Today on SelfWork, in this "second time around" episode, let's focus on a quartet of players in the self-sabotage realm: procrastination, perfectionism, a negative self-fulfilling prophecy, and of course, imposter syndrome. And as always, we'll talk about... what you can do about it. What's self-sabotage? When you're doing things or not doing things that seem to get in the way of achieving something or creating the life you say you want.

I want to talk more about the fear that’s underneath self-sabotage. Perhaps it’s not sabotage at all. It’s really one part of you – the part that’s afraid – protecting that fear or avoiding it. So, what can seem as if you’re “getting in your own way” can actually be your mind working to keep you safe from a fear that you may be conscious of, or not conscious of at all.

The Speakpipe voicemail for today is from a woman who’s realized that, in order to have a sense of control, that she not only lives out her plans for today, but tries to complete things early – things she might have a plan to do tomorrow – she does today. And yet as she says, “That’s not how time works." Loved her comment and wanted to share.

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Other offerings from Dr. Margaret

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life. And it's available in paperback, eBook or as an audiobook!

And there's another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

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The goal of personal branding is being touted as the best way to ensure success in 2025. Here’s a statement put out by the Harvard Business Review in 2023.. “Much of professional and personal success depends on persuading others to recognize your value. You have to do this when you apply for jobs, ask for promotions, vie for leadership positions, or write your dating profile. For better or worse, in today’s world everyone is a brand, and you need to develop yours and get comfortable marketing it.”

Today we’re going to focus on the pressure involved in personal branding. I’m readily admitting, that with my head in the research about the dangers of what’s termed destructive perfectionism, with another recent bestseller being a book called ‘high-functioning depression, and the rise in suicides in our youth ’ – I have some real concerns about the pressure this whole idea brings with it. The Harvard article may say, “like it or not” – but I don’t particularly like to be told that I have to accept something that I think could be harmful to many.

The Speakpipe voicemail for today is from one of my website readers who’s commenting on a post there that’s earned thousands of readers each month. The post is on enmeshment, which I’ve talked about here before. He appreciates having a word for the way he’s felt for years, but has a specific question about what to do now, as an adult with his own children, what to do with his parents that still rely on him…

Vital Links:

Harvard Business Review Article

Example of a high school "build your brand" course

Carlii Lyon article on branding tips

SelfWork Episode on enmeshment

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You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Today we’re going to focus on AI (Artificial Intelligence) and how it might be used as in psychology and specifically in therapy. It’s interesting to see how people are responding; some states are banning its use, either to protect the jobs of people who’ve studied and received degrees (as is happening in many professions) or to warn of mistakes that AI can make or harm it can do.

There was dramatic and heart-breaking example of this happening just this week. I'd already recorded this episode but then heard about 16 year-old Adam Raine who was allegedly admitting to ChatGBT that he wanted someone to stop him from killing himself. You can hear ChatGBT's alleged answers in this episode. And if it's found to be true, it's not only tragic but it's highly dangerous. I cannot imagine how his parents and loved ones are coping with his death which seemed to be extremely preventable.

I’ll give you my thoughts and my own experiences with ChatGBT thus far. Maybe a few reminders about what my experience as a therapist suggests to me about the pros and cons of a chatbot as a therapist.

Our listener voicemail today is from a mom whose son has successfully launched from home and has a job where he’s finding success. But she sounds as if she’s grieving that he’s not more physically present or doesn’t call all that often. So I’ll add my ideas about her situation and how you, as both the parent and the now launched “child” or young adult can do to keep the relationship going strong.

Vital Links:

Adam Raine's tragic suicide and its alleged links with ChatGBT

An empty nest article with ideas about letting go with intention

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Click HERE for the NEXT GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, The SelfWork. Podcast with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com
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If you've ever wondered if you had it in you to stop drinking or change any destructive habit you have, Marci Hopkins wants to tell you that you can. She's the author of Chaos to Clarity, Seeing the Signs and Breaking the Cycles,  and an award-winning TV Personality, host, show creator and executive producer of "Wake Up with Marci." Wake Up is a talk show all about inspiration and empowerment, where Marci shares stories of triumph and transformation to spread hope.

Marci got very honest with herself (after getting a DWI) that her alcohol use had moved way beyond a glass of wine or two at night “to relax.” I loved that her story was messy… it took some time for her to be honest with herself about her alcoholism… but the DWI and the realization she could lose her family made her take the healing step she needed.

She’s open and clear that for her, her faith was what helped her get through the very difficult commitment to sobriety.

She says, "My guests are living proof that it is possible to heal and that difficult situations do not have to define you...I hope viewers find strength, hope and their purpose through these stories."

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Click HERE for the NEXT GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com
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Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Meeting Kyle Kittleson was an incredibly refreshing experience.

Why? Because he lives and breathes his passion for bettering the world. Whether it's through his work with animals (he's an animal trainer), his dedication to children's learning about animals on his very popular YouTube channel, BaBa Blast. Or his hosting of the incredibly informative MedCircle.com, where he interviews therapists and doctors and all kinds of people about mental health. About that, he says, "To help other struggle less through proper education has been a privilege."

As a child, he formed a club that he called the "Save the World" club. He says now, "Saving the world might be a stretch. However, changing the world – changing the world for better – is absolutely doable."

Along the way, he dealt with his own depression as a nine year-old, his knowledge that he was gay and wishing he could be anything else but that, and his mother's early death. Yet the relationships he formed with the animals he loved helped him balance those struggles with his hope that he could form lasting, empathic relationships with others.

This is his story of doing just that.

Vital Links:

Kyle's book Wear a Wetsuit at Work: How You Can Become a Marine Mammal Trainer

Kyle Kittleson website

Advertisers Links:

Click HERE for the NEXT GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Timeline: https://Timeline.com/selfwork30


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Today we're focusing on the anxiety of being rejected, scorned, or judged. And how it’s a prison that keeps you from feeling safe to talk about yourself in real terms. It’s not a diagnosable anxiety disorder – unless you have panic attacks along with that fear. But to me, it’s as real as any of the classic diagnoses that are out there, like OCD or generalized anxiety disorder.

But when you can allow yourself to step out of that prison – when you feel safe enough with a therapist or a friend or a partner to say who you really are… the freedom you feel can be incredible.

Today's listener/reader comment was a response to the blogpost When Mom Is Emotionally Unstable: Seven Ways to Heal. So, I’ll read her comment and question – and maybe it’ll answer some of your own about your mom or dad whose emotions and behaviors were or are all over the place.

There's also my thoughts on the life and death of Anne Burrell. Only compassion and wondering what this wonderful woman could've been dealing with..

Vital Links:

When Mom is Emotionally Unstable: Seven Ways to Heal.

Book on borderline traits “I Hate You, Don’t Leave Me.”

Advertisers' Links and Special Offers:

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Timeline: https://Timeline.com/selfwork30


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

How To Be Enough, a new book by Ellen Hendriksen is a must-read for anyone struggling with perfectionism and shame.

She's a clinical psychologist at Boston University Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders, and the author of a new book, How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists. She's already a very successful author having published the book How To Be Yourself in 2018 on conquering social anxiety. And I was incredibly interested in talking with her because we are obviously both very concerned about rising perfectionism. She states: "Perfectionism isn't about striving to be perfect. It's about never feeling good enough."

I really enjoyed this conversation. She's funny. Her book is full of pragmatic advice as well as personal stories. She's down to earth, and we had a real human to human connection - woman to woman - "perfectionist to perfectionist."

Advertisers Links:

Click HERE for the NEW GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Timeline: https://Timeline.com/selfwork30


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

What is body dysmorphia? If you've irrationally felt, "I hate the way ....... looks or is," and you're talking about your own body, then you may be struggling with body dysmorphia.

You can have a huge preoccupation with whatever defect your mind is telling you that you have – and can spend lots of time and money and energy to try and “fix” the problem. But tragically, the medicine or the surgery or the exercise doesn’t “fix” the irrationality – and so these kinds of problems can exist for years.

So today, we’re going to focus on what body dysmorphia is – and as always, what you can do about it.

Instead of a listener email this week, I’ve learned of the death of a wonderful man who was my guest last year on SelfWork. James Doty. He was a neurosurgeon, a professor at Stanford, who knew the Dalai Lama well as he founded the Stanford Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education, and they became quite good friends. I’ll tell you a little more about him later in the episode and once again, hear his words of encouragement of how to live a meaningful life.

Vital Links: 

Famous celebrities who's talked about having body dysmorphia

Mayo Clinic description of body dysmorphia

Into the Magic Shop

Advertisers Links:

Click HERE for the NEW GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Timeline: https://Timeline.com/selfwork30


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

Given the wave of mental health awareness that has occurred over the last decade or more, is depression getting easier to talk about?

In some ways, yes. But in other important ways… it doesn’t seem to be. There are plenty of reasons that are the essentially the same as they've been for a while. But there’s one that’s emerged only recently… the idea that a mental illness diagnosis becomes an identity you have. “I’m bipolar, so this is really hard for me.” It can even become your identity or brand on social media.

What about the apparent backlash that’s occurring as a response to mental illness branding? Influencers are labeling themselves as traumatized or using a diagnostic label as their way of selling you something or attracting followers.

How do you know who to trust? Who’s an expert and who isn’t?

The listener voicemail tells a story that I’ve heard fairly often. When one family member takes advantage of their relationship with an older person, a mom, a dad, an aunt or uncle or grandparent, and takes much more than their share of that person’s assets, be it jewelry or money or collections. The rest of the family is aware perhaps but feels helpless, not wanting to press charges or maybe even not knowing how to “prove” manipulation.

Vital Links: 

An article on how and why depression is hard to talk about

Advertisers' Links and Special Offers:

Have you been putting off getting help? BetterHelp, the #1 online therapy provider, has a special offer for you now!

Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Timeline: https://Timeline.com/selfwork30


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands

What's success for men? Lucas Krump would say that what's missing for many men is connection, with their emotions but also with each other.

Who's Lucas Krump?

He's the Chief Growth Officer at EVRYMAN, a global community that fosters men's personal growth and emotional wellness. Lucas has been instrumental in expanding EVRYMAN's mission, offering retreats, online programs, and a membership-based platform that helps men develop deeper emotional intelligence. His work has been featured in outlets such as CBS Evening News, The New York Times, and GQ.

He’s basically a guy who thought he had all the boxes checked – that he was as successful as any man could be. But he was also miserable in his corner office with his name on the door and lots of money in his pocket.

This is his story. And how he changed his misery into gratitude and connection.

Vital Links: 

Lewis Howes on his book The Masks of Masculinity

Advertisers Links:

Click HERE for the NEW GEN offer from AG1 – with bonus product with your subscription!

Manage your hormones with the help of Happy Mammoth, a leader in women's health! Go to https://happymammoth.com/selfwork to order!

You can hear more about this and many other topics by listening to my podcast, SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford. Subscribe to my website and receive my weekly newsletter including a blog post and podcast! If you’d like to join my FaceBook closed group, then click here and answer the membership questions! Welcome!

My book entitled Perfectly Hidden Depression is available here! Its message is specifically for those with a struggle with strong perfectionism which acts to mask underlying emotional pain. But the many self-help techniques described can be used by everyone who chooses to begin to address emotions long hidden away that are clouding and sabotaging your current life.

There’s another way to send me a message! You can record by clicking below and ask your question or make a comment. You’ll have 90 seconds to do so and that time goes quickly. By recording, you’re giving SelfWork (and me) permission to use your voice on the podcast. I’ll look forward to hearing from you!

Our Sponsors:
* Check out BetterHelp: https://www.betterhelp.com
* Check out Timeline: https://Timeline.com/selfwork30


Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands