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I am committed to myself, let's say I am having a love affair with me and part of this commitment is receiving weekly massages.

Today in my massage.....

Oh, today in my massage...

I experienced a cracking open of yet another deep memory that was lodged inside my body (from sooooo many years ago).

As my masseuse's hands glided over my body...

Memories of me as a little child surfaced.

Memories of my father surfaced.

Memories of broken dreams surfaced.

And a voice.

A voice from my inner child whispering to me......

"You are making all our dreams come true".

I sobbed.

And I sobbed.

The feelings and emotions moved through me, ready to be felt, ready to be dispersed into the ethers.

Healing happens when we are able to fully feel.

When the massage was over, I walked slowly down the steps.

Pausing every now and then.

Checking in.

Breathing.

Soothing myself.

Recognising what just happened.

And this voice appeared again.

My inner child.

She told me "don't leave, you are leaving me, everyone leaves me" (she was falling down a black hole as she was saying this to me)

And as I got on my bicycle and peddled back home I whispered back....

"I'm never leaving you"

And I reached out and grabbed her and held her to me.

She wasn't too sure about that and tried to wriggle away.

I told her "it's me and you kid"

She tutted but stayed with me.

I love my inner child.

I love me.

This is what healing looks like.

The willingness to go deep.

The willingness to bypass your pesky ego mind.

The willingness to take care of yourself.

The willingness to stop trying to figure it all out and JUST be a grounded, safe place to FEEL.

And here’s the thing. If you are constantly living in your head (disconnected from your body), always busy, always over-committing yourself. You will try to analyse the fuck out of everything that bubbles up inside you. You will try to attach meaning onto every emotion you feel (that’s if you are currently capable of feeling right now and not hooked on numbing yourself all the way out of your life)

And what that does is HALT your body’s natural process of feeling and healing.

Sometimes we don’t know why we feel x, y, z.

And that’s ok.

When you learn how to give your body the space to process LIFE, it will find it’s own rhythm.

Your quest. Is to NOT get in the way.

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® Star Monroe is a midlife psychotherapist and relationship coach helping you create your very own wild love affair with life, love & your libido