Struggle Care

I stumbled across Emily Haswell on TikTok, and I knew immediately that we would be friends. Listen to hear Emily’s TikTok about wearing the “circus tent with pockets” that led her to say (as a 33-year-old plus-sized woman), “I will NOT be influenced again by what the skinny-girl influencers say we MUST have!” She has started a de-influencing movement that I’m totally here for. Join us to laugh and learn more!

Show Highlights:

●      How Emily got more followers when she started her honest, de-influencing movement

●      Why KC hashired Emily as creative director for the Struggle Care podcast

●      Why KC and Emily decided to cancel on having the well-known, Emmy-nominated Netflix stars, The Minimalists

●      How we critique The Minimalists’ philosophy because it spreads shame and doesn’t hold the value we are looking for (and who really does the dishes in their house anyway?)

●      How we have reacted to influencers with harmful messaging on health, hoarding, domestic tasks, etc.

 Resources and Links:

Connect with Emily Haswell: TikTok and Instagram

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Social anxiety is a common experience for many people. Today’s show is about the tips and tricks we can use to deal with this kind of anxiety when we have to be social and in public. Join us to learn more!

I’m joined by Michelle Huillet, an interpersonal communication instructor at Oregon State University in Corvallis, Oregon. In her interpersonal communication course for college freshmen and sophomores, Michelle teaches all about communication in relationships, including listening, nonverbal communication, emotions, and social anxiety.

Show Highlights:

 ●      How social anxiety boils down to a fear of judgment

●      How Michelle’s students describe their social anxiety

●      Why many people who struggle with social anxiety look comfortable and confident on the outside

●      Accommodations for social anxiety

●      How nonverbal cues, like eye contact, can allow people with social anxiety to remain engaged and participate

●      Challenges to do with baby steps to become more comfortable with social anxiety by “getting your feet wet”

●      How our imperfections bring connection points–and give a gift to those around us

●      Michelle’s words of wisdom for those who have social anxiety

Resources and Links:

Mentioned in this episode: The Anxiety Healer's Guide: Coping Strategies and Mindfulness Techniques to Calm the Mind and Body by Alison Seponara

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We are exploring the world of parenthood today, but this episode might be helpful even for those who aren’t parents. We are all in some process of trying to reparent ourselves, and it can be healing to hear how people are parenting, how they are failing, and why they want to do better. I’m joined by Yolanda Williams, who has built the Parenting Decolonized brand. She is a single mom, a conscious parenting coach, and a racial justice educator. Join us to learn more!

Show Highlights: 

●      Why sleep and parenting is a no-win situation for parents: the essence of the co-sleep vs. sleep train debate

●      Why parents have to figure out when their child is dysregulated and what works best for them–even if goes against “the rules”

●      How parents can learn about their triggers and how they project those triggers into the world

●      Why we don’t understand the fears, shame, and motivation that cause other parents to do what they do

●      How Yolanda feels about the parent-coaching industry

●      How Yolanda has built an intentional community in the absence of the ancestral village

●      How capitalism and racism have infiltrated our parenting techniques

●      Why Yolanda is working to form an intentional village community where parents help each other with whatever their “privilege” is

●      How to start decolonizing your parenting

●      What we should teach our kids about violence, restraint, bullying, and self-defense

●      A look at Yolanda’s recent parenting “wins”

Resources and Links:

Connect with Yolanda Williams: Website, Parenting Decolonized podcast, and Instagram

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to this bonus episode! For the next few weeks I’ll be putting out some bonus content, and today we will explore coping skills. It’s a phrase that’s become a buzzword in the psychology world right now, along with emotional regulation, feelings, and trauma. Let’s clarify these concepts that may have gotten watered down with a closer look.

Show Highlights:

●      “Emotional regulation” defined and explained: what it is and what it is not

●      The definition, Part 1: “Emotional regulation is the ability to respond to the ongoing demands of experience with a range of emotions and in a manner that is socially tolerable . . .” It is OK to have your feelings!

●      The definition, Part 2: “ . . . and sufficiently flexible to permit spontaneous reactions, as well as the ability to delay spontaneous reactions as needed.” Being emotionally regulated doesn’t mean you are a robot!

●      What it means to operate within your “window of tolerance,” the optimal zone of arousal (not in a sexual sense, but nervous system activation) for a person to function in everyday life

●      How your window of tolerance has red zones at the top and bottom of hyper- and hypo-arousal

●      The learning zone vs. the comfort zone

●      How coping skills help us bring ourselves back to the window of tolerance in the comfort zone

●      Why we should morally neutralize ALL coping skills

●      Examples of coping skills that help you stay out of the red zones and regulate well

●      Why self-compassion is THE most important coping skill

Resources and Links:

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you ever been told to “do a mindfulness practice” only to find that it doesn’t work? Let’s talk about some alternatives to mindfulness that can help with unhelpful thoughts and negative feelings. I’m joined by Dr. Raquel Martin, a psychologist who’s here to discuss this hot topic in the current “therapy talk.” She may sound familiar to you if you’ve listened to my audiobook, How to Keep House While Drowning, as she wrote the section about caring for black hair when you might be struggling.

Show Highlights: 

●      How Dr. Raquel defines mindfulness

●      How mindfulness helps us distance ourselves from unhelpful thoughts and negative feelings

●      Why it’s helpful to think, “This is just a thing”

●      Why mindfulness is not the best fit for everyone

●      How a “stress kit” can be helpful

●      Why deep breathing is not the regulation answer for everyone

●      How alternatives to journaling can be beneficial without “writing”

●      Why therapy and coping skills must be customized to the individual

●      The difference in rules and boundaries

●      How different our world would be if people received mental health support

●      Why compassion and understanding are the keys in understanding a person’s mental health struggles and individualizing their treatment

Resources and Links:

Connect with Dr. Raquel Martin: Website, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, and Mind Your Mental Podcast

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This is the show that will make you take a closer look at how the work is shared in your household. The problem cannot be solved by simply handing out to-do lists. I’m joined by Eve Rodsky, who is working to change society one partnership at a time by promoting a new 21st-century solution to an age-old problem. Still today, women shoulder two-thirds or more of the unpaid domestic work and child care for their homes and families, and this burden is taking its toll! Again, there are deeper issues to consider. Let’s talk about this topic with Eve!

Show Highlights:

●      How Eve came to write her book, Fair Play

●      How many wives/moms have an automatically assigned role in their homes

●      How the shift in marriage occurs where women do most of the “invisible work”

●      How Eve’s book is structured with information and practical ways to divide labor

●      How a story about the Tooth Fairy illustrates the mindset shifts that need to happen in both partners to have fair play

●      Why couples get into a measuring contest about whose job is harder

●      Why we need to break down harmful norms that hurt us all and be clear about each partner’s role

●      Is your home infested by RATs? (randomly assigned tasks)

●      Why accountability and trust are vital in home organization

●      Why the mental load is more taxing in most cases than the actual execution of tasks

●      How to view boundaries with a fresh and freeing perspective and find your “unicorn space”

Resources and Links:

Connect with Eve Rodsky: Website, Instagram (Fair Play Life), Instagram (Eve), and TikTok

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We focus a lot on this show about survival skills regarding your life and your home. When we struggle–and our mental health is at stake–we have to let go of lofty ideals and just do the basic tasks we need to survive. Even though interior design is not normally classified as a survival skill, as today’s guest says, “We all deserve beauty.” It’s true. We do. I’m joined by Katie Soro, a vintage dealer and artist who decided to start a new kind of interior design to fuel her passion for vintage and helping people find, curate, see, and experience beauty. Let’s dive deeper into this important topic.

Show Highlights:

 ●      Why function AND beauty can coexist—and you deserve them both in your home

●      The first step in decorating your home: Don’t think about what others will say; there is NO wrong way to do it.

●      How a lifeless, inanimate thing can be beautiful and bring creativity to your home

●      How thrifting and antiquing allow you to curate your own style that speaks to you

●      Why beauty in interior design comes from the feelings we get from beautiful things

●      Katie’s practical tips for home design: (Keep in mind that there is NO right way to do it.)

●      Start with a room by considering the mood and function you want in that room.

●      Use lighting to set the mood and be functional for tasks.

●      Use wall art, and remember that it doesn’t have to cost a fortune.

●      Katie’s tips for finding design inspiration: Think outside the box, use Pinterest, don’t be afraid to try and fail more than once, and start thrifting to find unique pieces that speak to you.

Resources and Links:

Connect with Katie Saro: Website, Instagram, The Art of Vintage TV Show (Magnolia Network and Discovery+)

Mentioned in this episode: www.shopgoodwill.com

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Today’s conversation brings us to the unusual intersection of social media influence, DIY home repair, and trans activism. I’m excited to introduce you to my amazing guest for today’s show!

Mercury Stardust, the “Trans Handy Ma’am,” is a professional home maintenance technician, burlesque performer, author, and award-winning activist. Mercury credits her TikTok success to her experience teaching burlesque, where she learned to communicate and create a safe space for students who had frequently experienced trauma. She has been featured in stories by NBC, NPR, Buzzfeed, Newsweek, the Washington Post, and Pink News. Her leadership within the trans community has led to collaborations with such brands as I Fix It, Lowe’s, and the trans healthcare community Point of Pride. Mercury’s recent livestream fundraiser ended up raising over $2.2 million, and she’s embarking on a huge book tour this fall to promote her book, Safe & Sound: A Renter-Friendly Guide to Home Repair.

Show Highlights: 

●      How Mercury created a safe space with “Gentle DIY” in the male-dominated handyman world

●      How Mercury became a home maintenance technician to supplement her living as a cabaret performer

●      Why Mercury’s content caters to apartment renters and others who may not be comfortable with tools and DIY repairs

●      Why Mercury shows up authentically without pretense and perfectionism

●      What it’s like to be a prominent trans woman on the internet and still manage her mental health

●      How Mercury handles the task of setting boundaries with people to protect her emotional and mental health

●      Highlights from Mercury’s book, Safe & Sound, and her upcoming 52-city book tour

●      How Mercury leans into her weaknesses and insecurities

Resources and Links:

Connect with Mercury Stardust: Website, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, YouTube, and Safe & Sound book

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Honestly, this is a topic for everyone. Today’s show applies to all of us, whether we are parents, future parents, or someone who needs to heal their inner child. I’m excited to be joined by Rachel Nielson, the host and founder of the 3in30 Podcast. She interviewed me on a recent episode, and she’s returning the favor by joining me for this important conversation. Join us!

●      The structure for Rachel’s 3in30 podcast: 3 actionable takeaways in 30 minutes

●      Why parenting values are far superior to parenting rules

●      Why success in motherhood is most definable by the connection we have with our kids

●      What Rachel teaches in her program, Self-Assured Motherhood

●      Why there is an opportunity to parent your inner child by identifying your core parenting values

●      How you can have different values for different seasons of your life and family

●      How Rachel’s program helps women identify and uncover their values by looking inward and outward

●      Why our values might be in conflict with each other

●      How parenting partners can handle conflict in their individual parenting values

●      Takeaways from Rachel about embracing your values, accepting them, and living into them authentically

Connect with Rachel Nielson: Website and Podcast

Find Rachel’s list of parenting values: www.3in30podcast.com/values

Mentioned in this episode: The Family Firm by Emily Oster

Connect with KC: Website, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: www.strugglecare.com/promo-codes

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Do you have too much stuff? As you look around your home, is it crowded and cluttered? Does your space make you feel burdened, unhappy, and frustrated? If you said–or shouted–YES, you can’t miss today’s show. Join me to learn more about gentle organizing. 

Alison Lush is a Certified Professional Organizer, Certified Virtual Organizer, and Master Trainer. After a 20-year catering career, Alison knew she needed better organization and management skills for her home and personal comfort. She learned to live and shop intentionally, creating and protecting the space in her home. Now she puts her expertise to work in helping others by empowering them and teaching them to put themselves at the center of their organization efforts. 

Show Highlights:

Resources:

Connect with Alison: www.alisonlush.ca and TikTok   

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices