Superpowered Mind with Clare Dimond

Why would I put myself through that? (Super power part 2) 

Your super power

What other people think

Being wrong

Unwanted emotions 

Well, what an interesting 24 hours!  Yesterday was really rough.  I think I was a bit toxic from too much wine at the weekend, but also my mind was sooooo full on that it was like torture.  Trying to organise a hospital appointment too, had me (not quite literally) curled up in a corner shaking.

This morning though I felt so much better.  I'd rehydrated and slept great. I was listening to the subliminals and just watching what was going on with thoughts and feelings.  Lots of the same old controlling thinking. Some full on and in your face...direct.  Some a little bit more insidious...trying to sneak in with a benign thought which then led me back down the resisting path again.  Anyway, focusing on the gap between thoughts, I realised that I had a feeling of what I can only call JOY bubbling up.  I've had that before on occasion, but what I'd not seen/realised was thought's response to it was quite brutal.  It was like I was somehow supressing the feeling because it was scary.  I'd be out of control if it let it really take shape and explode.  Thinking creeps in and thoughts of embarrassment and shame appear.  I can only describe it as like trying to stifle an orgasm due to shame (if that makes any sense at all).  A massive energetic feeling arises but the feeling of being out of control joyful was just too scary.  

In writing this I'm smiling because I was going to say...'who am I to experience this joy and freedom', but then realising that this was the real me that I have been suppressing all my life.  I realised too that watching my wife's unbridled joy at greeting friends and being in the moment has always felt uncomfortable to me.  I've been very suppressed. Locked down.

Not sure that this makes any sense at all?

Identity under threat

Why bother exploring what is real? 

Super on edge today.  I feel like my mind is in overdrive and am trying to concentrate on the physical sensation.  I've been reading the book you mentioned on the Sunday podcast 'conversations on non-duality' and I keep seeing the word 'constriction'.  That very much feels like the physical sensation I keep getting in waves.  I have a thought, immediately followed by a sensation which I just try to 'be with/experience without judgement'.  It will dissipate, then some time afterwards it will come again.  It's like it's a thought that is really fighting to be responded to or fixed. It feels hugely unpleasant but I'm trying to just be aware of what the sensation is rather than trying to do anything about it.