So now that we know this is what we experience when we have the Thought “they are rejecting me” or the thought “ they are going to leave me” or “they don’t love me anymore” ect, all of which create the feeling of instant panic and anxiety, creating the actions of: texting, non stop, calling, ruminating on negative self perceived thoughts, and then we create the evidence that they are rejecting us, while we are actually rejecting ourselves, and abandoning ourselves, and not showing ourselves what we need in this moment.

So we have to practice pausing when these thoughts and emotions arise, and learning to become aware of them. Once we are aware of them we can start creating a new relationship with our attachment style.

We need to validate our brain, of course it is reacting this way, this is what it is used to- I say Hey Brain I see you, I hear you are scared or anxious about these circumstances but I am here for you no matter what. Brain there is a possibility that you are not a reliable source of truth at this moment. So I am going to practice the thought “My primal panic has been triggered and I am going to take a moment to do a thought download and see what is really going on here” The important component to remember is that we developed certain habits to help protect ourselves so when looking at ourselves and understanding what we are experiencing, we should always have compassion for our experiences, our reactions as they were developed to protect us, even the intensity we feel , is our brain's way of saying “Hey I need help here” “if you’re not here for me I might die”. So we have to be there for ourselves during these moments. To become more aware and get to know yourself, or develop a more secure system, you have to have your own back. You have to show your brain that you are there for it, that you understand what it is going through, and you love yourself no matter what. Having self compassion when your brain cycles through these patterns allows you to still feel your emotions which is an important part of letting your brain know that nothing has gone wrong, resisting the cycle will not stop the cycle, it will only prolong the anxious emotions, and create more mental drama.

So practicing thoughts like “these are the moments when my brain feels like I am being rejected so I am going to remind it that I love it and that nothing has gone wrong.” “ These are the moments when I feel unloveable so I am going to tell my brain that I am open to the possibility that I am loveable and my brain is not showing me accurate memories, and nothing has gone wrong,”

This will allow you to feel the anxiety, accept it, then process the thoughts you are thinking and decide if you want to keep those thoughts, if they are not serving you then you can change them.

Some Guiding questions are:

What do we make it mean when someone wants to do something without us? Why do we think it is a problem to develop our own hobbies?

Why do we think it is a problem to spend time alone to develop our own passions?

Why do we feel rejected when a partner wants to spend time away from us, what are we making it mean?

Why are you so committed to the belief that you are unloveable?

Why are you so committed to the belief that you have to hustle for your love?