In this fun and enlightening episode, I interview Gaby and Raj, two powerful relationship coaches and teachers with a unique perspective on marriage, conflict and personal growth. They are committed to spreading one message—if you are struggling to have a sense of play, peace or passion in your relationship, it’s not your fault (relationships can be seriously challenging!). And they share how resolving conflict doesn’t have to be so serious or significant. I love how artfully they weave lightness, humor and play into their work with couples.

SHOWNOTES

• What did one guest say at their engagement party that gave them a reality check? [4:50]
• How did Gaby and Raj get into relationship work? [5:36]
• One key distinction on how to view struggles in a relationship [8:15]
• The two things that define a fight [10:10]
• Three words that can transform a fight in an instant [13:35]
• Introverted man and extroverted woman [16:50]
• How to reframe the things you don’t like about your partner [20:03]
• Why we attract our opposite in a partner [24:16]
• Does the behavior define the person? [24:55]
• What role does community play in a marriage? [25:15]
• What to say to each other before each meal. [34:28]
• Different versions of fights [38:40]

If you are in a long-term relationship, you’re going get triggered, period. And how you show up in those moments will define whether you grow together or grow apart. In this episode, we dive into an effective process for navigating upset when you’re triggered and how to rock it so you honor yourself and your partner. 

SHOWNOTES:

• What does it mean to be triggered? [1:50]
• Are you normal if you get triggered by your partner? [3:40]
• Better questions to ask when you’re triggered. [6:15]
• What to do when you’re triggered [6:55]
• The 4 step process for getting centered after a trigger [10:10]
• The best way to share with your partner after you’ve calmed down [16:40]
• Why you shouldn’t focus on getting them to change their behavior. [19:44]
• Review [21:07]

This week, I bring onto the podcast a long-time friend and relationship wizard Joshua Levin, to help me outline a potent relationship tool: sharing impact.  Like many relationship tools, sharing impact is a simple, yet difficult tool to use in relationship. WTF is sharing impact and how can it help you dramatically decrease drama in your relationship? Find out by listening in. This is the first episode in a series on “relationship tools.” This is a new format I’m trying out, so make sure to leave your comments and feedback below. Does this serve you? Do you want more episodes like this? Let me know!

SHOWNOTES:

• Why does Joshua care about relationships? [5:40]
• Why do we need a tool like “sharing impact” in a long-term partnership? [9:00]
• What is “sharing impact”? [11:10]
• By contrast, what do many people do instead of sharing impact? [15:15]
• Josh shares a personal example of sharing impact [21:05]
• Jayson and Joshua trade impact back and forth [25:00]
• What happens after we share impact? [28:00]
• Josh encourages us to start with ______ [30:00]
• The difference between expression and communication [35:00]

In this lively episode, Bryan Franklin and Jennifer Russell lay bare the inner-workings of their extraordinary relationship. And it truly is extraordinary! Bryan and Jennifer share how they came together and worked to build their relationship from the ground up. We get into specifics and details that I think you will find extremely helpful and enlightening here. Bryan and Jennifer also tease us with a few of their “extraordinary-relationship principles”, the rock-solid foundations of their partnership. If you resonate with the idea of relationship designed to optimize the evolution of each individual, then you will love this episode. Make sure to leave a comment below and let us know your thoughts!

SHOWNOTES:

• Bryan shares a vulnerable realization from his first marriage [4:30]
• Jennifer shares her own early relationship struggles [8:00]
• A powerful wedding vow [10:30]
• Guys: don’t view your partners as “roadies” [12:15]
• How does Jennifer define intimacy? [15:30]
• A founding principle of an “extraordinary relationship” [20:30]
• Another extraordinary-relationship principle in action [24:00]
• What Brian and Jennifer do to better their future selves in relationship [31:00]
• The process Bryan and Jennifer use when they are triggered in conflict [33:45]
• The 3rd extraordinary-relationship principle – being called into your greatness [37:00]
• Re-framing your partner’s complaints – “All of your fights are the source of your own _______” [44:00]
• One last extraordinary-relationship principle – (it’s a good one) [47:00]

If you are the one who chose to get a divorce, or you are thinking about a divorce, than this podcast episode is for you.

Divorce is often stigmatized in our culture as bad, wrong, a failure, you name it. But is it really? Isn’t it okay to throw in the towel sometimes?

My answer is in this episode, where I talk about 2 reasons why divorce might be, or might have been, a valid decision for you. But be prepared because I also challenge you. Notice if you get defensive and if so, leave a comment below.

Do you know how to listen to an emotional woman? Yikes!

This one’s for the men out there (and yes, some women are not great listeners as well, I get that). If you’re anything like me you know it can be hard to listen to your woman. It’s probably in your best interest to sharpen your listening skills in a way that opens her up and softens her.  How do you do that?

In 3 simple steps, which I outline in the podcast.  I talk about what it means to FRACK your woman, and why you want to avoid it.  Also I share 3 words to tell your woman so that she feels validated.  Finally, I bring in a great rule of thumb I share with my wife when it comes to listening and understanding her. You’ll want to hear this one, as it was a game-changer for our whole relationship.  Make sure to leave a comment or any questions you have below!

This episode was a lot of fun.  Former dedicated David Deida student Adam Gilad brings some excellent advice during this dialogue. We cover fatherhood, dating, marriage, and why Adam couldn’t do relationship early on and what he “figured out” along the way. He also shares his most recent wedding vows and so much more. I think you’re in for a treat here. 

SHOWNOTES:

• What lead Adam to teach about relationship? [3:55]
• A personal share from Jayson: re-writing marriage vows [12:30]
• The #1 thing that made Adam ready for deep relationship [13:40]
• Adam shares his “one vow to rule them all” [15:55]
• Reframe: the idea of marriage as “hard work” [18:10]
• Playing the infinite game of love [25:10]
• Why do people hold back on asking for what they need/want in relationship? [25:10]
• The difference between finding and inspiring love [29:25]
• The 3 ways to inspire love  [33:20]
• Adam’s answer to inspired marriages [43:15]
• Adam brings a vulnerable share [44:55]
• Jayson and Adam swap stories of being a father [47:40]

In this 2nd installment of AMAR (Ask Me Anything about Relationships) I dive into your burning questions and it gets a little intense in there! Thanks for bringing it everyone!

SHOWNOTES:

There’s a lot of great questions in here including:

• How to relate to someone who’s depressed [5:30]
• How to find a great marriage counselor [17:45]
• How to get over years of resentments [26:35]
• What to do if someone is passive aggressive with you [34:25]

And more!

This is a pretty charged issue. On the one hand, some people really believe divorce is one of the major culprits to kid’s problems. On the other hand, newer research suggests that kids are fine coming from divorced families, and in fact may even be more resilient and capable of handling life’s challenges. If you really think divorce is going to mess up your kids, think again…Listen in, then weigh in with a comment below.

SHOWNOTES:

• The erroneous assumption that comes along with divorce statistics [3:00]
• What is the real issue here? [8:10]
• The problem with divorce/marriage research [11:45]
• What I suggest you do if you are in a dead marriage [15:15]
• Relationship tools to use if you want to avoid divorce [17:20]

Co-dependency gets a bad rap in most circles. I used to shame it as well. Yet, as I’ve matured, I’ve come to see that there is a lot of value to be found in co-dependency, yet it’s important to know the difference between the more neurotic kind and the wisdom kind. In this episode I go into what co-dependency is, where it comes from, and how we can relate to it with grace and honesty in our long-term relationships.

SHOWNOTES:

• How does Jayson define co-dependency? [1:30]
• Our two fundamental drives as human beings [3:40]
• The dance of authentic co-dependency [12:00]
• What’s cool about the drive to be authentic… [17:00]