The Slumflower Hour

Ever been with a Gemini man and wondered why he's like 'that'? Or have you dated a Scorpio man and haven't been able to understand why they do that obsessed-nonchalant thing? Maybe you've been with a Virgo man and you ended up leaving the relationship with insecurities you never even had to begin with... either way, you'll really enjoy this episode.

From Aries through to Pisces, Chidera drags all the men of the zodiac signs - touching on reasons they're most likely to cheat, what makes them insufferable and how to catch them slipping!

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Do you find yourself feeling like that man is trying to compete with you? Is his desire to be right more important than his desire to treat you right? Do you feel like you need to minimise your accomplishments and wins in front of him, as a means of avoiding making him feel small?

If you answered 'yes' to at least one of these, this episode is especially for you! During this thought stream, Chidera touches on the cunning and often overlooked ways that insecure men jealously chip away at your self esteem to make themselves feel like they're better than you.

Whether he's a silent story-watcher, or a sudden 'Mr Unbothered' who was flirting with you the week before, there's something to take away from this episode to hopefully equip yourself with the awareness to spot men like this early on...

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Is making the first move with a man desperate...or decisive? Are there exceptions where making the first move might be a good idea? Is the feminist idea of equality through moving to men, serving us or sabotaging us?

In this episode, The Slumflower visits moments where she's made the first move - including times when it has and hasn't worked! She also discusses non-desperate ways to make the first move whilst retaining your position as the goddess whose trust deserves to be delightfully earned.

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Are you 'manifesting' the man of your dreams or are you too hyper-fixated on the prospect of a man loving you? Are you really returning to church to seek closeness with the Lord or are you looking for a man? Have you found yourself so deep in the rabbit hole of obsession, that you're paying tarot readers and astrologers to confirm your bias that he likes you back?

In this episode, Chidera talks about how digitised spirituality has enabled us into a mindset of using 'magic' to call regular-ass men into our lives, the danger of being so attached to the idea of finding love that you forget to dream beyond meeting a man, and the reality that if you have to 'manifest' him, you're probably already obsessed with him...

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Are you prioritising values in dating that aren't productive to you? Are you attracting low effort men who are drawn to your low self esteem? Is your fixation on morality keeping you stuck within the realm of dating men who are dull and unimpressive?

In this episode, The Slumflower discusses donating pussy to needy men out of fear to be seen as a bad person, separating yourself from maliciously imposed values coming from family and religion, and the danger of dating to marry.

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Why is the word 'friendzone' such a loaded term? How did we arrive at a place where men have successfully managed to push the 'friends with benefits' propaganda whilst they largely remain the only people who actually benefit from this mutual agreement? Are we deluding ourselves by letting the homies hit, in the hopes that they will treat us better than men we barely know?

In this episode, Chidera dissertates on why she believes stingy men should be fast-tracked to the friendzone, ways women can tangibly benefit from a 'friends with benefits' setup and why good-looking men deserve to be treated just like regular-looking men.

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Are men oppressed by misandry? Why do we feel bad about asking our oppressors for stuff? Has feminism worked for us in dating? Can reparative justice and wholesome revenge serve as liberationist praxis?

In this episode, join The Slumflower as she touches on the idea of learning to be stern even when we are scared to upset men, exploring the possibilities of how much better things could be for us if we de-prioritized being liked by people who nut in socks and de-bunking the fear-mongering instilled by men, that we have taken our empowerment 'too far'.

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Why do we make exceptions and excuses for men yet, we penalise our female friends for similar offences? What happens when we enmesh our personalities with the men we are dating and in effect, we neglect our friendships with the women in our lives? Why do we leap at the idea of moving countries to strengthen a long-distance relationship with a man yet, we feel fear to take a risk of that size for our own selves?

In this episode, Chidera discusses the complexity of showing up for friends who complain about their boyfriends and still stay, losing yourself in your partnerships with men, and why we have placed so much emphasis on being picked by men, that we have forgotten how to be in community with women.

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Are you really following your gut...or are you being led by your impulses? Does your pursuit of love compel you to operate from a place of FOMO and as a result, you keep finding yourself in situations you have to emotionally recover from? Is your romantic search for dopamine leading you to disappointment?

In this short and sweet episode of The Slumflower Hour, Chidera discusses her relationship with rejection-sensitivity, the mistake we sometimes make of conflating a connection with compatibility, and learning to use your impulses to your advantage - as opposed to always giving into urges you haven't confronted.

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Does being a people pleaser put you in a position where you're more likely to encounter financially and emotionally manipulative men? Are we conflating kindness with codependency? What do we gain from putting men's sexual needs above our own? Why are people accepting 'nap/shower dates' from men?

In this episode, Chidera visits her past as a former 'pick me' (aka desperate dater), the pitfalls of financially sponsoring men who will spend your money on other women, signing legally-binding documents with crooked men, letting men use your car/address to do shady shit, referring to yourself as a 'easy down-ass chick' when really, you're scared men won't pick you...

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