The Lens of Betrayal:

Relearning How to See the Ones We Love

In this thought-provoking episode of the Human Intimacy Podcast, Dr. Kevin Skinner and MaryAnn Michaelis explore how betrayal changes the way we see the people closest to us. When trust is broken, our brain naturally shifts into self-protection, filtering our perception through trauma, pain, and fear. Dr. Skinner shares personal stories and clinical insights to illuminate how resentment, grief, and disconnection can cloud our ability to see others clearly. Together, they discuss how healing requires slowing down, grounding the nervous system, and re-engaging the prefrontal cortex to ask deeper questions: Who is this person now? Am I ready to see them anew? The episode encourages listeners to examine their own emotional filters, make space for grief, and learn to see others—and themselves—with compassion, clarity, and maturity. This conversation offers hope, not through rushed reconnection, but through the power of perception and presence.

Reflective Questions to Shift Perspective

“Who is my enemy?”

“What am I fighting for?”

“Am I ready to see this person in a new way?”

Neuroscience and Trauma Concepts

The amygdala’s role in trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze)

The prefrontal cortex as the seat of reflective, relational thinking

Trauma-informed perception: seeing through past filters

Therapeutic Tools and Concepts

Reflective Listening – Taught in the free course: Seven Essential Communication Skills

Bids for Connection – From Dr. John Gottman’s research

Back Pocket Technique – Practicing presence by temporarily setting aside your own perspective

Literary Inspiration

C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory:

“There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal…”

Related Upcoming Topics

When Your Partner Won’t Open Up

The Fear of Being Seen