The Open Bedroom Podcast

What happens when the sex just… stops? Not because you stopped loving each other. Not necessarily because anyone cheated. But somewhere between work, kids, stress, resentment, hormones, routine—or just life—you look up and realize you’ve become roommates instead of lovers.

Today I’m talking with Karen Bigman about sexless marriages: how couples get there, what “sexless” actually means, whether a relationship can still be healthy without sex, and the much harder question—what do you do when one person is perfectly fine with it and the other one absolutely isn’t?

We’re getting into desire discrepancies, rejection, resentment, communication, and whether it’s actually possible to bring the sexual connection back.

Let’s talk about sexless marriages.

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The Midlife Man Waitlist

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What can men in monogamous relationships learn from guys who’ve successfully navigated open relationships?

Quite a bit, actually.

In this episode of The Open Bedroom Podcast, I’m sharing three skills I’ve seen men develop in ethical non-monogamy that can make any relationship better—including a completely monogamous one.

This isn’t an argument for opening your relationship. In fact, my husband and I have closed ours. But there are some things we learned from ENM that I absolutely do not want to leave behind.

🔥 1. Never Stop Leveling Up
Long-term relationships can get comfortable—and sometimes too comfortable. We talk about continuing to develop your sexual skills, communication, emotional intelligence, confidence, and yes, even the effort you put into how you show up for your partner.

I also break down the 5 Erotic Blueprints—Sexual, Sensual, Energetic, Kinky and Shapeshifter—and why knowing how your partner actually experiences desire can change the way you approach intimacy.

🔥 2. Stay Curious
You don't need new partners to create novelty.

I share ways couples can keep exploring together, from toys and workshops to BDSM education, community events, new experiences, or simply trying something neither of you has tried before.

My challenge: one night every month dedicated specifically to sexual exploration. Curiosity is a relationship skill.

🔥 3. Master Your Damn Calendar
Yes, calendar management made the sex podcast. 😂

One thing ENM teaches very quickly is that managing relationships requires managing time. Your partner shouldn't have to be the household cruise director responsible for remembering every date, commitment and plan.

We talk about shared calendars and intentionally scheduling different kinds of connection—including Her/His Night, Sex Exploration Night, and Fun Night—so your relationship doesn't get whatever scraps of time are left after everything else.

The best lesson from ENM may have nothing to do with having multiple partners.

It's the idea that your relationship deserves continued effort, curiosity and intentionality—even after you've "gotten" the person.

Whether you're monogamous, open, somewhere in between, or simply trying to build a better relationship, these are three habits worth stealing.

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You can get sexual health via Telehealth at Shameless Care for:

- Erectile dysfunction medication

- DoxyPEP - an STI prevention treatment

- Valacyclovir - a herpes suppression drug

- Triple-testing STI testing panel

Use code “OPENBEDROOM” for $15 off at ⁠shamelesscare.com⁠

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I’m Jennifer, and today I’m talking with Betsy Pake about one of the hardest questions we ask ourselves: "Should I stay, or should I go?"

We talk about relationships, divorce, career changes, self-abandonment, and the expectations we inherit from our families and society. Betsy shares what she has learned from her own experiences and offers practical ways to reconnect with our values, our desires, and the life we actually want.

If you’ve ever felt stuck, disconnected, or unsure whether it’s time to make a change, this conversation is for you. Let’s get started.

Top 10 moments:

• 00:00 — Welcome and the central question: should I stay or should I go?
• 04:02 — When keeping the peace becomes self-abandonment.
• 06:14 — Questioning the programming and expectations we grew up with.
• 12:31 — Reframing divorce, judgment, and personal growth.
• 19:37 — Betsy’s Navigate Method: clarifying your values and needs.
• 22:29 — “If money didn’t matter and nobody got hurt, what would I do?”
• 26:10 — Betsy’s experiences with emotional disconnection in marriage.
• 31:01 — Career boredom and trying novelty before making a major change.
• 41:11 — Empty nesting, aging parents, and making time with loved ones count.
• 47:45 — Slowing down, finding yourself, and noticing the good things.

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This week my guests are giving you sex advice directly from sex worker's mouths! George Goulburn and London Sterling of Australia tell us not only what men and women ask for, but how to give it to them.

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In this episode of the Open Bedroom Podcast, I welcome Amanda Dames, a kink consultant, sexologist, and former NYC dominatrix. Amanda shares her journey discovering her kink identity, her experience as a dominatrix, and her transition into coaching. Our conversation covers BDSM dynamics, power exchange, and how to communicate desires in relationships. Amanda emphasizes that kink is normal, shame-free, and rooted in consent, offering practical advice for couples navigating mismatched desires or introducing kink into their relationships.

Introduction to Amanda Dames (00:00:48)

The host introduces Amanda Dames, a kink consultant, sexologist, and former New York City dominatrix, detailing her expertise.

Amanda's Kink Discovery (00:02:13)

Amanda shares her early awareness of her interest in spanking and punishment, starting from the age of five.

The Origins of Kink (00:03:51)

Discussion on whether people are born kinky, exploring ideas like past lives, epigenetics, and trauma as potential origins.

Kink vs. Fetish (00:06:42)

A clear distinction is made between a kink (a nice-to-have) and a fetish (a need-to-have for arousal).

Is Everyone a Little Kinky? (00:08:29)

Amanda argues that most people are a little kinky but are often afraid of the word itself.

Experience as a Dominatrix (00:16:43)

Amanda recounts how she found a job as a dominatrix on Craigslist and what the work actually entailed.

From Dominatrix to Kink Consultant (00:18:26)

Amanda explains her career transition from corporate life and moonlighting as a Domme to becoming a full-time kink consultant.

Living in a 24/7 D/s Relationship (00:21:25)

Amanda describes her current 24/7 Dominant/submissive relationship, where she is the submissive partner with her live-in Dom.

The Appeal of Submission (00:24:48)

Amanda explains why being in a submissive role is appealing, highlighting the freedom and care it provides.

How to Tell Your Partner About Your Kink (00:44:24)

Amanda provides a step-by-step guide on how to initiate a conversation with a partner about your kinks and fetishes.

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• 
  

• Guide for couples with mismatched desire to have more open and honest conversations in a safe framework: https://www.amandadames.com/Speak-Your-Desires-with-Confidence-opt-in-1
• BDSM Menu for couples who are curious to explore each other's kinks: https://www.amandadames.com/bdsmlist

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Erectile dysfunction can feel incredibly isolating—but it affects far more men and couples than most people realize.

I'm joined by my husband Scott for an honest conversation about his experience with erectile dysfunction. Scott shares what it felt like to lose trust in his own body, the frustration and hopelessness that followed, and the emotional pressure that can build when sex starts to feel like a test you might fail.

We discuss how erectile difficulties can affect confidence, intimacy, communication, and both partners’ experiences in the bedroom. Scott also opens up about finally seeking help, exploring prescription ED treatment through telehealth, and discovering that getting support gave him something he had been missing for years: a sense of control.

This is not simply a conversation about erections. It is about vulnerability, performance anxiety, asking for help, and finding a path back to confidence and connection.

00:00 — Introduction: The conversation men rarely have
Jen introduces the episode and explains why erectile dysfunction deserves a more honest, shame-free conversation.

02:15 — Scott’s personal experience with erectile dysfunction
Scott begins sharing when he first noticed something was changing and how the experience affected him emotionally.

06:10 — Losing trust in your own body
The fear of not knowing whether your body will respond—and how that uncertainty follows you into future sexual experiences.

10:25 — When sex starts to feel like a performance test
How pressure, anticipation, and fear of “failing” can make erectile difficulties even more likely.

14:30 — Hopelessness, frustration, and staying silent
Scott describes the internal struggle many men experience before they are willing to talk about the problem or seek help.

18:45 — How erectile dysfunction affects the partner
Jen shares the questions a partner may begin asking: Is it attraction? Did I do something wrong? Does my partner still want me?

23:10 — Attraction versus physical response
Why an erection is not always a reliable measurement of desire, attraction, or emotional connection.

27:20 — The cycle of anxiety and avoidance
How one difficult experience can create worry, avoidance, and even more pressure the next time intimacy begins.

31:05 — Deciding to seek help
Scott discusses reaching the point where he was ready to explore treatment rather than continue hoping the problem would disappear.

34:40 — Exploring telehealth and ED medication
The experience of using a telehealth provider, the convenience of accessing support, and overcoming the stigma attached to medication.

39:00 — Finally feeling in control again
Scott explains how having a reliable option changed the way he approached sex and reduced the fear surrounding his body’s response.

43:10 — The confidence shift
How greater reliability affected erection quality, confidence, presence, and the ability to enjoy sex instead of monitoring every physical sensation.

47:05 — What partners can do—and what they cannot fix
Supporting someone without taking responsibility for their erection, applying pressure, or interpreting the issue as rejection.

50:25 — Asking for help is not a failure
Why using medication or another form of support does not make someone less masculine, less sexual, or less capable.

53:20 — Taking back control of your sex life
Final thoughts on vulnerability, communication, treatment, and giving yourself permission to find a solution that works.

55:19 — Closing

Erectile dysfunction does not mean that attraction, masculinity, or a satisfying sex life is gone. Sometimes taking back control begins with one vulnerable conversation—and the willingness to accept help.

Podcast Sponsor: Shameless Care

Use code "OpenBedroom" for $15 off

Today I'm speaking with with Aimee Latta, a certified embodied intimacy and relationship coach. Aimee shares her journey from growing up in Mormon purity culture, where sexuality was shrouded in shame, to fully embracing her pleasure and pansexual identity. She discusses how deeply ingrained religious beliefs suppressed her sexuality and explains her framework for reclaiming pleasure through permission, play, and power. Aimee offers practical advice for listeners beginning their own journeys, emphasizing curiosity, self-compassion, and community as essential tools for breaking free from shame and stepping into sexual empowerment.

Introduction to Aimee Latta (00:01:11)

Host Jen introduces guest Aimee Latta, a certified intimacy coach, and asks why "good girls" have bad sex.

Purity Culture and Sexual Shame (00:01:45)

Aimee explains how purity culture teaches women to prioritize their partner's pleasure and feel shame around their own sexuality.

Growing Up Mormon (00:03:19)

Aimee shares her experience growing up in the Mormon church, its patriarchal structure, and its views on sex.

The Three Levels of Mormon Heaven (00:05:44)

Aimee explains the Mormon belief in three heavens (celestial, terrestrial, telestial) and the concept of men having multiple wives.

Masturbation as an "Addiction" (00:10:20)

Aimee discusses how masturbation is considered a sin in Mormonism and shares her experience in a church support group.

The Journey Out of Mormonism (00:16:08)

Aimee describes her gradual exit from the church, including her decision to stop wearing the special Mormon undergarments (garments).

Bad Sex in a Mormon Marriage (00:20:43)

Aimee talks about her painful and unsatisfying sex life during her marriage and the cultural expectation of painful sex.

Discovering Self-Pleasure (00:24:29)

After leaving her marriage, a conversation with a friend gave Aimee permission to explore her own pleasure with a vibrator.

The "Hoe Phase" and Clitoral Stimulation (00:27:24)

The hosts discuss the importance of the "hoe phase" for repressed women and the necessity of clitoral stimulation for orgasm.

How to Give Yourself Permission (00:30:25)

Aimee offers advice on how to start giving yourself permission to explore pleasure, starting with curiosity and self-compassion.

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Shameless Care Show Sponsor:

Think your STI test is complete? If you're having oral sex, you need a throat swab. Anal sex needs a rectal swab. You could be walking around with gonorrhea or chlamydia harboring in your body, and pass it on without any symptoms.

You can get sexual health via Telehealth at Shameless Care for:

- Erectile dysfunction medication

- DoxyPEP - an STI prevention treatment

- Valacyclovir - a herpes suppression drug

- Triple-testing STI testing panel

Use code “OPENBEDROOM” for $15 off at ⁠shamelesscare.com⁠

Or visit https://shamelesscare.sjv.io/R0L2eX

Today I'm chatting with Nurse Amber, a board-certified women's health nurse practitioner, to discuss sexual health and STIs. We cover the prevalence and stigma of herpes, common STIs like chlamydia and gonorrhea, testing frequency, and prevention methods including PrEP and DoxyPEP.

Our conversation also addresses female health concerns such as UTIs, bacterial vaginosis, and pelvic floor health, as well as men's sexual health topics.

Nurse Amber emphasizes open communication, regular testing, and finding a sex-positive healthcare provider.

Understanding Herpes Transmission (00:02:11)

Discussion on HSV-1 and HSV-2, how both can be transmitted genitally or orally, and why blood testing has limited utility.

Most Common STIs (00:08:18)

Chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomonas are identified as the most common STIs seen in clinical practice, with chlamydia being most frequent.

Symptoms of Common STIs (00:08:50)

A description of potential STI symptoms in people with vaginas and penises, noting that 50% of cases are asymptomatic.

What is Trichomonas? (00:10:02)

An explanation of trichomonas, a common parasitic STI that often causes no symptoms but can cause severe inflammation.

Long-Term Risks of Untreated STIs (00:11:50)

Untreated bacterial STIs can lead to serious complications like Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), chronic pain, and impaired fertility.

STI Incubation Periods (00:14:39)

Genital STIs are detectable 1-2 weeks post-exposure, while blood-borne infections like HIV and syphilis can take 1-3 months.

How to Disclose an STI to a Partner (00:15:53)

Advice on having a direct conversation with partners about a positive STI test and the need for mutual treatment.

STI Testing Frequency (00:17:19)

Recommendations for testing frequency based on sexual activity, ranging from every 6-12 months to every 2-3 months for active individuals.

PrEP and DoxyPEP Explained (00:21:49)

An overview of PrEP for HIV prevention and DoxyPEP, a post-exposure prophylaxis to reduce the risk of bacterial STIs.

Syphilis is Not Gone (00:26:47)

Syphilis, known as "the great pretender," is still prevalent and can have sneaky symptoms, making regular screening important.

The Current State of HIV (00:29:00)

HIV is now a highly treatable chronic condition, and transmission rates are much lower than for other STIs like Hepatitis C.

What to Ask For at the Gynecologist (00:31:59)

Clarifying that a pelvic exam is not always a Pap smear and what specific STI tests patients should request.

The Importance of Triple Testing (00:37:23)

Why testing genital, oral, and rectal sites is crucial for a comprehensive screening, as infections can exist in one area.

Myth-Busting: Partner Testing (00:42:04)

Debunking the myth that if one partner tests negative, the other is also clear. Each person needs individual testing.

Vaginal Health and Hygiene (00:44:01)

Advice on maintaining vaginal health, emphasizing that vaginas are self-cleaning and harsh soaps or douching should be avoided.

Squirting and Prolapse (00:50:31)Explaining that squirting is largely urine and discussing bladder prolapse, a common condition that can cause stress incontinence.

Pelvic Floor Health (00:54:39)

How to maintain pelvic floor health through exercises like Pilates and yoga, which can improve sex and prevent incontinence.

Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) (00:58:16)

A discussion on the benefits and considerations of HRT for perimenopausal symptoms, cautioning against unproven testing methods.

When Men Should See a Doctor (01:02:54)

An overview of symptoms like itching, discharge, pain, or sores that should prompt a person with a penis to seek medical care.

Finding a Sex-Positive Provider (01:17:29)

The importance of finding a healthcare provider you can be open with about your sexual health for accurate testing and treatment.

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Today I'm sitting down with therapist and relationship coach Mindy Glover to talk about infidelity and open relationships.

We explore why infidelity causes such deep pain, the importance of clearly defining boundaries, and how assumptions can lead to misunderstandings.

Mindy introduces me to the concept of "blue brain" versus "red brain" decision-making, and explains why agreements are hard to maintain when we’re emotional or aroused.

We also discuss transparency in open relationships and how to heal after boundary violations.

Mindy shares a personal "infidelity story" exercise that couples can use to understand their triggers and build healthier, more authentic relationships.

Mindy's Fascination with Infidelity (01:37)

Mindy explains her lifelong fascination with infidelity, viewing it as a powerful, often deal-breaking force in relationships.

Why Infidelity is a Deal Breaker (04:09)

Infidelity shatters the illusion of security and the belief that you truly know your partner, causing immense pain.

The Problem with Monogamy's Assumptions (07:06)

Couples often assume they share the same definition of infidelity, which sets them up for misunderstanding and failure.

How People Protect Themselves from Infidelity (08:42)

Mindy discusses different strategies people use to avoid infidelity, including control, delusion, and exploring open relationships.

Blue Brain vs. Red Brain in Relationships (11:06)

Neuroscience explains how we make calm, logical decisions (blue brain) but different, aroused decisions (red brain), causing conflict.

The Inevitability of Mistakes and Reporting Issues (14:08)

Because of our "red brain," mistakes are inevitable, leading to a "reporting problem" in open relationships due to shame.

Honoring Individual Relationship Containers (17:18)

The discussion explores the complexity of honoring privacy and boundaries within each separate relationship in a polyamorous dynamic.

The Beauty and Challenge of Showing Different Parts of Yourself (20:38)

Open relationships allow different parts of one's personality to emerge, which can be both beautiful and challenging for partners.

The Concept of "Poly Bypassing" (24:42)

Mindy introduces "poly bypassing," where individuals suppress real feelings like jealousy to appear enlightened, similar to spiritual bypassing.

How to Start the Conversation About Infidelity (27:00)

Mindy suggests couples write their own "infidelity story" to understand their personal history, fears, and triggers around cheating.

The Illusion of Control Through Rules (30:27)

Couples create rules to feel in control, but the real issue is often the lack of prior agreement, not the act itself.

Navigating Ruptures and Hurt Feelings (36:50)

When hurt occurs, it's crucial to have tools and containers to vent, process, and lean into the conflict.

Containing Your "Parts" (39:06)

Instead of containing parts of yourself, Mindy suggests getting curious about them and understanding why they emerge.

How Mindy Presents in Her Own Dating Life (42:04)

Mindy explains she avoids leading with theories and instead focuses on showing up authentically and playfully in relationships.

How to Connect with Mindy (44:42)

Mindy shares her Instagram handle, website, and information about her therapy practice, coaching, and upcoming workshops.

A Final Thought on Relationships (47:38)

Mindy encourages listeners to shift from wanting to know everything their partner will do to being excited by the unknown.

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Today I'm sit down with certified sexologist and relationship coach Kevin Anthony to explore mismatched libido in relationships. We discuss key causes including hormonal changes, performance anxiety, emotional resentment, and the natural fading of new relationship energy. Kevin shares practical strategies for maintaining intimacy, such as daily physical connection, showering together, and intentional date nights.

Our conversation also covers spontaneous versus responsive desire, creating safe spaces for honest communication, and the differences between therapy and coaching. Kevin also introduces his Intimacy Mastery app and various coaching programs.

Kevin Anthony is a Certified Sexologist, Tantra Counselor, NLP Practitioner and a Sex, Love & Relationship coach. For over 15 years he has worked with men, women, and couples to have the relationships of their dreams, and the best sex of their lives! He is also the host of "The Love Lab Podcast", creator of the popular YouTube channel Kevin Anthony Coaching, and creator of the popular online course series "Power and Mastery" as well as other online courses for both men and women.

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The Love Lab Podcast

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