Thinner Peace in Menopause

Join me this week as I'm sharing some ways you can develop your mind and body awareness and use it to stop overindulging. I'm showing you how to mindfully manage your urges and how to become more aware of your thoughts and eating patterns, and how you can give yourself the gift of keeping your mind intact this holiday season. I can't think of anything better you could want for yourself!

Get full show notes and more information here: https://drdebbutler.com/244

Tune in this week as I share why I believe there is a place for joy eats and drinks this holiday season and how to enjoy these things without feeling guilty. I'm sharing how you can learn to find certain foods less enticing and why changing your thoughts around them will enable you to enjoy them more.

Get full show notes and more information here: https://drdebbutler.com/243

As Thanksgiving and the holidays are approaching, you might be feeling fearful around food. You might feel as though there's a lot of different food you can't eat, which only leads to feelings of desire, frustration, and craving the food even more. So what would you say if I told you that you don't have to restrict yourself and that you can eat anything you want?

Get full show notes and more information here: https://drdebbutler.com/242

Join us this week as we learn of Sabra's journey to a more calm, content, and peaceful life. She tells us how shifting her mindset had life-altering effects, and why as long as you have the dedication and commitment to yourself, you'll go places. Sit back, lie down or take a walk, and enjoy what she has to say!

Get full show notes and more information here: https://drdebbutler.com/241

In this episode I talk about the reasons for over-desire that create overeating.

The three reasons for over-desire are:

1. Neurotransmitters are programmed to desire anything that gives up a subtle, let alone dopamine, response.
2. We are all being marketed to by food experts all day, every day. Recommended book: Salt Sugar Fat by Michael Moss.
3. We don't know how to manage our emotions, so we desire food as an escape.

I talk about food science and marketing and, without us being conscious of it, they know how to control OUR brains. Learning consciousness around this is a game changer and can reduce your overeating.

Enjoy the show!

To get your free copy of the Thinner Peace in Menopause and Beyond Podcast Companion please go to https://drdebbutler.com/change. This will make it even easier to follow along with me on future podcasts.

If you like what I'm talking but think you need more guidance, I am offering a free consultation to my listeners to answer any questions you might have about anything I've talked about. Just go to https://drdebbutler.com/mini-session.

Please leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at https://drdebbutler.com/itunes. It will help me reach more women who struggle with these issues. Here's how to rate and review on iTunes: https://drdebbutler.com/rate. Thank you!

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The post Ep 240 Over-Desire Causes Overeating appeared first on Dr. Deb Butler.

Are you one of those women who think menopause is ruining their lives? Most women think that way. You start to experience menopause weight gain, and your age starts to show physically. But menopause can be the second shot at life you never knew you needed if you approach it differently.

In this episode, I am interviewed by Dr. Lourdes Viado about my work on menopause and weight gain. I outline ways to reframe menopause as a time of transformation instead of the grim milestone as many women see it. I stress the importance of self-compassion and maintaining a positive body image without relying on food as a coping mechanism. Lastly, I share tips on how women can tune in to the whispers of their bodies and age more gracefully.

Listen to the full episode to learn how you can reclaim your health during menopause by rewiring your thoughts and practicing self-compassionate habits.

1. Discover how to embrace your menopause as a second chance at life.
2. Unlearn self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors that keep you from becoming your best self.
3. Learn how to listen closely to your body’s inner rhythms or whispers.

• Dr. Lourdes Viado’s website
• Dr. Lourdes Viado on Facebook and Twitter
• Women In-Depth Ep. 93: Menopause: Catalyst for a Healthier Lifestyle
• Women In-Depth on Facebook and YouTube

• Apply the lessons you learn from this episode as you listen! Enter your email below and I’ll send the dedicated workbook right away!

• I struggled with weight problems my whole life. Menopause weight gain made the problems worse.
• Even though I was a nutrition expert, I could not control myself around food.
• Pre-menopause, I would go to Weight Watchers to lose the extra weight before gaining it again, but this hack didn’t work when I hit menopause.
• I realized that weight loss had nothing to do with food but everything about how you felt and thought about yourself.
• You shouldn't use food to numb or congratulate yourself.

• The most basic connection that we have as human beings is our connection to our bodies, but we lose that connection at an early age.
• I didn't eat when I was hungry nor did I stopped eating when I was full because, like most women, I lost that connection.

• As a chiropractor, I worked with clients who went to the hospital only when their bodies were at their breaking point and not when their symptoms were mild.
• Our bodies are begging for us to understand what it's trying to say, but we don’t listen.
• Women have always been taught to put others first.

• Women are mean to themselves, always hustling and striving for more.
• Many women only know how to be kind to others but don’t know how to be kind to themselves.
• Instead of applauding all that they have done so far, women repeatedly berate themselves for not doing more.
• We think that our feelings come from outside, but they originate from our minds.
• The biggest aha moment is to recognize that these destructive thoughts are thoughts that have solidified into our beliefs but are not necessarily true.

• Most clients were coming to me with weight and menopause issues.
• Menopause does not make life more challenging but only reflects the damage women have self-inflicted by not listening to their bodies.
• Once you start tuning into your body's basic needs, which I call being a body whisperer, you can have a better menopause experience and a fuller life.
• Being a body whisperer means taking care of your body while the pain is at level three, instead of waiting for it to hit level ten.
• Aspire to be childlike in the sense that you attune to your body and listen to it without waiting for your body to scream for help.

• You have a choice to keep going and refuse to listen to your body, which will only make you more miserable during your menopause.
• Your body won't do what you want if you continue unhealthy habits.
• Menopause is a beautiful window to transform and start listening to your body.
• The second half of my life is significantly better because I had the previous experience to guide myself through this journey.

• The brain is wired by how we think.
• Women tend to cultivate unhealthy body patterns that are not in their best interest.
• Women should carve out new neural pathways by changing their thoughts, being kinder to themselves, and practicing self-compassion daily. Self-compassion should become a reflex.
• It’s an ongoing project for women to be aware, self-compassionate, and forgive themselves for their mistakes.
• The menopause weight gain and food habits are symptoms of a larger problem.

“I think we know how to be compassionate towards other people but I don't think we know how to use compassion on ourselves, how to be kind to ourselves.â€

“It's not that menopause is making it harder. It's just letting them see that what they've been doing their whole life that really wasn't in their best interest.â€

“Our bodies were not meant to be screamers. They're whisperers.â€

“If we want to proactively age, we better take full responsibility for it now and the only way to do it is to listen to your body.â€

“...the best gift that you could ever give yourself for the rest of your life is that awareness of your own mind.â€

Dr. Lourdes Viado is a depth psychotherapist with over 15 years of experience helping patients live more meaningful and intentional lives. Her podcast, Women In-Depth, is dedicated to hosting conversations about the inner lives of women and the struggles, fears, hopes, and dreams that characterize their stories.

To know more about her and her work, you may visit her website or listen to her podcast. You can reach her through email or connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.

If you do, then like and share this episode and subscribe to the podcast!

Are you now excited to start your journey to thinner peace in menopause? If you are, we'd love it if you give us five stars and write a review! You can also provide suggestions on future topics you would like us to talk about on the podcast.

Do you want to learn more about losing weight in menopause? Tune in for more episodes at The Thinner Peace in Menopause. You can also help others by sharing what you've learned from this episode on social media.

Mini-sessions for you! If you want to find out if you'd be a good fit for my weight loss program, apply for a mini-session here.

You can contact me through my email at [email protected].

Thanks for listening!

To transforming your life for good,

Dr. Deb

Read the full transcript here!

Dr. Deb Butler: Welcome to Thinner Peace in Menopause and Beyond. This is Dr. Deb Butler, master life and weight coach, and as always, your coach. Today is episode number 136. And I want to talk to you about the best thing that could ever happen to you. It’s probably happening to you, and it's called menopause. Stay tuned.

Hello, all my dear friends, how are you today? It's still beautiful fall here in St. Louis, Missouri, and I just love looking at it. Today I've got something a little different to share with you. I was interviewed by Dr. Lourdes Viado, oh, maybe a couple months ago, and she has a podcast that's called Women In-Depth, and it's conversations about the inner lives of women. And guess who got to be on that show? It's yours truly, me. And I thought it was such a good interview because she asked some really tough questions and really made me go deep into my own experiences. And after I listened to it, I thought it could be really helpful for you too because Dr. Viado is very, very good at getting to the heart of things. She's a psychotherapist. So I thought it was really good, and between my blend of coaching and brain science and her approach, I think we really came up with a great interview.

So for this episode, I'm going to stop in a few seconds and just let you listen to the interview. But before I get off, I do want to say one thing to all of you. Many, many of you are signing up for mini-sessions, and I think that is so fantastic and so brave, but here's something I want you to think about. Please do not wait to January 1st to decide now is the time to work. I guarantee you that the time to work is now during the holiday season, and I am not kidding you. If you want to get this work done fast, do it now. Don't wait. Don't wait till you put on more weight and feel worse about yourself. Start doing it while all the stuff comes up. And I'll tell you what will happen is you'll actually have a much more joyous holiday season where you feel like you're the one in control. And then come January 1st, hey, guess whatâ€"It's a piece of cake. Pardon the pun. So if you're thinking about doing a mini-session with me, do not do what one person just did, which gave me the idea. I just saw somebody rescheduled from November 29th to January 3rd, and I know what that means. So if any of you have ideas like that, don't do it. Don't listen to that crazy mind of yours. Start now.

And I think this interview that I do with Dr. Viado is going to help you decide now is the timeâ€"now in terms of the time of year, and now in terms of where you're at in your own body cycle. Menopause is absolutelyâ€"if you don't think so after you hear this interviewâ€"it is really the best time to search within yourself. Your body is talking to you. It is the best time to get to know yourself. In reality, you really do already know yourself, and you already have the wisdom to know what works for you and what doesn't work for you. But this, when you listen to this interview, I think it's going to help you decide what you want to do with the next half of your life and use it for all of the things that you've dreamed about, be it the kind of body you want, the kind of life you want, the kind of work you want, whatever it is that you want. Use this time to get it. So, without further ado, enjoy the interview.

The information found in this podcast is not a substitute for help from a licensed mental health professional.

Dr. Lourdes Viado: Hi, and welcome to the Women In-Depth Podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Lourdes Viado. Join me as we explore the inner lives of women, their struggles, fears, hopes, and dreams. We'll go beneath the surface and take a deeper look at what is hidden, unknown, uncertain, and uncomfortable.

Hi, and welcome back to the podcast. Today, I am really excited about the topic that we're going to be exploring, and it has to do with an experience that we women struggle with, and I think we also tend to view with dread, and that is the experience of menopause. So today, my guest is Dr. Deb Butler, who is a board-certified chiropractor and acupuncturist as well as a certified nutritionist and master weight loss and life coach. She helps women who are going through menopauseâ€"but not just menopauseâ€"in general, struggling with and perhaps having difficulty embracing various life experiences. And these are women who come from all walks of life, from overstressed executives to stay at home moms, to those experiencing menopause and a lot more in between. Dr. Deb utilizes a blend of brain science, nutrition, physiology, life coaching, and life lessons, teaching that meaningful change starts from the inside out.

Hi, Dr. Deb, and welcome to the podcast.

Dr. Deb: Thank you. It's so good to be here. It's taken a while for us to get together, and I'm so excited to be here.

Dr. Lourdes: Yes, it has taken a while, but I think that's also, you know, it can be a metaphor for a lot of the things that we take on or we say yes to, and there's a bit of a struggle. It doesn't quite go the way we planned or expected. So, I see a parallel between the process of us getting right now to where we are to even, you know, with the work that you do, and I think the work that a lot of those who are in the helping professions try to do with the people they're serving.

Dr. Deb: Yes, and I also believe in perfect timing, and I think this is the perfect time that we're supposed to be talking together right now.

Dr. Lourdes: Absolutely. So I'd like to start off with, can you share how you found yourself to be working in this very specific area of menopause?

Dr. Deb: Well, I guess what many, many people probably will say is sometimes the thing that you struggle with the most is what you want to help other people with the most. For me, going through menopause and also having a weight issue for my whole life, putting the two of them together was like a bomb because I've always had this huge problem with going up and down the same 20 to 30 pounds for 30 years. Even though I was a specialist in nutrition, and I knew everything about the body, I absolutely could not control myself around keeping my weight where it needed to be. I was constantly using food for all kinds of reasons.

And once I started going through menopause, all my little tricks that I always use, and my biggest trick was being a lifetime Weight Watcher member, which means that every single time I gained my same 20 to 30 pounds, I went to Weight Watchers to lose it. And then I left once I lost it, and then I went back to my old ways, and then once I gained it, I would go back. And when I hit menopause, that stopped working too. And my weight was so important to me, as I know it is to so many women, and we put so much emphasis on it.

And once I realized, and this was also at the same time that I started transitioning into life coaching, so I was learning all these tools about the mind. And as I was becoming a life coach, I realized what I needed to help people with the most was the struggle that I was having, which was how in the world do you stay at a weight without having to use food to either numb yourself or to congratulate yourself. And once I figured that out, that is what I wanted to share with the world, but especially with women who are going through menopause. Because if you've been struggling your whole life in your mind and about food and thinking there's something wrong with you, because here I was, I knew so much, and I knew, I thought, “There's got to be something wrong with me that I can't do this,†and it was all locked up in my mind.

And so once I got that figured out, I knew what I had to help women with was number one, realizing the weight loss has nothing to do with food; it has everything to do with how you think and feel about yourself. And number two, menopause is like a transformation time; it is time to do what you always knew you needed to do that you hadn't done. And then I kind of look at it like adolescence, only you've got like 30 or 40 years much more experience to really use that wisdom to decide how you want to live the next half of your life.

Dr. Lourdes: Right? Because like what you were saying, all the things that used to work no longer work as well, like you were describing, you know, the Weight Watchers trick.

Dr. Deb: Yes.

Dr. Lourdes: And then you come to this place where you have to figure something out, and I remember reading on your website, I don’t know if it was a blog post, you wrote about you know menopause actually being a time that can be very catalyzing, that it can really propel you forward in terms of your overall health and well-being.

Dr. Deb: Yes. And it's because, like I think that we have all this wisdom now. Like we really know what doesn't work, and we really do start to find what really works for usâ€"we become wise. And if we really use that information because many women, including myselfâ€"I had no connection to my body. I didn't eat when I was hungry and stop when I was full. I followed things that told me what to eat and when to eat. And I think the most basic connection that we have as human beings is the connection to our body and the most basic connection is hunger, eating when you're hungry, and it's like the most basic thing. And most women that I work with do not have that connection.

Dr. Lourdes: Isn't that like just so ironic that, I would say that most women struggle at some point in their lives, several times in their lives, with their weight, and yet, we have a disconnection with our bodies. But again, you can see the reason and then the irony right there.

Dr. Deb: Yeah. And it's like when people come to me, and they're going through menopause, it's like if you've never had a connection with your body, in other words, you don't know when to go to sleep, you don't listen to your body when it tells you, “go to sleep.†Many women do not; they push themselves. As a chiropractor, I worked with so many people that they decided to take care of their bodies when their bodies were screaming with pain, not when their bodies were whispering with pain, and it's kind of the same thing like with hunger. It's like our body talks to us. It tells us these most basic things, the most basic information, that if we listen to it, we have a really good chance of being healthy. And we learn at a very early age how to stop listening to that, then we hit menopause, and we have to connect to our bodies. Our bodies are begging us to connect. And most of us have no clue what that means, and it's a huge wake-up call.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah, the wisdom of the body and listening to the body.

Dr. Deb: I know.

Dr. Lourdes: It sounds so simple, and it makes so much sense.

Dr. Deb: But it really is that simple. And maybe, you know, more as women than men have been taught things that take us away from our own bodies. You know, like striving, accomplishing things at our own expenses, taking care of other people without paying attention to what we need, as if that's the best thing that we could doâ€"being selfless, putting ourselves on the back burner, and putting everybody else in front of usâ€"as if that's what a good girl should do.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah. And I think you are hitting right on what you know one of the things that I wanted to ask you, which is, what are the things that women do that, I guess, set themselves up or sabotage themselves or, you know, as you describe that they get in their own way, and I think that has got to be at least number one or in the top three of, you know, that striving and doing everything for everybody else?

Dr. Deb: Yeah, and I think we're probably in a culture that supports that. I don't know that we're in a culture that supports a woman taking care of herself first. I don't know that we support that. So it really is something that needs to be taught, and I don't think it's taught. And I think probably the biggest thing that needs to be taught that is not understood is self-love and self-compassion.

It's like I think we know how to be compassionate towards other people, but I don't think we know how to use compassion on ourselves, how to be kind to ourselves. And I think when we are missing that, I think most women that I talk to are so mean to themselves. They say terrible things to themselves, about how they're lacking, how they're missing, how they're not doing it right all the time, how they could be doing it better, like whipping themselves into shape all the time, when they should be loving themselves into shape all the time, the way they do their children and the people that they love the most, and we don't do it.

Dr. Lourdes: And so this lack or absence of kindness, self-compassion, how does this connect to mindset and the way that a woman's thoughts impact her well-being?

Dr. Deb: Well, let's just say, for instance, that there are many of us who believe that we're not doing enough, that we're not enough, that we should be doing more. It seems to be a very common thought that I have around many of my clients, and so they're always striving to make themselves better and to be doing more. And guess what? There is never enough. And so what you say to yourself, or what one says to themselves all the time is, “It's not good enough. You should be doing more. What's the matter with you?†As opposed to applauding yourself for all that you do. It's like complimenting yourself. It's like what a concept to say, “Great job, sweetheart.â€

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: “I can't believe you did so good.†It's like, guess what? Nobody says that to themselves. They just say, “Okay, well, what's next now? What are you going to do?†Right? And it leaves us with feelings of feeling inadequate with ourselves because of what we tell ourselves, and we don't have to be talking to ourselves like that.

Dr. Lourdes: And so I can see the vicious cycle in that, where, you know, when we talk about women being overextended and taking care of everybody. If you're able to shift to that mindset of acknowledging what you've done, complimenting yourself, then that actually leads to a sense of enoughness because you don't need to do anymore; you've done enough. And then that leads to beginning to pull back or to stop overextending and giving so much.

Dr. Deb: Yeah, and it also leads to feeling good inside your own body because what we tell ourselves, which are just thoughts.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: They create feelings inside of us.

Dr. Lourdes: Right. Absolutely.

Dr. Deb: Right? And our feelings are coming from how we think about us. We think it's coming from the outside world.

Dr. Lourdes: Right.

Dr. Deb: But it's coming from our own minds.

Dr. Lourdes: You're absolutely correct with that. I don't know how many times I say this to clients. But you know, I know how difficult this is because, of course, I'm sure you're aware also, this is constant inner work that you're doing. You're never done. You get to practice all the time. And I think even like, for me, sometimes I'll have this sense of, “I have so much to do. I'm rushing, rushing, rushing,†and then I have to catch myself because I'll notice, “Okay, you're getting anxious. You're a little irritated.â€

Dr. Deb: Yes.

Dr. Lourdes: You know, and then the sense of, “Okay, so what are you thinking right now? And the thought is…â€

Dr. Deb: Yes.

Dr. Lourdes:  You know, “I have too much to do. Everyone's interrupting me and giving me more stuff to do, and I'm not going to get it done.†And then I have to, “Okay, so you’re saying that you have to get all this done? Is that true?†And it's, “Actually, no. I don't have to do everything. You know, I can do this, this and this,†and that process helps to shift me at least from the anxiety to maybe a more self-accepting space of where I am and what I can actually accomplish?

Dr. Deb: Yes, and that is a skill.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: That is something that really takes practice. It's like I think a lot of people think that, “Oh, okay. So all I have to do is just change my thought about myself.†But the thoughts that we have about ourselves usually have been wired pretty strongly in our brains.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: Once we're aware what we're thinking, that's probably, the biggest a-ha is to realize that it's just a thought.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: And you've just been thinking it for so long that it's become a belief system for you based on thinking something.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: And then it's optional.

Dr. Lourdes: And it may not even be true. That's the other thing.

Dr. Deb: And usually, it’s not true.

Dr. Lourdes: Usually, it's not true.

Dr. Deb: That's the biggest. And it's such an a-ha moment when people realize for the first time, that they realize that they're thinking something about themselves that they don't have to be thinking and that they almost, with laughter, realize how silly it is, once they can observe it without being connected to it and letting it be visceral for them.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah. So in your work with women around menopause and weight, what are some of the, I guess, the more common struggles or experiences that women come to you with, in terms of the struggle with menopause?

Dr. Deb: Well, most women that come to me come to me during menopause because they've been struggling with weight their whole life, and, now, menopause seems to be making it harder than ever. Because that's really who I'm talking to...

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: ...And that was me. And really, it's not that menopause is making it harder. It's just letting them see what they've been doing their whole life that really wasn't in their best interest, really does not work during menopause because, in menopause, your body absolutely is changing. There is no doubt about it. But for me, it's almost like my body, once I really started connecting it and taking care of it, actually was working better for me.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: Because I started listening to it. I had never known what it means. I teach a concept called being a body whisperer, which means being able to listen to the most basic things in the physical body but with whispers, as opposed to making your body scream at you to get your attention. So you can have pain at a level two or three, or you can have pain at a level ten. Many people do not do anything with their bodies unless their bodies are at tens and screaming, which is the hardest time to take care of it. It's so much easier to do it when it's lower level. You can figure it out; you've got time to take care of it.

Hunger, if you're always waiting to feed yourself when you're starving, you're gonna overeat if your body's screaming at you. If you eat and all you do is eat until you're stuffed, you're having your body scream at you to stop eating. And bodiesâ€"our bodies were not meant to be screamers; they're whisperers. And we are connected at that. We were made that way. We were made to be deeply connected to our mind and our bodies deeply, and you know it when you see children.

Dr. Lourdes: Right.

Dr. Deb: Because, you know, you cannot stuff, you cannot put an extra morsel of food in a three or four year old's mouth. You’ll not do it.

Dr. Lourdes: No.

Dr. Deb: I mean, they'll throw it in your face before they'll eat it.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: Right? And you can't make them eat it if they're not hungry, and you can't stop when they're hungry. You can wait till they're screaming at you, like at a level negative ten starving, or you can pay attention to them when you realize they're starting to get hungry. And as parents, we all know, we carry food around constantly because we don't want to let them get to that point.

Dr. Lourdes: Right.

Dr. Deb: But as adults, we let our body scream. I have women that say, “Well, I just couldn't eat all day because I was so busy.†I go, “Oh, would you do that if you are with your kid? Are you kidding me?†They wouldn't do it. They wouldn't put up with it, right? But they let their bodies scream and throw tantrums, and they say, “Just shut up. I don't have time for you right now.â€

Dr. Lourdes: You know, that is such a good metaphor. You pack everything that, you know, your child has water, snacks, you're paying attention, making sure that they have been fed, watered, and napped, and rest of it, you know.

Dr. Deb: I mean, everything. You are, you know, you come with your kitchen sink when you go anywhere with your kids, right? You're prepared.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah. But then to prepare your own snacks and nourishment for your day, right?

Dr. Deb: It’s just as important.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: It's just as important that you would take that. I think of some of the days when I go out, how long it takes me to prepare myself for my day.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: You know, I need to have walking shoes, I need to have my snacks. I mean, it takes me some time, and it's exactly what I would have done for my son when he was little, and it’s exactly what I'm willing to do for myself now, and it's exactly what we all have to be doing for ourselves is we have to take care of ours. There is nobody that is going to take care of us. If we want to proactively age, we better take full responsibility for it now, and the only way to do it is to listen to your bodyâ€"the only way. And so menopause is, “Hello, are you there? Are you listening to me? I'm getting louder,†and many women are forced.

Dr. Lourdes: And so really, it's not that it's menopause, like it's the dreaded menopause, you know.

Dr. Deb: No.

Dr. Lourdes: It's actually been the accumulation of ignoring or not hearing the whispers.

Dr. Deb: Yes.

Dr. Lourdes: And then now you get to a point where you can't anymore and because you're at this point, definitely what you've been doing doesn't work anymore.

Dr. Deb: Yes, and you still have a choice. I mean, you can keep going.

Dr. Lourdes: Right.

Dr. Deb: It can be miserable, and there are many women, that's how they do itâ€"you know, menopause is the worst thing that ever happenedâ€"you hear it, and they're miserable. But really, it is transformation time. And really, I mean, my second half of life is so much better than my first half. Because I had so much experience in my first half, I use it to move myself forward, body, mind, the whole thing.

Dr. Lourdes: So it's really a beautiful window of opportunity for women.

Dr. Deb: It's the most beautiful window that we will ever have. And our body is equipped, and it's ready to transform; it's ready to transition.

Dr. Lourdes: What a different mindset than “My body won't do anything that I want it to do,†right?

Dr. Deb: Well, it won't if you keep doing what you've been doing. That is proof that it’s so true.

Dr. Lourdes: Right?

Dr. Deb: But, you know, I think about this. About a year ago, I sent out a blog of myself in a swimming suit, swinging on the beach. And I never, in my first half of my life, would have ever sent out anything with me in a bathing suit.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: I don't know how I actually really look, but I think I look good. I could never think I looked good before, ever. You know, it's my mind; my brain was a mess. And now, I can look at myself, and I can actually like what I see. And I'm so much older, and, you know, I mean, probably in many ways, my body looked better, but I didn't see it.

Dr. Lourdes: Like, as you described, I think many of us have been in the same shoes of trying to lose weight, gaining the weight back, and doing all kinds of programs, going to the gym. But what is lacking are the two pieces that you've mentioned several times already, and one of them is listening to your body; the other one is shifting the thoughts, the mindset. That that didn't happen before, and so that's also why all the things you did when you were younger didn't work.

Dr. Deb: Correct.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: But you thought they did work because, oh, usually was, “Well, I lost weight.â€

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: As if that was the goal. It was never the goal, but in our little brains, and our little young brains, that was the goal. And however we did it, it did matter. You know, I could stay up for days on end and not sleep when I was like 20.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: Was that a good thing to do? I don't think my body let me.

Dr. Lourdes: Right.

Dr. Deb: I mean, I'm just giving that as an extreme example, but just think of all the things of how we've mistreated ourselves over time, and that we had so many chiropractic patients that would come in and say, “You know, I just can't do what I used to do.†And I'm going like, “That might be a very good thing.â€

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: That might be a very good thing that you can't do what you used to do because a lot of the things that you used to do, you shouldn't have been doing to begin with.

Dr. Lourdes: Right? It's just so powerful.

Dr. Deb: I think so.

Dr. Lourdes: It's powerful. It's simple, but yet, you know, the process of making these changes is not as easy as how we're discussing it.

Dr. Deb: It is not, but I will tell you what, the people who come to me who've been struggling for 20 to 30 years, that's worse than the work that it would take to stop it.

Dr. Lourdes: Could you speak a little bitâ€" now I want to shift gears a little bit.

Dr. Deb: Sure.

Dr. Lourdes: And what is the brain science behind menopause and diet? Because I think that's really fascinating. I'd love for our listeners to hear that.

Dr. Deb: Well, the thing with the brain is that it's wired by how you think. So we know that there's neuroplasticity now; we know the brain can change. That's the good news. For instance, for me, my brain was wired that any time I felt bad or stressed that the best thing to do was to eat. So it was very automatic. I didn't think about it. Just any time I felt bad, I immediately went to eat because my brain was almost making me do it because it had practiced it for so long. And so, the changing of the brain by, when I'm working with women now, either in menopause before or after, the brain is different as you're going through this. And I think, in some ways, it might be even more moldable. Don’t know for sure. But when we really look and see that feeling better by eating a doughnut isn't really feeling better. It's like when we actually look at what we've been thinking because I think we just believe we had to do it. I have women that say, “Well, I just couldn't control myself.†The reason they couldn't control themselves is because their brains are on automatic, running these things over and over and over again, and not being aware that it's just a thought that's been running. And that the changing of that thought by being aware of it is everything.

Dr. Lourdes: So, you know, when you describe how the brain is wired, is this the same thing as we're talking about neural pathways?

Dr. Deb: Yes, new neural pathways compared to the old neural pathways.

Dr. Lourdes: Right. And for me, the way that this made sense was I would imagine that, for example, that kind of an autopilot ability to just reach for a bag of chips or something crunchy.

Dr. Deb: Yes.

Dr. Lourdes: I think of it as like a really wide, like a six-lane highway.

Dr. Deb: Superhighway.

Dr. Lourdes: Superhighway. Right?

Dr. Deb: Yes. Sister, we think alike.

Dr. Lourdes: And it has, you know, a car pool lane, it has all these signs, these lights. It’s really easy to drive, and you don't even have to think about it; it just gets you where you want to go, and then…

Dr. Deb: Boom, we’re there.

Dr. Lourdes: Boom, we're there, you know. And then when it comes to changing your thoughts, for example, like becoming aware that you're being self-critical and changing that, that is like looking at this big plot of overgrown, undeveloped land, and now you have to make a freaking road there.

Dr. Deb: Yes, and it's bumpy, and it's hard, and you can barely get through it, and that old superhighway is so fast.

Dr. Lourdes: It's right there. You know, why would I do this when it’s right there?

Dr. Deb: Right there.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: Just right there. Right. And that is the hard part, and that's also the practice because as you start practicing, that road that has not been formed yet gets to become formed, and the more you start thinking it on purpose and being aware of it, the more it can end up being a highway, just like the other one. It just takes a lot of practice.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah, and I think that's the other aspect of this. This is ongoing.

Dr. Deb: Yeah, this is ongoing.

Dr. Lourdes: You have to maintain this road.

Dr. Deb: Yes, it is. It's ongoing, but I can't think of anything better than for you to be aware of your mind and practicing all the time. It's the best gift that you could ever give yourself for the rest of your lifeâ€"is that awareness of your own mind.

Dr. Lourdes: I love that you describe this as a gift. This is a gift that will affect all parts of your life, your relationships.

Dr. Deb: Yes.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah, it's not just like, you've said it's not about the food, it's not about the weightâ€"it's so much bigger than that.

Dr. Deb: So much bigger than that. The weight is a symptom. That's all it is. It's a symptom to let you know that something is out of whack.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah, absolutely. The symptom is there. You know, it's funny because, as a therapist, when I speak with clients about symptoms of anxiety or depression. I tell them, “Actually, it's the same thing as if your body was having a symptom like you had a headache or your stomach hurt, that your body's telling you something's off. So when you are feeling anxious or depressed, that is just your psychological body, letting you know something is off.â€

Dr. Deb: Absolutely. I couldn't agree more.

Dr. Lourdes: So if someone's listening, and they're finding themselves, that they can relate to what we're describing, what would you suggest for them, as you know, as first steps in moving forward?

Dr. Deb: Well, probably the best step, what I offer is, I offer what's called a mini-session where someone can actually talk to me for 30 minutes. And I do that because I think it can be so illuminating. I mean, I don't know about you, but when I talk to somebody, I usually can see something in their brain that they can't see.

Dr. Lourdes: Yeah.

Dr. Deb: And it doesn't take long to see it. And so I love being able to show somebody something that it's just like an aha moment because many times if we've never practiced, or we've never seen that we don't see our own brains, and we don't see our own thoughts, you know, and that those thoughts are optional. So I offer a 30-minute session to help somebody see that a little bit more clearer, and the way that they can do that is by going to drdebbutler.com/workwithme.

Dr. Lourdes: And we'll make sure to include that in our show notes as well, along with your other links to your social media. Also, can you share a little bit about your podcast?

Dr. Deb: Sure. It's called Thinner Peace and Menopause and Beyond. And basically, what I do is I share client stories, podcast stories, and just share my own knowledge about everything that we've been talking about today. It's amazing. I think I've done 120, and there are so many topics to talk about. I never run out of topics to talk about. Feel so empowered with themselves, and with whatever age they're at. I just want them to feel empowered, and I really feel that this is a wonderful way to help them do that.

Dr. Lourdes: Thank you so much for sharing your time with me today.

Dr. Deb: Thank you.

Dr. Lourdes: I am so excited about our conversation because I know that there are so many women who are, you know, just struggling at this space of menopause, and they're feeling bad about themselves. And I know that this is going to bring some, you know, insight, potentially some relief, some understanding to so many of our listeners and also the tools to begin to navigate their way through this process and that menopause is not this dreaded experience that is, you know…

Dr. Deb: No.

Dr. Lourdes: You know, all the things that society and women, you know, women are a big part of it.

Dr. Deb: Correct. Yes

Dr. Lourdes: Of making menopause this monster, and it's not.

Dr. Deb: It’s not, and really, I think menopause and any extra weight that you have on your body are both gifts to help you go in and figure it out.

Dr. Lourdes: That's powerful. Oh my gosh, I'm so glad that you said that. And I love that we are wrapping things up on that note.

Dr. Deb: Yes.

Dr. Lourdes: Take care, and thanks so much again for today.

Dr. Deb: Thank you.

Dr. Lourdes: Thanks so much for listening to the Women In-Depth podcast. I hope it brings you a deeper understanding of yourself and others, and that you found some insights that illuminated and inspired. You can follow Women In-Depth on Facebook and YouTube, and if you haven't yet, please subscribe on iTunes and leave a review. And finally, if you enjoy Women In-Depth, please share with a friend. Again, thank you so much for listening, and see you next time.

The post Ep 239 Menopause: A Catalyst for a Thinner & Healthier Body with Dr. Lourdes Viado appeared first on Dr. Deb Butler.

Note: Doors are closing soon on my Holiday Essentials class! You can still get in until Wed, Oct 28 at midnight or when the class fills up, whichever is first!

Losing weight is more than just appearance. Once you decide to improve your eating habits, you also become more mindful of your other actions and more present to the people around you. It’s not just about the numbers on the scale. It's about breaking free from the struggles you have with food and insecurities. Ultimately, transforming relationship with food helps you live a happy life with yourself and the people around you.

In today’s episode, my former client Michelle joins us to discuss how losing weight made her a much better woman, wife, and friend. She also talks about how she became more self-compassionate and gives advice for those who struggle with their eating habits. Michelle is living proof that the benefits of mindful eating go beyond losing weight.Â

If you want to stop the destructive cycle of overeating and losing weight, this episode is for you.

1. Discover why binging food is not a reward but a punishment.
2. Learn how transforming relationship with food and losing weight changes your life for the better.
3. Michelle will share advice for women struggling with urges and weight.

• If you want to stay connected and compassionate with yourself during the holidays and learn how to eat when you're hungry and stop when you're full (holidays or not!), join my class, Thinner Peace Holiday Essentials.

• Apply the lessons you learn from this episode as you listen! Enter your email below, and I'll send the dedicated workbook right away!

• Michelle listened to my podcast and realized she needed help to stop her struggles around food and self-confidence.
• She was aware that the way she talked to herself was damaging. She also admitted to needing guidance and accountability for her actions.
• Through the weekly group meetings, Michelle learned the tools and ideas in transforming relationship with food, helping her take back her control over food.
• Sharing the same struggles with other women in the group was a game-changer for Michelle.Â

• Listen to the full episode to discover what made Michelle realize that she was using food as a reward.
• Michelle used to think she deserves to eat a lot as a reward for the days she lives healthily.
• If something is not making you feel good, empowered, strong, and confident, then that isn't a reward. It's a punishment.
• Michelle had to understand the power of her decisions and how to make smart choices for herself.
• She also learned how to develop self-compassion and be kinder to herself.

• Being in my class made Michelle uncomfortable because she recognized her problems by relating to the group’s experiences. For her, change occurs through the discomfort.Â
• In the class, she learned how to become an observer instead of being a critic of herself. Becoming an observer changes the whole dynamic of her relationship with herself. Â

• Not only does losing weight make Michelle confident and nicer to herself, but the relationship she has with other people also drastically improved.
• When your life is not ruled by food, you become more focused on essential things.
• Not thinking about food all the time frees Michelle's mind space, allowing her to enjoy her life more.

• The class taught Michelle the importance of putting herself first.
• Learning how to love herself allowed Michelle to be more present and help others.
• Michelle used to think she's not good enough. Now she looks for areas in her life that need improvement without insecurities.
• She now observes her actions with more kindness.
• Sometimes good enough is good enough because you don't set high expectations on yourself.

• Michelle used to crave chocolates after dinner. She used it to push down her emotions.
• Now that she's practicing the mindâ€"body connection, she learned to open up her emotions.
• Michelle now doesn't feel the urge to eat chocolate to stuff her emotions; she now eats it only when she wants to.
• She feels like a different person now.

• Michelle encourages everyone to join my class and “jump over the fence.â€
• She now feels free around food.
• Losing weight improved the other areas in Michelle's life.

“The power of that negative two, plus two, and the emotions tied to that is really powerful because it gives you that mindâ€"body connection that I just had been missing for the last ten years. And once I realized and opened up the emotions about that and the whole, you know, ‘not good enough’ thing, it all really just came into place.â€

“A reward shouldn't make you feel bad. It should make you feel empowered; it should make you feel powerful, and strong, and confident.â€

“When you're not sitting there struggling with food or when food isn't on the top of your mind, you're focused on what’s at hand and what's important in life. It frees that mind space.â€

“Putting myself first is like the oxygen mask in the plane. You have to help yourself first before you can help others. And I have been more present and more able to help others now that I love myself.â€

“If you love yourself, so much else falls into place.â€

Michelle is a former client of mine. Before joining my class, she used to eat to stuff down her emotions and talk negatively about herself. Michelle is now a perfect example of why the mindâ€"body connection is so much bigger than just losing weight. She is more confident and in love with herself, and the relationships she has with other people have drastically improved.Â

If you do, then like and share this episode and subscribe to the podcast!

Are you now excited to start your journey to thinner peace in menopause? If you are, we'd love it if you give us five stars and write a review! You can also provide suggestions on future topics you would like us to talk about on the podcast.

Do you want to learn how transforming relationship with food and the mind-body connection improve your life? Tune in for more episodes at The Thinner Peace in Menopause. You can also help others by sharing what you've learned from this episode on social media.

Mini-sessions for you! If you want to find out if you'd be a good fit for my weight loss program, apply for a mini-session here.

You can contact me through my email at [email protected].

Thanks for listening!

To transforming your life for good,

Dr. Deb

Read the full transcript here!

Dr. Deb Butler: Welcome to Thinner Peace In Menopause And Beyond. This is Dr. Deb Butler, master life and weight coach. And as always, your coach. Today is episode number 237. Stay tuned.

Hi all my dear friends. How are you today? Have you heard the news? You got it. My class is open and it's almost full. But if you haven't signed up, there's still time. Yes. All you got to do is go to drdebbutler.com/holidays. If you haven't heard about it, I've created a holiday class just for you and here's why. The reason I did it just for you is because I know what you really want to do. You want to wait until after the holidays and then you want to start. Just like the idea of celebrations, first, you want to go celebrate your birthday or go on vacation or this or that. And then you're going to start.

And this is what I'm telling you, that kind of mentality is why you go up and down all of these years. So I've created this class to break that pattern. We're gonna start now, during the holidays and by the time January comes, you will be ready to make this the last time, because you will have gone through the holidays staying totally connected to yourself, maybe losing some weight, and more than anything else, learning self compassion, learning how to eat when you're hungry, and stop when you're full, holidays or not. What are you waiting for? Go to drdebbutler.com/holidays.

Now to get you a little bit more in the mood, if you're not yet, I have one of my special students from my class here to talk to you. She agreed to come on and tell you a little bit about her experience working with me in my last class. Her name is Michelle. She's lovely. I loved working with her. And I just wanted her to share with you, her experience. So please sit back, take a walk, but enjoy this interview with Michelle. And if you're not ready to join my group after listening to her, listen there's nothing else I can say. So enjoy. And I'll get back at the end of her interview and say a few words.

Dr. Deb: Hi, Michelle. Welcome to my podcast.

Michelle: Thank you. Thank you. I'm excited to be here.

Dr. Deb: Yes. So the reason that I have you on is because you're an inspiration to me and because you're an inspiration to me, I thought you might be an inspiration to everybody else that's listening today because you just ended my group that I just ended. And I think that what you shared in the group and your experience of where you were when you started and where you are now is worth sharing with other people.

So if you wouldn't mind, would you mind just saying a little bit about where you were before you started working with me? Did you listen to the podcasts first?

Michelle: Yes, I did. I did. I listened to your podcast for probably six to eight months or so.

Dr. Deb: Yes. Wow. So tell me where you wereâ€"like so you were listening for six to eight months, what made you decide to do a group with me, to work with me? What made you decide to do that?

Michelle: You know, I really needed help, quite frankly, to learn how to free up my mind space. The struggles that I had around food and self-confidence and all that was pretty high, I would say. And I just needed help to get that under control and to have more power over my mind than I had. And the self talk wasn't great. Yes, I just needed help. I mean, I knew I could do it, but I needed some guidance. What I was doing was not working.

Dr. Deb: So you were listening to the podcast for six to eight months. So I'm assuming that, like what I said resonated with you. Like you liked what I had to say.

Michelle: Absolutely. Absolutely.

Dr. Deb: But did you find that it was just hard to apply what I was teaching on the podcast to doing it in your life? Is that what it was?

Michelle: I think I needed a little bit more accountability.

Dr. Deb: I see.

Michelle: You know, some one-on-one time. Even though it was a group, it definitely felt like some one-on-one time at times, because it was just you and I talking several times.

Dr. Deb: Yes.

Michelle: But yes. I needed a little bit more accountability. And meeting weekly, I think helped. And really understanding the tools, learning the tools, hearing your ideas, hearing the ideas of other women and what they were going through, and the similarities was huge. Yes, I just needed some assistance. I knew I could do it, but I needed someone to get through my mind.

Dr. Deb: Somebody to get in your mind.

Michelle: Yes. Yes. I just kept tripping up on the same things, as you know the whole reward, what I thought was a reward. Yes, I mean, I needed help to sift through some stuff.

Dr. Deb: Yes. And so, like, when you're talking about the reward thing, you and I both know what we're talking about. But why don't you share with everybody else what you're talking about, about the reward thing?

Michelle: Okay, all right. My husband's birthday was last August, and he asked me, he said, “All I want for my birthday is for you to make me a cake.†You know a yellow cake with chocolate frosting is his big thing. Well, that also happens to be my big thing. And so I made him the cake and Iâ€"and he even told me, at that time in the program, we were doing No flour, No sugar. And he was doing it with me. And he said, “You know, if you're not going to have the cake, I don't need the cake.†So I said, “Well, it's your birthday. You have to have the cake.†And obviously, Dr. Deb, he would have been fine without the cake.

Dr. Deb: Right.

Michelle: But I was the one that wanted cake and basically telling him he wanted the cake. And so I made him the cake. And for 5.5 days up until his birthday, I was good. And you know it can't just be five days that I was good, it had to be 5.5 days.

Dr. Deb: That's right. I remember the coaching around that.

Michelle: Yes. Yes. And so I felt, since I was good for that long that I deserved to have some cake and, you know, basically reward myself. And you and I came to the realization that that's what I was doing with food in general. And that's why I wasn't making any headway or any ground on the weight loss is because, in part, I mean, there's other moving parts and pieces, right?

Dr. Deb: Right.

Michelle: But that I was really thinking that I deserved a reward, that I was entitled to that, that I deserved it because I had got 5.5 days. So I would lose, I would just not lose and, you know, a reward shouldn't make you feel bad. It should make you feel empowered. It should make you feel powerful and strong and confident. And that cake did not make me feel those things, you know? It didn’t. And that was a huge breakthrough for me. And then, you know we worked on the decision, the power of a decision.

Dr. Deb: Right. So let me stop you for one minute before we get to that, because this is really important for people to hear, because that coaching that I did with you was a pretty long coaching session in our group. And, you know, it started out as a little thing, right? And part of the thing was, is that 5.5 days got me going, you know, like how many days you had been good? And the whole idea of what is good and what is bad and how you deem yourself according to what you're putting in your mouth. And the whole idea of the other thing was, is the punishment that went after you ate that piece of cake.

Michelle: Yes.

Dr. Deb: Right? And so the coaching session was around what reward really is, but also around, what do you do with yourself when you see yourself doing something that you don't like to do? Like you put yourself in the doghouse until that class! Like that's all you could focus on was to tell me what you did wrong. Do you remember that?

Michelle: Yes, I do. I do. I screwed up.

Dr. Deb: You screwed up. I mean, you had done so many things right and yet, that was a focus. And so I think the two things between what is really a reward and to stop using food as a reward to yourself, but also developing self compassion, you know, how to be nicer to yourself. Would you say that through that coaching session, that helped you with that?

Michelle: Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, the self talk was not good.

Dr. Deb: That's what you said at the beginning. The self talk was not good. So how is the self talk now?

Michelle: So muchâ€"I mean, so much better. It's night and day. It’s night and day.

Dr. Deb: Same person.

Michelle: That voice is, yes. That voice is justâ€"I mean it's weird. And you know, the other thing too was…

Dr. Deb: What’s that?

Michelle: …how Iâ€"well, you beat yourself up and all, but as you're going through the class, the uncomfortableness that you feel also was a huge thing for me, because as you feel uncomfortable, you know you're changing. And while you may be uncomfortable, at least you're noticing because beforeâ€"you know what I'm saying, it's like you don't notice, because you're not being the observer. You're being the critic or you're being hard on yourself. So you switch that to being the observer, it changes the whole dynamic of your relationship with yourself, you know, when you're curious.

Dr. Deb: Wow. So, you know, this is another big thing and it's a big thing about the class. And exactly what you're saying is, would you say that you have a good relationship with yourself now?

Michelle: Yes. Yes.

Dr. Deb: Would you say you had a good relationship with yourself before you started?

Michelle: No.

Dr. Deb: Do you think that…

Michelle: I would say my outside relationships are better now because of it as well.

Dr. Deb: Oh, say something about that, because that's fascinating too.

Michelle: Well, you know, when you're not sitting there, you know, struggling with food or when food isn't top of mind, you're focused on what's at hand and what's important in life. It frees that mind space, so you’re present. You’re present with your husband or other family members or your friends, girlfriends, whatever. It's, you know, a switch just flips.

Dr. Deb: So would you say you're enjoying your life more?

Michelle: Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely.

Dr. Deb: Which is a really fascinating thing because, you know, most people come into this class because they want to lose weight and they want to deal with food, right? You too, right?

Michelle: Yes. Yes.

Dr. Deb: Right. Would you say you got more than that out of it?

Michelle: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Way more.

Dr. Deb: Yes. So if I would say to you, Michelle, what's the best thing that happened to you from taking this class, what would you say?

Michelle: Putting myself first. You know it's like the oxygen mask in the plane, right? You have to help yourself first before you can help others. And I have been more present and more able to help others now that I love myself. You know, it's just, it's hard to explain yet it's not. You know, it all comes down to love and if you love yourself, so much else falls into place. And also, when you have a little bitâ€"when you have that mindspace open, it just has to open into other places in your life. Like, remember, my whole thing with good enough?

Dr. Deb: Yes. Talk about that.

Michelle: Well, it wasn't. It's like I wasn't doing good enough, you know? And so, now that I am doing good stuff and better, I look for areas in my life where is life not good enough and what can I do to make it better? You know?

Dr. Deb: Yes, and you feel like you have more control over that? Like, you know…

Michelle: Yes, and observing it more kindly and I'm observing it more patiently.

Dr. Deb: Makes a lot of sense. Yes, so you know, the other thing that I'm thinking about too, is that good enough sometimes can be, it can be a good thing too. Whenâ€"sometimes you don't have to have your expectations so high on yourself. And you know, sometimes good enough is good enough.

Michelle: Yes, that's true, too. That's true, too. Yes.Â

Dr. Deb: Yes, so I'm thinking about that with you. So the only other thing that I really have to talk about with other people listening for you is we have to talk a little bit about chocolate. We can’t get out of here without talking about chocolate, because in the beginning that was yourâ€"I mean, if I talk about Michelle, it's Michelle and the chocolate.

Michelle: Yes.

Dr. Deb: And everybody in the group knows exactly what I'm talking about, right? Like, that's just…

Michelle: Yes. Yes.

Dr. Deb: So you want to say a little bit about that and your aha moment about that.

Michelle: Well, every night, I mean seriously, every night around 6:00 or 7:00, depending on when we had finished dinner, I would have a chocolate turtle and sometimes it would be one, sometimes it would be three, sometimes it would be six, depending on the day I had. And it was reallyâ€"a lot of emotions around that, right? Like obviously, I was self soothing. I wasn't, I was pushing my emotions down. Like, it wasn’t self soothing, really, I was just pushing my emotions down.

Dr. Deb: Good catch, Michelle. Good catch.

Michelle: Yes, right? I wasn’t self soothing, yes. I was just stuffing my emotions down and I'll be darned if I have not had, you know, one of those turtles in a good while. But it was something that we really had to work through. And I'm telling you, the power of that negative two plus two and then the emotions tied to that is really, really powerful because it gives you that mind-body connection that I just had been missing for the last ten years.

And once I realized and opened up the emotions about that and the whole good enough thing, it all really just came into place. And then, you know once we did the No flour, No sugar, that definitely helps with your mindset, right? Because it makes it a little bit easier. But, and realizing that I didn't need that when I thought I was so…

Dr. Deb: Well, that's probably the biggest…

Michelle: …dependent on it. Yes.

Dr. Deb: And so like, what do you think about the chocolate now? I mean, do you think likeâ€"because I want people to realize that this is not a restriction, deprivation thing with your chocolate.

Michelle: Oh, yes. No, it's not. If I wanted a piece, I would feel fine with having one. I justâ€"I really don't have the desire for it, you know?

Dr. Deb: Right. So that's what I want people to hear. It's reallyâ€"you just don't want it, right?

Michelle: Right. The urge isn't there anymore. It's really been dimmed if at all. And if I wanted a piece, I really do not think I would feel bad about it at all.

Dr. Deb: Well, I would hope not. That's the whole thing. I mean, it’s just a damn piece of chocolate, for Pete’s sake.

Michelle: Right. Exactly. Exactly.

Dr. Deb: And so that's what I want. You know, the takeaway from this is that, in the end, what I wish for everybody that's in a class or a group with me is if, you know, I just don't want it. It's not like I can't have it. It's not that I'm bad. It's not that I'm good. It's not that it's a reward. It's just in the end Michelle, this is how you're talking about, is I just don't want it. And I think you did the work to get to that place. And that's what I want people to see.

Michelle: Yes. No, I did, because I'll be on the couch reading a book or watching TV with my husband and that time will come up and I'll just think, “How weird. How weird was that time?†You know, it's almost like I'm looking back at a different person. And how weird was that time when I felt I needed that? That's so odd. You know, but it’s that observer. It's that compassionate observer. And then I kind of give myself a high five.

Dr. Deb: Oh my gosh. So, you know, with the last couple of minutes I have left, I hope people are appreciating this because, you know, to watch you in the beginning and to watch you now, which is why I have you on here, is that to hear you laughing so freely and knowing that chocolate's just chocolate and that it's no big deal and that you talk about how you love yourself, that this was not how you came in. You know, I just want people to be very clear. This is not how you walked into this class.

Michelle: That's exactly right. I did not.

Dr. Deb: You did not. So what would you say to somebody right now who's listening and who's on the fence or whatever. And what would you say to them if they're in a place like where you were at?

Michelle: If you're on the fence, you got to jump over. You've got to jump over, because it's so nice, it’s so free, you know and that was my compelling statement, was to feel free around food and it changes everything. It changes everything. It just seeps into other areas of your life. You have to try it. You deserve it. You owe it to yourself. You owe it to your health. You owe it to your family. It's just something you have to do.

Dr. Deb: Michelle, thank you so much for being in my group so that I can meet you and coach you. And thank you so much for being on this podcast today.

Michelle: You bet.

Dr. Deb: All right, sweetheart. Bye bye.

Michelle: Thanks, Dr. Deb. Bye.

Dr. Deb: Well, what did I tell you? Michelle is amazing. But you know what? It's common. A lot of people, after they're through working with me, feel like their life has changed. Yes, they lost weight, but you can see it's so much bigger than just weight loss. Michelle is a perfect example of it's not just about the weight, right? It's so much bigger. If this is you and you've been on the fence, what are you waiting for?

The class is open, hopefully. I can't say right now because I know when this comes out, the class might be full, but the only way to find out is to go to drdebbutler.com/holidays. And if it's open, do yourself a favor. Sign up.

And listen, no matter what else you do this week, you know what I'm going to say, but I'm going to say it again. Please, please, please be very, very kind to yourself, and I'll see you next week. Bye-bye.

The post Ep 238: Transforming Relationship with Food and Yourself with Michelle appeared first on Dr. Deb Butler.

Do you do the same thing every year?

Eat eat eat with abandon during the holidays from Halloween to the New Year.

Restrict restrict restrict starting in the New Year.

Rinse and repeat year after year after year!

If you're ready to stop the insanity.

If you're ready to USE the holidays to make this the last time, and not repeat the same pattern again!

I've got just the group program for you AND it's open now!

Listen here as Desiree' shares her group experience.

Click here to find out all the details.

If not now, when?

Music by:

Fretless by Kevin MacLeod

Link: https://incompetech.filmmusic.io/song/3777-fretless

License: http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/

The post Ep 237 Class Doors Are Open – How To Use The Holidays To Lose Weight appeared first on Dr. Deb Butler.

Have you decided to stop weighing yourself even though you're trying to lose weight?

In this episode, I read a beautiful heartfelt letter from a listener who has had a lot of success and awareness using my tools.

She also got my attention in how she referred to the scale, as if it might be a problem.

Listen in as I talk about the scale. You might be surprised! The more aware you become of your thoughts around the scale, the more weight you actually might be able to lose.

Here is her letter:

I have struggled with weight my entire life (well, since I was 12). I am an over achiever. That means I do really really great losing weight, and I do EVEN BETTER putting it right back on.

I've refused to diet for the last 6-7 years because I felt as if each rebound became progressively worse. So I decided to stop until I could find something that came naturally and wasn't forced. I've tried it all, Weight Watchers, Slim Genics, Paleo AIP, Thyroid meds… all of it worked for a few pounds and then stopped. I could force some of them to work longer, but stopped after I realized it was not really the diet but my self-control that was the driving force – that which always seemed to have an expiration date.

And then YOU finally came along and have changed my life. I've power-listened to 70 episodes over the past 12 days (like I said, I am an over achiever, ha ha) and yes the weight is finally coming off. I don't know how much, and I don't care. I've also refused to define myself by the scale, so haven't been on it in 6 months… but I can tell my figure is looking better which is all that matters.

Being over weight was always my biggest nemesis, meaning I always thought 'If I could just be skinny, I'd be happy.' And, yes I will also admit that the few times I was a size 4, I was still unhappy. HUH go figure, right?!?! After listening to you, I've come to see that weight was really not my biggest nemesis. My inability to control my own thoughts were really what was causing more trouble than my cravings. Cravings are really just a teeny weeny, little side effect.

I want to share my biggest success with you which isn't about weight at all. I am easily irritated, agitated, frustrated – call it what you want – if things are not going perfectly, I often times 'lose it' emotionally by getting upset which involves lots of screaming, foot stomping, arm flailing and plenty of cussing — you get the picture! BUT I've finally learned now how to identify this as simply a negative vibration from the 'little kid in my brain running around with a knife' as you say. So this morning, I wasn't feeling good (sore throat and a bit of nausea) but had an appointment with a client. First, I couldn't find my keys and then once I finally switched all my stuff into my other car and got on the road, about a mile down the road had to come back for something I forgot. I hate being late and usually one set back is enough to upset me, but three in a ROW means I'm a HOT MESS! Normally, there would be lots and lots of negative vibrations and all while telling myself how 'imperfect I am and that I need to do better.' But THIS morning, I was able to just say to myself… 'It is what it is, I am going to choose not to get upset.' And I didn't have a single negative vibration, nobody got yelled at, my arms did not flail, my feet did not stomp and my mouth did not cuss. It was so amazing to feel calm in that situation and finally take control of my own thoughts. That is a big deal. A very, very big deal.

I have to say I think the self-compassion aspect of your teaching is the most important aspect. There are so so many awesome tools, but I feel this is the most important. I always felt like I was successful because of this need to be 'perfect' was what drove me. But it caused so many other negative emotions and side effects in my life – weight is just one of them.

I'd also like to report that in just a few short days (12), my brain is already re-wired to stop and listen when I have a craving. I'm really starting to understand what the negative two feels like. It is amazing – just amazing – how great I feel. I'm not even taking my supplements that I used to literally stuff down my throat to help with my 'mood.' Like you said, 'I always had the power' and I have finally found it!

I've learned so so much – the least of which is about weight loss even though that is what drew me to begin with. I told a friend at lunch (who is one of many I've shared your podcasts with)… Listen, I now know 2 things every day: 1) I won't be hungry the rest of the day and 2) I will get to indulge in a food I absolutely love. That is powerful.

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! from the bottom of my heart for making this podcast. I know my family appreciates it, too. I just hope it's not too late for me to teach my 17 and 14 year old children how to correctly deal with negative thoughts because unfortunately I haven't been a great role model up until this point. I know it's not too late, because I'm 45 and just learned myself!

Enjoy the show!

To get your free copy of the Thinner Peace in Menopause and Beyond Podcast Companion please go to https://drdebbutler.com/change. This will make it even easier to follow along with me on future podcasts.

If you like what I'm talking but think you need more guidance, I am offering a free consultation to my listeners to answer any questions you might have about anything I've talked about. Just go to https://drdebbutler.com/mini-session.

Please leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at https://drdebbutler.com/itunes. It will help me reach more women who struggle with these issues. Here's how to rate and review on iTunes: https://drdebbutler.com/rate. Thank you!

Did you enjoy this episode? Please share by clicking the like button below!

The post Ep 236 The Scale is Just a Circumstance appeared first on Dr. Deb Butler.

I love talking with my clients after they’ve stopped working with me.

I created the Life After Dr. Deb Series for this reason alone.

I’m very curious and I bet you’re very curious too.

Julie lost 100 pounds before she started working with me over two years ago.

She hired me because she wanted thinner peace not thinner fear.

No matter where you are on this journey of self-discovery (weight loss,) I know Julie will inspire you.

Let Julie inspire you towards thinner peace!

Enjoy the show!

To get your free copy of the Thinner Peace in Menopause and Beyond Podcast Companion please go to https://drdebbutler.com/change. This will make it even easier to follow along with me on future podcasts.

If you like what I’m talking but think you need more guidance, I am offering a free consultation to my listeners to answer any questions you might have about anything I’ve talked about. Just go to https://drdebbutler.com/mini-session.

Please leave me an honest rating and review on iTunes at https://drdebbutler.com/itunes. It will help me reach more women who struggle with these issues. Here’s how to rate and review on iTunes: https://drdebbutler.com/rate. Thank you!

Did you enjoy this episode? Please share by clicking the like button below!

The post Ep 235 Life After Dr. Deb Series: How Julie’s Thinner Peace Thinking is Helping Her Maintain Her 100 Pounds Weight Loss appeared first on Dr. Deb Butler.