The New Man

What keeps you from making your dreams a reality? Are you scared of being criticized in public? Amelia Rose Earhart discusses her round the world flight and challenges.

Stressed out, grumpy guys says things like:

“I have to find my purpose in the world. And I have to pay the bills doing the thing I was put on this earth to do!”

This makes it sound like a guy can’t do what he loves unless he can justify it with a handsome, stable paycheck.

But is this really true?

In the fifth and last lesson of this mini-course, we’re going to explore what it means to live with a sense of purpose or passion and how money fits into all of that.

Most guys are so busy they don’t realize that they’re neglecting the most important things in their lives — relationships.

And it makes sense. Relationships are often the stickiest, most challenging areas we know.

But what if you could learn a tool that would help you navigate any relationship with more confidence and ease?

What if you could learn how to ditch the neediness and drama?

In the fourth lesson of this mini-course we dive into relationships and what you can do — today — to improve every single one of them.

Are you in a rut?

Have you ever been in a rut?

Ruts (or plateaus) can be awful. They eat away at our energy and self-esteem. Days go by and the wheels just spin — no progress was made.

Ruts can be professional or ruts can be personal. Regardless, in the third lesson of this mini-course, I’m going to share a simple checklist you can use to get yourself out of a rut.

Part of being a coach means helping guys get out of traps they’ve created for themselves.

But wouldn’t be better if you could avoid them altogether?

In the second lesson of this mini-course, we’re going to explore:

-- The 3 Big Traps that snag even the “smart” guys

-- How to claim real power in your life

-- How to feel less pressure and more relief

In this series of short podcast episodes I’m going to share some of the big ideas I teach as part of The New Man 360 audio course.

That said, let’s dive in and discuss why so many guys hit the wall even if it appears — from the outside — that their personal lives, their relationships, and their career all seem to be doing just fine.

Playing a Role

As men we often define our lives by our job or what we do — I’m a coach, a lawyer, an entrepreneur, a cafeteria worker. We may have trained ourselves from an early age to be a “good boy” or a “good student”.

The problem is that this mindset is simply focused on playing a role. It’s about performance. It’s about meeting some imagined external expectation about who we should be or who we’re supposed to be. In this mindset we’ve allowed ourselves to succumb to an external authority.

The theory goes — “If I do what I should do, if I do what a good guy or good student or good husband or good father or successful professional is supposed to do then I will be lit up. I’ll feel peaceful. I’ll be loved. I’ll feel free. If I follow the rules then I’ll be fulfilled.”

It sounds good, right?

This Idea is Bullshit

The heavy cost of this mindset is that most of us end up on autopilot lumbering through our lives playing a role instead of actively creating the experiences we most deeply want. We end up wasting our lives.

Many guys drive themselves to exhaustion and depression and dysfunction because they’re ignoring their own inner authority. They’re following the external rules instead of listening to their inner wisdom. They’re ignoring their own unique sense of what will have them feel freedom, love, passion, and peace.

To avoid this wall and the sense of a wasted life we need to develop and follow our own inner authority. This means we need to be willing to ditch the roles and orient our lives around what actually strengthens us. And this is about the time the voices of doubt and resistance show up.

Here Comes the Doubt and Fear

“But if I only do what I want isn’t that selfish? Isn’t that narcissistic? Won’t I be a lousy person or professional or husband or father if I’m taking time away from that stuff to focus on what feeds me?”

Good point. The fear is that if we do what truly feeds us then that means we’re going to damage the other things we really care about. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Who Do You Want in Bed with Your Wife?

Consider this idea — What if it’s not a choice between either what strengthens you or protecting what you love? What if taking the time and energy to do what invigorates you has you be a better husband and father? What if doing the things that have you feel more peaceful and free also have you be more creative and productive at work?

The bullshit belief is that we have to deprive ourselves in order to do or be our best. We’ve bought into this weak idea that caring for ourselves is selfish or bad or wrong.

But let me ask you this… Which version of yourself would you prefer to be in your office or in bed with your wife or playing with your kids? The one who is drained, checked out, resentful, or toxic? Or the one who is invigorated, present, open-hearted, and playful?

The Bottom Line?

Don’t use your job or your family to justify self-deprivation. Don’t blame them.

Challenge the idea that says you’ll be fulfilled if you simply do what you imagine others expect of you.

Instead, begin experimenting with action. Start small. Very small. You don’t need a plan. You simply need to start experimenting and gathering data around what actually has you feel more alive or more free or more loving or more peaceful.

This is how you develop your sense of inner authority. This is how you slowly let go of role playing and step fully into a life that you truly love.

This is Just the Tip

Now there are many, many more big ideas and practical lessons in The New Man 360 audio course. The New Man 360 covers what really matters and what rea...

Ted Ryce fitness expert, martial artist, and podcast host has experienced great loss including the murder of his younger brother. How does he maintain a positive outlook on life? How did he overcome these tragedies? WARNING: This episode features graphic descriptions of a horrific crime committed against a child.

Do you think flow is only for pro athletes, daredevils, or musicians? The Rise of Superman author Steven Kotler discusses flow and how it can help even if you’re trapped in a dead end job.

Brian Johnson (en*theos, Philosophers Notes) describes his darkest days, the danger of comparing yourself to others, and the mindset that kills fulfillment.

Mastery and 48 Laws of Power author Robert Greene is here to discuss how he wandered through dozens of jobs and being seen as a loser at the age of 37 to reading his name on the New York Times Bestseller list.