Most of us love the idea of unconditional support. We’re told it’s the gold standard because it feels warm, safe, cozy and ideal.

I thought so too… until I realized it was quietly keeping me stuck.

In this week’s episode: “The Downside to Unconditional Support”. I share a story from my early 30s. My therapist was kind, supportive, and warm. My sessions with her felt like “back in the womb.”

Awesome, right? Isn’t that the goal?

Yes, but here’s the catch: my nervous system got too relaxed. I left soothed, but my patterns didn’t change.

The key: We need unconditional safety in the healing container and gentle drops of challenge so the nervous system sits in the window of tolerance where new pathways (real learning) form.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The difference between unconditional safety and unconditional support
• Why growth can’t happen when you’re too comfortable
• How to know if learning happened (hint: behavior changes between sessions)
• How to apply this in therapy, coaching, parenting, and relationships

Timestamps

02:05 Healed individuals create a ripple effect

03:14 Why I’m not a fan of unconditional support

03:30 Update on the in-person retreat

05:12 A personal story that brought this home

07:35 Why therapy felt good but didn’t create change

09:43 The state in which growth cannot happen

13:50 What many coaches/therapists don’t realize

15:34 The only way to confirm learning

16:08 Why many of us cycle in/out of therapy

Bringing this into parenting or partnership?

Ask: Am I offering unconditional safety—and just enough challenge for growth?

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