Medicine often forgets the people who live just beyond the call room: the spouses, the partners, the ones holding it together while the system pulls physicians apart. In this conversation, we meet Hannah and Chris, a couple who turned conflict into clarity.

As the husband of a physician, Chris found himself isolated and invisible during Hannah’s residency. What followed were hard conversations, conscious choices, and a shared commitment to rewrite the rules. Together, they challenge the unspoken norms of medicine, from toxic gratitude and performative suffering to the misplaced belief that having a family somehow weakens you as a physician.

They also introduce their project, The Other Side Med, aimed at supporting the often-ignored partners of those in medicine and building a new vision of success that includes relationships, rest, and real human connection.

In This Episode, We Discuss:

• The origin story of The Other Side Med and why male spouses of doctors need their own space
• Chris’s emotional turning point, and the conversation that changed everything
• The unspoken rules in medicine that quietly punish anyone who colors outside the lines
• The cultural gaslighting of residents: ‘if you can’t deal with it, change your choices’
• How Hannah protected herself during pregnancy without asking permission
• Why 70% of what happens in medicine would get you fired anywhere else
• You don’t need to leave your personal life at the door, and why integration makes doctors better
• The difference between transactional and relational medicine
• Their personal non-negotiables and how you can start defining your own
• Learning to say “no” with intention, knowing it will get easier every time

Key Takeaways:

• “You're not alone.” Whether you’re getting married, raising kids, or prioritizing your health, there’s no one right way to do medicine.
• Define your non-negotiables. What do you need (relationally, physically, emotionally, spiritually) to feel whole? Those are your anchors.
• You don’t need permission. From scheduling OB visits while pregnant to creating boundaries, advocacy doesn’t require approval.
• Toxic appreciation is real. Gratitude shouldn’t be used to normalize exhaustion or mistreatment.
• Say no, and mean it. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no. Protecting your time and energy isn’t selfish; it’s essential.

Follow Other Side Med on instagram here.

Learn more about the Hippocratic Collective here.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

If you enjoyed this topic, you're going to want to join Empowered Surgeons. There’s a dedicated classroom to this topic in the “Surgeon Self-Concept” module. Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

Watch Charles Duhigg's TEDx talk here.

Get his book, Supercommunicators: how to unlock the secret languange of connection here.

To recap

Supercommunicators:

1. Listen closely to what’s said and unsaid
2. Ask the right questions
3. Recognize and match others’ moods
4. Make their feelings easy to read

The four types of conversations are:

1. Social
2. Emotional
3. Experiential
4. Practical

Social conversations answer the question, "Who are we?" The goal=acknowledgement.

Emotional conversations answer the question, "How do we feel?" The goal=empathy.

Experiential conversations answer the question, "What was that like?" The goal=understanding.

Practical conversations answer the question, "What's the solution?" The goal=decision making.

The more we match and synchronize with the person we’re communicating with, the more effective the communication becomes. Doctors often try to jump straight into practical conversations with patients, believing it saves time. In reality, first matching the patient’s style of communication and then gently guiding them into a practical discussion is a far more efficient—and effective—approach.

*****************SENSITIVE CONTENT WARNING******************

This episode contains discussion of suicidal thoughts. Please listen carefully or, if this topic is especially triggering for you, skip this one entirely.

In this episode, Dr. Femi Oyewole shares his deeply personal journey of navigating medical training while living with undiagnosed ADHD. He opens up about how the pressures of residency, coupled with ADHD-related challenges, led to anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts, and how a leave of absence, support from loved ones, professional help, and self-discovery transformed his life.

We explore:

✨ How ADHD can masquerade as anxiety and depression, especially during times of high stress

✨ The spiral of negative self-talk: “I can’t manage my life → I’m not worthy → I’m worthless”

✨ Doing well at work while your personal life quietly unravels

✨ The power of a diagnosis: learning he wasn’t broken, and strategies for managing ADHD

✨ Why medication and coping strategies are both essential but not always enough

✨ The critical role of supportive programs and communities when taking a mental health break

✨ Signs of ADHD often missed in high-achieving adults, especially women

✨ How ADHD traits, like rejection sensitive dysphoria and executive dysfunction, impact everyday life and training

✨ Dealing with stigma as a neurodivergent physician

✨ How lived experience with mental health challenges can make you a better doctor

✨ Meditation, gratitude, and re-directing your brain as tools for healing

✨ Advice for physicians who suspect they may have ADHD

Femi's story is a powerful call to action to prioritize your mental health, lean on your support system, and embrace your authentic self.

Follow Dr. Femi Oyewole on instagram here.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

Get Boyd Varty's book, The Lion Tracker's Guide to Life, access his courses, or retreat with him here.

What if losing your way isn’t a detour, but the only way forward?

In surgery—and in life—we’re taught to crave certainty. A clear path. A guaranteed outcome. But what if that very craving is what keeps us stuck?

In this episode of Surgeons with Purpose, Dr. Mel Thacker invites you into a conversation about uncertainty, purpose, and the courage to follow your inner tracker. Mel explores how self-trust can become a portal to transformation, especially for those of us navigating burnout, career crossroads, or the deep sense that something in our lives isn’t quite aligned.

You’ll hear reflections like:

✨ “Too much uncertainty is chaos, but too little is death.” - Boyd Varty

🐾 “As paradoxical as it sounds, going down a path and not finding a track is part of finding the track.” - Boyd Varty

💡 “If you can see your whole life’s path laid out, then it’s not your life's path.” -Joseph Campbell

We’ll unpack how following your bliss may lead you into spaces where others don’t understand or respect you, and why that might be the most vital, alive place you can stand.

This episode is for you if:

✅ You’re a surgeon (or any high-achiever) standing at a career crossroads.

✅ You feel restless or disconnected from your original purpose.

✅ You’re tired of “playing it safe” and longing for a life that’s fully your own.

Because on the trail, as in life, there’s not one right way. The only mistake is refusing to choose at all.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons group here.

Plastic surgery isn’t just about appearance—it’s about reinvention. For Dr. Blair Peters, that theme runs through every part of his story.

After coming out before medical school and finding his place within the queer and trans community, Dr. Peters saw firsthand the inequities in gender-affirming care. Patients traveling across continents for surgery, often with no idea who their surgeon was or how they’d get post-op care—it felt wrong. That’s when his mission became clear.

Today, gender-affirming surgeries like phalloplasty, vulvoplasty, vaginoplasty make up the majority of his practice. But that’s not where the innovation stops. His expertise in peripheral nerve surgery is now transforming care for cisgender patients too—addressing chronic pelvic pain, loss of orgasm, and other conditions that have long lived in the "black box" of genital health.

We discuss:

• The massive, all-consuming nature of gender-affirming surgery as a field
• The unique multi-disciplinary approach required
• His work creating a national fellowship registry for plastics training in gender-affirming care

Dr. Peters also opens up about the resistance he faced in becoming a pioneer:

• The stereotype that trans patients would be too high maintenance
• The internal debate about making an entire career out of being queer
• The real fear of becoming a public target in a national political firestorm

We cover the grim reality many gender-affirming surgeons now face:

• Death threats, doxxing, and needing police escorts
• Being secretly recorded at conferences, with videos landing on right-wing media
• The political machinery driving today’s anti-trans healthcare movement—how it started with trans athletes, moved to youth care, and now threatens adult care nationwide

Dr. Peters explains how state-level policies, executive orders, and forthcoming legislation have created chaos at institutions like his—leaving surgeons to navigate legal, ethical, and personal safety decisions on the fly, often unpaid and unprotected.

Yet through all of it, he continues to operate—literally and figuratively—at full capacity:

• Fielding political crisis calls from 6 am to 10 pm
• Taking urgent meetings between cases
• Consulting with institutional leadership and legal teams
• Wondering daily: Are we still safe to provide care?

We also dive into the joy and creativity that sustain him:

• Designing nerve reconstruction surgeries with sticky notes and sharpies
• Innovating individualized procedures for patients both trans and cisgender
• Finding peace in the OR, surrounded by blue gowns and bright lights
• Reinventing his practice to stay engaged and energized

Dr. Peters shares powerful reflections on visibility and authenticity in academic medicine:

• The exhaustion of assimilation
• The freedom of showing up as himself
• The real question: Is it professionalism… or forced conformity?

We close with a conversation about sustainability, boundaries, and the 30-year plan:

• Guardrails around time and energy
• The wide, interdepartmental future of peripheral nerve surgery
• The healing power of storytelling—both his own and his patients’
• His plans to one day write a book that blends memoir with patient narratives to build empathy in a time when it’s urgently needed

This is a conversation about surgery, identity, advocacy, and resilience. About holding space for others while fighting for your own right to belong.

Because at the end of the day, we’re all just humans trying our best to live our lives in a crazy world.

Follow Dr. Blair Peters on instagram here.

Blair Peters, M.D. is a leading expert in gender-affirming surgery—a pioneering surgeon, researcher, educator and advocate whose influence extends across medicine, policy and social discourse. He is an Assistant Professor in Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery and Urology at Oregon Health & Science University (OHSU) and serves as the Surgical Director of OHSU’s Transgender Health Program, the most extensive multidisciplinary transgender health program in the country. He is also the Fellowship Director of the Advanced Gender-Affirming Surgery Fellowship, the premier training program of its kind. Additionally, he leads the national gender-affirming surgery fellowship match, shaping the next generation of surgeons and expanding access to high-quality, affirming care across North America.

Dr. Peters is a prolific surgeon and a respected researcher, driving the field forward. With over 65 peer-reviewed publications in major medical journals, he is widely recognized for his groundbreaking work on genital nerve anatomy, sensation and the clitoris—revolutionizing the understanding of sensation in gender-affirming surgery and setting new standards for patient-centered care. His research is not just theoretical; it has reshaped surgical techniques and outcomes, ensuring that sensation and autonomy remain at the core of gender-affirming procedures.

Beyond the operating room, Dr. Peters is one of the most influential voices in gender-affirming healthcare today. A highly sought-after speaker, he has delivered over 50 keynote presentations and endowed lectureships and has served as a visiting professor at more than 20 of the most prestigious medical institutions worldwide. His expertise is called upon at the highest levels of academia, and he is frequently referred to as a defining leader of the modern era of gender-affirming care.

Dr. Peters’ impact extends far beyond medicine—he is a tireless advocate at the intersection of healthcare, social justice, and policy. His bold, authentic voice challenges misinformation, dismantles barriers to care, and drives systemic change. He engages with major media outlets and uses social media to further amplify education, advocacy, and the urgent fight against anti-trans rhetoric and policy.

Dr. Peters work is transforming the future of gender-affirming surgery, ensuring that access, quality, and innovation continue to evolve in service of transgender and nonbinary communities worldwide.

Tyler Beauchamp is a pediatrician and children’s/YA author from Georgia whose earliest experiences with medicine came not as a student, but as a patient. As a child, Tyler spent years in and out of research clinics searching for answers. He began writing in waiting rooms as a way to cope, and eventually fell in love with both storytelling and medicine.

A graduate of the University of North Carolina, Tyler pursued both writing and medicine with the quiet hope that someday, he could bring those two worlds together.

In this episode, Tyler shares how being a long-time patient shaped his perspective on medical training and culture, including the deep stigma around being labeled a “pain patient.” We explore what it really means to be a physician or surgeon: Is our job simply to diagnose and treat? Or is there something more intangible—bearing witness, holding space, and being present with patients?

We also talk about why doctors are wired to hate uncertainty, and how that can get in the way of both healing and growth. Tyler reveals the counterintuitive secret that helped him expand his capacity during medical school. The best part is that it’s something you can access too.

Learn more about Tyler and his best-selling book, Freeze Frame, here.

Follow him on instagram here.

Check out Hippocratic Collective here.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

Psychologist and reparenting expert, Barlas Günay, comes on the show to reveal why the majority of us are really just children in white coats. Toddlers in scrubs. Babies pretending to be adults. And what we can do about it.

In this powerful episode, we explore why traditional cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may fall short for high-functioning professionals—especially surgeons—whose deeply ingrained patterns stem from unmet emotional needs. We dive into the world of Schema Therapy, which addresses the origin of recurring emotional pain, not just its surface-level expression.

You’ll learn about the concept of “limited reparenting”, the 18 core maladaptive schemas, and the one that often plagues high-achievers: unrelenting standards and hypercriticalness. We explore how the environments of surgical training—hierarchical, elitist, and shame-based—reinforce these painful inner narratives.

What You’ll Learn:

• What schemas are: core beliefs developed through repeated unmet needs in childhood
• How trauma gets “stuck” in the body when fight-or-flight is inhibited
• The cycle of negative feedback in training, and how it impairs learning and emotional development
• Why positive reinforcement—not criticism—is the most effective teaching tool
• How to reconcile compassion for others with righteous anger and boundary-setting
• Why mental self-flagellation is learned, not necessary
• How it’s possible to be a brilliant surgeon with the frustration tolerance of an 8-year-old
• The link between repressed anger and chronic illness (“Repression of anger will f*ck you up”)
• Somatic and schema therapy techniques that actually help you heal, not just cope

Modalities We Discuss:

• EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) – how moving your eyes during trauma recall helps decouple the emergency response
• Somatic Completion – allowing the body to finish survival reflexes that were blocked
• Imagery Rescripting – going back into a childhood memory and rewriting the experience to reclaim power

Core Insight:

You can be competent, accomplished, and admired—and still be psychologically underdeveloped. It’s not your fault. But it is your responsibility to grow.

Final Thought:

Emotions are just data. Anger is not dangerous—it’s a vibration. Learn to feel it without reacting to it. Only then can you choose wisely.

Join more than 83k others and follow Barlas on instagram here and join his reparenting community. We all know we need this.

Join Empowered Surgeons Group here.

In this episode, Dr. Mel Thacker sits down with cardiac surgeon, Dr. Alexandra Kharazi. Together, they explore what it means to operate—literally and figuratively—from a place of purpose rather than fear.

We discuss:

• The emotional rewards of caring for high-risk cardiac patients who have few options left
• The "Black Swan" framework for surgical decision-making: a grounded process for choosing wisely when the stakes are highest
• Why just because we can, doesn’t mean we should—and how she decides when not to operate
• Why post-op cardiac care is never à la carte—and how communication defines outcomes
• Why self-flagellation after a complication sabotages future decision-making—and how to shift from fear-based to mission-based thinking
• What skydiving teaches about emergency preparedness, trust, and rapid execution
• How anxiety, fear, and trauma must be processed after the fact—not in the middle of the OR
• Using celebration and reflection to build self-trust and resilience
• Reclaiming your identity in medicine by anchoring to mission, not job title

This episode is a powerful invitation to rethink risk, courage, and how we serve. If you've ever struggled with self-doubt, anxiety about litigation and complications, or the emotional toll of high-stakes surgery—this conversation is for you.

Alexandra Kharazi, MD, is a board-certified cardiothoracic surgeon, author, speaker and skydiver.

​Dr. Kharazi is board certified in general surgery and cardiothoracic surgery. She has publications in numerous medical journals including The Annals of Thoracic Surgery, Innovations: Technology and Techniques in Cardiothoracic and Vascular Surgery, and Journal of Innovations in Cardiac Rhythm Management. 

In addition to her medical degree, Dr. Kharazi holds a masters degree in biology, having completed a masters thesis titled "Generation and molecular analysis of dominant negative alleles of anthrax lethal factor in Drosophila."

Having received multiple honors and recognition for patient satisfaction, she has been featured in regional and national media outlets and peer-review journals, Medium, KevinMD, and Doximity among a few. Dr. Kharazi is the author of “The Heart of Fear” and offers realistic success plans that help her audience to become better … both personally and professionally.​

She is a member of the American College of Surgeons.

Follow Dr. Alexandra Kharazi on instagram here.

Connect with her on her website here.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

In a profession that demands perfection and endurance, it’s easy to default to survival mode. But what if the real evolution happens when we shift from self-preservation to purpose?

In this episode, we unpack the 6 core human needs—belonging, autonomy, mastery, esteem, trust, and purpose—and how understanding them can change the way you show up in the OR, in leadership, and in life.

We dive into powerful mindshifts specifically for surgeons, like:

🔹 Perfectionism → Service

🔹 Scarcity → Abundance

🔹 "I have to" → "I get to"

🔹 "I don't know" → "I'm figuring it out"

🔹 Triggered → Curious

🔹 "I can’t say no" → "I only say yes when it’s a hell yes"

🔹 Self-focus → Other-focus

🔹 Waiting for the other shoe to drop → Trusting you'll be okay no matter what

These aren’t just affirmations. They’re tools for resilience and power—the kind that help you lead, advocate, and operate from your values, not just your training.

Whether you're burned out, bored, or just ready for something more aligned—this episode will help you remember what’s possible when you start leading from your whole self.

Dr. Sharon Stein is a colorectal surgeon, professor, coach, and creator of The Intentional Surgeon. In this episode, she shares her unconventional path to medicine—from outdoor education and real estate to academic surgery—and how she carved out a career aligned with her values. We explore her rise through academic leadership, the stresses of trying to fix a broken system, and the moment she realized the job she worked so hard for wasn’t the job she wanted.

We talk about the cost of “doctor-pleasing,” the power of saying “no,” and the importance of waking up to the beliefs we inherit from medicine. Sharon opens up about taking a sabbatical, discovering coaching, and now enjoying a mix of surgery, speaking, and professional development—all rooted in her values.

If you’ve ever questioned the system or felt torn between who you are and what medicine asks of you, this one’s for you.

Sharon Stein, MD, FACS, FACRS is a Harvard trained colon and rectal surgeon with over 10,000 cases under her belt. Laparoscopic, robotic, open - all of the cases. Textbook author. The kind of surgeon people went to when other surgeons couldn't figure out what to do next. Always an advocate for her patients.  Professor of surgery with over 150 articles in peer reviewed journals. Moderator, course director and faculty for more than 150 programs internationally. Program director for surgical fellowship. Board examiner.  Former president of Association of Women Surgeons, Committee chair for American College of Surgeons, Executive Council for American Society of Colon and Rectal Surgeons. With 100's of hours of coaching under her belt, Sharon provides her clients with insight, perspective and skills that they need to be more effective as a surgeon and communicator.  Sharon trained as a coach at Weatherhead School of Business, Case Western Reserve and completed diversity and leadership training at Kellogg School of business/ Northwestern University. She is internationally known as a coach, speaker, and host of the Intentional Surgeon Podcast. 

Connect with Dr. Sharon Stein via her website here.

Learn more about Empowered Surgeons Group here.

Anonymously share your story with me here.