Welcome to the Anxious Attachment Solution Podcast with Life Coach Amber Lynn If you’ve ever wondered “Do I really have anxious attachment?”—this series is for you. Today I’m diving into part two of 10 signs you might have anxious attachment and what you can do to break free from these patterns.

✨ In this episode you’ll learn:

• Why anxious attachment makes you feel like you can never rest (hypervigilance)
• How people-pleasing and taking everything personally keeps you stuck
• The truth about self-worth, low self-esteem, and rewriting the story your brain tells you
• Why avoiding conflict creates more conflict and resentment—and how to handle it differently
• What to do when you feel like you’re “too much” or “not enough” in relationships
• How to stop riding the emotional rollercoaster and start regulating your nervous system
• The difference between reality and the “stories” your anxious brain makes up during conflict
• How to begin building self-trust and trust in relationships

💡 Key Takeaways:

• Hypervigilance doesn’t protect you—it keeps you disconnected from the present moment.
• People-pleasing is actually self-protection, but it costs you your authenticity.
• Self-worth isn’t fixed; it’s built thought by thought.
• Conflict doesn’t mean danger—it’s an opportunity for growth when handled with awareness.
• Your anxious attachment is not you—it’s a set of habits you can rewire.

📌 Try This:

• Next time you catch yourself scanning for signs something is “wrong,” pause and ask: “Am I future-tripping or am I present?”
• When facing conflict, ask yourself: “What is my brain making this mean? What is my partner actually saying?”
• Start practicing new thoughts on purpose to create secure self-worth.

✨ Remember: You are inherently worthy. You are not too much. You are not your anxious attachment.

📩 Want to go deeper? I offer a 12-week 1:1 coaching program designed to help you rewire your brain, calm your nervous system, and create the secure relationships you deserve. Schedule a free 1-hour consultation—whether you’re curious about coaching or just want a sample session.

👉 Email me at [email protected] with your questions or topics you’d love to hear covered on the podcast.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Free 4 day video Training Being YOU doesn’t have to be scary
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching
• Share your thoughts and experiences with the hashtag #anxiousattachmentsolution and tag @anxiousattachmentsolution

Email me at [email protected] for a free one hour consultation

This is part one of a two-part series where I share 10 signs of anxious attachment and what you can do to start creating more secure relationships.

✨ In this episode, we’ll cover:

• The fear of abandonment—why it feels so real and how to pause before panic takes over
• Overthinking—why replaying conversations and “what-ifs” keeps you stuck in anxiety
• Constant reassurance seeking—how it sabotages trust in yourself and your relationships
• The hidden beliefs behind these patterns (not being good enough, being “too much”)
• Tools to calm your nervous system when your anxious attachment is triggered
• How to begin rewriting your self-worth and love narratives so you can feel safe in relationships

💡 Key Takeaways:

• Your brain is wired to tell stories rooted in fear—but you can learn to separate facts from anxious thoughts.
• Seeking reassurance may feel soothing, but it weakens self-trust. True safety comes from learning to regulate yourself.
• Overthinking and perfectionism are not signs of unworthiness—they’re signals that your anxious attachment is in the driver’s seat.
• With awareness and practice, you can teach your brain and body to become a safe place for all of your emotions.

📌 Try This:

• Next time you feel fear of abandonment or panic: pause, take a sip of cold water, and label the sensation in your body before reacting.
• Write down your thoughts (a thought download) and separate facts from the “story” your brain is making up.
• Practice new self-talk: instead of “I’m not enough”, try “I feel fear AND I am capable of holding it. My worth is inherent.”

✨ Remember: You are not broken. You are not too much. You are not stuck in anxious attachment forever. With the right tools, you can rewire your brain and create secure, loving relationships.

📩 Work with Me: I offer a 12-week 1:1 coaching program using my Secure Method, where I help you calm your nervous system, rewire your thoughts, and step into healthier relationship habits.

👉 Schedule a free 1-hour consultation—whether you want to explore coaching or just experience a sample session. 📧 Email me at [email protected] with your questions or podcast topic requests.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Free 4 day video Training Being YOU doesn’t have to be scary
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching
• Share your thoughts and experiences with the hashtag #anxiousattachmentsolution and tag @anxiousattachmentsolution

Email me at [email protected] for a free one hour consultation

Hello and Welcome to Anxious Attachment Solution Your Healing Starts Here. I am your host Life Coach Amber Lynn. Today I am beginning a Series on Anxious to Aware. In this series my goal is to help you build awareness around your anxious attachment so that you can heal, repair, and move forward with a new mindset and new habits.

For those of you who are new to the show, welcome. I am life coach Amber Lynn- I have dealt with Anxious Attachment the majority of my life before I even knew what to call it. I just knew that I had a hard time in relationships, I had big emotions, I wanted to communicate well, but no matter what I did I didn’t feel good enough AND I felt like I was too much. I learned about codependency and attachment styles and became a certified Life Coach through the Life Coach School and now I used the understanding of the brain, our thoughts, emotions- to relate it to anxious attachment.

I created this podcast to share my journey of using thought work and mindset work to heal my anxious attachment. On this podcast I share my personal journey and the journey I have supported clients on. I use this podcast as a way to teach about our brain, emotions and human responses in regard to people with anxious attachment. So if you are going through something personally and you want help- send me an email, I will reply. I might even create a podcast to share how I would support myself through the journey, challenge or obstacle you are facing. My email again is [email protected].

I work with clients who are not even sure if I have anxious attachment or if this work is for me. So I tell them if any of the following applies to you and your life, I can help you: Do you have fear of Abandonment, overthink, have a constant need for reassurance, always looking for red flags, never feel good enough, always people please before asking for what you want, feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster, have a hard time trusting people, feel like you are too much or too needy, sometimes confuse anxiety with feelings of love then this podcast is for you:

From Anxious to Aware- I teach my clients how awareness is the foundation to any change. If any of this resonates with you and you want to make a change then you are in the right place. First thing you have to do before you can get to the “HOW do I change it, WHAT do I do”- You have to know what an anxious attachment cycle or trigger looks like for you. What does it sound like for you? When does it show up for you?

We have to learn to simultaneously talk back to our brain to tell it to hush and listen to what the other person is saying. Recognize the feelings that start to come up.

If you need time to process what was said because your emotions are too high- ask for some time to think about what they said.

Questions to ask yourself

“Why is what they are saying making me feel ( judged, criticized, or not good enough) ?”

“What is my brain making this mean?”

This is a story my brain is telling me- but is it actual fact? Is this what they are actually saying? Most likely it is not.

Do a thought download - write it all out

They said words, these words made me feel, I feel this way because

This will reveal to you the story that your brain is telling you- this will reveal the real reason why you feel an urgency, or a panic, or defensive, or whatever uncomfortable emotion it may be for you

Listening is often hard for us with anxious attachment because we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect in a relationship so hearing anything short of Positive, Affirmations- cause our brain to panic and look for red flags- aka hypervigilance. Our brain has been wired to scanning for danger “emotional dangers” - scan, scan, scan for any potential problem- this is the problem because it often makes problems where there are not. Since we have this deep rooted fear of abandonment or rejection it is beneath it all.

We have to practice grounded ourselves in the moments and not in the “potential fears” of anxious attachment.

When we are constantly putting pressure on ourselves to do everything right and be hyper-attuned to other’s needs in relationships it keeps our nervous system in a constant state of survival and over functioning. Causing us to have a hard time with clear and transparent communication, causing us to overthink, be anxious and always on edge. This will probably end up being an entirely separate podcast because the pressure to be perfect and anticipate others needs is another habit that actually causes strain on our relationships.

Our brain learned to do this when we were younger as a means for survival. This used to be a very helpful thing to us and now we are growing up and want to do more than just survive. We want to live and be present in our relationships with other people.

So when you discover what your brain is making their words mean- this is not the time to beat yourself up more for being a person with anxious attachment or for being “broken” this is the time to show yourself compassion and really validate your feelings.

You can validate your fears without believing them, You can validate your pressure without believing the story your brain is telling you. You can show yourself compassion and you can even allow yourself to be frustrated that listening is so hard right now.

I want you to know listening and communicating will get better, it will get easier. When you learn how to stop putting so much pressure on yourself, when you learn how to talk back to your brain, and calm your nervous system so that it stops scanning for dangers- it does get easier. You will be able to listen.

When my brain wants to start making my wife’s words mean something- I now say can we listen to her words first before you tell me what you think about it. I remind myself that I am safe to hear words. I am safe to hear her words. I am capable of hearing what she has to say. I don’t have to make it mean more than what she says.

You will be able to develop listening skills. You will be able to hear words that make you feel like you are the problem and then you will be able to turn it around and really hear what the other person is saying- it just takes awareness and practice, practice.

The difference between therapy and life coaching to me is that Life Coaching helps you with your current thoughts and beliefs and helps you in a different way than therapy. Life Coaching is future focused and helps a lot with processing emotions while teaching in the moment strategy for what to do when your anxious attachment is triggered.

I do believe Life Coaches who have experienced Anxious Attachment can help support you in getting the results that you want in your life if they too have done the work and are able to share with you actual steps to get you where you want to go.

I also do believe that if someone is trying to sell you quick fixes, that it is a problem. I do not believe there are any magic tricks or quick “healing” that can magically rid your nervous system of its triggers or reprogram your responses to those triggers.

However, I do believe that small and quick strategies can start changing things right away. I do believe Life Coaching offers you understanding, strategy and real life skills that help you start implementing things right away.

When we do the work of Self Awareness, Thoughtwork and we practice new reactions and coping mechanisms on purpose we accelerate our transformation, we accelerate our development of new habits, new coping strategies, and we begin to feel more secure.

I am here to tell you that thoughtwork is not a magic pill but it is a skill that will get you so much closer to where you want to be in life and in relationships. I see thought work as the strategy or the skill I used to develop mental and emotional health, mental and emotional balance, the strategy I use to sooth and calm my anxious attachment when it is triggered.

I created this podcast as a person with Anxious attachment who uses Life Coaching Skills and tools, like thoughtwork and the anxious attachment cycle to soothe my anxious attachment and create new habits with purpose and intention and to show you all how I do this, so that you too can do the same.

So my answer is Yes I do believe you can really rewire your anxious attachment, I really do believe that you can create new habits when your anxious attachment is triggered. I do not believe that we have to be forever a victim to our anxious attachment.

I do not believe anyone is too far gone, too anxiously attached, too broken, too anything to do this work. I believe that every person who wants to do this work, who has the smallest desire to make a change, who has the “want” to change their habits and their thought patterns is capable of doing it. I believe that every human is capable of the change they wish to see in themselves. That is why I do this podcast, that is why I started a coaching program- because I remember not believing in myself. I remember thinking it is always going to be like this. I remember not believing that I could change.

What is holding you back right now is simple, it is the thoughts you are currently thinking. It is the “story” you keep telling yourself.

I also will be hosting a 5 day Anxious Attachment Boot Camp in June. June 24 through June 28th. I will be going live on zoom, teaching and coaching about Anxious Attachment and how to rewire your brain to get the relationship you want. My live coaching will be at 10:00 am pacific standard time, I would love for you to joining and come LIVE.

Trust me- YOU do not want to miss this free boot camp. Email me at Amber Lynn @takingbackherbrain.com Anxious Attachment Boot Camp, follow me on Instagram at anxious attachment solution and DM me Boot Camp- to get on the wait list now. You will not want to miss this opportunity.

Thank you so much for joining me on today's Podcast. Go do the work, it is with you. I believe in YOU!

Before we jump to the practicing new thoughts: We have to do phase 1 self awareness- you first have to know the thoughts that you have now about yourself and love, your self and reassurance, your thoughts about conditional love.

So get a piece of paper write it down

What are all the thoughts I think about me and my ability to be loved? What are all of my thoughts about love and my self worth? Why am I not worthy of love? Now Why am I worthy of love?

When you get these thoughts down write a T next to each thought you find bring up BIG feelings, next to that thought write F: how does this feeling make you feel? Write that feeling

What feeling do you notice the most in this narrative? Now what do you do when you feel this feeling?

Now phase 2:

What feeling do you want to feel when it comes to relationships? What would you have to believe to feel that way? What would you have to think to believe that?

What feeling do you want to have about your selfworth? What would you have to believe to feel that way? What would you have to think to believe that?

From thoughtwork to strategy

When you are in the moment and you are not sure if you are seeking validation- ask yourself why am I doing this? What am I trying to get out of this? Is that what I actually need? What if I could get this from myself what would that look like?

Often times we need validation in the middle of an argument, or in the middle of “something” that has triggered our anxious attachment, we have been programmed to believe that we need someone or something outside of ourselves to feel better. I teach my clients how to do this for themselves.

How to ask ourselves what do we really need? How can I get this from me? Am I trying to prove my worth? Am I trying to prove something? Am I seeking comfort outside of myself because my brain is telling me I can’t hand these uncomfortable emotions or possible fear?

This is why us with anxious attachment really need to go listen to feeling uncomfortable feelings episode again- because I am TELLING YOU even though it terrifies you. Our work is in the ability to feel safe with our emotions. Feeling secure no matter what emotions we have. If we can grow our capacity to feel uncomfortable emotions we would find ourselves less inclined to seek external validation. If we could comfort ourselves, create security and safety within ourselves we would be able to decrease our dependency on other people for our emotional regulation.

If you want help doing this work email me at [email protected] and schedule your free one hour consultation.

if you have questions, email me, I will answer your questions when I can.

If you know you are ready to do this work, then what are you waiting for? Email me, Right now in April I have 6 open spots for my 1:1 coaching program- so don’t wait.

If you are not yet on my email list email me or find my instagram at Anxious Attachment solution and get on my email list.

In June I am going to be doing an Anxious Attachment Bootcamp Facebook pop up group where I will be meeting with you for an hour every day for 5 days to help you kick your anxious attachment habits to the curb.

Go get on my email list, you don’t want to miss the things I am going to be doing this summer. Also if you listen to my podcast and you are enjoying it or learning something from it can you please like it, and rate it- it helps get my podcast out to more women.

Hello and Welcome to Anxious Attachment Solution! On today's podcast I am going to be continuing a series on breaking down the 4 obstacles of Anxious Attachment with obstacle number 3, the Fear of Abandonment

In the last episode, episode 40, I taught Obstacle 2 Uncomfortable Emotions. I taught about why learning how to feel hard emotions is the key to soothing our anxious attachment triggers, and how having a small capacity to feel uncomfortable emotions leads us to such BIG reactions when our feelings feel out of control or overwhelming. So if you didn’t get a chance to hear it go check it out.

If you missed Episode 39, Obstacle 1: Overthinking, then you definitely need to go back and listen to that one too, because I help you understand what overthinking looks like with anxious attachment and how to stop it.

Today I am going to be talking about Obstacle number 3 of Anxious Attachment: The deep rooted fear of Abandonment. I am going to be talking about how this fear is created and why understanding how this fear works will change your life.

Before we begin I do a lot of brain management work with the concept that my thoughts create my feelings, so as I share these teachings remember that this concept is the lens through which I teach.

If you want to learn more about how you can overcome these four obstacles of anxious attachment sign up for a free one hour consultation call with me. If you have been following me for a while now and you are ready to get started with my 1:1 coaching program so that we can help you rewrite your narrative and develop your skill to feel uncomfortable emotions without overreacting then email me at [email protected] and let’s get started, I can’t wait to see how much this work will change your life.

If you haven’t yet please like and subscribe to the podcast it really helps my podcast reach more women. If you could rate this podcast on apple and spotify I would truly appreciate it as that too helps expand its reach.

Thank you so much for listening to my podcast and I want you to know your future self is thanking you for taking the time in your busy life to do this work because they know how important it is for your future and for your relationships in your life.

If you haven’t already, follow me on instagram at anxiousattachmentsolution! Can’t wait to see you over there. Now go feel uncomfortable emotions and message me on IG and tell me about your experience doing this work. I would love to support you through this process while creating a community of women who are doing this work.

Hello and Welcome! On today's podcast I am going to be continuing a series on breaking down the 4 obstacles of Anxious Attachment: Overthinking, Feeling Uncomfortable Emotions, Fear of Abandonment and Seeking Validation Last episode 39 was about overthinking so if you didn’t get a chance to hear it go check it out.

Today I want to talk about Uncomfortable emotions and why they trigger us with anxious attachment so much and how understanding the impact of uncomfortable emotions will help you take care of your anxious attachment and soothe your nervous system.

When I use the term uncomfortable emotions: I refer to rejection, fear of not being liked, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, disappointment, any feeling that you can not sit with, without taking action or without shutting down. I also use uncomfortable emotions to refer to the feeling of urgency- that we feel when we are consumed by a lot of negative emotions- urgency is often felt when our anxious attachment is triggered and we feel the primal panic of we have to hurry and do something now.

For example most of us right now are not able to sit with the feeling of urgency and do nothing, most of us can not stand to feel any form of rejection without trying to do something to “prove our worth” or seek out validation or connection, most of us can not just process and sit with anxiety, we either take action to feel better or we shut down and shut people out.

Processing your emotions allows you to experience different situations without so much fear, anxiety, it allows you to slow down and stop being so reactive. Learning how to feel and handle hard emotions allows you to comfort yourself and stop needing to reach out to others for comfort, validation or approval.

Since we do not have the skill to sit with these uncomfortable feelings because they activate our anxious attachment cycle- and sometimes activate our primal panic we feel that we have to hurry up and do something now because our brain has told us that we are in danger and it feels like we are going to die (even though we know we won’t die our brain is receiving all of these alerts like hey hey we are in danger do something now) so we have gotten into the habit of hurry up through emotions and taking actions without sitting with emotions and seeing where they are coming from.

We feel anxiety, we feel panic, we feel fear and our brain is like Oh Shit… get us out of here right now! (Literally freaks the f out) So we reach out to our partner,our ex, our friend, our coworker, we seek validation, we seek connection, or instead we shut down and close people off because we think that by doing this we will protect ourselves from further pain.

On today's podcast I am going to be introducing a three week series on breaking down the 4 obstacles of Anxious Attachment. In these episodes I am going to talk about the 4 major obstacles I have noticed that people with anxious attachment have and how to overcome them using thoughtwork and learning how to develop the skill of feeling hard emotions.

As I really reflect on my life with anxious attachment I see these 4 obstacles over and over again. They are what keep coming up,they are why I am so thankful for the tools I have learned to manage my mind and be aware of my thoughts. They are what I need to know how to process and manage because if I don’t they can make little problems in relationships into big problems.

The first obstacle that occurs often when my anxious attachment is activated is overthinking of anxious filled thoughts, obsessive thoughts, that are most often are negative creating a lot of uncomfortable emotions. The second obstacle is the inability to feel the uncomfortable feelings these thoughts produce, such as fear of rejection or abandonment, overwhelm, and stress. Bringing me to the third obstacle our deep fear of abandonment, the fear that someone is going to leave, or reject us. Our fear of not being loveable and being left, is such a deep fear for people with anxious attachment that when we feel these emotions we don’t feel safe, our brain tells us that we are not emotionally safe and have to take action now to ensure that we stay safe. This inability to feel intense uncomfortable emotions often creates an urgency to hurry up and react to a situation. Which leads us to the final obstacle, the need for external validation, the need for other’s approval or praise to feel good enough, to feel loved, to feel secure, to feel seen or valued.

So to recap, the 4 main obstacles people with anxious attachment encounter are overthinking, inability to feel uncomfortable emotions without taking action, fear of abandonment, and seeking external validation.

This is why it is so important for us with anxious attachment to know what our brain is telling us, why self awareness isn’t optional it is imperative. We have to be aware of what our brain is telling us because these thoughts will run or ruin our relationships if they cause all these emotions undetected.

Lack of self awareness is not a luxury we are entitled to.

If we do not know what our anxious attachment cycle looks like. If we do not know that it is our thoughts that are creating these intense emotions and fears. If we are not aware of our thoughts- we will think it is the triggering event that is causing the problem. We will think our partner is the problem. We will put blame in the wrong place and we will not problem solve for the effective solution.

If I was not aware of my anxious attachment cycle, if I was not aware that my thoughts create my feelings, If I was not aware of all of my anxious thoughts if I was not able to know the difference between what thoughts are true and what thoughts my brain just likes to tell me when these events happen. I would have blamed my feelings on my partner communicating her feelings. I would have made this misunderstanding about her not understanding me, and either made her reaction to what happened the problem or made me the problem by in agreeing with all the mean thoughts my brain is telling me.

To put it simply- when we don’t understand our anxious attachment cycle, when we are not aware of our thoughts- we make problems bigger than they are- we place blame where it doesn’t belong and we justify or get defensive instead of getting curious.

People ask me Amber what is life coaching? I think of it as mental and emotional maintenance, where you learn mental and emotional tools and strategies to transform your life. its learning and unlearning thought patterns that are keeping you stuck, so that you can get unstuck and get the life that you want. It’s learning how to feel and process uncomfortable emotions so that your emotions don’t control you but you control them.

People ask me what do you get from life coaching? Why should I pay money and join your program? I tell them they should only join my program if they are ready to do the work, only if they are ready for their life to change from the inside out, only if they want to do the work to get emotional and mental freedom.

I share my personal experience, I tell them learning life coaching skills and concepts, being coached and really understanding my brain patterns and the emotions they caused changed my life, saved my life- and it can do the same for them. The value of life coaching to me as someone with anxious attachment, anxiety, and depression is higher quality of life - mentally and emotionally.

The value is being able to live in a body that can grow its capacity to feel hard emotions without being reactive or demanding. The value of life coaching is learning that even though my brain tells me one thing, doesn’t make it true.

The value of life coaching is learning to choose your life, choosing how you want to show up in it, learning what that looks like in real time. Learning about the brain, self regulation, understanding my emotional reaction, being aware of inner thoughts and dialogue that are creating your current life.

Amber you don’t understand I am so busy. Aren’t we all? For me it is worth making the time in my busy schedule to be coached, to listen to podcasts and to join coaching programs. The time I spend in those spaces reduces the time spent in mental and emotional overwhelm and stress.

The skills that I have learned have helped me manage all of the things that life throws at you, while already dealing with so much internally: anxiety, depression, low self esteem. To me, learning the ability to manage my thoughts in the moment so that I can turn the turmoil into peace, turn the chaos into understanding, is worth the time and the financial investment.

I come from a family where mental health challenges are frequent and can become severe and truly impact the quality of life so I wanted to make sure that I took care of my mental health. I wanted to do the work to heal, to understand why I do the things I do, why emotions are so hard, why I never felt good enough, why after all I have done and did I still couldn’t just love myself- and I found life coaching and it was the mental and emotional freedom train I was looking for. Doing the hard and good work changed my life and I know it can change yours too.

What if you are busy AND you can make time for something that will change your life? What if you are busy AND one hour of your life a week can truly change it?

What if it does cost money AND the money spent is an investment into your future self who is able to handle her emotions, who is able to stop her over thinking, who is able to truly believe she is lovable?

Who would you be if you were able to process your emotions? Stop your overthinking? Stop people pleasing? And truly believe you are worthy?