Welcome back to The Anxious Attachment Solution. I’m your host, Life Coach Amber Lynn.

In this episode, I want to expand on something I said before—you don’t need your partner to ride the emotional roller coaster with you. I want to be clear: my work is for those in relationships with partners who care, show up, and want to build something healthy with you. Never use my podcast to justify staying in unhealthy or harmful relationships.

So many of us with anxious attachment never stopped to question what love really means to us. We inherited stories about love—from family, society, or rom-coms—without consciously deciding if we even like those stories. These invisible “manuals” often tell us love means our partner should know how we feel, should make us feel better, and should anticipate our needs without us communicating them.

But these “shoulds” are clues from our anxious brain. It tells us:

• “If they really cared, they’d know.”
• “If they loved me, they’d never upset me.”
• “If they cared, they’d fix my feelings.”

These thoughts create unhuman expectations—for them and for us. When they can’t meet them, our brain makes it mean we’re unloved or unsafe. But the truth is, love and safety come from within us. No one can make us believe we’re loved until we’ve healed the fear of abandonment that distorts how we see love.

When I look back, I see how my anxious brain made small things into big problems. I overgave, overanalyzed, and took every critique as rejection. I didn’t realize my reactions came from what my brain made things mean—not what my partner actually did.

Now I understand the brain: when our amygdala (the reactive part) takes over, our thinking brain goes offline. We enter fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The work is learning to calm the amygdala, bring our prefrontal cortex back online, and regulate ourselves.

You are responsible for your emotions and your partner is responsible for theirs. They don’t have to go on your emotional roller coaster. They can love you without having to fix your triggers. The more you learn to self-soothe, the less pressure there is on your relationship.

When you process your triggers and offer yourself compassion, you stop needing constant reassurance. You become your own secure base—your own source of validation and calm.

Remember: you are worthy, you are lovable, and your relationship doesn’t have to be perfect to be healthy. Love is not about perfection—it’s about two humans growing, healing, and choosing love on purpose.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching

Email me at [email protected] for a free one hour consultation

Welcome back to The Anxious Attachment Solution. I’m your host, Life Coach Amber Lynn.

In this episode, I want to expand on something I said before—you don’t need your partner to ride the emotional roller coaster with you. I want to be clear: my work is for those in relationships with partners who care, show up, and want to build something healthy with you. Never use my podcast to justify staying in unhealthy or harmful relationships.

So many of us with anxious attachment never stopped to question what love really means to us. We inherited stories about love—from family, society, or rom-coms—without consciously deciding if we even like those stories. These invisible “manuals” often tell us love means our partner should know how we feel, should make us feel better, and should anticipate our needs without us communicating them.

But these “shoulds” are clues from our anxious brain. It tells us:

• “If they really cared, they’d know.”
• “If they loved me, they’d never upset me.”
• “If they cared, they’d fix my feelings.”

These thoughts create unhuman expectations—for them and for us. When they can’t meet them, our brain makes it mean we’re unloved or unsafe. But the truth is, love and safety come from within us. No one can make us believe we’re loved until we’ve healed the fear of abandonment that distorts how we see love.

When I look back, I see how my anxious brain made small things into big problems. I overgave, overanalyzed, and took every critique as rejection. I didn’t realize my reactions came from what my brain made things mean—not what my partner actually did.

Now I understand the brain: when our amygdala (the reactive part) takes over, our thinking brain goes offline. We enter fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The work is learning to calm the amygdala, bring our prefrontal cortex back online, and regulate ourselves.

You are responsible for your emotions and your partner is responsible for theirs. They don’t have to go on your emotional roller coaster. They can love you without having to fix your triggers. The more you learn to self-soothe, the less pressure there is on your relationship.

When you process your triggers and offer yourself compassion, you stop needing constant reassurance. You become your own secure base—your own source of validation and calm.

Remember: you are worthy, you are lovable, and your relationship doesn’t have to be perfect to be healthy. Love is not about perfection—it’s about two humans growing, healing, and choosing love on purpose.

📩 Work With Me

You don’t have to do this work alone! ✨ Schedule a FREE 1-hour consultation → [email protected] ✨ Join my 12-week coaching program to stop your anxious attachment cycle, build confidence, and finally feel secure in your relationships and life.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching

Email me at [email protected] for a free one hour consultation

When your anxious attachment is triggered, your body panics and your brain spins stories like, “They’re going to leave” or “I’m not enough.” It feels real, but it’s not a real threat — it’s your nervous system asking for regulation.

Self-regulation means calming your body before reacting, before texting, before spiraling. When you pause, breathe, and comfort yourself first, your brain learns that emotions are safe to feel. The goal isn’t to stop feeling — it’s to stop believing every anxious thought.

Your panic is the cue to pause, not act. Ask yourself: – Am I in the present or in a story from the past? – What am I making this mean? – What do I need to feel safe right now?

Regulate your body — breathe, splash cold water, journal, walk, or wrap yourself in a blanket. Then talk to yourself kindly: “It’s okay that I feel this way. My brain is just triggered. I can feel this and still be safe.”

This work isn’t about becoming hyper-independent — it’s about self-trust. When you soothe yourself first, you show your brain you’re capable of handling discomfort without needing immediate validation.

Remember: Trigger → Big Emotion → Pause → Self-Regulate → Self-Compassion → Thought Work → Reconnect

You don’t need to act on panic to feel secure. You can hold space for your feelings, regulate your nervous system, and choose peace before you text them.

“The power is in the pause — regulate before you react, because your safety starts with you.”

📩 Work With Me

You don’t have to do this work alone! ✨ Schedule a FREE 1-hour consultation → [email protected] ✨ Join my 12-week coaching program to stop your anxious attachment cycle, build confidence, and finally feel secure in your relationships and life.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching

Email me at [email protected] for a free one hour consultation

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too much”—too needy, too emotional, too sensitive—this episode is for you. In today’s episode, I’m breaking down the real reason you feel too much and believe it, why this belief keeps you stuck in the anxious attachment cycle, and how you can finally change it.

We’ll explore how this “too much” belief shows up in dating, relationships, and everyday life—often leading to overthinking, people-pleasing, defensiveness, or shutting down. And I’ll teach you the first step in rewiring your brain so you can calm your nervous system, trust yourself, and confidently show up as the person you want to be.

Key Takeaways

• You are not too much — you just have an unmanaged anxious attachment cycle.
• Feeling “too much” is learned from past experiences and repeated thoughts that became a belief.
• This belief fuels fear, self-doubt, people-pleasing, emotional reactivity, and low self-worth.
• Your thoughts create your feelings → your feelings drive your actions → your actions create your results.
• You can interrupt this cycle by using The Secure Method:

🧠 Thought Work in Action

To rewire your brain, start with thought ladders:

• Current thought: “I am too much.”
• Bridge thoughts to practice:
  • “I am not too much for my people.”
  • “Some people will love me for who I am.”
  • “I have anxious attachment and I am enough.”
• Secure thought to aim for: “I am enough. I am worthy.”

Practice these thoughts daily—on sticky notes, alarms, or journaling—to build new beliefs over time.

🛠️ Practical Steps to Try

1. Notice & Name Your Cycle:
   • What triggers you?
   • What anxious thoughts come up?
   • How do they make you feel?
   • What actions do you take (or avoid)?
   • What result does this create?
2. Pause Before Reacting: Validate your feelings, offer yourself kindness, and ask:
   • “What do I need right now to feel safe?”
3. Practice Secure Thoughts: Use thought ladders to slowly teach your brain new beliefs.

❤️ Remember

• You are NOT your anxious attachment.
• You are not “too much.”
• You can rewire your brain and create secure, healthy habits in relationships.
• You are worthy, lovable, and enough—exactly as you are.

📩 Work With Me

You don’t have to do this work alone! ✨ Schedule a FREE 1-hour consultation → [email protected] ✨ Join my 12-week coaching program to stop your anxious attachment cycle, build confidence, and finally feel secure in your relationships and life.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching

Email me at [email protected] for a free one hour consultation

Welcome to the Anxious Attachment Solution Podcast with Life Coach Amber Lynn If you’ve ever wondered “Do I really have anxious attachment?”—this series is for you. Today I’m diving into part two of 10 signs you might have anxious attachment and what you can do to break free from these patterns.

✨ In this episode you’ll learn:

• Why anxious attachment makes you feel like you can never rest (hypervigilance)
• How people-pleasing and taking everything personally keeps you stuck
• The truth about self-worth, low self-esteem, and rewriting the story your brain tells you
• Why avoiding conflict creates more conflict and resentment—and how to handle it differently
• What to do when you feel like you’re “too much” or “not enough” in relationships
• How to stop riding the emotional rollercoaster and start regulating your nervous system
• The difference between reality and the “stories” your anxious brain makes up during conflict
• How to begin building self-trust and trust in relationships

💡 Key Takeaways:

• Hypervigilance doesn’t protect you—it keeps you disconnected from the present moment.
• People-pleasing is actually self-protection, but it costs you your authenticity.
• Self-worth isn’t fixed; it’s built thought by thought.
• Conflict doesn’t mean danger—it’s an opportunity for growth when handled with awareness.
• Your anxious attachment is not you—it’s a set of habits you can rewire.

📌 Try This:

• Next time you catch yourself scanning for signs something is “wrong,” pause and ask: “Am I future-tripping or am I present?”
• When facing conflict, ask yourself: “What is my brain making this mean? What is my partner actually saying?”
• Start practicing new thoughts on purpose to create secure self-worth.

✨ Remember: You are inherently worthy. You are not too much. You are not your anxious attachment.

📩 Want to go deeper? I offer a 12-week 1:1 coaching program designed to help you rewire your brain, calm your nervous system, and create the secure relationships you deserve. Schedule a free 1-hour consultation—whether you’re curious about coaching or just want a sample session.

👉 Email me at [email protected] with your questions or topics you’d love to hear covered on the podcast.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Free 4 day video Training Being YOU doesn’t have to be scary
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching
• Share your thoughts and experiences with the hashtag #anxiousattachmentsolution and tag @anxiousattachmentsolution

Email me at [email protected] for a free one hour consultation

This is part one of a two-part series where I share 10 signs of anxious attachment and what you can do to start creating more secure relationships.

✨ In this episode, we’ll cover:

• The fear of abandonment—why it feels so real and how to pause before panic takes over
• Overthinking—why replaying conversations and “what-ifs” keeps you stuck in anxiety
• Constant reassurance seeking—how it sabotages trust in yourself and your relationships
• The hidden beliefs behind these patterns (not being good enough, being “too much”)
• Tools to calm your nervous system when your anxious attachment is triggered
• How to begin rewriting your self-worth and love narratives so you can feel safe in relationships

💡 Key Takeaways:

• Your brain is wired to tell stories rooted in fear—but you can learn to separate facts from anxious thoughts.
• Seeking reassurance may feel soothing, but it weakens self-trust. True safety comes from learning to regulate yourself.
• Overthinking and perfectionism are not signs of unworthiness—they’re signals that your anxious attachment is in the driver’s seat.
• With awareness and practice, you can teach your brain and body to become a safe place for all of your emotions.

📌 Try This:

• Next time you feel fear of abandonment or panic: pause, take a sip of cold water, and label the sensation in your body before reacting.
• Write down your thoughts (a thought download) and separate facts from the “story” your brain is making up.
• Practice new self-talk: instead of “I’m not enough”, try “I feel fear AND I am capable of holding it. My worth is inherent.”

✨ Remember: You are not broken. You are not too much. You are not stuck in anxious attachment forever. With the right tools, you can rewire your brain and create secure, loving relationships.

📩 Work with Me: I offer a 12-week 1:1 coaching program using my Secure Method, where I help you calm your nervous system, rewire your thoughts, and step into healthier relationship habits.

👉 Schedule a free 1-hour consultation—whether you want to explore coaching or just experience a sample session. 📧 Email me at [email protected] with your questions or podcast topic requests.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Free 4 day video Training Being YOU doesn’t have to be scary
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching
• Share your thoughts and experiences with the hashtag #anxiousattachmentsolution and tag @anxiousattachmentsolution

Email me at [email protected] for a free one hour consultation

Hello and Welcome to Anxious Attachment Solution Your Healing Starts Here. I am your host Life Coach Amber Lynn. Today I am beginning a Series on Anxious to Aware. In this series my goal is to help you build awareness around your anxious attachment so that you can heal, repair, and move forward with a new mindset and new habits.

For those of you who are new to the show, welcome. I am life coach Amber Lynn- I have dealt with Anxious Attachment the majority of my life before I even knew what to call it. I just knew that I had a hard time in relationships, I had big emotions, I wanted to communicate well, but no matter what I did I didn’t feel good enough AND I felt like I was too much. I learned about codependency and attachment styles and became a certified Life Coach through the Life Coach School and now I used the understanding of the brain, our thoughts, emotions- to relate it to anxious attachment.

I created this podcast to share my journey of using thought work and mindset work to heal my anxious attachment. On this podcast I share my personal journey and the journey I have supported clients on. I use this podcast as a way to teach about our brain, emotions and human responses in regard to people with anxious attachment. So if you are going through something personally and you want help- send me an email, I will reply. I might even create a podcast to share how I would support myself through the journey, challenge or obstacle you are facing. My email again is [email protected].

I work with clients who are not even sure if I have anxious attachment or if this work is for me. So I tell them if any of the following applies to you and your life, I can help you: Do you have fear of Abandonment, overthink, have a constant need for reassurance, always looking for red flags, never feel good enough, always people please before asking for what you want, feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster, have a hard time trusting people, feel like you are too much or too needy, sometimes confuse anxiety with feelings of love then this podcast is for you:

From Anxious to Aware- I teach my clients how awareness is the foundation to any change. If any of this resonates with you and you want to make a change then you are in the right place. First thing you have to do before you can get to the “HOW do I change it, WHAT do I do”- You have to know what an anxious attachment cycle or trigger looks like for you. What does it sound like for you? When does it show up for you?

We have to learn to simultaneously talk back to our brain to tell it to hush and listen to what the other person is saying. Recognize the feelings that start to come up.

If you need time to process what was said because your emotions are too high- ask for some time to think about what they said.

Questions to ask yourself

“Why is what they are saying making me feel ( judged, criticized, or not good enough) ?”

“What is my brain making this mean?”

This is a story my brain is telling me- but is it actual fact? Is this what they are actually saying? Most likely it is not.

Do a thought download - write it all out

They said words, these words made me feel, I feel this way because

This will reveal to you the story that your brain is telling you- this will reveal the real reason why you feel an urgency, or a panic, or defensive, or whatever uncomfortable emotion it may be for you

Listening is often hard for us with anxious attachment because we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect in a relationship so hearing anything short of Positive, Affirmations- cause our brain to panic and look for red flags- aka hypervigilance. Our brain has been wired to scanning for danger “emotional dangers” - scan, scan, scan for any potential problem- this is the problem because it often makes problems where there are not. Since we have this deep rooted fear of abandonment or rejection it is beneath it all.

We have to practice grounded ourselves in the moments and not in the “potential fears” of anxious attachment.

When we are constantly putting pressure on ourselves to do everything right and be hyper-attuned to other’s needs in relationships it keeps our nervous system in a constant state of survival and over functioning. Causing us to have a hard time with clear and transparent communication, causing us to overthink, be anxious and always on edge. This will probably end up being an entirely separate podcast because the pressure to be perfect and anticipate others needs is another habit that actually causes strain on our relationships.

Our brain learned to do this when we were younger as a means for survival. This used to be a very helpful thing to us and now we are growing up and want to do more than just survive. We want to live and be present in our relationships with other people.

So when you discover what your brain is making their words mean- this is not the time to beat yourself up more for being a person with anxious attachment or for being “broken” this is the time to show yourself compassion and really validate your feelings.

You can validate your fears without believing them, You can validate your pressure without believing the story your brain is telling you. You can show yourself compassion and you can even allow yourself to be frustrated that listening is so hard right now.

I want you to know listening and communicating will get better, it will get easier. When you learn how to stop putting so much pressure on yourself, when you learn how to talk back to your brain, and calm your nervous system so that it stops scanning for dangers- it does get easier. You will be able to listen.

When my brain wants to start making my wife’s words mean something- I now say can we listen to her words first before you tell me what you think about it. I remind myself that I am safe to hear words. I am safe to hear her words. I am capable of hearing what she has to say. I don’t have to make it mean more than what she says.

You will be able to develop listening skills. You will be able to hear words that make you feel like you are the problem and then you will be able to turn it around and really hear what the other person is saying- it just takes awareness and practice, practice.

The difference between therapy and life coaching to me is that Life Coaching helps you with your current thoughts and beliefs and helps you in a different way than therapy. Life Coaching is future focused and helps a lot with processing emotions while teaching in the moment strategy for what to do when your anxious attachment is triggered.

I do believe Life Coaches who have experienced Anxious Attachment can help support you in getting the results that you want in your life if they too have done the work and are able to share with you actual steps to get you where you want to go.

I also do believe that if someone is trying to sell you quick fixes, that it is a problem. I do not believe there are any magic tricks or quick “healing” that can magically rid your nervous system of its triggers or reprogram your responses to those triggers.

However, I do believe that small and quick strategies can start changing things right away. I do believe Life Coaching offers you understanding, strategy and real life skills that help you start implementing things right away.

When we do the work of Self Awareness, Thoughtwork and we practice new reactions and coping mechanisms on purpose we accelerate our transformation, we accelerate our development of new habits, new coping strategies, and we begin to feel more secure.

I am here to tell you that thoughtwork is not a magic pill but it is a skill that will get you so much closer to where you want to be in life and in relationships. I see thought work as the strategy or the skill I used to develop mental and emotional health, mental and emotional balance, the strategy I use to sooth and calm my anxious attachment when it is triggered.

I created this podcast as a person with Anxious attachment who uses Life Coaching Skills and tools, like thoughtwork and the anxious attachment cycle to soothe my anxious attachment and create new habits with purpose and intention and to show you all how I do this, so that you too can do the same.

So my answer is Yes I do believe you can really rewire your anxious attachment, I really do believe that you can create new habits when your anxious attachment is triggered. I do not believe that we have to be forever a victim to our anxious attachment.

I do not believe anyone is too far gone, too anxiously attached, too broken, too anything to do this work. I believe that every person who wants to do this work, who has the smallest desire to make a change, who has the “want” to change their habits and their thought patterns is capable of doing it. I believe that every human is capable of the change they wish to see in themselves. That is why I do this podcast, that is why I started a coaching program- because I remember not believing in myself. I remember thinking it is always going to be like this. I remember not believing that I could change.

What is holding you back right now is simple, it is the thoughts you are currently thinking. It is the “story” you keep telling yourself.

I also will be hosting a 5 day Anxious Attachment Boot Camp in June. June 24 through June 28th. I will be going live on zoom, teaching and coaching about Anxious Attachment and how to rewire your brain to get the relationship you want. My live coaching will be at 10:00 am pacific standard time, I would love for you to joining and come LIVE.

Trust me- YOU do not want to miss this free boot camp. Email me at Amber Lynn @takingbackherbrain.com Anxious Attachment Boot Camp, follow me on Instagram at anxious attachment solution and DM me Boot Camp- to get on the wait list now. You will not want to miss this opportunity.

Thank you so much for joining me on today's Podcast. Go do the work, it is with you. I believe in YOU!

Before we jump to the practicing new thoughts: We have to do phase 1 self awareness- you first have to know the thoughts that you have now about yourself and love, your self and reassurance, your thoughts about conditional love.

So get a piece of paper write it down

What are all the thoughts I think about me and my ability to be loved? What are all of my thoughts about love and my self worth? Why am I not worthy of love? Now Why am I worthy of love?

When you get these thoughts down write a T next to each thought you find bring up BIG feelings, next to that thought write F: how does this feeling make you feel? Write that feeling

What feeling do you notice the most in this narrative? Now what do you do when you feel this feeling?

Now phase 2:

What feeling do you want to feel when it comes to relationships? What would you have to believe to feel that way? What would you have to think to believe that?

What feeling do you want to have about your selfworth? What would you have to believe to feel that way? What would you have to think to believe that?

From thoughtwork to strategy

When you are in the moment and you are not sure if you are seeking validation- ask yourself why am I doing this? What am I trying to get out of this? Is that what I actually need? What if I could get this from myself what would that look like?

Often times we need validation in the middle of an argument, or in the middle of “something” that has triggered our anxious attachment, we have been programmed to believe that we need someone or something outside of ourselves to feel better. I teach my clients how to do this for themselves.

How to ask ourselves what do we really need? How can I get this from me? Am I trying to prove my worth? Am I trying to prove something? Am I seeking comfort outside of myself because my brain is telling me I can’t hand these uncomfortable emotions or possible fear?

This is why us with anxious attachment really need to go listen to feeling uncomfortable feelings episode again- because I am TELLING YOU even though it terrifies you. Our work is in the ability to feel safe with our emotions. Feeling secure no matter what emotions we have. If we can grow our capacity to feel uncomfortable emotions we would find ourselves less inclined to seek external validation. If we could comfort ourselves, create security and safety within ourselves we would be able to decrease our dependency on other people for our emotional regulation.

If you want help doing this work email me at [email protected] and schedule your free one hour consultation.

if you have questions, email me, I will answer your questions when I can.

If you know you are ready to do this work, then what are you waiting for? Email me, Right now in April I have 6 open spots for my 1:1 coaching program- so don’t wait.

If you are not yet on my email list email me or find my instagram at Anxious Attachment solution and get on my email list.

In June I am going to be doing an Anxious Attachment Bootcamp Facebook pop up group where I will be meeting with you for an hour every day for 5 days to help you kick your anxious attachment habits to the curb.

Go get on my email list, you don’t want to miss the things I am going to be doing this summer. Also if you listen to my podcast and you are enjoying it or learning something from it can you please like it, and rate it- it helps get my podcast out to more women.