The Couples Therapist Couch

There are very different ways that men and women are socialized in our culture. Often, this reality is unspoken and creates challenges for relationships. As therapists, we frequently see this in our office and it can be a challenge to know how to address the situation.

In this episode, Joseph Losi talks about a healthy masculinity and what men can do to be more intimate, vulnerable, and connected to their emotions.

Joseph A. Losi, MA, LMFT walks with couples, men and women toward a more powerful belief of self and more creative, fulfilling relationships. He blends a decade of therapeutic work with couples and individuals as a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist and Supervisor in Training with fifteen years of experience in the Mankind Project. He helps his clients embrace authentic, vulnerable, and compassionate lives.

The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week.

Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy.

Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group

Check out Joseph's website at josephlosi.com

Learn more about the mankind project at mankindproject.org

Today's Sponsor

Brighter Vision

Brighter Vision makes amazing websites for therapists. Go to www.brightervision.com/try/couples/ to get one month free off your Brighter Vision subscription. Let Brighter Vision help you build the practice of your dreams.

In this episode, Jasmine Foulkes talks about her journey in becoming a therapist and what has been helpful for her in her work with couples. She has a talent for connecting with couples and uses emotionally focused therapy as the primary model that she works from.

Jasmine is a therapist in Nottingham, England. Using EFT, she helps couples have greater insight, raise self-awareness, and improve communication. She encourages and ability for couples to reach out when they feel distress.

The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week.

Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy.

Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group

Check out Jasmine's website at jfoulkescounseling.com

Today's Sponsor

Brighter Vision

Brighter Vision makes amazing websites for therapists. Go to www.brightervision.com/try/couples/ to get one month free off your Brighter Vision subscription. Let Brighter Vision help you build the practice of your dreams.

When working with clients in therapy I often wonder if someone might be displaying aspects of narcissism. I often question myself and my reality. It is important to realize that partner of people with narcissism feel this way all the time. The following is from Wendy Behary's website:

Typically, narcissists display ten of the following thirteen traits:

1. Self-absorbed – Acts like everything is all about him or her
2. Entitled – Makes the rules; breaks the rules
3. Demeaning – Puts you down, bullyish
4. Demanding – of whatever he or she wants
5. Distrustful – Suspicious of your motives when you're being nice to him or her
6. Perfectionistic – Rigidly high standards – his or her way or no way
7. Snobbish – Believes he or she is superior to you and others; gets bored easily
8. Approval seeking – Craves constant praise and recognition
9. Unempathic- Uninterested in understanding your inner experience or unable to do so
10. Unremorseful – Cannot offer a genuine apology
11. Compulsive – Gets overly consumed with details and minutiae
12. Addictive – Cannot let go of bad habits; uses them to self soothe
13. Emotionally detached – Steers clear of feeling

Wendy Behary is a leader in working with people with narcissism. She is the founder and director of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and The Schema Therapy Institutes of NJ-NYC and DC. She wrote the book Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed.

The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week.

Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy.

Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group

Find more resources for working with narcissism at disarmingthenarcissist.com

Find out more about the book Disarming the Narcissist

Today's Sponsor

Brighter Vision

Brighter Vision makes amazing websites for therapists. Go to www.brightervision.com/try/couples/ to get one month free off your Brighter Vision subscription. Let Brighter Vision help you build the practice of your dreams.

For many people, one of the most difficult times in their life can be going through a breakup or divorce or experiencing some other brokenness in their relationship. Because we are wired to connect as humans, going through this heartbreak can feel like a significant trauma. It is important to have the tools, support and resources to go through this type of experience.

Chautè Thompson talks all about how to recover from these types of situations in the episode today. She wrote a book called Brand New Me: The Pursuit of Wholeness. Chautè Thompson, LMHC is a licensed clinician, speaker, author, educator, consultant and certified family mediator. She offers life changing strategies, transformational empowerment, personal development and mental/emotional health messages to schools, churches, conferences, workshops and seminars.

The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week.

Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy.

Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group

Find out more about Chautè at brandnewmejourney.com

Visit Chautè's practice website at inspirehopehealthhealing.com

Check out Chautè's book at Brand New Me: The Pursuit of Wholeness

Today's Sponsor

Brighter Vision

Brighter Vision makes amazing websites for therapists. Go to www.brightervision.com/try/couples/ to get one month free off your Brighter Vision subscription. Let Brighter Vision help you build the practice of your dreams.

So often, the individuals and couples we see in therapy feel alone in their experiences. As therapists, art of what we can to for them, is make them accepted and normal. We can help them to feel like they don't have to be so alone in whatever it is they are experiencing. Even in our own experience as therapists we often feel alone and think to ourselves, "am I the only one?"

Lori Gottlieb reveals all in her column as well as her new book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. She discusses what goes through her head in the therapy room and does it in a very compassionate, human way. She is funny, and direct, and sensitive at the same time.

Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author who writes the weekly "Dear Therapist" advice column for The Atlantic. She has written hundreds of articles related to psychology and culture, many of which have become viral sensations all over the world. A contributing editor for the Atlantic, she also writes for The New York Times Magazine, and appears as a frequent expert on relationships, parenting, and hot-button mental health topics in media such as The Today Show, Good Morning America, CBS This Morning, Dr. Phil, CNN, and NPR. Her next book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone, is forthcoming in April. Learn more at LoriGottlieb.com or by following her @LoriGottlieb1 on Twitter.

The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week.

Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy.

Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group

Visit Lori's website at lorigottlieb.com

Read articles from Lori's column, What Your Therapist Really Thinks

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone: A Therapist, Her Therapist, and Our Lives Revealed

Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

I Love You, Nice to Meet You: A Guy and a Girl Give the Lowdown on Coupling Up

Stick Figure: A Diary of My Former Self

Inside the Cult of Kibu: And Other Tales of the Millennial Gold Rush

We have had a few episodes about emotionally focused therapy (EFT) lately and for good reason. EFT is one of the most well respected and widely used models of couples therapy. This conversation focuses specifically on how couples heal if there has been an affair or other attachment injury.

Leanne Campbell and David Fairweather go into detail about the use of EFT to heal attachment injuries from trauma. They talk about being able to anchor the process of grief resolution in the context of EFT. Connecting with emotions is an important part of the healing process and attending to the role of shame can often be a barrier to forgiveness.

Leanne Campbell and David Fairweather are co-directors at the Vancouver Island Center for Emotionally Focused Therapy. They have both been training with Sue Johnson since the 1990s and are EFT supervisors and trainers.

The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week.

Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy.

Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group

Visit the Vancouver Island EFT website

Visit the inEFT website for training in EFT

After years of studying couples, neuroscience, and attachment, Dr. Stan Tatkin knows what is necessary for a deep, enduring relationship. In this episode we talk all about those factors and also where couples get off track.

Stan is the founder of the PACT institute which stands for the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy. He is one of the leading trainers in the world of couples therapy and offers an extensive certification program in this model. Pact has a reputation for effectively treating the most difficult couples.

Click the link to check out the previous interview with Stan in episode #35.

The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week.

Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy.

Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group

Visit Stan's website at stantatkin.com

Also check out thepactinstitute.com

It is becoming more and more evident over time that incorporating aspects of trauma work into couples therapy is incredibly beneficial. Using Emotionally Focused Therapy (one of the leading couples therapy models) is a great way to be able to work with how the trauma is coming up in the present relationship.

Kathryn Rheem is a certified EFT therapist and teacher of the model. She has worked closely with Sue Johnson for over ten years and does lots of training for therapists learning EFT. She is also the director of the Washington Baltimore center for EFT.

The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week.

Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy.

Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group

Visit Kathryn's website at washingtonbaltimorecenterforeft.com

Couples retreats and intensives are getting more and more popular and for good reason. It is a very good way of making a lot of progress in a short amount of time.

In this episode, Rachel Zamore and I talk all about retreats. We cover the difference between an educational couples experience with a group of couples vs. a private couples retreat vs. an intensive. We also talk about the various options like discernment retreats, affair repair retreats and repair and renewal retreats.

Rachel Zamore is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and offers compassionate, integrative counseling and relationship coaching for couples and individuals. Rachel's work is informed by her deep commitment to mindfulness, to loving presence, and to nurturing the wholeness and unique gifts of each person and relationship.

The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week.

Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy.

Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group

Visit Rachel's practice website at innerwell.org.

Visit Rachel's site for therapists at relationshipcrossroads.com

When working with couples in therapy, it can be easy to get lost in their story and stay focused on the content of what they are talking about. This often feels like a tennis match, watching the ball go back and forth. In the interview this week with Rob Fisher, he talks about how to use experiential techniques in order to help couples slow down, be more present, and tune into what is going on inside them.

Rob is a certified Hakomi Therapist and Trainer. He teaches couples therapy internationally. He is the publisher of The Couples Psychotherapy Newsletter and the author of a book about experientially oriented couples therapy entitled Experiential Psychotherapy With Couples: A Guide for the Creative Pragmatist.

The Couples Therapist Couch is the podcast for Couples Therapists about the practice of couples therapy. The host, Shane Birkel, interviews an expert in the field of couples therapy each week.

Please subscribe to the podcast for more great episodes.

Get your free copy of The Comparison of 7 different Models of Couples Therapy.

Click here to join the Couples Therapist Couch Facebook Group

Visit Rob's website for more information

Here is a link to the Hakomi Institute website