize that things aren’t as bad as they seem
48:33 – Liz’s takeaway: why the why
48:53 – Dave’s takeaway: Doing small things breaks up relationship ruts

About Alex Korb

Dr. Alex Korb is a neuroscientist, coach, and bestselling author of The Upward Spiral. He is the founder of The Upward Spiral Method where he helps smart, passionate professionals conquer unnecessary overthinking, stress, and self-doubt to unleash the brain's potential for passion, productivity, and purpose. Dr. Korb has a wealth of experience in yoga and mindfulness, physical fitness, and even stand-up comedy.

Insights

Alex: All we need to do is one small step. It doesn’t have to fix everything, it just has to be better than the default of the downward spiral your brain wants to go in.

Dave: A little small win can help create an upward spiral for our relationships.

Liz: Understanding why something is good for me rather than being told what to do gets my attention

Invites:

   •    To get out of a mental rut, take a little step to break out of your brain’s default of negative habits. Try going for a walk, stepping outside in the sun, or even standing up for a few seconds.
   •    Expressing gratitude and kindness is something in your control. Write down a few things you may take for granted but are grateful for nonetheless. Doing so tells your brain to focus more on the good rather on the negative.
   •    You can’t always control your feelings, but you can control your actions. Take action by saying thank you to someone that influenced you in some way, even if it was a few days, weeks, or years ago. Gratitude does not have an expiration date. In fact, it tends to have even greater weight and mean more to the receiver over time.

Alex Korb Links

https://www.facebook.com/alexkorb

https://www.instagram.com/alexkorbphd/

https://alexkorbphd.com/

https://alexkorbphd.click/guide

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.stronger

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

Today Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit down with Dr. Terri Orbuch who is also known as the love doctor and discuss taking your marriage from good to great. From communication to frustration to positivity and managing money, Terri breaks things down into practical principles that anyone can apply.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Terri Orbuch?
2:49 – Terri’s research
4:32 – 46% of married couples divorce
5:15 – The positive and optimistic statistic of 71% of divorced couples
7:52 – Affirmations in marriage
9:54 – The biggest reason relationships don’t work is frustration
11:05 – Conflict, disagreements and differences are inevitable
12:34 – We need to make sure we have realistic expectations
14:38 – What is more important to husbands than wives?
16:03 – We need to feel like we are part of a team
18:44 – The 10-minute rule that partners need to practice
21:43 – Excitement and passion declining is inevitable in all relationships
23:15 – Do something new and novel with your partner
25:26 – Three strategies to increase passion and excitement in your relationship
26:37 – It is ok to take a break when you are irritated
28:37 – Keep each issue or specific annoyance separate
30:31 – The number one source of tension or conflict among couples is money
33:00 – Happy couples focus on what’s going well, and focus on the positive
35:21 – Resources
37:22 – Takeaways

About Terri Orbuch:

Dr. Terri Orbuch is a world-renowned relationship expert, author, speaker, therapist,
distinguished professor at Oakland University, research scientist at University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research and media personality whose practical science based advice had helped 1000’s of people find and create the loving relationships they deserve. She is also the director of a landmark study funded by the National Institutes of Health, where she has been following the same couples for over three decades.

Insights:

Terri: It is all about the little things, waking up and giving affirmations or actions of affirmations. Spending 10 minutes every single day taking about something other than those four topics.

Dave: The little affirmations and things are powerful.

Liz: Take one issue at a time, your brain gets overloaded and overwhelmed if you try to do too much at once.

Invites:

   -    Take on one issue at a time within your relationship
   -    It’s all in the little things, spread daily affirmations to your partner
   -    Practice the 10-minute rule with your partner each day

Terri Orbuch Links:

https://drterrithelovedoctor.com

https://www.facebook.com/DrTerriLoveDr/

https://twitter.com/drterrilovedr?lang=en

https://www.instagram.com/terriorbuch/?hl=en

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:htt

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

On today’s episode, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz talk with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife about
healthy sexuality and why many struggle in this area. She also discusses how to develop the capacity for deeper emotional and sexual intimacy. She shares the number one goal she has for people who visit with her and her practice.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
2:53 – Where do you begin in your sexuality coaching with clients?
3:18 – Time, sex, and money are the top three issues for newlywed couples
6:10 – Marriage is a divine institution
7:07 – Top insights from studies and dissertation
9:40 – The number one goal is increasing people’s ability to have joy
11:49 – No other relationship matters like the one right in front of me
13:30 – Marriage struggles are not a problem, but a process
14:30 – The perfect storm
16:19 – Controlling in the marriage
18:28 – What can I do to help?
19:16 – There is nothing strange with differences in couples
20:50 – Finding more space and respect
21:35 – We love strength in people
22:43 – Perfectionism is a terror that humanity will expose us as unlovable
25:03 – Superwoman complex
26:57 – Recognize when you are stressed or anxious
28:53 – We don’t get to choose if we experience anxiety
31:11 – Being willing to face truth through the looking glass of marriage
32:33 – Where to go for more information from Jennifer
33:26 – Takeaways

About Dr. Finlayson-Fife:
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in
Counseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping LDS individuals
and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual
relationships. In addition to her private practice, Dr. Finlayson-Fife has created five empowering and highly reviewed online courses. Each course was designed to give LDS individuals and couples the tools requisite to creating healthier lives and stronger intimate relationships. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also offers many workshops and retreats where she teaches these life-changing principles in person. Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts about sexuality, relationships, mental health, and faith. She is also the creator and host of Room for Two, a popular sex and intimacy coaching podcast.

Insights:

Dave: Time, sex, and money are the top three issues for newlywed couples. Relationship
happiness is often at stake with all of this.

Liz: If I can’t say no, then I am not free to say yes.

Dr. Finlayson-Fife: All unnecessary suffering is a part of avoiding necessary suffering. Suffering is a part of life. Decide to step into purposeful discomfort, purposeful suffering, to become stronger.

Invites:

   •    Make sure you can take a step back when you are following a negative pattern, ask
yourself, what role you have in the pattern? How are you feeding it?
   •    In the chaos, uncertainty, and anxiety of life, push for what is true. Trust the process and the honesty in your marriage, it will show you what you need to know to be stronger.
   •    None of us chooses whether we experience anxiety, we only get to choose whether its productive or unproductive.

Dr. Finlayson-Fife Links:
https://www.finlayson-fife.com

https://www.instagram.com/finlaysonfife/?hl=en

https://www.facebook.com/finlaysonfife/

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.Finlayson-Fife

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit
down with Chad Ford, author of the book Dangerous Love, to discuss some tips and tools about how we can change the conflict patterns within our relationships.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Chad Ford?
2:50 – What is dangerous love?
4:57 – Dangerous love demands fearlessness; choosing love over fear
6:16 – Fearlessness is being vulnerable without guarantee that your partner will be too
8:49 – Nothing about conflict will change until we change
11:10 – “Us-preservation” instead of self-preservation
14:52 – You don’t have to agree to come up with a solution that works for the both of you
17:15 – Dangerous love is meeting people where they’re at & finding a way forward together
19:06 – Conflict doesn't happen to us; we’re part of a pattern in conflict
21:25 – Conflict doesn’t have to be destructive; great relationships include conflict
23:06 – Change without guarantee that your partner is going to change
25:58 – Turn to see your partner because it’s the right thing to do
27:50 – If I were to give my whole heart to my partner, what would it occur to me to do?
29:04 – Fear is what keep us from giving our whole hearts
32:32 – Fairness and connectedness are not the same thing
33:58 – In a great marriage is harmony; you can’t harmonize with yourself
35:44 – Chad’s takeaway: conflict isn’t impossible, there's always something you can do
36:24 – Liz’s takeaway: we need each other in growing and developing and embracing conflict
37:00 – Dave’s takeaway: slowing down to see things from their perspective creates
vulnerability, compassion, and this new awareness.

About Chad Ford:

Chad Ford has been living five lives simultaneously for nearly 20 years. He’s been an
international conflict mediator, a college professor, a senior consultant and facilitator for the Arbinger Institute, an executive board member for PeacePlayers and a writer, analyst and entrepreneur covering the NBA and NBA Draft for ESPN. After completing a Master’s degree in conflict analysis and resolution from George Mason University and a Juris Doctorate from Georgetown University Law School in 2000, Chad was poised to begin his career as a conflict mediator and facilitator. At BYU-Hawaii, Chad created a major and certificate program in intercultural peacebuilding, mediation and facilitation. Chad and his wife Amanda, who teaches courses in family conflict transformation and mindfulness, have worked with thousands of students from over 90 countries in the world. Chad’s work has earned him Professor of the Year honors at BYU-Hawaii and made Intercultural Peacebuilding one of the most popular programs on campus.

Insights:

Chad: If I want something to change, it starts with me.
Dave: Heed and answer to that inner call to connect.
Liz: Marriage is the ultimate self improvement project.

Invites:

   ●    Instead of waiting for your partner to change, recognize the part you play in conflict and seek to change it without any guarantee that your partner will do the same. You may
find that your partner’s response to your change is exactly what you hoped.
   ●    Examine whether there is contempt in your relationship. If you “horibilize” your partner by objectifying them and only seeing their faults and their weaknesses, you might be guilty of contempt.
   ●    As yourself, “ If I were to give my whole heart to my partner, what would it occur to me to do?”. Be still and then heed that inner call to connect.

Chad Ford Links:

- https://dangerouslovebook.com/

- https://dangerouslovebook.com/dangerous-love-podcast/

-

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

Today’s conversation is one you don’t want to miss! Listen in to the Stronger
Marriage Connection as Dave and Liz sit down with Dr. Jacob Hess, a master of mindfulness, to discuss the realities of love and romance & what is hijacking relationships today.

TimeStamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Jacob Hess?
2:36 – What is hijacking relationships & causing couples to drift apart?
4:52 – The narratives of romance - how things are “supposed” to be
6:56 – What is the reality of romance?
9:30 – People look to their romantic partner to somehow meet all of their needs
11:26 – Allow your relationships to be human and allow your partner to be a human being
14:27 – See your partner as they are, rather than how they’re supposed to be
16:46 – The relationship hijack of self-absorption
18:46 – Whole soul romance: when someone loves your mind & heart, not just how they feel
around you
20:46 – Micro moments of love
22:31 – Small things over time create a new kind of momentum for the relationship to grow
24:25 – Honing the ability to show love generally, but especially to our partner
26:56 – Infatuation & fireworks draw people together, committed & enduring love keeps them
together
29:31 – The difference between loving a person and loving a particular idea about love
31:07 – Follow the peace, not the passion
33:17 – Every marriage has waves, learn to surf them instead of fight them
34:25 – Jacob’s takeaway of the day: Instead of constantly forcing a story on everybody around,
let each moment with somebody be new. Let people breathe.
35:16 – Liz’s takeaway: Tranquil affection - loving with great warmth & affection
35:50 – Dave’s takeaway: Take something ordinary in your relationship and make it extra
ordinary

About Jacob Hess:

Jacob Hess is the author of 14 peer-reviewed studies on competing narratives of difficult health and social issues, as well as a book on what’s hijacking romance, “Once Upon a Time...He Wasn’t Feeling It Anymore, and two others: “The Power of Stillness: Mindful Living for Latter-Day Saints” with Carrie Skarda, Kyle Anderson and Ty Mansfield. And with his Marxist-Atheist friend Phil Neisser, Dean of the State University of New York, “You’re Not as Crazy as I Thought, But You’re Still Wrong.” Jacob is a former board member of the National Coalition of Dialogue & Deliberation, and writes for Deseret News and Public Square Magazine about making space for thoughtful, good-hearted people to find understanding (and affection) while exploring together the deepest of disagreements. Jacob has taught Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and helped create online mindfulness-based recovery programs for depression/anxiety (Lift) and sexual compulsivity (Fortify) that have reached 200K in 155 countries. He is currently working with Impact Suite on a mental health fitbit and with The Council for Sustainable Healing on ways to encourage families to build a healing sanctuary at home to counteract depression and anxiety. Jacob is a happy father of five, partner of one amazing gal – and mediocre goatherd.

Insights:

Jacob: There's something about being in the presence of someone who you feel, not only their full attention, but you feel held in their affection too.

Dave: There are little micro moments in life and in our marriages that we can't let pass by.

Liz: We have to understand love. We must know what love is in order to receive it and give it.

Invites:

   ●    How you greet your spouse matters. Make your partner feel special by conveying your excitement at seeing them when they come home after a long day at work or after being apart for a few days. This will surprise your partner and make them feel loved.
   ●    Examine what narratives of romance you consciously or unconsciousl

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

On today’s episode, Dave and Liz are joined by Clay and Sonja Arnold, relational
coaches and communication experts, to discuss safe conversations - what they are and how couples can use them to decrease negativity and foster more connection in their relationships.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who are Sonja & Clay Arnold?
2:23 – What exactly is a safe conversation & how did it get started?
4:56 – Sentence Stems - phrases used to keep us from triggering negative responses
6:09 – “Is there more about that?”
8:28 – Make an appointment to talk with your partner first; ask “is now a good time to talk about [blank]”
11:03 – Why is effectively listening to our partner so difficult to do?
14:04 – Couples should strive for zero negativity in their conversations
16:25 – Owning your mistakes & making repairs quickly
19:05 – Address the negativity in your relationship; don’t ignore it because it’ll just stack up
22:33 – Imago Therapy - what it is & how it affects who we choose to marry
24:56 – If our spouse grows, we grow
26:48 – Conflict is growth waiting to happen
29:01 – Don’t ever stop having fun with your partner
31:37 – Empathy is about trying to connect with your partner & find out what they’re feeling
33:26 – Always be willing to learn
35:15 – Sonja’s takeaway: Don’t feel like you're lacking because of your struggles. Don’t struggle
by yourself. Reach out. Don’t go it alone.
35:39 – Clay’s takeaway: Be willing to learn and grow individually and in your relationship36:10 – Liz’s takeaway: Ask your partner if it’s a good time to talk about something and then
start with a compliment
36:50 – Dave’s takeaway: Own your bad - your behavior, your attitude, and your drama

About Sonja & Clay Arnold:
Relational coaches for 22 years, Sonja and Clay have worked with individuals, families and couples around the world. Theirs is an integrative, neuroscience-based approach for life planning and inter-personal growth for relationships of all kinds. They offer workshops and consultations with clients including business and religious leaders, coaches and therapists, medical professionals and more - the strategy being that by providing skills to one person, a ripple effect will occur as people practice the skills in their work lives, congregations, families and communities. Sonja and Clay have been married for 43 years and have 4 grown children and 5 grandkids. They live with their grand dogs in Arlington, Texas.

Certifications include: Safe Conversations® Senior Trainers, Life Coaching Institute Senior Trainers, Tony Robbins Mastery University graduates, Amen Clinics Brain Health and the Well Life Coaching Certification. Sonja graduated with a degree in Education/Deaf Education and Clay in Communications/Pastoral Counseling.

Insights:

Sonja: Conflict is growth waiting to happen.

Clay: We have to feel safe enough to connect in order to really communicate.

Dave: You don't necessarily avoid conflict but you bring things up and handle them in
compassionate ways. Watch your temper, your tongue, and your tone.

Liz: Some things we experience in marriage are really painful and I wish we could X them out. But perhaps then, we'd missed the magic and the meaning and the growth.

Invites:

   ●    Before starting an important conversation with your partner, ask if it’s a good time first. You could say, “is now a good time to talk about [blank]?”. If they say it’s not a good
time, schedule another time in the near future to have that conversation when he or she
is ready.
   ●    Create a code word to use when things start to get negative in a conversation between you and your partner. Clay and Sonja Arnold use the word “marshmallow” to signal when either of them is feeling triggered and somethi

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

Listen in as Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz invite back to the show Geoff Steurer, specialist on
betrayal trauma, to talk about how couples can bounce back and move forward after trust is broken in the relationship. If you or someone you know is experiencing betrayal trauma, this is an episode you don’t want to miss!

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Geoff Steurer?
3:00 – What is betrayal trauma?
5:35 – Most people initially stay with their partner after being betrayed
7:49 – Quick trust does not exist, you can’t quickly trust somebody
9:56 – Both the hurt partner and the betrayer are on their own paths of recovery
11:26 – The marriage goes through a recovery process too
13:55 – Tearing yourself down does not help you & it doesn’t help who you’ve hurt
15:58 – Recovery means being willing to talk about the betrayal
17:00 – People can change; there is healing on the other side of betrayal trauma
20:15 – Coming clean versus being found out - how it affects the recovery process
22:13 – There are no quick fixes when it comes to betrayal & emotion & connection
24:50 – Engage in healing; you'll feel better eventually doing the healing work
26:48 – What is the role of parents whose adult child is experiencing betrayal trauma?
29:19 – A message to those who are on the edge of betraying their partner
31:06 – Let’s not be afraid to talk about attraction and chemistry
33:16 – Make sure there's not enough space between you and your partner for someone else
36:21 – Geoff’s takeaway: there's nothing, in terms of your emotions and experiences and feelings and needs, that your marriage can't handle
37:09 – Liz’s takeaway: People have the tools, talents, resources, and abilities to handle
something as excruciatingly painful as betrayal
37:39 – Dave’s takeaway: Be very mindful and intentional in your relationship

Insights:

Dave: When both partners are committed to doing the work, it brings hope into the relationship

Liz: Good people make mistakes, good people betray

Geoff: The structure and institution of marriage is sturdy and stable and it’s big enough to hold all of our fears, worries, insecurities, temptations and struggles

Invites:

   ●   If you find yourself flirting or looking forward to interacting with someone of the
opposite sex, get honest with yourself and your partner about it. Don’t be afraid to talk
about attraction.
   ●    Keep it a little awkward with people you could be attracted to. Keep that distance there and don’t build so much familiarity.
   ●    If someone you love is going through betrayal trauma, get educated and understand the process. Learn how to keep your own emotional balance and know what to say/what not to say. “You don't want to become a piece of debris in somebody else's tornado”.

About Geoff Steurer:

Geoff Steurer has a passionate commitment to helping couples rebuild their
relationships from crisis to connection. He specializes in helping couples and individuals
affected by the trauma of sexual betrayal. He understands how exhilarating and stressful
marriage can be and works hard at his own marriage. His goal is to show couples how his work will pay off in their own lives. Steurer specializes in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, treating pornography and sexual addictions, infidelity, men's issues, anxiety, depression, anger management, and family therapy. He is the co-author of "Love You, Hate the Porn", creator of the "Trust Building Bootcamp", host of the podcast, "From Crisis to Connection", and author of a weekly online Q&A column.

Geoff Steurer Links:

Geoff's Website

Couples Counseling

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/ 

On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dave and Liz sit down with
Taylor and Megan Kovar, also known as the money couple, to share the strategies and resources they offer couples in handling money in marriage. Listen in to find out what you can do to avoid financial infidelity and create financial freedom today!

About Taylor & Megan Kovar:

The Kovar's have been branded as the Money Couple since 2020 after realizing one of the biggest woes couples were having involved money management. With professional money management skills, the Kovars provide resources on budgeting groceries, birthday parties, all the way to retirement. In the past three years, the Kovars have developed awesome pages and platforms: 5 Money Personalities, Financial Infidelity, The Millionaire Marriage Podcast, The Money Couple blog and many other couples’ courses. Through trial and error, the Kovars have developed the right ways to achieve financial freedom, putting family first and enjoying life.

Insights:

Taylor: It takes work and some education, but I think no matter what your income level, you can achieve some of that peace that comes with financial freedom.

Megan: One of the things you need to know about yourself is your money personality, because you just don't realize how that affects so many different aspects of your personality as a whole.

Dave: Just because we have money differences, doesn't mean that we can't make it work. It's about understanding, having compassion, simple awareness and trying to see things from our partner/spouses perspective.

Liz: Is financial infidelity worth the loss and hurt of intimacy?

Invites:

   ●    Make your finances a priority. Pick a time with your spouse to sit down and discuss your finances. Stick it on the calendar and then stick to it.

   ●    Get educated! Discover your money personality by taking the free assessment and then ask your partner to take it as well. Take another assessment to find out if there's
financial infidelity in your relationship and at what level.

   ●    Seek out good mentors, people that are going to speak truth into your life. Don’t just surround yourself with “yes men”. Sometimes we don’t see what we need to work on.

Taylor & Megan Kovar Links:

https://themoneycouple.com/

https://themoneycouple.com/5-money-personalities/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnABbQSwTxWyKevoRJnOfgg

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

Happy Hacks: 101 Science-Backed Ways to Boost Happiness, Reduce Stress, and Build a More Meaningful Life.

Available now starting at 99¢ on Amazon and Dave's Book Store

Written by Dr. Dave Schramm, this practical and uplifting new book offers simple, research-based strategies to help you build greater happiness, strengthen resilience, reduce

The opinions, findings, conclusions, and recommendations expressed in this podcast do not necessarily reflect the views of the Utah Marriage Commission.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways: 

Strongermarriage.org  

Podcast.stongermarriage.org

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@StrongerMarriageLife

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@strongermarriagelife

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage/

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Dr. Dave Schramm: 

http://drdaveschramm.com

http://drdavespeaks.com

Dr. Liz Hale: 

http://www.drlizhale.com/