I wonder if I could ask a question about triggers, and if I trigger is always a trigger. What I mean by that is when you feel unheard by someone else, or not free to say how you feel, is that always your wounding that is being triggered? How do we know when it is our wounding or them overstepping our boundaries and doing/saying things that are not ok? 

How do we know the difference and how do we know how to navigate a situation like that? 

I realise I am asking a lot of how’s, and I feel like the response will be that actions will be taken one way or the other, and I agree with that to some extent, but I also feel like sometimes that can be a way of avoiding doing what needs to be done or facing what needs to be faced.

Thoughts?

What about the things we want and don't want at the same time for example a dear friend of mine has said they are in love with me. They want a romantic relationship with me. I don't want that but I don't want to lose them as a friend. How do we navigate that?

I’ve read your book, ‘It’s Not You…It’s Not Me’ and found that incredibly illuminating and comforting, so thank you 🙏🏽🙂

Your YouTube video on ‘Readiness’ also just appeared on my feed as I was struck by how you describe sitting with uncomfortable feelings such as loss for example. I believe I understand about not numbing. I have spent quite a number of hours on several occasions over the last 6 weeks intuitively‘sitting with the uncomfortable feelings’ arising from ending a relationship. It’s not easy and whilst I know there is no time limit on ‘grieving’ I do struggle to be with this stuff. I suppose I’m wanting to clarify if I’m understanding what you’re pointing to - is it possible for you to expand on this please? 

Im still a little unclear on something. I have somehow come to conclusion that there is unexpressed emotion in the system. Other therapies call it shadow work..those feelings that werent ok to feel during childhood such as anger and sadness. This unwillingness to feel (albeit unconcsious) can later lead to anxiety and suffering as we struggle to keep the lid on those unacceptable emotions in our adult life. Isnt that the resistence you so often talk about? Am I making this up?! So when I asked about childbirth anxiety , I wondered if its just the feeling of anxiety / feelings that the system is trying to feel and express, that then gets hooked onto birth ..the mind always needs a reason after all!  

As my first year of being a part of your membership is coming to an end, I would like to say a 

huge THANK YOU for everything you shared with us. Pointing us to the direction of inquiry of who we truly are.

This journey wasn't pleasant at all, but it worked and generated new patterns and behaviours of which I never even dare to dream about. Now I'm facing things in my life which I avoided for decades.

Observing ''identified self'' it seems that things that most piss us off, press our buttons, irritate us are indicators/directions where to look and uncover what's really beneath that?

Could you say some words about this, please?

[Note from Clare: the description of 'Clare's way' in the question is not what I am suggesting in anyway] 


Isn't suffering simply thought - a temporary blip of energy passing through experience, in this moment upset-flavoured. And then that energy being felt in the senses (ie body). How can you HEAL a blip of energy? It seems you have the choice of 

1. Clare's Way - sit and really let it be here as much as possible to allow for healing and use that same thinking to find a story to explain the suffering - usually based in the past. Say that equals 3 hours of upset a day due to dwelling on the low mood/feeling of rejection etc or 

2. Three Principles - know from the feeling that you're in a low state of mind so everything  you're thinking right now is complete bullshit and ignore yourself for a bit. Not spiritual bypassing - there simply isn't anything 'real' here to bypass. Probably equals 1 hour of suffering a day due to no story-telling/dwelling.

You often say 'but the suffering continues so we have no choice but to look at it' but it's going to either way so WHY YOURS?

I am a nurse in an intensive care unit in a big hospital. Several colleagues have been signed off work with stress. There are not enough of us on the ward but recruitment isn’t happening. The pressure is immense. I am so tired. I am starting to make silly errors that I would not normally ever make. I am worried I will cause harm. I am getting more and more frustrated and resentful about being put in this position. How can a conversation about reality help this? Please don’t tell me this is just my thinking.