Developing a secure base also comes with understanding that we CAN cope within ourselves, we can support and comfort ourselves, we do not have to seek it outside of ourselves. After we practice comforting ourselves it gets easier, but often you will find yourself running that negative narrative sound track that is comparing you to everyone one under the sun, and thats when you have to stop and remind your brain that we are doing things differently now.

Develop Secure Self Love does not mean that you love yourself in every second of every day. It means that more often than not you are showing love, care and support to yourself. It means that more often than not you are stopping the negative narrative that is your current sound track. It means learning to love all of you, even the parts of you that have been the hardest for you to accept. It takes practicing, it takes journaling, it takes reminding yourself that you are inherently worthy. You are loveable just as you are, it means that no one can change your lovability. You are inherently worthy. You are inherently worthy of love. So we have to rebuild the relationship with ourselves so that we can become that safe person for ourselves, we can develop that safe haven within ourselves, and develop that mental idea of proximity to ourselves (this is visualizing people we are close to and who we see as a secure person) . Having a secure base inside ourselves means no matter what we will have our own back.

This also looks like

Accepting that sometimes our thoughts are going to activate our primal panic

Learning to feel all of our feelings, with curiosity and not self shame

Learning to love ourselves through our primal panic so that we can feel our emotions and ask ourselves hard questions like, “could there be more to this than what my brain is telling me?” “ How can I see this a different way?” Asking ourselves hard questions that challenge our inner belief, our inner narrative about how loveable we are

It means Loving ourselves in spite of whatever we think needs to be fixed about us, and learning that we are exactly as we should be, and loving ourselves through all of our emotions.

It looks like owning our attachment style- our responses, validating them while learning how to PAUSE feel our emotions, and choose on purpose how we want to react, how we want to response, and how we will love ourselves through the feelings so that our brain learns to trust us, to develop that secure base.

Journal prompts:

What thoughts do you currently have about yourself?

What thoughts do you have about self love?

How do you show yourself Compassion?

Do a thought download… you may have surface self love, surface self compassion, but deep down, what are your core beliefs about you and love, about you and relationships? How do you feel when you are alone? How do you feel making plans for yourself?Get it all out… write it all down… it is only when we know our current thoughts and beliefs about yourself that we can begin to change it.