Nobody walks into their marriage imagining they’ll one day be parsing text messages from a couch, wondering why their ex won’t respond, trying to figure out how to get through a conversation without it escalating into the same exhausting fight they’ve had a hundred times before. But here you are. And if you’ve ever told yourself “I don’t want this to be a high-conflict divorce” while feeling completely helpless to stop it from becoming one, this episode of Divorce Happens was made for you. Host Olivia Howell sits down with Tamar Barbash, a DCA certified ADR divorce coach and founder of NB Divorce Coaching, for an honest, grounded, and genuinely practical conversation about what it actually takes to reduce conflict in divorce — and why the answer is almost always closer than we think.

Tamar’s approach to divorce coaching centers on a truth that is both simple and surprisingly hard to sit with: the only behavior we can change in a divorce is our own. She shares a story about a client who was frustrated that her ex wasn’t responding to her texts about an upcoming weekend schedule change. What looked like stonewalling, Tamar gently helped her see, was actually a bid for control from someone who had watched his entire life be reorganized without his input. The fix wasn’t to send better texts. It was to shift the question from “here’s what I need” to “what do you need from me to make this work?” — a small pivot with an enormous downstream effect. This is the kind of insight Tamar brings to every client conversation: not a judgment about who is right, but a clear-eyed examination of what is actually working and what small shift might change everything. She also speaks candidly about nervous system regulation — the underrated skill of knowing when you are too activated to respond well, and giving yourself permission to wait until you’re not.

What makes this episode stand out is how much hope it holds without being naive about how hard any of this is. Tamar doesn’t promise easy. She talks about the moments when you genuinely have to hold your nose and take the high road with someone who, frankly, doesn’t deserve your generosity — and she reframes why doing it anyway is actually in your own interest. For anyone in the middle of a contentious divorce, the takeaway is quietly revolutionary: the goal isn’t to win. It’s to get to the other side with your values intact, your co-parenting relationship functional, and your energy preserved for the life you’re building.

🔗 Check out Fresh Starts Registry:

The first & only divorce registry + support platform ➡ https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/

📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/freshstartsregistry/

📘 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreshStartsRegistry

🎙 Podcast IG: https://www.instagram.com/divorcehappenspod/

📬 Magazine: https://divorceguidemagazine.com/