When you’re sitting at the mediation table and someone asks, “What do you want?” it can feel like a trick question. In this episode of Divorce Happens, Olivia Howell sits down with certified ADR divorce coach, pre-mediation coach, and trauma-informed coach Lyerly Spongberg, to unpack why that deceptively simple question is the key to unlocking better outcomes in divorce. With warmth and candor, Lyerly explains how getting clear on your why—the deeper reason behind your wants—can transform negotiation, reduce conflict, and protect your peace of mind.

Drawing from years of coaching individuals through the chaos of divorce, Lyerly shares the common pitfalls she sees when people cling to rigid positions, and how shifting the conversation from what you want to why you want it opens the door to creative, flexible solutions. She shares client stories that illustrate how reality testing and curiosity can ease conflict—whether it’s navigating custody arrangements or deciding what to do about the family home. Her trauma-informed approach helps clients slow down, regulate their nervous systems, and focus on what truly matters.

For anyone overwhelmed by the divorce process, this episode offers clarity and hope. Listeners will walk away with practical strategies like breaking down decisions into manageable steps, naming fears out loud, and entering mediation with confidence and emotional grounding. Most importantly, Lyerly reminds us that divorce, while often disorienting, can also be a process of empowerment, dignity, and growth when guided by the right support.

Learn more about Lyerly Spongberg: https://www.freshstartsregistry.com/resourceguide/step-up-with-lyerly

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