This episode is a rebroadcast. Dusty has handpicked episodes from the archive to air while she and Ash are on their annual summer break. New episodes resume in September!

Hosts Shelly and Cam explore green light planning this week. This is a very specific example where expectations can go awry. Green light planning is a fascinating phenomenon and is the result of several ADHD challenges. It is when we predict the most favored outcome for some future event like catching a plane with time to spare. Most people will point to challenges with time estimation. Look closer and you can see more going on here.

Cam shares the example of a client trying to get to the airport and more often than not missing the departure. The client struggled with time estimation but also perpetuated a belief that he could better his best time. Furthermore, he failed to anticipate any potential delays or obstacles. Those of us with ADHD struggle to sense and anticipate variations of an outcome we create in our brain, especially the periods between events - the time between the shower, packing and eating breakfast. Specifically, this is a challenge with planning for transitions - both planned and unplanned. Emotionally we can engage in a mini ‘Zig Ziglar’ positive thinking exercise with the belief that our positive energy will somehow open an express lane to our destination. This is actually more of an emotional auto-pilot move to lock out unsavory thoughts if we are not successful in our plan.

Shelly counters with her own example of ‘Red Light Planning’ and the idea of a time optimist or time pessimist. The hosts leave listeners with an exercise to have a different experience with green light planning.

This episode is a rebroadcast. Dusty has handpicked episodes from the archive to air while she and Ash are on their annual summer break. New episodes resume in September!

It’s really nice when a partner is supportive and understanding as you begin your own ADHD journey of discovery. But this is not always the case. This week Cam and Shelly discuss the not so uncommon scenario when we embark on our ADHD journey without the support of our primary relationship. Years of misinformation, fear and shame can build to where the non-ADHD partner throws up their hands and says “Enough!”. It's hard to play a game when everyone is playing Texas Hold’em and we are dealt a hand of Uno but this is the case often when we are struggling to understand our own ADHD experience and when we try to translate our experience to our partners. Frustration abounds!

Once ADHD is identified as a primary factor in the challenges of a relationship it can sometimes be identified as the sole dilemma. This is never the case in any relationship, yet anger, frustration and resentment build to a point where the non-ADHD partner withdraws support and vulnerability often with an ultimatum of “fix your ADHD!”. Our partners are not immune from making their own meaning and years of undiagnosed ADHD behavior - the missed events, the forgotten tasks - can build to a convincing story of “They must not care about me”. 

The hosts introduce their BEANS acronym with a focus on safety, needs and agreements. A partner can’t support if their sense of safety has eroded too much. The invisibility and inconsistency of ADHD can create a sense of uncertainty and lack of safety in the relationship. Cam and Shelly discuss ways to proceed to start to dismantle the parent/child dynamic that so often happens. Shelly discusses how detaching from outcome and distinguishing ‘my stuff, their stuff, our stuff’ can be a place to start when the ADHD partner has to proceed by themselves. Ultimately through effective communication and setting independent expectations, the partners can reintroduce safety and start to rebuild trust, but there may be a moment when in fact we have to push ahead and go it alone for a spell.

This episode is a rebroadcast. Dusty has handpicked episodes from the archive to air while she and Ash are on their annual summer break. New episodes resume in September!

This week Cam and Shelly pivot from the recent focus on negative emotions to positive emotions. Emotions are the on-off switch for action. Understanding how emotions come into play is key to motivation and taking action. Those of us with ADHD tend to over-utilize our fear neural networks or negative emotions to get things done. How often do you hear yourself prioritizing or taking action through urgency or on the greatest consequence? How often does worry, fear or anxiety inform what you are trying to do?

Accessing this negative neural network too much leads to stress and health issues. Starting to access the positive neural network can help to reverse this process. Cam and Shelly start by introducing the ‘gateway’ emotions of hope and curiosity. These are the emotions that can lead to other positive emotions like trust, gratitude and love. Cam reads a letter from an appreciative listener and discusses how developing community and understanding of the dilemma can instill a sense of hope and possibility. Shelly discusses how the skill of normalizing can make someone start to understand their ADHD experience and why in coaching it is important to articulate a picture of positive success.

Emotions are key to driving beliefs and behaviors. They also play a big part in effective ADHD management. Emotions also drive big signal responses like rejection, sensitivity or imposter syndrome. Those big signal responses can really impact our ability to identify and circumvent First Barrier dilemmas. The First Barrier of ADHD is the barrier to new awareness. Emotions like blame can cloud our judgment, disrupt our own agency and take us offline down some negative emotional rabbit holes (one of our Valley experiences).

This episode is a rebroadcast. Dusty has handpicked episodes from the archive to air while she and Ash are on their annual summer break. New episodes resume in September!

This week, Cam and Shelly dive into the topic of grieving our past selves. As coaches, we often work with people who come to us with a new ADHD diagnosis, and with that diagnosis comes new context. With that context comes both the awareness that there are real reasons that we struggle, and the grief for our past selves as we wonder what might have been different had we known sooner that we have ADHD brains.

This episode is a rebroadcast. Dusty has handpicked episodes from the archive to air while she and Ash are on their annual summer break. New episodes resume in September!

Have you ever found yourself believing that if you could just start with a "clean slate", things would be different?

This episode is a rebroadcast. Dusty has handpicked episodes from the archive to air while she and Ash are on their annual summer break. New episodes resume in September!

Today, Cam and Shelly discuss a guiding philosophy that Shelly lives by in her own life and uses frequently with clients: Let It Be Easy. We discuss how we as adults with ADHD often get in our own way, over-complicating problems or approaching them from the wrong angle. We then give examples of how we and our clients have used this philosophy to find the "let it be easy" approach and how listeners can apply this philosophy to their own challenges.

In this episode, Ash and Dusty explore the complexities of seeking and receiving accommodations and supports for ADHD. They discuss how well-intentioned efforts can sometimes miss the mark when helpers do not fully understand the specific needs or reasons behind requests. Dusty shares personal experiences and client stories highlighting the frustrations that arise when accommodations are either insufficient, misunderstood, or perceived as burdensome by those providing support. They emphasize the importance of clear communication about what type of help is actually needed—whether it be accountability, body doubling, reminders, or assistance with figuring things out—and why understanding the "why" behind requests is crucial for effective support.

Ash and Dusty also address the emotional impact of past negative experiences with support that can create reluctance to seek help in the future. They highlight the value of finding the right people who not only provide consistent and appropriate support but also genuinely understand and respect individual needs. The hosts encourage listeners to advocate for themselves by clearly expressing what they need and why, and to hold onto those who truly get it. The episode closes with practical tips for both askers and supporters about maintaining boundaries and communication, reinforcing that successful accommodations come from mutual understanding and ongoing dialogue.

In this episode, Ash and Dusty explore the complexities of moderation for people with ADHD. They discuss how impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, and black-and-white thinking often make it difficult to moderate behaviors such as alcohol consumption, nicotine use, marijuana, and internet usage. Ash shares personal experiences and insights about managing these challenges, emphasizing the importance of building awareness and connecting to positive motivations rather than striving for perfection or all-or-nothing approaches. Dusty highlights the slow and gradual nature of behavior change and stresses the value of multiple small tools and interventions that can help people stay on track even when self-discipline feels elusive.

The hosts also touch on practical strategies, like switching from cocktails to bottled beer to improve memory retention and reduce negative aftereffects, using apps that create a pause before impulsive internet use, and structuring marijuana use to support productivity rather than hinder it. They advocate for accepting moderation as a sustainable lifestyle shift rather than a quick fix or drastic overhaul. The episode concludes with encouragement to embrace incremental progress and patience, recognizing that setbacks are part of the process.

In this episode, Ash and Dusty explore the pervasive challenge of forgetfulness for people with ADHD and how it impacts daily life and progress toward goals. They discuss the common experience of forgetting intentions or tasks, which leads to feelings of being overwhelmed or constantly "putting out fires." Both coaches emphasize the importance of starting with small, manageable systems tailored to individual needs, highlighting that complex systems often fail or get abandoned without curiosity and adjustment. Ash shares his personal approach using a simple three-part system: a calendar for timed events, a Google Doc for catchall to-dos, and a weekly family planner on the refrigerator, illustrating how these tools can work together to improve awareness and consistency.

Dusty expands on this by sharing coaching strategies for clients struggling with forgetfulness, including the value of duplicative systems and the necessity of patience and incremental progress. They use metaphors like building a foundation before erecting a building to help clients understand why coaching requires time and consistent effort. The episode also touches on the importance of accountability, practice, and curiosity in coaching and suggests that listening to resources like this podcast can prepare clients to make the most out of their coaching experience. Ultimately, Ash and Dusty remind listeners that managing forgetfulness in ADHD is an ongoing process that benefits from starting small, learning from experience, and building reliable systems that fit individual lives.