In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Jessica Mays. Jessica lost her husband Jodi and four-year-old son Jace on November 20, 2014.

Jessica's husband Jodi suffered a traumatic brain injury in an oil field accident in 2010, leaving him fully disabled and prone to daily blackout episodes. Jessica became his full-time caregiver, working to carry their benefits while raising their newborn son and navigating years of medical uncertainty.

Four years after the accident Jessica's son Jace got sick right before his fourth birthday and eventually Jessica and Jodi were forced with the decision to remove Jace from life support. After Jace's passing, and hours later, Jodi took his own life.

Jessica opens up about how calm Jodi was in the moments before he made that decision. It was a stillness she believes was a divine encounter. She talks about losing two people she loved in two completely different ways on the same day. She shares the survivor's guilt of staying, the impossible timelines the world places on grieving people, and the unexpected shame that came when she fell in love again.

Jessica shares how she manages to carry joy and grief while she continues on. She talks about her remarriage to Casey, the three children she never thought she'd have. She shares her stained glass metaphor for grief: broken pieces that we get to choose how to reassemble, with light always coming through.

It's a raw conversation about compounding loss, the courage it takes to choose joy, and the brutal, beautiful reality that sometimes the people we've lost need us to stay — because the only way the world will ever know them is through us.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Hailey Steck, a St. George resident and mother of five, to talk about one of the most unimaginable losses a parent can face—and what it takes to keep going.

Hailey shares the story of her daughter Cammie, who passed away on April 15, 2021 at just nine years old in a tragic accident at home. Cammie—full of personality, known for telling strangers she liked their shirt, and a lover of animals, dancing, and big hugs—had only had the family's new dog, Autumn, for a few months. The day she died, she had asked her mom to do her hair before dance class, said "I love you more," and ran upstairs to clean her room.

Hailey walks through the events of that afternoon in full—finding Cammie, performing CPR, the paramedics, the ER, and saying goodbye. She opens up about the guilt and the what-ifs that followed, the sleepless nights, and the strange disorientation of planning a funeral in three days while the rest of the world kept moving.

She and Mason also go deeper on grief itself—the way it never fully leaves, the loneliness that lives inside it even when you're surrounded by people, and how catastrophic loss reshapes the way you parent, the way you speak, and the way you see what actually matters. Hailey shares how faith, community, spin class, and eventually pursuing a master's degree in marriage and family therapy have helped her find footing—and purpose—in the aftermath.

Together, Mason and Hailey talk about:

• What the day of Cammie's death actually looked like • Performing CPR on your own child • The guilt and judgment parents face after a child dies at home • How grief changes the way you use language • The loneliness of loss—even inside a full life • Finding meaning through helping others • The death of a marriage after the death of a child • Why vulnerability and sharing stories helps people feel less alone • How surviving the worst thing gives you a strange kind of fearlessness

Today, Hailey is in the final year of her master's program in marriage and family therapy, focused on emotionally focused therapy and helping others through connection. She carries Cammie with her every day—and she's still out there telling people she likes their shirt.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of child death, accidental home injury, grief, divorce, and PTSD

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits back down with Catie Hockenbury for part two of their conversation about unimaginable loss—and the resilience it took to keep going.

Picking up where they left off, Catie goes deeper into the losses that have defined her life. Her daughter Maya was stillborn in 2016 after a traumatic delivery in which Catie's own life hung in the balance. Her son Oliver passed away from SUID at just 9 months old in 2023. And years earlier, the father of her oldest child, Connor, died by suicide at 19.

In this continuation, Catie walks through the full story of Oliver's birth—an emergency C-section that left her numb from the neck down and terrified—and the nine months she had with him before losing him suddenly. She shares the details of that night: finding him, the first responders, saying goodbye, and the guilt and judgment that followed.

She and Mason also go deeper on grief itself—the intrusive images that never fully leave, the question of whether to see your child's body, and how catastrophic loss reshapes faith and identity. Catie opens up about ketamine therapy, the shift from chasing happiness to just seeking peace, and why she wouldn't trade a single one of her nine months with Oliver.

Together, Mason and Catie talk about:

• What the night of Oliver's death actually looked like • The complicated grief of stillbirth vs. infant loss • When faith no longer holds after tragedy • Ketamine therapy as a path through grief • Carrying your children with you every day • Why vulnerability helps others feel less alone • Finding purpose on the other side of the unthinkable

Today, Catie uses her story to support other bereaved parents and remind people that even in the darkest moments, they are not alone.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of suicide, stillbirth, infant death, domestic violence, medical trauma, and near-death experiences.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason talks with Catie Hockenbury about unimaginable loss—and the resilience it took to keep going.

Catie's life has been shaped by profound grief. Her daughter Maya died during childbirth in 2016 after a catastrophic placental abruption. Her son Oliver passed away from SUID at just 9 months old in 2023. And years earlier, Connor, the father of her first child, died by suicide at 19.

Connor was a funny, goofy kid who loved Metallica and deeply cared for those around him. After his parents' divorce and a painful rejection, his mental health spiraled. Despite people trying to help, he lost his battle with depression—leaving behind a young son and a family searching for answers.

Years later, Catie experienced another devastating loss when her daughter Maya was stillborn at full term. Despite repeatedly telling medical staff something was wrong, she was sent home twice. During the traumatic delivery, Catie's organs began failing, her heart rate dropped to 19 beats per minute, and she died on the table—before being revived with multiple shots of epinephrine. She held Maya for 24 hours before saying goodbye.

Then in 2023, Catie lost her son Oliver to Sudden Unexplained Infant Death (SUID). Though the cause was never determined, she believes Oliver's death ultimately gave her the strength to leave an abusive marriage and reclaim her life.

Together, Mason and Catie talk about:

• The ripple effects of suicide and the pain families carry • When the medical system fails to listen • What it's like to die and come back • The weight of unanswered questions after SUID • Grief inside abusive relationships • Why vulnerability helps others feel less alone • Turning unimaginable pain into purpose

Today, Catie uses her story to support other bereaved parents and remind people that even in the darkest moments, they are not alone.

⚠️ Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of suicide, stillbirth, infant death, domestic violence, medical trauma, and near-death experiences.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Samie Hardman and Brittney Obray—two mothers whose sons died by suicide in 2022, just months apart.

Samie's son, Drayke, was 12 years old—an old soul obsessed with basketball and the Utah Jazz who wore mismatched socks and loved with his whole being. After enduring relentless bullying that triggered severe anxiety, Drake came home from school on February 10, 2022, with a bruise from being body-slammed by his bully. That night, he skipped basketball, watched Lost in Space with his family, and quietly went to bed. His 16-year-old sister found him unresponsive. Despite CPR and life flight to Primary Children's Hospital, Drake died the next morning at 8:17 AM in his parents' arms.

Brittney's son, Dexton, was 14—a gentle giant, football player, and protector who wasn't bullied but battled depression silently. The week before he died on October 26, 2022, Dexton was thriving—meal prepping, excited about starting varsity football, riding his motorcycle to practice. Then a girl rejected him. That night, he asked for more internet time past curfew. His stepdad said no. The next morning, they found him gone. Police discovered his phone filled with TikTok's algorithm feeding him suicide content daily: videos teaching kids how to die, messages that "nothing would change" if he left, and constant reinforcement that ending the pain was the only option.

Together, Samie and Brittney discuss the hard truths:

• How schools silence suicide and refuse to honor these kids
• Why toxic algorithms prey on vulnerable teens
• The myth that talking about suicide "plants the idea" when kids are already drowning in it
• How child suicide is almost always impulsive—no note, no plan, just a moment
• Why kids need "three trusted people" they can call in crisis
• The disconnect between kids and adults that costs lives
• How they've turned grief into advocacy, fighting for policy change and open conversations

Both mothers have become voices for a generation of parents who never imagined having these conversations—until it was too late.

Content Warning: This episode contains detailed discussions of child suicide, bullying, and loss.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast Mason reads a book written by his Mom, KayCee Sawyer. The book was inspired by a chapter in the book "Bearing The Unbearable" written by Joanne Cacciatore.

You are not alone. Grief is a journey that we didn't ask for. It is a dark, slow, and deliberate process. This book mirrors the grief journey: some days contracting inward for survival, other days tentatively stretching toward hope, and the hardest motion of all—releasing the story of how life was supposed to go.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Katlyn Hood to talk about losing her son, William Andrew Hood, who passed away peacefully in his sleep on November 16, 2021, at just six months and one day old.

William was born three weeks early on May 15, 2021, after Katlyn and her husband Andrew went through a year of fertility treatments to become parents. He was a calm, happy baby who loved daily walks with his dad, being on his dad's shoulder, and wrapping his fists in his mom's hair. He experienced his first Utah Jazz game just days before his passing.

On November 16, 2021, Katlyn dropped William off at daycare like any normal Tuesday morning, stopping at Chick-fil-A for her Diet Coke. Hours later, a police officer appeared at her office to tell her there had been an "accident" at the daycare. William had been found unresponsive and not breathing. Despite 35 minutes of resuscitation efforts, he didn't make it. He died of SIDS—sudden infant death syndrome.

Katlyn shares the devastating image of seeing her baby with tubes in his mouth and doctors pumping his chest, the numbness of the first year, and the guilt of not being there for his last breath. She talks about the hurtful things people said—"he's in a better place," "I can't even imagine"—and how she learned to forgive their ignorance while cutting toxic people from her life.

She opens up about going back to work quickly as a distraction, drinking heavily to numb the pain, and becoming a recluse who avoids baby showers and family events. She shares her journey through a miscarriage at 10 weeks, an ectopic pregnancy that required emergency surgery, and ultimately divorcing her husband after 10 years together—not because anyone was bad, but because they wanted different things after unimaginable loss.

Katlyn also talks about co-grieving with her ex-husband, texting each other on Mother's Day, Father's Day, and William's death date, and walking three miles to his cemetery every birthday. She shares how therapy helped her process the anger and guilt, how she's learning to accept happiness without shame, and how she's slowly rebuilding a life she never thought possible.

Together, Katlyn and Mason talk about becoming a toddler again after loss, the exhaustion of wearing a fake mask, and the reality that grief doesn't get easier—you just get stronger at carrying it.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Tiffany Callahan to talk about losing her mom, Laura Lee Cloud Steiner, who died unexpectedly on January 22, 2023, at 56 years old.

Laura was a billing director at the University of Utah's mental health institute for more than 20 years and a CASA volunteer. She became a mother at 17, survived an abusive marriage, and divorced in 2015. After decades of simply trying to survive, Laura was finally living—traveling, going to concerts, and becoming the grandmother she had always wanted to be.

On January 4, 2023, Laura underwent a tummy tuck. After a week in the hospital, she came home, but her recovery didn't feel right. She was exhausted, in pain, and repeatedly told doctors something was wrong. Her concerns were dismissed as normal recovery. Two weeks later, she died from a pulmonary thromboembolism caused by complications of the surgery.

Tiffany shares the shock of finding her mom, the anger of being part of such a small percentage, and the guilt of warning her mom about the risks before surgery. She talks about becoming the oldest child suddenly responsible for everything while also navigating her grandmother's stage four lung cancer diagnosis just weeks before Laura's death.

She opens up about her complicated relationship with her mom, how they didn't grow close until Tiffany's twenties, and how watching Laura finally find joy healed something in her. Tiffany also shares meeting her husband Mike shortly after her mom's death, hitting emotional rock bottom, and how therapy has helped her carry the anger and grief that still come in waves.

Together, Tiffany and Mason talk about the loneliness of grief, the pressure to move on, and the reality that it doesn't get easier—you just get stronger at carrying it.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Brooke Pando for her second appearance on the show. Brooke is the mother of London "Lundy" Pando, who lives with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome type 6A—a degenerative condition that leaves her body unable to support her muscles and bones, making every day uncertain. London, now 13, survived a massive stroke in utero at 34 weeks that liquefied three-quarters of her brain, and doctors never expected her to live past her first few hours.

Since Brooke's last appearance, her mother Margo Ann Nielsen Erickson passed away suddenly from metastatic pancreatic cancer just three months after diagnosis. Brooke shares the devastating experience of losing her mother—London's best friend and their family's primary caregiver—and how it has intensified the anxiety of knowing London could die at any moment.

Brooke opens up about the dream she had months before her mother's diagnosis that warned her of the loss to come, the whirlwind of becoming her mother's full-time caregiver, and the shock of her mother's sudden death despite being on hospice. She talks about the heartbreaking day she and her father went to the cemetery to pick out burial plots—not just for her mother, but five spots total, knowing London would one day be buried there too.

Together with Mason, Brooke discusses the impossible weight of living in constant fear of losing her daughter while simultaneously grieving her mother, the guilt she feels for not being as happy as London despite London's daily suffering, and the strain that anticipatory grief puts on her marriage to Blake and her other two children. She shares London's remarkable spirit—a child who calls people five times a day just to talk, who loves Trolls and The Greatest Showman, and who remains the happiest person despite living in constant physical pain.

Brooke and Mason have an unflinchingly honest conversation about the questions that haunt them both: Where do our loved ones go when they die? Why do signs and dragonflies appear when we need them most, then disappear? How do you keep living when you know the worst is still coming? And why does grief feel so all-consuming, so relentless, so impossible to escape?

It's a raw conversation about anticipatory grief, the loneliness of waiting for tragedy, and the brutal reality that sometimes the only thing we can do is live—because that's what the people we love most would want us to do.

In this episode of The 10 Ninety Podcast, Mason sits down with Pieter Kort from Belleville, Ontario, Canada. Pieter lost two of his daughters—Madeleine "Maddie" Kort (13) and Joni Kort (10)—in a March 2022 rear end collision with a 70,000-pound cement truck while on vacation in Florida.

Pieter shares what he remembers from the day of the crash, the extent of his family's injuries, and the unimaginable reality of staying in a Jacksonville hospital for six weeks while his wife Jamie remained in a state of post-traumatic amnesia for five weeks. He walks through the heartbreaking process of telling his son Ethan immediately after the accident, waiting to tell his daughter Hannah until she could retain the information after her severe traumatic brain injury, and eventually telling Jamie once she emerged from her compromised mental state.

Together with Mason, Pieter talks about the remarkable recoveries of his surviving children—Hannah, who battled through a brain injury to become her high school valedictorian and is now pursuing neuropsychology, and Ethan, who returned to competitive basketball just weeks after the accident despite severe upper-body injuries. He shares Jamie's incredible resilience through her own recovery and how she remains the spirit of their family.

Pieter opens up about grief, survivor's guilt, the lies we tell ourselves in dark moments, the importance of talking about his daughters rather than pretending they didn't exist, and how he navigates nightmares and intrusive thoughts. He discusses the Dolphin and Penguin Fund they created to reduce economic barriers for children in sports and the arts, the community events they hold to remember Maddie and Joni, and why keeping their memory alive through conversation and action has been essential to his survival.

It's a heartbreaking conversation about unimaginable loss and a powerful reminder that life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% what you're going to do about it.